Harry Styles

It was hard to forgive myself for being a fucking inconsiderate twat. No lie. After I left... no, the minute that kiss happened between her and I, the realisation hit me that it was not okay. It made my chest pang when she spoke so harshly to me with so much passion but definitely hurt and fear in her voice and eyes and overall behaviour. When she broke down in my arms and then picked herself up right away, I had to realise she was stronger than I had given her credit for and she had also been through so much more than she let on.

After I texted her, I didn't get a reply but it didn't surprise me too much. I wasn't waiting for one, if I had to be honest. She wasn't ready to see me and I had to understand that and give her some space.

But that didn't mean I couldn't send her flowers, right?

Because I did send her a massive bouquet. It went to her building because she was rarely ever home and I had better chances of her getting it there than anywhere else.

The first one I sent was after I texted her and then today, I decided to deliver them myself. Just to see if they actually got there. Obviously, I wasn't going to go up – I knew she needed a bit of time. Or I more so assumed which was never good. But I did it anyway.

Just to my luck, Miss Jones was downstairs when I stepped in the building. Her surprised expression made me flustered. I never really hand delivered flowers to girls before.

"Miss Jones."

"Mr Styles," she greeted me. "How can I help you?"

"I, uh, would you mind taking this up to Miss Kensington's office, please?"

"Sure, I would love to," she nodded. "Although, I'm not sure when she'll be able to receive them. Or if she will at all."

"What do you mean?" I asked her in confusion. The flowers were still in my hands. Yes, hands. Plural. The bouquet was massive. Red roses. I assumed she liked those. She liked red wine. She had a red car. She had red nails most of the time. She had red suits. Most of her lines had red pieces in them.

"She hasn't come in today. And she won't be in the for the rest of the week. Doctor's orders."

"Wait- wait- wait," I chuckled in disbelief. "Doctor's orders? What am I missing, exactly?"

"It is not my place to discuss my boss's whereabouts and private life. I am just letting you know she will not be in for the rest of the week. Should you need her for anything, please email me and I will forward your message," she stated rather professionally. She was definitely Kensington's employee. She was just like her. Kensington shaped her assistant into another version of her. Impressive. "Now, I have a business and employees to look after. Have a wonderful day, Mr Styles."

"Yeah... you too, Miss Jones," I nodded but it didn't matter what I did or said. She was no longer in front of me by then.

Worried, I went back outside and got in my car. I still had her address saved in my GPS from our date so I used that to my advantage to go to her place. During the journey, I completely zoned out.

Doctor's orders.

What the fuck does that mean? Did I cause that? Not that I'm someone so important to her that would impact her life so much but maybe what I did triggered her so much more than I initially thought. I had no idea. And it was making me go crazy.

What could have happened to her that was so bad she wasn't allowed to go to work and she obeyed? I literally had no fucking clue. No answers. Nothing. At all.

And she wasn't even home.

When I asked at the lobby, the receptionist said she went out an hour ago and he had no idea when she would be back. I asked if I could wait and he said sure so I sat there. With a massive bouquet of rose in my hand.

"What did you say when did she leave?" I asked him after a while. My ass went numb from sitting on the couch for so long.

"Um, around an hour and a half ago," he told me. "Are you like... a boyfriend of some sort?"

"Eh, far from it," I chuckled.

"Yeah, didn't think so," he said. It made me look at him curiously so he continued. "I have been working here way before Miss Kensington moved in here. Throughout all these years, I have not seen her take up one man. Other than her family visiting her, obviously."

"Interesting," I replied. "Do you have any idea where she was going?"

"Not to work, that's for sure," he said. "She's long gone by this time and she wasn't wearing office clothes. I'm not sure if that helps. I'm not actually here to keep track of everyone's whereabouts, you know."

"Yeah, no, I know," I sighed. "I'm just... the news I got, really scared me, you know? Not that you care but we kind of... had a fight? Or something like that. I was being a dick. And we haven't spoken since and I have been feeling shit. And now these news... it sucks, you know. But like I said, you don't care so I'm going to shut my trap."

"So, if you can't stalk me at work you decide to come do it at my place," the voice. Her voice. It sounded deeper than usual. Weaker than usual. A bit like death itself crawled inside her body and controlled it. She looked it, too. "Oh, so I really do look shit, eh?" she sniffled and fiddled with the end of her jumper. It looked like it was two size big on her. Leggings. Trainers. A bag over her body. Hair down, sunglasses on top of her head.

"Ye- no."

"Okay, thanks," she laughed weakly. "Timmy. Has he been bothering you?"

"No, he's been chill," he told her. "But I'd be glad to get rid of him."

"Sure," she smirked. "Oh, whose are those?"

"Yours," I told her softly.

"Ah, they're stunning," she grinned. "Alright. Come drop them off for me upstairs."

"Yeah, um, can I ask you something?" I asked as we walked over to the lift.

"Do it."

"What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"You're not at work... you won't be at work all week, according to your PA."

"EA."

"Huh?"

"Miss Jones is my EA."

"Right. EA then."

Kensington sighed as she pressed the level she lived on. Top floor. "Yeah. I'm off work this week."

"How come?"

"Just... need to be off."

"Does it stop you from working, though?"

"When I'm given a new laptop without all the necessary documents I need and my old one is locked away in my office, yes. My iMac has been turned off too. Completely. Haven't touched it since, um, day before yesterday night," she told me as she remembered.

"What did you do all day then?" I asked. Soon, we got to her floor and stepped out of the lift. There was only one door on the floor, which was obviously her front door.

"I actually slept in then went to see my doctor. Sleep pills do wonders."

"Why did you go see your doctor? Why do you look like death? Why do you look so... fragile and weak and not yourself?" I bombarded her with questions. She chuckled and then sighed as she leaned against her front door.

"You know how you said I work too much? How it's not healthy and all that stuff?"

"Yes."

"That was honestly nothing new to me. Neither is this situation. I guess I've officially burned out for the winter," she told me like it was no big deal. She even smirked. Like it was funny. Or like she achieved something. I took this so seriously. This was clearly affecting her health and it was not a laughing matter. "Don't look so concerned. I'm fine. I'm alive, aren't I?"

"For now, yeah," I nodded. "So, sleeping pills. You have to take those?"

"I can't sleep otherwise so yes."

"Did you not sleep at mine the other day?"

"Nope," she shook her head. "I just laid in bed and listened to you snore."

"Fuck you," I rolled my eyes. "That's creepy."

"Yeah, well, so is stalking me at my place," she said. "Why are you here with flowers?"

"Because I sent you a bouquet yesterday and I never got an answer so they probably never reached you. My text also got ignored and you never reached out. I decided to deliver these myself just to make sure they got to you. Then your EA told me you were off so here I am."

"Oh, right," she nodded. "Oh, um, do you want to bring those in and then you can leave, I guess."

"If you think I'm leaving without talking about everything that's been going on then you're absolutely mad."

She scoffed and then let me in. It was like I have entered Kensington's world. It was so... polished. White. Black. Shiny. Very bright. Massive windows. Modern.

"I don't think I have a vase that big... or a vase at all," she said as she went somewhere. I just followed. It turned out to be a kitchen eventually. With four ovens. Did this woman even use them?

"Hey, have you ever used those ovens?"

"Yeah... a few times," she replied. "Okay. I guess you'll have to take those roses and put them in smaller bouquets. I have a few of these pint glasses so this will have to do."

We did that in silence. Other than a few 'ouches', 'fuck', 'shit' or 'damn' nothing else was said. It made me grin whenever she would mumble those things to herself. For some reason, she was so relaxed.

"So, um, what did you mean earlier when you said you burned out for the winter?" I questioned quietly as I stick a rose in the glass. "Wouldn't you be on bed rest if that was the case?"

"Well, I didn't burn out-burn out. But I'm on the way, you know," she sighed. "I know I am. I have been feeling very tired, my appetite is like... all over the place. My body is just fucking up. So, I went to see my doctor. And then they put me on bed rest. And medication to put me in place."

"That's good. That you're off of work for at least a week. Not that you need medication to get better," I explained. "I could tell you were on the verge of falling and I'm glad you stopped it from actually happening."

"I guess I am, too," she muttered. "Right. So, um, thanks for the flowers."

"Yeah. That was the least I could do after yesterday..."

"I'm over it. It's in the past. I can't keep bringing it up when I have so much going on for me. It can't stop me from achieving more, can it?" she asked me as she moved the glasses in the middle of the kitchen island. "Do you want a drink or something?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Water's fine," I replied. "So, um, you know... what I did. Um, I don't want it to- to get between us? Like, I don't want you to be afraid of me and, um, think I would do this in the future again, you know?"

"I'm not afraid of you. I doubt it'll come between us. You wouldn't be in here if that was the case," she told me and then let out a sigh as she slid the glass in front of me. She was on the other side of the furniture. She leaned on her elbows before she pushed herself away and walked over to me. "There are just things... that happened that I wish it didn't."

"I gathered that much."

"Don't let this change your view on me. The way you behave around me," Kensington sat down next to me, a seat between us as she leaned on her fist, her elbow propped up on the kitchen island. "I mean, it can change but don't go all soft on me and don't act like you can't put me in my place if you think you need to."

"Wait... what?" I asked back, my voice gave away just how confused I was. "Put you in your place?"

"Yeah. I mean, you have done so before. When it came to my health and all... you said nice stuff to me and whatever. You tried, I suppose. It didn't get to me until yesterday, if I'm honest."

"What happened yesterday?"

"After, uh, you left. I left soon. Well, hours later. But I left before I usually did. Around four, I think. Then came home. Began to feel really weak, like, more than usual. My heart was going mad and I just didn't feel good. So, I got myself an emergency appointment and then they told me what was up," she explained so openly that it kind of scared me. This was so different. It surprised me whenever she opened up to me. It made me worry, though. A lot. For one, she was talking to me about more personal stuff which meant I'd get to know a different side to her and that would cause me to fall deeper and I just knew she wasn't one to catch people at the end. "It's fucked that I needed a professional to tell me, isn't it? Shouldn't have my body been enough?"

"You're kind of... crazy. I think that was sort of normal for you. That someone else told you. And it took you a serious conversation to stop for a second."

"Yeah... it was pretty intense," she chuckled. "I was told this could affect me badly. Mentioned the two 'd' words."

"Which are?"

"Depression and death."

"Oh, fuck," I whispered. "I- I really want to be there for you. If I can. If you'll let me."

"Why?" she asked me and she laughed. Why did she not believe me? "Don't get me wrong, that's nice. Probably the nicest thing anyone has ever told me... but it makes no sense. You don't even know me."

"I may not know you yet doesn't mean anything. I just... look, this month. Give me this month," I pleaded. She looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. Her eyes had bags under them. She looked really pale. I guess paler than usual because she didn't have any foundation on either. "Give me this month and I'll... hopefully, I'll get to know you more. And you'll see how much better it is to have someone to rely on."

"Are you saying I have no one to rely on?"

"Pretty much."

"Hmm," she hummed. "I mean, you're not wrong. But you are also my rival. Speaking of which, did you know there are rumours going around that we're fucking each other? That's the funniest thing I have heard."

"Really?" I chuckled. "I haven't heard that one. Not that I would mind," I smirked at her and she scoffed.

"Course you wouldn't mind..."

"Woah, you good?" I asked as I grabbed her arm when she almost slid down the chair. She giggled and I furrowed my eyebrows, my tongue darted out and wetted my lips. "Hey, come on," I placed her arm around my neck and let her lean on me as I walked her over to the couch in the living room. There was already a soft blanket there. "Alright, sit," I mumbled as I squatted down and pulled her shoes off. "Legs up and under the blanket," I said as I moved her legs and placed a pillow behind her head. "Arms under or above?"

"Above," she placed them in the air and I grinned as I tucked her in.

"Now. When was the last time you ate?"

"Ummm... you probably don't want to know."

"Spill."

"Yesterday. After I got home."

"Renleigh."

"Why am I not Kensington anymore?" she furrowed her eyebrows and looked at me kind of hurt. She was so cute. But also, so broken. And ill. God, was she ill? She needed a freaking personal nurse.

"Okay. I'm gonna cook for you and you best not fight me on this," I said sternly as I got rid of my shoes and kicked them to the side. "You," I began. "Are going to watch the telly whilst I become your personal chef."

"I have nothing to make food out of. Unless you can bring back out of date bacon and rotten tomatoes."

"Don't tell me you have rotten tomatoes in your fridge."

"Well, okay," she shrugged. "I don't have rotten tomatoes in my fridge. They are so gorgeous and red and ripe. Hmm."

"For someone your age, you are so fucking disgusting," I shook my head and she gave me a dirty look. "The fact that you don't have food at home at all is already fucking concerning to begin with."

"I'm never home. There is no point. I order food if I remember to eat."

"Remember to eat... oh my god," I mumbled to myself, my fingers pinched my nose and my eyes screwed shut. This woman was really not okay when it came to her personal life and taking care of her body.

"Also, what the fuck do you mean disgusting... there are far worse things people do!"

"Okay but can't you smell the rotting food?"

"Do I look like I open my fridge?"

"Don't you cool your wine before drinking it?"

"Okay... you have a point. But to be fair, that process is way too quick for me to smell anything."

"Alright. I'm here to save your fridge and you. It's all good."

"You're such a hero. Wow. All the Marvel characters are shaking! Maybe you will defeat Thanos!"

"Shut the fuck up," I threw a pillow in her face and she laughed at me. Fuck. Her laugh. It was loud and it came from her chest and she probably hated it but I fucking loved it. She looked so gorgeous.

Please always be this happy.

"Shit, you didn't lie," I said when I opened the fridge. There was the tomato. Three of them to be exact.

"It's actually funny. Look how green they are. It's literally not even a tomato anymore," she laughed. From next to me.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I asked her as I tried to look at her with an angry facial expression. But she just folded her fingers, apart from her index and little, and ran them over my eyebrows, starting from the middle to the outer parts, at the same time. That made her laugh again and I wondered what kind of medication she got. "You are so fucking weird."

"You wanted to go on dates with me, though."

"And we will. When you get your arse back on the couch and get better," I kissed her forehead gently. When I pulled back, I was half expecting a frown or judging eyes but instead, I got a relaxed Kensington. Her eyes were closed and her lips slightly apart before she sniffled. "Go," I told her sternly but still gently. I was surprised she even let me near her after yesterday.

"Since I'm gonna be on bed rest for a week, I'm gonna need food, I guess. I mean, I'll need energy, right? To get better and all... so, I need to go shop."

"Need to go to the shop," I corrected her as she spoke.

"Whatever. You get it."

"Yeah, I do. And I will do the shopping. You are going to bed. I'm gonna be your house nurse, I guess."

"Do I need to pay you?"

"Yes."

"Oh, fuck," she mumbled. "Hourly rate or?"

"Whatever you prefer," I shrugged.

"Can I pay with the dates? I want a new car. I need my money."

"You want a new car?" I asked, interested. "No. I know what you're doing. You need to go rest. Now."

"Let me come!"

"Oh, already?" I smirked at her and she inhaled loudly. Offended and all. It was funny. Obviously, an act but still amusing.

"You wish I was begging for you to let me reach my orgasm."

"Blunt. I like that," I winked at her.

"Bet you do."

"Alright, let's write a grocery list then," I sighed as I sat down on the high stool chair. She followed me and watched as I pulled up the notes app.

We got a pretty lengthy list by the time she rested her chin on my shoulder. She was close to me. Like, so close I could have kissed her had I turned my head. I wanted to. So, fucking bad. Her perfume clogged up my nose and made my heart beat fast, my fingers were clearly shaking a little bit from her closeness too.

After what happened between us yesterday, it was strange that she was so okay with me. Sure, she said she got over it because she didn't like bringing up past things but I wondered if that was true. I wondered if she just said that without actually meaning it. I wondered if she just protected herself by actually hurting herself more.

And if that was the case, then I knew I had to change that because seeing or simply knowing she was hurting and was alone, had to be one of the most heart breaking things ever.

• • •

a.n.
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and the best is yet to come <3

i acc proper enjoy writing this story and i'm so okay with every chapter i have written so far, which is actually a massive deal to me cos i'm never satisfied with anything i do lmao. and like i'm not saying this is perfect, cos it's not.. it could be even better. but i absolutely love the way i'm taking this and writing it so i hope u all love it too <3

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