Wtf it's 95° out what happened I thought I wanna gonna get to wear my onesies again

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I walked outside and saw a chocolate bar sitting on top of my mailbox. Frank was walking to school and I sighed quietly as I picked up the candy bar that had been left there by frank.

I followed a few yards behind Frank, putting in my earbuds. Fifteen minutes I walked, just staring at the back of Frank's head as I tried my hardest not to cry. I pulled my sleeves down farther as we got near the school.

Frank looked back at me, giving me a small, sad smile before he walked inside. I followed behind, making sure to keep my distance. I went to my locker and found Jamia waiting for me.

"Hi," I said softly.

She smiled, kissing my cheek.

"How are you doing today?" She asked.

I shrugged, opening my locker.

"I love you, Gee," she said, intertwining our fingers.

"I love you too, Mia," I said.

I kissed her cheek and she smiled.

"You're the best," she said.

I gave her the last bit of my chocolate that I had gotten from Frank.

"I love you so much," I said. "Thank you for everything."

I grave her a tight hug and she buried her face into my chest. She sniffled quietly and I ran my fingers through her hair.

"Please don't cry," I whispered. "If you cry then I'll start crying."

"I'll always be here for you, Gee," Jamia mumbled.

I nodded, kissing the top of her head. We pulled apart as the hallway started to fill up. I held her hand and she pulled my arm up, giving my wrist a soft clean.

"One day clean," she whispered. "You can start over. But you're a day now, the hardest part."

"One day," I mumbled.

I used to be four months clean, I ruined all that like I ruin everything else.

"Soon you'll be saying two million days clean," she said.

I smiled softly, kissing her cheek.

"I'll see you at lunch," she said.

I smiled and nodded, giving her hand a small squeeze before we walked our separate ways. Thankfully it seemed that flu bug was going around because Pete and Lindsey were both out sick, they were the worst of them all.

The day was mostly peaceful, other than the moments when I had to just avoid Frank. We even sat next to each other in fourth hour but we just ignored each other the whole time. I could tell Frank wanted to talk to me, he hated silences and loved talking.

Lunch was finally here and I hurried to mine and Jamia's usual table. I sighed in relief as I sat down, pulling out my lunch.

"You're still not talking to Frank?" She asked.

"No, I don't want to see him anymore," I said.

"I saw him head into the library before lunch," Jamia said. "He's all alone, we were his only friends."

"I'm sure he'll be able to make new friends pretty easily," I mumbled. "He doesn't need me dragging him down."

"You don't drag him down," she said. "He likes you, he kissed you."

"He wasn't thinking right," I said. "He wasn't thinking about how awful I am."

"Gee," she said softly. "You're not awful. You're the most amazing person I've ever met."

I shrugged, taking a small, sad bite of my lunch.

"I can text frank and tell him to come here," she said.

"I can't even look at him anymore," I mumbled.

"But you like him?" She asked.

I shrugged. "When we kissed it was probably the best kiss I've ever had. I felt like I was floating, I think the world actually stopped spinning for a moment. There was sparks between us, it was perfect. Until I ruined it, that is."

"Maybe Frank was right about fate," she said.

"Fate isn't real," I mumbled.

"Just because you don't believe in it doesn't mean it's not real," she said

"Why would he kiss me?" I asked. "Does he even like me?"

"I don't know, I think he does," Jamia said.

"He's just gonna break my heart," I said. "It's better to block him out before it happens."

"But then you don't get the love," she said softly. "You don't get to experience the happiness of being with someone. There may be heartbreak and pain but the love within that makes it all worth it, Gee. All the moments of laughter and joy and passion is worth being hurt. You can't be so scared of getting hurt or else you'll never be able to love."

"I love you, though," I whispered, my eyes watering.

"I don't count, someone to love for the rest of your life and grow old with and start a family with," she said.

"Nobody wants any of that with me," I said.

"Gee, pushing Frank away won't help protect your heart, you're only gonna hurt yourself," she said.

I shook my head, sniffling quietly.

"I-I don't wanna be hurt again, Mia," I whimpered.

"You might be hurt but you can't avoid that, Gee," she said. "I know you're hurting right now, you miss Frank."

"No I don't," I lied "I don't need Frank, he's only gonna break my heart."

She kissed my cheek gently, rubbing my back.

"You're never gonna fall in love with anyone then?" She asked.

I just shrugged, not knowing what else to say. I wanted love but I didn't want the pain and the pain always comes.

"Anyways, do you wanna go to the park or something?" She asked, thankfully changing the subject.

"No, I just wanna stay home and just be alone for a little while," I said.

"Well, call me if you need anything at all, even if you just wanna talk," Jamia said, reaching over to hold my hand.

"Thank you, Mia, you're the best," I said.

I leaned over, kissing her cheek gently. The bell for lunch rang and I sighed unhappily.

"Look on the bright side, today's relatively peaceful since the wicked witch of the west and her boy toy aren't here," she said.

Jamia gave me a hug before she went to class. The day ended and I walked home. I could hear Frank walking a few feet behind bed. I could practically feel him staring at me, he was practically shooting lasers into the back of my head.

I just turned up my music and kept walking. I was about to walk into my house when I heard a shout. I almost ignored him, I really wanted to. But instead I took out my earbuds and looked at Frank.

"You wanna come over for a pizza and a movie?" He called. "I promise I won't kiss you this time."

I knew he was trying to make a joke to ease the tension. A typical thing for Frank to do.

But it only made me feel worse. I went inside quietly, shutting the door behind me. I peeked out the window and watched as Frank stared at my house sadly before leaving.

I noticed my mom's door closed and I sighed. My mom was home, unfortunately. I went straight to my bedroom, locking my door before laying down on my bed. I let out a long, quiet sign.

I kicked off my socks and shoes. I yawned as I curled up in a little ball, closing my eyes. School was just so exhausting, everything Jamia was talking to me about really didn't help.

I yawned, relaxing in the bed. I was just starting to fall asleep when my bedroom door opened. I looked at my mom, who seemed almost lost.

"Hi," I said quietly.

She frowned before leaving, shouting the door. God, she was so high. Thankfully she wasn't angry and hitting me or anything, she was just spaced out and dazed.

I looked out my bedroom window and noticed for the first time that my room was right across from Frank's. I looked in curiously as he sat at his desk, doing homework. He had headphones on and looked to be concentrating really hard.

Frank looked beautiful while he was working. He stopped soon, closing his textbook. I watched him pick up one of his guitars and a notebook as he sat on the edge of the bed.

He would play a few chords before writing something down in the notebook. I smiled softly, watching in fascination. He started singing too, I couldn't hear it but even just watching him was beautiful. His eyes were shut gently as he sang, slowly strumming on his guitar.

I bit my lip as I watched, straining my ears to try and hear even though I knew it would be nearly impossible. I thought about my kiss with Frank. Oh, it was so messy, literally. We were both on the ground covered in cream after a baking catastrophe.

But yet it had still been so perfect, every single second of it. His lips were like magic dancing across my own, making electricity shoot through my whole body in the most romantic and sensual way possible. It was slow and soft and intimate, it had been the best damn kiss I've ever had.

Frank looked up, noticing me watching him. He gave me a small wave and I frowned, flipping him off. I saw him laugh and that only made me scowl more. I shut my curtain and laid back down.

Stupid fucking Frank Iero with his stupid beautiful fucking smile.

What a fucking asshole. Does he think he can just smile at me or something?

He's going to break my heart and I just know it. I couldn't let him do that. Because he's just got this stupidly fucking beautiful face that can make anyone swoon and I didn't want to just fall head over heels again because he said some sweet things and stood up for me a few times.

Maybe Jamia was right, how was I ever gonna fall in love and get married start a family when I don't let anyone in? But I think I'd be better off never loving them being broken.