I laid in Frank's arms, watching the tv with him. We hadn't said anything to each other in nearly two hours now. It was just silent other than the ambient noise of the tv that almost seemed like background noise compared to the copious amounts of thoughts that swirled throughout my mind like a tornado trying to destroy everything.

Frank doesn't love me, not like he used to, at least. Our relationship has become strained as my mental health deteriorates exponentially. It was no longer a loving relationship between two people, now it was just Frank taking care of me. It was like doing a task you didn't want to do, you grow to resent that thing.

Frank was growing to resent me.

I didn't deserve any of the attention that he gave me. And Frank didn't deserve to have to be put through taking care of me as though I was just a child. He should go on to do better things and just forget about me because I'm going to just hold him back while he does so many amazing things with his life.

I looked down at my wrists to my healing cuts. They seemed so dark and crude against my pale skin. I haven't cut in a while now, not since that time Frank found me and pulled me into the shower. Wow, it's been almost a month now since the last time I cut. I think that's the longest that I've ever been clean.

My phone rang and I saw it was Jamia calling me. I frowned softly because it was already ten at night, she doesn't usually call me this late at night.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Can I come over?" Jamia asked, excitement laced within her voice.

"Yeah," I said.

I barely had time to finish my acceptance before she hung up.

"Who was that?" Frank asked.

"Jamia," I said. "She's coming over and she's apparently really excited about something."

It was barely ten minutes before she came over and joined us on the couch.

"Okay, so I was just on a date with my boyfriend and it was so amazing," she said.

"What's his name?" I asked.

"His name is Andy Biersack," she said. "He's so sweet. Tonight he took me out to a fancy dinner and he got me flowers and a pretty bracelet. I loved it so much. He's the sweetest person ever. And then we went back to his frat house and we did it for the first time. I was so scared that it would hurt, I always hear from girls about how it hurts but he was so sweet and gentle, it didn't hurt at all. It was so perfect, he even had the candles and flower petals on the bed and everything."

"Really? Oh, it sounds so perfect," I said.

"I want you to meet him, you two to should go on a double date with us one night," she said.

"That sounds like a lot of fun," Frank agreed.

"No, I-I don't want to," I said quietly.

"I promise that he's sweet," she said.

"It's not Andy that's the problem, it's me," Frank mumbled.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly as I looked down.

"It's okay, really, I know how you feel about PDA and things like that," Frank said. "I just kinda wish I could hold your hand in front of other people. Or even look at you without you getting worried."

I frowned as he reached over to hold my hand.

"I love you," he said. "I love you and I just want to scream it to the world."

"I know," I said quietly.

Frank gave my hand a soft squeeze.

"We don't have to go as a double date," Jamia said. "Maybe we can just hang out at my house one day. Then you two can meet him. He also said something about how his frat house is throwing a party and he wants me to come and he told me I can bring any of my friends."

"A-A college party?" I asked nervously.

"Awesome, I would love to go," Frank said.

"It's this friday, you two can meet him there," she said.

"Okay, I'm in," Frank said.

"I-I don't know," I said nervously. "It isn't really my kind of thing. I mean, a-a college party?"

"You don't have to go," Frank said quietly.

"I don't know, I guess I'll just think about it," I said.

"Thank you," Jamia said. "You don't have to go."

She squeezed my hand and I laid my head on her shoulder.

"What does he look like?" I asked.

"He's really tall, like over six feet," she said. "He's six foot four."

"Really?" I gasped.

Frank frowned softly.

"Height doesn't matter," he muttered.

"And he's got a lot of tattoos and black hair and these most beautiful blue eyes," she said. "Oh my god, he's eyes are so beautiful I can stare into them for hours. They're like these beautiful diamonds. Here, I have a picture."

She showed me a picture of the two of them smiling and I gasped.

"He's gorgeous!" I gasped.

"He's okay," Frank mumbled.

"I know, he has the most perfect face I have ever seen," Jamia said. "He is way out of my league."

"I think he has his own league," I said.

"He's not that good looking," Frank said.

"Frank, are you even looking at him?" I asked. "You're gorgeous too, Baby, you don't have to get jealous."

Frank frowned softly as Jamia showed us more pictures.

"How is he in bed?" I asked.

"Oh, he is amazing," Jamia said. "He was just so gentle and sweet and passionate. And he even made sure I orgasmed twice before he finished."

"Really? That's amazing," I said.

"Hey, I make sure you orgasm first," Frank defended quietly.

I nodded before quickly turning my attention back to Jamia.

"Okay but what does he do after sex?" I asked. "He didn't just fall asleep, did he?"

"No, he held me in his arms and cuddled me and he kept whispering about why he was so great," she said. "He told me I could stay the night and I wish I could but I have to be somewhere early tomorrow, I have to drive my brother to some karate tournament that he's in so I had to leave during the day. We just cuddled and talked and oh my god he is so perfect."

"He sounds pretty perfect," I said before glancing over at Frank. "You're perfect too."

Frank just pouted quietly as she showed us more pictures.

"Wow," I muttered when I saw one of him shirtless.

"I can't wait for you two to meet him, he's so nice," she said. "And first I thought he was going to be douchey because he's in a fraternity but he's so sweet."

"How did you two meet?" I asked.

"I was at the college campus looking around because that's where I'm going and I happened to run into him," she said. "He took me out to get coffee and we talked for a long time before I had to leave. He told me that next year he isn't going to live in the frat house and he's gonna get an apartment just off of campus. I have to live in the dorms for the first year but he told me that my sophomore year of college I can go and live with him in the apartment."

"That's so amazing," I said.

"Rutgers doesn't require freshman to live on campus so I'm gonna get Gerard and I an apartment to live in," Frank said. "We can probably move in during August or July."

Oh, that's so sweet," Jamia said. "You two are gonna be such a cute couple living together."

"I know, the cutest couple in the whole apartment complex," Frank said, kissing my cheek.

"Maybe we can even live in the same complex!" She gasped. "It'll be just like in Friends! Our apartments can be right across from each other!"

I gave Frank a kiss, holding his hand.

"That would be so much fun," I said.

"I think that you guys are going to love Andy," Jamia said. "He's so nice and funny."

"How long have you two been dating?" I asked.

"I don't know, over a month now," she said. "He even got me a one month anniversary present! He got me a little teddy bear and a box of chocolates and it was so sweet, he just surprised me with them."

"Oh, you're so lucky," I said.

"Hey, Baby, I've gotta go, I'm heading to church in the morning," Frank said.

"Alright, bye, I'll talk to you later," I said.

frank gave me a soft kiss before walking off. As soon as I heard the front door shut I turned to Jamia.

"I think Frank and I are going to break up," I said.

"What are you talking about?" Jamia asked. "Frank is completely head over heels for you."

"Things have just been different between us ever since winter break when he got that damn tattoo," I said. "It's just different, we're different. It's like we're right next to each other but there's a brick wall between us."

"No, you two can't just break up, you're perfect for each other," she said. "And you two are gonna get married and live until you can meet your great-grandchildren.

"I used to think that too but I don't think it's gonna happen," I mumbled. "It's just changed between us. I don't know what exactly has changed but it has. I think Frank is starting to resent me because he always has to take care of me and I've become more of an obligation and a chore than anything."

"Gee, Frank loves you so much and he loves taking care of you," Jamia said. "He isn't going to break up with you, he wants to spend the rest of his life with you."

"He says that now but once he experiences it he'll realize how wrong he is," I mumbled.

"Gee, that's just your anxiety talking, you know that frank loves you unconditionally," Jamia said.

"Yeah, I used to think that but I'm not too sure anymore," I said.

Jamia opened her arms and I sniffled as I fell into them, crying into her shoulder.