I bit my lip as I stared at the wall in front of me. Frank came into my bedroom, a box of donuts in his hands.

"Hey, you didn't show up to school today," he said softly. "I brought some donuts."

Frank sat down next to me and I looked up at him. He caressed my cheek gently as he smiled.

"I love you," he whispered. "And I think we should just cuddle up and watch movies and stuff our faces with donuts."

Frank leaned down and gave me a soft kiss.

"Are you okay?" He asked. "Why didn't you come to school?"

I didn't say anything, my lip just quivered.

"Oh, sweetheart, please don't cry," he whispered. "I'm here for you now."

I grumbled unhappily as Frank pulled the blanket off.

"But I think that you need a shower first," he said. "Come on, you need to get cleaned up."

Frank pulled me to the bathroom as I whined. I sniffled, wincing in pain as he changed the bandages on my wrists. He ran a bath and I got into it, keeping my wrists up on the edge of the tub so the bandages wouldn't get wet. Frank scrubbed my hair with shampoo and he hummed softly. The front door opened and I could hear the fridge open and close before a bag was set down in the living.

The all too familiar sounds of my mom coming home.

"Lock the door," I whispered.

Frank frowned in confusion but went over and locked the door anyways. He went back, scrubbing my head. I could hear my mom downstairs and I sniffled quietly.

"Gerard, Baby, who is that downstairs?" Frank asked.

"My mom," I mumbled.

Frank nodded softly and rinsed off my hair. I leaned my head back against the tile wall of the shower as I closed my eyes. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks as the footsteps came upstairs.

"Baby, are you okay?" Frank asked.

I whimpered, shaking my head. My mom's bedroom door shut and I let out a small breath of relief. I felt lips press against mine softly and I tangled a hand into his hair.

"Come here and fuck me," I whispered.

Frank pulled away. "Baby, I don't think that's a good idea with the mindset you're in right now."

I leaned over, pressing my lips against his.

"I want you in this tub with me," I whispered.

I kissed him roughly and he let out a soft moan.

"Are you sure?" He asked.

I nodded my head, pulling at his shirt. Frank pulled it off and stripped down, climbing into the tub with me. He was on his knees between my legs as he kissed me roughly.

"Fuck, Baby," he mumbled.

I pulled him close to me, my hands tangling into his hair.

"Fuck me," I whispered.

The desperate desire for passion and the need for some sort of feeling was driving me to move forward. Time seemed to move so slow but yet so fast at the same time. Next thing I new Frank was pushing into me and I closed my eyes as he buried his face into the crook of my neck.

"Fuck, Baby, I love you," he whispered.

I cried silently, not even hard as he rocked his hips into me. I closed my eyes, whimpering quietly as he let out quietly moans. I didn't feel anything, that emptiness inside me was still there as I just cried, tears rolling down my cheeks. Frank gasped softly as he came inside me. I was still numb as Frank pulled out, keeping his face in the crook of my neck.

"Fuck, Baby," Frank mumbled. "Did you finish?"

I nodded slowly, wrapping my arms around him. I just wanted to feel something but there was still that numbness within me.

"Are you okay?" He asked, pulling away to look at me and I hoped the tears on my face weren't noticeable.

"Yeah, of course I am," I said as I forced a smile into my face that I hoped was convincing.

"Good, I'm glad you're feeling better," he said. "We should get you dried up, both of us dried off, actually."

I nodded and gave him a soft kiss. We both got dried off and went out to my bedroom. I got dressed into a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie before I curled up in bed with Frank.

"Where did all the donuts go?" Frank asked.

"My mom probably stole them?" I whispered without even looking up. "Also she probably took the forty bucks from my wallet, money from the piggy bank and my watch."

Frank looked around the room and discovered that she had in fact stolen all of those things. He cuddled up with me, holding me tight in his arms.

"Your mom is such an ass," Frank muttered. "You deserve so much more than someone like her."

"Well, she's currently passed out from the drugs and booze, glad she's such a great role model," I mumbled.

"She's passed out, let's just go and get your shit back, " he said.

"We can't do that, Frank," I said quietly.

"I bet she wouldn't even notice us," Frank said.

"Frank, we can't do that," I said. "I-I'm tired, I just wanna sleep."

Frank smiled down at me and gave me a soft kiss.

"Alright, get some rest then," he said.

Frank wrapped his arms around me from behind, humming quietly as I closed my eyes, slowly falling asleep to the sound of his humming.

When I woke up Frank was asleep beside me. The sun was starting to set outside as I sat up, looking out the window. I sniffled quietly as I took off the bandages on my left wrist. I cried silently, wishing for something to just come here and take me away.

I whimpered as I slowly picked at the scabs on my wrist. I could feel the stinging pain and I bit my lip. I needed to feel something and this was the only way I could get rid of that endless numbing feeling inside of me.

I sniffled as I watched the blood bubble up on my skin. I watched as a droplet of blood rolled down my forearm, a deep color of blood in such contrast with my pale skin it was almost beautiful. I sniffled, closing my eyes as I leaned my head back against the wall. I wrapped the bandages back up, trying to clean up the blood, hoping Frank wouldn't notice it at all.

I laid back down beside Frank, looking over at him sadly. Frank deserves so much better than me. I watched him as he slept, he looked so beautiful. His eyes fluttered a few times before he looked at me, his beautiful green eyes sparkled. They crinkled softly when he smiled.

"Hey, how'd you sleep?" He asked.

"Fine, I just woke up," I whispered.

Frank smiled and leaned forward to give me a soft kiss.

"What time is it?" He asked.

"Oh, it's about half past five," I said, glancing over at the clock. "Do you have to go now?"

"I can stay for a little bit," he said.

Frank leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss. He smiled over at me, wrapping his arms around me.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you too," I said.

If there was one thing I knew at all it was that I actually did love him. The only thing I knew, the only feeling I had was my love for the boy in front of me. I just wished that maybe things would be different, I wish I was different. I wish that I could just be someone completely different, someone who was actually happy. I wish I knew how to even feel happy.

"I love you," I whispered. "I love you so much."

Frank smiled, giving me a soft kiss.

"God, I hope I get to wake up to your beautiful face every morning," he mumbled.

I smiled softly as he kissed my cheek, a soft blush forming over my cheeks.

"I love you," he whispered.

I smiled, giving Frank a kiss. We cuddled up together for a little bit while after Frank turned on the tv.

"Turn the tv down a little bit," I said. "I don't wanna wake my mom up."

Frank nodded and kept the volume down low as we watched it. He pulled me close, pressing his lips against mine.

"I have to go now," he said sadly. "I've got some homework to do and my mom told me to be home for dinner. But do you want come over? We can eat and study together, and then maybe we can, you know, not study."

His lips lingered against mine and I blushed.

"Please say yes," he whispered.

I nodded nervously and he smiled. Frank got up and held my hand, bringing me over to his house.

"Gerard, it's so nice to see you again, how do you like spaghetti?" Ms. Iero asked. "I usually make meatballs too but I keep them separated because Frank's vegetarian. I remember when he told me he was vegetarian when he was eight and I thought it would last a week at most but here a decade later he's still true to it. I remember when he was eight and the guy I was dating took him into the kitchen of the restaurant he worked in and he saw the dead chicken and then Frank screamed and he started crying and--"

"Mom, don't embarrass me," Frank complained. "Come on, Gerard, let's go up to my room."

Frank pulled me up to his room and shut the door.

"I'm sorry my mom is always embarrassing me," he said.

"It's okay, I love hearing about you when you were a kid," I said. "You sound so cute."

"Well, I think that you're cuter any day," he said.

Frank smiled and gave me a kiss.

"You're seriously the best," Frank said. "I love you so much."

I gave him a kiss and he smiled.

"Also, I just wanted to tell you now that I'm going away for Christmas," he said.

"A-Away?" I whimpered.

"Yeah, my family always kinda goes on this cheesy Christmas vacation to a cabin where they go skiing and stuff like that," he said.

"Oh," I mumbled. "Well, I hope you have fun, it sounds like fun."

"Yeah and I want you to come with me," he said.

"Me?" I asked.

"Yeah, you're practically part of the family now, you deserve to come," he said. "And besides, I would love to spend Christmas with you in a little cabin where I can snuggle up with in front of the fireplace."

"It's okay with your mom?" i asked.

"Are you kidding me? She loves you," he said. "And she may have already bought a plane ticket for you."

I smiled and nodded my head. Frank gave me a soft kiss, holding me tight. Maybe now I can really try and be happy.