It was Thanksgiving night and I was home alone. It was dark and cold something about being all alone on a holiday like this made me more empty than I was before. I looked out my bedroom window down into Frank's kitchen. I could see him with his family as they all talked and laughed in the warmth of the light. Frank was wearing a dark blue sweater and black jeans and he looked so happy as he laughed, a can of pop in his hand.

I laid down in my cold bed, all my lights turned off. I sniffled quietly, clutching my blanket to my chest. I dragged myself out of bed and down the hall to the bathroom. I was all alone. No one really loved me. Brendon and Pete were right all along. Maybe Frank thinks he loves me but he really doesn't, he isn't going to ever really love me.

I picked up my shiny little razor, turning it over between my fingers as it glinted in the bathroom light. I just needed something to take the pain away, something to make me feel better. All there was in life was just this empty pain that burned me from the inside out until I was numb. I needed the pain that made me feel less numb.

I dragged the razor across my pale wrist, biting my lip as I watched the blood bubble up to the surface. Three more cuts on my left wrist and two on my right later I set the razor down, watching the blood run down over my skin and drip onto the white tiles. I leaned back against the bathtub, my head leaning back against the rim as I stared up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes, tears rolling down my cheeks. My left hand laid on the cold tile floor, a small bit of blood pooling around my fingers.

I sobbed quietly as I sat there all alone, listening to my voice echo. Something about it made me feel even more alone. I leaned down slightly as I cried before I opened my eyes again. Tears blurred my vision as I stared up at the ceiling. I was so cold and empty, I had no one in my life. I had nothing going for me in my life.

I should just end it now. Why should I have to suffer this numbing pain anymore when I can just be free from all of this? I have nothing in my life, I might as well just end it. I wouldn't have to suffer through all of this torment at school anymore. I wouldn't have to just wait for that inevitable moment when Frank finds someone else who's so much better than me and breaks my heart, I would be able to avoid all the heartbreak and misery.

Maybe I would finally be with my dad and my little brother again. I loved them both so much and when we were younger we used to have so much fun. My parents would always take us to the zoo and my little brother just loved to make animal noises for each animal he saw. Maybe if I just end it now I can go and be with them where it's so much more peaceful and happy.

I really had no one here anyways. Maybe Jamia but she'll move on and have other friends that she'll like more than she likes me. It's not like she cares that much about me anyways. She's barely been around recently, she probably has new friends that she cares about more than me. Maybe she has friends who are more confident than me, maybe they actually stand up for her when she's getting bullied rather than just go and cry into my pillow like I do.

And Frank doesn't really need me, he doesn't care about me that much. One day he's going to realize that he doesn't love me and he's just going to take my heart and rip it up into a million different pieces. He's going to find someone who's prettier and smarter and funnier. He's going to find someone that he's going to love more than he loves me.

Everyone always ends up loving someone more than me. I didn't deserve any of the love and attention I had gotten in my life. I didn't deserve Frank and Jamia in my life, they deserve to have so much better than someone as disgusting as me. They would be better off without me, everyone would. The world would just be better off without me in it to screw everything up and make everyone else more miserable.

Because of me even Frank gets bullied and beaten up now. He would have been fine if he had just never met me. He would have been happy and maybe he would even be friends with Brendon and Pete while banging half the girls in the school. He would be happy and even be taking his own turn beating me.

Frank wouldn't care about me for long. He may think that he likes me now but soon he'll realize that I'm nothing but a big piece of shit and I don't deserve him. He's gonna rip my heart and out of my chest and throw it onto the ground before stomping on it until it's just a puddle of mush and blood on the ground. He doesn't love me, he has no reason at all to love me because I'm nothing but a piece of shit that doesn't deserve anything more than living in a gutter.

I felt someone wrap their arms around me and pull me up into the tub. The shower turned on and I whimpered quietly as the water rained down over me. Frank held my in his arms, cleaning me up. He shut off the water, both of us soaking wet as he dried off my wrists and carefully bandaged them up. He brought me back to my bedroom and got us both out of our wet clothes.

Frank wrapped his arms around me as he gave me a soft kiss. I sniffled, closing my eyes as he held me close. He cried quietly, burying his face into the crook of my neck. Frank held me close to him, gently running his fingers through my hair.

"Baby, I-I love you so much," he whimpered.

I sniffled quietly, turning away from him.

"D-do you wanna come over to my house for Thanksgiving dinner?" He asked quietly. "Please, can't you come over? I-I want to make you happy. I love you so much, Baby, I-I just want to make you happy."

I sniffled, wiping my eyes.

"Please, Gerard, please let me do something to try and make this better," he begged.

I nodded my head and he got up. Frank dug through my dresser and got dressed into some of my clothes. He got me dressed too and I sniffled quietly, that empty feeling inside of me seemingly more vast than it was before.

"E-everything's gonna be fine," Frank said, his voice cracking.

He took my hand and brought me downstairs before we went over to his house. It was so different here, warm and bright and joyful. I felt so out of place here, it made me feel even more isolated and alone. Frank sat me down at the big table with the rest of his family, holding my hand.

"It's so nice to see you again, Gerard!" Ms. Iero cheered.

Everyone around me was eating and laughing as I poked at my food. Frank gave my hand a soft squeeze and I knew that he was about to cry at any moment, I could tell by the way his eyes were glazed over and he tried to smile a bit but his lip just quivered before it fell down again to a small frown. He wasn't eating much either, just pushing his food around his plate as his relatives all asked him questions about his life.

"Alright, Frank, Gerard, will you two help me with dessert?" Ms. Iero asked.

We went to the kitchen and Frank grabbed a pie before he carried it out.

"Are you okay, Gerard?" Ms. Iero asked quietly.

I didn't say anything as I just stiffly nodded.

"I want you to know that I will always be here for you," she said. "And you are welcome in my house whenever you want. I promise that I'll be here for you if you ever need me."

I nodded again and she gave me a hug before she kissed my cheek. We brought the rest of the dessert out and set it onto the table. Frank scootched his chair a little closer to me, a hand resting on my knee reassuringly.

"I-I'm gonna go to the bathroom?" I whispered.

Frank nodded and I left the dining room. I went upstairs to Frank's room and crawled into his bed. I closed my eyes as I took a deep breath and I could smell him on the pillow.

Yeah, that's still weird, I should stop.

I closed my eyes, I was so tired but at the same time I couldn't sleep. I just felt so empty and alone and I didn't want to be down there with all of them, it was like I was sucking away everyone else's happiness into my own little ball of despair.

"Baby, what are you doing up here?" Frank asked when he opened the door.

He crawled into bed with me and I sniffled.

"Come on, Baby, please talk to me," he begged. "Please tell me what's wrong, I-I just want to know what's wrong so that way I could make you feel better. I want to make you happy, Gerard. I love you so much, I love you more than anything else in the world. I want you to be happy, you're so important to me and seeing you hurt makes me hurt. I want to make you feel better, I love you, Gerard."

I sniffled, resting my head on his chest. He held me tight in his arms, trying to bring me comfort as I cried heavily, wishing that I could just go away.