Chapter 48
Truth

I was staring blankly at the ceiling, thinking about my decisions and their perceptions about it.

I don't think there isn't anything wrong at all. It's for my Mom whom I think will be uncomfortable if she finds out that I'm in a relationship with a man who's the son of her husband's mistress.

When Mom and I ate dinner we were both quiet but she tried to start a topic just to avoid the silence.

"Why did your friends leave to early?" she suddenly asked me.

Kinagat ko naman ang aking ibabang labi bago ngumuso at nag-isip ng isasagot.

"They just want to meet me, Mom." sabi ko nalang. "Umalis din sila kaagad kasi nga kakagaling lang ni Tito Arman sa ospital kahapon. Aalis ata sila." I lied.

Tumango-tango naman si Mommy at mukhang naniwala naman sa sinagot ko.

"Next time they come here, I hope they will stay for dinner." sabi naman ni Mommy saka ngumiti sa akin. "Invite them, okay? I will cook for them."

"Yes, Mom." I said and smiled though I'm not sure when Ida and I will be okay. Hindi ko alam kung kailan pa siya makakabalik ulit sa amin ng wala na ang sama ng loob sa akin.

The next day, I was very cautious with every step I take when I'm on the campus. Tuwing nakikita ko si Graham ay agad na akong lumilihis ng daan. I haven't seen Ida around the campus. I wanted to talk to her to make her understand me more but I guess I have to wait 'til she's ready to listen to me.

Aside from that, I finished all my classes with relief because I wasn't able to see or meet Gael unlike yesterday.

If I ever met him again today and beg like what he did yesterday, my heart will surely turn fragile that will lead my knees to kneel down with him and whole hearted accept him again in my life.

The moment I got home, I quickly stepped on the break when I saw Dad kneeling in front of our house. Nakayuko lamang siya at ang mga kamay ay nasa kaniyang hita.

Lumabas naman ako sa aking sasakyan at unti-unting naglakad papunta kay Daddy.

How many hours have already passed since he started kneeling?

"Anong ginagawa mo, Dad?" malamig kong tanong sa kaniya habang pinapanood siyang nakaluhod.

Gulat namang napa-angat ng tingin sa akin si Daddy ngunit hindi man lang siya nagpatinag sa kaniyang pagluhod at nanatili pa ring ganoon.

"I want to talk to your mother." sabi ni Daddy. "She won't let me near her. She don't want to reconsider fixing our relationship. Kaya hindi ako titigil sa kakaluhod hanggang sa hindi niya ako kinakausap at pinagbibigyan."

"Dad, please just stop." sabi ko naman. "Isa kang respetadong abogado para makita lamang na nakaluhod sa harap ng sariling bahay niya."

"I'd rather look pathetic than lose your Mom forever without doing anything to make her stay in my life." he said.

Hindi ko naman maiwasang matawa sa mga naririnig ko galing kay Daddy ngayon.

"You should've thought about that before you cheated on her, Dad." I told him. "Do you know how much you've hurt Mom? She's blaming herself for not being enough. Akala niya siya ang nagkulang. Sinisisi niya ang sarili niya dahil sa kasalanang ikaw ang may dahilan."

Dad pursed his lips as tears formed inside his eyes.

"Dad, do you love Mom?" I asked.

"Of course, I do, Blair." he answered right away. "I wouldn't marry her if I don't. We wouldn't have you here, if I'm not in love with your mother. Everything that I have now is because I love her. Everything is all because of her."

"Kung ganon, Daddy, bakit kailangan mo pang ipagpalit siya at maghanap ng iba?" sunod kong tanong at muli naman siyang napatahimik. "If you love her then why did you find happiness in another woman?"

Bumuhos naman ang luha ni Daddy at saka napayuko. I heard him sniffed and sobbed.

"I admit that it's my mistake..." he said, not denying anything or making excuses. "I gave into temptations."

My heart's aching for my mother as I hear Dad's answers. Is his love for my mother that shallow?

"Believe me, Blair, I tried to stop myself when I was just starting to lose myself to other woman." he started to explain. "Guilt enveloped me. I tried to make up to your mother that's why I took her to Hawaii. Pero habang nakikita ko siyang masaya kasama ko, mas lalo lamang akong binabalot ng konsensya ko. I know taking her to vacations aren't enough. I know what I have to do."

Huminga ng malalim si Daddy bago muling tumingala sa akin. His eyes were pleading for understanding.

Before, I never imagine Dad looking so helpless. He always brings this aura that you can never bring him down. His presence is always screaming confidence. Defeat isn't a part of his dictionary that's full of success and triumph.

But looking at him right now, truly every triumphant person has its great downfall that will surely brings out the worst in every person.

Losing my Mom's trust for the second time is my Dad's greatest downfall. He failed everyone who witnessed their vows. He failed his wife and he failed himself as a husband. He failed his daughter. And sadly, his failure leads to the destruction of our family.

"I stopped everything I have with Mercy." he stated.

"Liar." I accused my Dad. "Stop making up lies, Dad. You're just making everything worst!"

"I'm not lying, Blair." he said.

"No! You're lying!" I blurted out. "I saw you! I saw holding hands with her at the airport the other day. If you really did end things with her then what is that, Dad? I'm not a fool!"

"It's the truth, Blair!" he still tried to convince me in believing him. "What you saw the other day is only to show how I care for her, not as my mistress but as a friend. Mercy is not strong as you think. She even called Gael to meet her at the airport because she's going to tell him everything about her. But everything got ruined when he invited you to come with him."

"So, it's my fault because I decided to come with him?" I spatted a question.

"It's not that!" Dad also raised his voice.

"Then what, Dad?!" I screamed in frustration.

I don't care if we cause a scene here in our neighborhood. I need to understand everything. I want to understand.

"Mercy has a brain tumor!" Dad exclaimed the truth out. "That's why I met her in abroad because she's been getting therapy but it just keeps on getting worst so she decided to stop... I learn to care for her because of that reason. I'm the only one who knows she's hurting that much."

Care is not what I should feel right now but I am caring for her...

I should be mad because my Dad's caring for another woman but my heart's voluntarily giving out a soft spot for a dying woman.

My thoughts travelled to Gael and Genie. What are they gonna do once their mother is gone?

"She can't even tell Gael about it." Dad said. "Gael doesn't want to listen to her explanation. He left their house and he's not even staying in his condo. He fought with his mother because of he lost you. I tried Mercy helping in finding him yesterday. Dapat ay kasama ko rin si Mercy ngayon. We will both talk to your Mom but she's in the hospital right now because of a sudden seizure."

My heart ached for the man I love and his sister. They don't know anything about their mother's suffering. They don't know that she only has a few moments to spend her life with them.

"I'm really sorry, Blair..." Dad apologized again. "I'm not trying to get away from my mistakes. Handa akong pagbayaran 'yon. Alam kong kahit anong paliwanag ko ay niloko ko pa rin ang Mommy mo pero gusto ko lang malaman mo ang totoo tungkol sa Mommy ni Gael since he's your boyfriend."

I will never understand how my Dad cheated on my Mom whe she already gave him everything that a woman can give to a man especially, to the man she loves. I still look for answers why Dad chose to break my Mom's heart and her trust.

But I understand how a heart can be so soft to a woman who's already at the edge of falling on a cliff.

Still... I need more answers. Not from my Dad but from Gael's Mom. She's the only one who can make me understand. Not just for being my Dad's mistress but also for my best friend's family that she almost wrecked years ago.

Pakiramdam ko'y matatahimik lamang ako kapag siya na mismo ang nakasagot sa mga katanungan kong hindi pa rin nasasagot.

Huminga naman ako ng malalim at saka diretsong tumingin kay Daddy.

"I want to meet her." I decided and there's no turning back.