Chapter 44
Terminal

Tahimik kong pinapanood si Mommy na kumuha ng kanin upang ilagay sa kaniyang plato. Nakangiti pa siya at hindi bakas sa kaniyang mukha na umiyak siya kanina. Mukhang wala siyang kaproble-problema.

If I didn't hear her conversation with Dad, I wouldn't know that there's something going on between them. Hindi ko malalaman na nagkakaroon na pala ng lamat ang relasyon ng mga magulang ko.

Kahit na narinig ko kaninang sinabi niya kay Daddy na wala siyang pakealam kung malaman ko man ang gulo na nangyayari sa kanilang dalawa, alam kong ayaw niya talagang may malaman ako. Seeing how she acts like she's fine, I know she doesn't want me to have a clue.

As their only daughter, I don't want to just let their relationship break into pieces. That will also break me. Kung may magagawa man ako ay gagawin ko ang lahat para maisalba ang relasyon ng mga magulang ko at para mapanatiling buo ang pamilya ko.

I never experienced on how to have a whole family and yet, it will break without me, feeling the presence of what a family is.

"Aren't you hungry?" Mom asked me and glanced at my empty plate. "Did you and Gael eat outside before you went home?" she asked with a teasing tone.

I deeply sighed before directly looking at Mom. Her smile vanished because of the look I gave her.

"Why did you suddenly come home, Mom?" I asked her.

She let out a sigh before chuckling. "I told you, I want to spend more time with you while your Dad's still finishing his work." she said before looking away from me to eat.

"Why don't you just tell me the truth, Mom?" tanong ko at muling bumalik ang kaniyang tingin sa akin. "Why don't you just tell me that there's something wrong between you and Dad?"

Her eyes slightly widened and I saw a glimpse of fear that passed in her eyes.

"What are you saying, Blair?" she asked me, playing so innocent. "Let's just eat. We'll talk about this later."

"I heard you talking to Dad earlier when I got home, Mom." I admitted.

Bahagyang napaawang naman ang kaniyang labi ngunit agad niya ulit itong tinikom bago bumuntong hininga.

"Mom, if you have a problem, you can always tell me." sabi ko sa kaniya. "We're a family here! Kung ano man ang mangyari sa inyo ni Daddy ay magiging apektado rin ako."

"I'm still not sure about it, Blair!" giit naman ni Mommy at nagsimula nang mamuo ang luha sa kaniyang mga mata. "I don't want to tell you because I'm not yet sure. Ayokong masira ang Daddy mo sa'yo sa isang bagay na hindi naman ako sigurado."

What a selfless love my Mom has for my Dad. Will I be also like her when it comes to loving Gael? Will I also be selfless and drown my self alone just to save him?

"I know you're not in good terms with your Dad." she added. "Ayoko nang dagdagan pa ang kung ano mang hininakit na nararamdaman mo sa Daddy hangga't hindi ko pa napapatunayan na mayroon nga siyang iba."

Kinagat ko naman ang aking ibabang labi at hinilamos ang palad sa aking mukha bago muling tinignan si Mommy.

"Can I ask you something, Mom?" I asked for a permission to say my question and she nodded. "What makes you think that Dad's cheating on you? That he has a mistress?"

"It's very simple, Blair..." she said. "He doesn't love me like how he loved me before."

Mom smiled through her pain and it broke my heart more. It hurts so much...

"Nararamdaman kong hindi na katulad ng dati ang pagmamahal na binibigay niya sa akin ngayon. Hindi mo man maramdaman ang nararamdaman ko o maintindihan ang basehan ko ng pagmamahal na tinutukoy ko pero iyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon." pagpapatuloy niya. "He still may love me but only as his wife and the mother of his child, and not as the woman he truly loves."

"'Mmy... mahal na mahal ka ni Daddy." I told her, trying to encourage her. "I've seen it. Simula pa noong bata pa ako. He can't live without you by his side. Kaya ka nga niya sinasama sa pangingibang-bansa niya diba?"

Tumango-tango naman si Mommy habang hinahayaan ang pagpatak ng kaniyang luha.

"That Jay Alcoberes is long gone now." sabi ni Mommy. "He's not the man I fell for. He isn't the same anymore."

Change is really inevitable. But maybe that's the worst kind of change there is in this world. Seeing someone who'd loved you so much before, and now who doesn't is the worst change.

Why do feelings of a committed person change inevitably?

Kung mayroon man akong natutunan ay iyon ang kaalaman na wala talagang permanente sa mundong ito. People would always come and go. The things you have will be lost someday. Nothing is constant. There will always be changes. Even if those changes are not what we want to have, we all need to learn on how to accept those changes.

Mabuti nalang ay walang pasok kinabukasan. Nakatanggap ako ng mensahe galing kay Gael na nakakauwi niya lang galing ospital kaninang umaga. I spent the day bonding with Mom and making her happy. Nakaabot pa nga kami ng Tagaytay para kumain lamang doon. Sinigurado kong kahit papaano ay nawala sa isipan ni Mommy ang problema nila ni Daddy na kaniyang kinakaharap.

But when the night fell, waves of what ifs crashed inside my head.

What if Dad doesn't have any mistress at all? Or what if Dad really has a mistress? What if Mom and Dad will separate when it's true? What if he leaves me and my Mom for his mistress? What if... what if... what if.

I stopped from idling when I felt a warm hand that held mine.

Nilingon ko si Gael na ngayo'y kuryoso at mukhang nag-aalala habang nakatingin sa akin.

When I arrived at our usual table during break times, I was alone. I forgot to text Gael or Ida that I'm already here.

"You didn't text me." he said. "Hinihintay kita sa labas ng room niyo. Kung di ako sumilip at nagtanong, di ko malalaman na nandito ka na pala."

"I passed the seatworks early. It was easy..." nagkibit-balikat ako. "I'm sorry if I didn't text you. Nawala sa loob ko."

"Is there anything wrong?" he asked, full of concern.

Ang kaniyang mga mata ay nangangausap sa aking mata. Siguro'y tinatanong nito o tinitignan kung ano ang aking nararamdaman.

"You seem to be so preoccupied." sabi niya. "Kanina pa ako nandito sa tabi mo pero kung di kita hahawakan, di mo malalaman na nandito na ako."

"I'm really sorry, Gael... I was tired from our trip last night. Ako ang nagdrive at late na rin kami nakauwi. I'm still sleepy and exhausted." pagdadahilan ko at saka ngumiti sa kaniya.

"Hmm..." ngumuso naman siya saka ipinatong ang baba sa aking balikat. "I'm just going to pretend like I accepted your reason and wait for you 'til your ready to tell me the truth."

Bahagya naman akong natawa sa kaniyang sinabi. He really knows me so well. God knows how thankful I am to find someone like him in my life.

"Hindi ka ba babalik sa ospital ngayon?" tanong ko naman sa kaniya ng maalala ko ang tungkol sa kalagayan ni Tito.

Umiling naman si Gael. "Sabi ni Tita Isabella, sila na muna ang bahala kay Daddy dahil uuwi rin naman siya mamayang hapon pagkakuha ng resulta. It's just a very mild heart attack. Gusto niya rin na sa bahay nalang mamahinga." sabi niya. "Ida's absent today. She's guilty because of what happened. Sinisisi niya ang sarili niya kaya mas doble ang pagbabantay at pag-aalaga niya kay Daddy."

Hearing Gael, calling Tito Arman, Daddy made me smile. I don't need to ask him if they're already fine because I know that they already are.

"Anyway..." he trailed and sat properly before turning to look at me. "Can you come with me later? Sandali lang tayo. Mom's going from travelling abroad. Gusto niyang sunduin ko siya. She'll tell me something very important. Isasama kita dahil gusto na kitang ipakilala sa kaniya as my girl friend."

"Sigurado ka ba?" nag-aalangang tanong ko. "Baka naman mabigla ang Mommy mo. Kakauwi niya pa lang tapos ibubungad mo na ako."

"Hindi na ako makapaghintay na maipakilala ka sa kaniya eh." pagdadahilan niya at natawa sa sariling sinabi. "I want you to meet the person who didn't give up on me, though it was hard raising me alone. She's the reason why I'm still living and why I was able to meet you."

"Then I can't wait to meet her and thank her for bringing you into my life." sabi ko at binigyan siya ng matamis na ngiti.

Tuluyan nang lumipad ang isipan ko mula sa pag-iisip tungkol sa problema ng aking pamilya patungo sa magiging pagkikita namin ng Mommy ni Gael.

I've already met her before but this time, it's going to be different. I am not just going to be the daughter of her colleague, but the girl of her son.

"You don't need to be nervous, Blair, you know she likes you. Noon palang gusto ka na niya." nakangiting sabi sa akin ni Gael at pinisil ang aking kamay.

Nandito na kami ngayon sa loob ng NAIA Terminal 3 at pinapanood ang mga tanong lumalabas sa magkabilaang labasan. Mabuti nalang at kunti lang ang mga taong naghihintay ng mga kamag-anak nilang nangibang-bansa at nakikita namin ang bawat taong lumalabas sa pagitan ng salamin na harang.

"Hope she still likes me though." sabi ko nalang at kinalma na rin ang sarili.

Gael chuckled. "Of course, she does." he said. "Who will not like you?" he confidently asked.

I raised my eyebrows at him and let go of his hand to cross my arms.

"A girl named Genie, I guess." I sarcastically answered him and grinned.

"Well, that's a different story." sabi nalang ni Gael at hindi rin napigilan ang pagtawa.

Mula sa tawanan ay binalik namin ni Gael ang tingin namin sa mga taong lumalabas. A familiar woman caught my attention who just came out with her luggage. She then stopped and looked behind her, like she's waiting for someone.

"It's Mom..." rinig kong sabi ni Gael at akmang lalapitan na ang ina upang magpakita nang may nauna nang lumapit dito.

Naningkit ang aking mga mata nang makita ko si Daddy na nakasunod sa kaniya. Anger boiled inside me the moment they clasped and intertwined their fingers.

Agad akong nilingon ni Gael upang siguro'y makita ang aking ekspresyon.

"Putangina." mariin kong bulong habang pinapanood kong ngiting-ngiti si Daddy kasama ang Mommy ni Gael at magkahawak pa ang kamay habang naglalakad.

Putangina talaga.

Hindi ako gumagalaw sa aking kinatatayuan at kusang lumingon sa gawi namin si Daddy. His eyes widened with horror and he immediately let go of his fucking mistress' hand.

Sa sobrang pangingibabaw ng galit sa aking sistema ay nagsimulang magtubig ang aking mga mata. I'm pretty sure that I'm red as the fires of hell right now because there are two demons in front of me.

"Blair." Dad called my name and before he even got to touch me, I slapped his cheek hard.

"Blair..." pagtawag sa akin ni Gael at sinubukan din akong lapitan ngunit agad ko siyang tinulak papalayo sa akin.

Kung nakitaan ko si Daddy ng takot sa kaniyang mga mata ay mas malala ang nakita ko sa kay Gael nang tinulak ko siya papalayo sa akin at nalaglag nalang ang kamay na sumubok umabot sa akin.

How can I love a man who's the son of my Dad's mistress—the reason why my Mom's miserable right now and why our family will be wrecked in no time?

"Nakakadiri kayo!" I shouted so loud and I'm sure that many heard me.

"Blair, please, let me explain—"

"Nakakadiri ka, Daddy." I cut him off and he halted. "Nakakadiri ka..." sabi ko at inilipat ang tingin sa ina ng taong mahal ko na sisira sa pamilya ko. "Nakakadiri ho kayo." mariin kong sabi.

Muli akong umatras upang maging madali ang paglayo sa kanila.

Gael's about to try to get closer to me for the second time.

"Huwag na huwag kang lalapit sakin, Gael. Just. Don't." I warned him and he halted stepping his way to me.

Muli kong pinagbalik-balik ang aking tingin kay Daddy at sa kaniyang kabit. Napailing nalang ako sa sobrang sakit, galit at pagkakadismaya kasabay nang pagtulo ng aking luha bago tumalikod at tumakbo paalis upang makalayo sa kanilang lahat.

I heard Gael calling my name, trying to stop me from going but it faded so fast as I distance myself away from them.