Chapter 37
Magic

"Pasensya na po, Tito, Tita. Wala po talaga si Ida dito samin ngayon." paghingi ko ng paumanhin kina Tito Arman at Tita Isabella.

"Are you sure that you're not hiding her, Blair?" mapaghinalang paninigurado sa akin ni Tito Arman.

"Arman..." marahang pagsuway sa kaniya ni Tita Isabella at kita ko rin ang bahagyang paghampas niya sa braso ni Tito.

Nakangiting humarap sa akin si Tita Isabella. Sa kaniya nagmana si Ida. She's also very understanding.

"I'm sorry about that, Blair." Tita Isabella apologized.

Umiling naman ako at ngumiti. "It's okay, Tita." sabi ko nalang. "Pero sorry po talaga dahil wala si Ida dito. She was staying here since she left but she chose to spend a night with... uhm... the Ondevillas."

Tumikhim naman si Tito Arman nang marinig ang aking sinabi.

"I tried to ask her po kung may balak na siyang umuwi pero mukhang wala pa po." sabi ko.

Tumango-tango naman si Tita Isabella at kahit na alam kong dismayado siya sa narinig ay nagagawa niya pa ring intindihin ang kagustuhan ng kaniyang anak na panandaliang lumayo para makapag-isip-isip.

"I understand that she needs time to be alone..." sabi naman ni Tita. "But can you please persuade her more, Blair? I already miss Ida so much."

"I'll try, Tita." I assured her.

"And, Blair... the truth is, ikaw talaga ang pinunta namin dito." nag-aalangang sabi ni Tita Isabella at hinawakan ni Tito Arman ang kaniyang braso para himas-himasin.

Nervousness immediately crawled its way to my system as soon as Tita's expression suddenly changed.

"We actually want to try fixing our relationship with Gael." she said. "Gusto na naming ayusin ang pamilya namin at kasama na doon si Gael. Para kay Ida at pra na rin sa kaniya mismo. He is still my husband's son no matter what happens."

"Ida's right..." sabi naman ni Tito. "I've been unfair to Gael just because he's not my son with my wife, but with another girl. Alam kong dapat matagal na namin 'tong ginawa but no one triggered me to accept him as my son, until Ida got mad."

"We want to start a new with Gael, Blair..." ngumiti si Tita Isabella. I know that she's sincere with everything that she's saying.

Dinaig pa ng isang napakagandang kanta ang naririnig ko mula kay Tito Arman at Tita Isabella. Hearing that they want to start a new with Gael, it makes me so happy.

"But there is this one problem..." pagsingit ni Tito na mukhang problemado. "Isaiah doesn't want to acknowledge Gael in our family."

I bit my lower lip because of guilt. Hindi na ako makatingin ng diretso ngayon kina Tito at Tita.

Kahit hindi nila sabihin sa akin, alam kong ako ang dahilan kung bakit hindi kayang tanggapin ni Isaiah si Gael sa kanilang pamilya. I'm the reason behind his stubborness to understand.

"I know you know why he's being so stubborn and unreasonable, Blair." Tito Arman added.

"But we're not blaming you for anything, Blair." agad namang pahabol ni Tita Isabella.

Maybe she thinks that consoling me by telling me that they're not blaming me will reduce the guilt that I'm feeling and carrying. But no... her words actually made me guiltier.

"I know that this is too much to ask, Blair, but can you please help us to fix our family?" pakiusap ni Tita sa akin kaya naman muli akong napaangat ng tingin sa kaniya.

"I'm willing to do anything to help your family, Tita." I sincerely told her.

"Blair, you know that for us, you're already a part of our family. Itong gusto naming buoin muli ay pamilya mo rin. It's also for you." paliwanag ni Tito Arman sa akin. "But as long as you're with Gael, walang mangyayari. Isaiah will just reject the thought of Gael being welcomed to our family."

Even if I alreay know what they want me to do, I still managed to ask to reassure.

"Ano... Ano po ang gusto niyong gawin ko?" nagawa ko pang tanungin kahit gusto ko nang bumigay.

"Leave Gael for now, Blair..." si Tita ang nagsalita. "After we fix our family, pwede na ulit kayo. We just... We just really need this so much. Gusto ko nang maayos ang lahat, Blair. Ayokong ganito ang pamilya namin. Alam ko namang naiintindihan mo."

"We're not telling you to completely let go of Gael, Blair." paglilinaw ni Tito Arman sa akin. "Just give him time alone with us. Kapag iniwanan mo siya, I'm sure that Isaiah will already welcome him to our family."

"I wish it is an easy thing to do, Tito..." sabi ko naman. "I've already thought about that when Isiah talked to me. The problem is, Ida doesn't want me to sacrifice Gael. Magagalit po siya sa akin at iyon ang ayokong mangyari."

"We can explain to Ida everything." sabi ni Tita. "I'll explain everything to her. Pwede mo ring sabihin sa kaniya na panandalian lang naman. Para sa best friend mo rin naman ito, Blair."

I can handle losing a lover than losing a friend that's like a family to me. I want to keep both of them but if I do, they won't be able to keep what's theirs. And if I let go of my lover, I will also lose my friend, but I know that they will be happy afterall. Family is way more important than friendship and lovelife.

Napalingon naman ako sa nagmamanehong si Gael nang hawakan niya ang aking kamay na nakapatong sa aking hita.

He went to my house earlier to pick me up. Tinanong ko kung nasaan si Ida, sinabi niyang hinatid nito sa school si Genie at doon nalang daw kaming magkitang tatlo sa school.

"May I know what's going on your pretty mind?" kuryoso niyang tanong sa akin habang pasulyap-sulyap ng tingin.

Pinatong ko naman ang aking isa pang kamay sa kaniya at mahigpit itong hinawakan. Pinisil-pisil ko ito at pinaglaruan.

"Hmm... I'm just thinking about my parents." I lied. "Iniisip ko kung ako nalang ang bibisita sa kanila or sila ang papauwiin ko dito. I actually want to travel abroad with them. Gusto ko rin makita at ma-experience ang buhay nila doon."

Ngumuso naman si Gael at pinagsalikop niya ang kamay kong nakahawak sa kaniya pati na rin ang kaniya.

"Inisip ko rin na baka after graduation, doon nalang ako mag-aaral ng Law." sabi ko.

This time, I'm not lying anymore. Matagal ko nang binalak ang pagpapatuloy kong mag-aral ng Law sa ibang bansa. Kahit bago pa dumating si Gael ay naisip ko na 'yon. I want to get my title abroad. I feel like I'll be more capable of being a successful like my Dad if I will study abroad.

"Balak ko na nga ring ayusin ang mga kakailanganin ko bago magfinals." dagdag ko pa.

Naramdaman ko naman ang pagluwag ng kapit ni Gael sa aking kamay.

"You've already planned everything for your future, huh?" he suddenly asked. "I thought you're going to study here."

"Gusto ko rin kasing makasama sina Mommy at Daddy." I reasoned out.

It's really part of my reason why I want to study abroad. Kagabi ay nadagdagan nga lang ng dahilan kung bakit mas gusto ko nang umalis ng bansa para mag-aral. It will be easier for me to let go of Gael if I will be studying outside the country. Mas madali niya rin akong makakalimutan kapag malayo ako sa kaniya.

And while I'm gone, I hope that everything goes well.

"Send me the universities you're planning to apply." sabi naman niya. "I should also send my requirements there. Kung saan tayo parehong pumasa, we can both study there. Mom wouldn't mind me studying abroad."

Bahagya naman akong napatigil sa pag-iisip at saka siya nilingon. Napaawang ang aking bibig habang tinitignan siyang nakangiti.

He's planning to go and study with me abroad... Hindi ko na 'yon kailangan pang kumpirmahin dahil iyon na talaga ang gusto niyang iparating. He's looking forward to our future of studying together abroad.

Siguro'y kung wala kaming kinakaharap na problema ay magiging sobrang masaya ako dahil sasama siya sa akin. Pero dahil kailangan kong umalis para iwan siya, hindi ako masaya at natatakot sa kung ano ang maaaring mangyari.

I'm sorry, baby, but I'm going to ruin the future that you're planning for the both of us.

"You want to go with me?" paniniguradong tanong ko sa kaniya.

"Of course, Blair." he answered and laughed like my question is too absurd for him. "I wouldn't want you out of my sight for the next years that we're going to study proper Law. We will help each other until we graduate and take our bar exams."

"Gael, you can't come with me." I managed to say as he parked the car.

Gael creased his forehead. He looked at me like I've said a joke that he didn't like.

"What do you mean I can't come with you... Of course, I can, Blair." giit niya sa akin. "Sasamahan kita kahit saan mo pa gustong mag-aral. Sabay tayong ga-graduate, papasa at magiging lawyer."

"You can't just leave your family here for me, Gael. Ayoko nang ganoon!" I demanded just to stop whatever he's planning to do. "You can't leave your mom, Genie nor Ida."

"I can always come back if I want to, Blair. Let's not fight about this one." sabi niya at tinanggal na ang kaniyang seatbelt.

"We're not fighting, Gael." paglilinaw ko sa kaniya. "I just want to remind you that I am just a girl, while they are your family. To choose me over them..." umiling-iling ako. "I don't want that. That's not what I need."

"It may seem like that but it's also what I want. Gusto ko ring mag-aral abroad. Just like you." pagdadahilan niya.

"Don't lie to me. Alam naman natin na kung hindi ko sasabihin sa'yo ang plano ko ay hindi mo maiisip na mag-aral ka abroad." sabi ko naman.

"Well, okay! Yes, you're right." he exclaimed. "Hindi mo ako masisisi, Blair. It has only been a month since we started dating. Ilang buwan nalang at graduation na. Hindi sumagi sa isip ko na mag-aral abroad because I thought that you're going to stay here and I want to be with you. At ngayong alam kong gusto mong mangibang-bansa, wala pa ring nagbago. I still want to be with you, that's why I'm coming with you."

"Gael, please..." nahihirapan ko nang sabi. "I don't want you to leave anything for me. It will only make me guilty. Just stay here. We can still communicate through Skype. I promise to keep in touch."

Alam ko sa sarili ko na ang binibitawan kong pangako sa kaniya ngayon ay babaliin ko rin. We can't keep in touch. We shouldn't communicate.

Napabuntong hininga naman si Gael. "Let's just talk about this when you're not stressed. I think you are." sabi naman ni Gael at saka lumabas na ng sasakyan.

Napapikit naman ako ng mariin. It's not easy. Napakahirap siyang saktan. Hindi ko kayang gawin sa kaniya ang nagawa kong pananakit kay Isaiah dati. Ayokong umabot sa punto na kailangan ko pang magbitiw ng masasakit na salita para lang pakawalan niya ako. I just want him to accept that I'll be going to study on my own. Gusto kong tahimik nalang na umalis at lumayo.

How can I hurt the man I love?

Hurting him will also hurt me. Breaking his heart will also break mine. Whatever I'm going to do to him will reflect to me.

Ito ang mahirap kapag lubos na nagmamahal ka. Masiyado kayong nagiging konektado at pati ang nararamdaman ng taong minamahal mo ay umaapekto na rin sa'yo.

It's amazing when you both have different souls, different body, and different emotions... and yet you feel the same. That's the magic of love. But it's also its tragic part.

Bumukas ang pintuan sa aking gawi at nilingon ko si Gael na agad naglahad ng kaniyang kamay upang alalayan ako pababa.

I can see hurt playing around his soft eyes that are looking for hope. His gentleness is very visible. He's willing to do anything for me para lang payagan ko siyang sumama sa akin. I know he is.

Without second thoughts, I pulled him closer to me and gave him a very tight hug. Binaon ko ang aking mukha sa kaniyang dibdib at inalala ng aking ilong ang kaniyang bango.

I'm going to miss him... so damn much.

Can I really let him go?