Chapter 29
Weaknesses

Nakanguso ako habang nililibot ang tingin sa iba't-ibang lapida na aming dinadaanan.

I can't believe that our first date will happen in a cemetery. Hindi lang 'yon dahil mayroon pang extra'ng mala-demonyitang batang babae.

"What are we doing here?"

Sa wakas ay nakapagtanong na rin ako matapos ang ilang oras ng pananahimik dahil kapag nagsasalita ako'y binabara lamang ako ng kaniyang kapatid at pagtatawanan nila ako.

I feel so left out. Gusto ko nalang umuwi, pero wala naman akong magagawa dahil nandito na rin naman ako kasama sila. Baka mas lalo lang akong pag-initan ng kapatid niya kapag napagdesisyunan kong umuwi.

"We're going to visit our father." he answered that made my forehead crease.

"Your father?" pagtataka ko. "Kala ko ba nakita mo yung tatay mo kamakailan lang?"

"That's my real father." paglilinaw niya. "Yung daddy ni Genie ang bibisitahin natin ngayon. He died before we went to Australia."

Nilipat ko naman ngayon kay Genie ang tingin ko. She's happily walking with Lingling.

If you will look at her, you wouldn't see that she lost an important person in her life. Pero matagal-tagal na nga mula nang namatay ang daddy niya. She must've moved on from it already.

Siguro nang dahil din sa pagkamatay ng daddy niya ay mas naging matapang siya. That explains her strong and tough personality.

"Princess, makilala mo na si Daddy." I heard her say to Lingling.

Napakunot naman ang aking noo. Hindi ko pa rin matanggap na Princess ang ipinangalan niya kay Lingling.

I looked at Gael and he immediately turned to me. I asked him to lower down his head and he also did.

"Can't you persuade your sister to change Lingling's name?" I asked him, whispering.

"Change into what?" bulong niya rin.

"Lingling!" madiin ngunit mahina kong sabi.

"No can do." he said and shook his head. "Once she decided with a name, you can never change it unless it's better than what she thought of."

"Lingling's better than Princess." giit ko.

He raised his eyebrows at me, looking so amused. Tinaasan ko rin siya ng kilay para malaman niyang hindi ako nagbibiro.

Princess is a name way too fancy. Lingling is just a simple dog so she should be named that way. Simple but cute.

"I'm not joking." agad kong sabi.

"I didn't say that you are." he said defensively.

"It's written all over your face." I said as I accusingly pointed his face.

He chuckled and bit his lower lip.

"Daddy!"

Halos mapatalon ako nang biglang napasigaw si Genie at kasunod pa nito ay ang pagtahol ni Lingling.

Tumakbo si Genie papunta sa puntod ng kaniyang ama at nang makarating ay agad siyang lumuhod sa harap nito. Si Lingling naman ay sa akin ang tungo nang tumakbo.

I squatted down to pat Lingling's head and she cutely barked at me, wagging her tail at the same time.

"Daddy, I have a new dog. I'm going to introduce her to you." rinig kong sabi ni Genie. "Princess!"

Napaangat naman ako ng tingin kay Genie at nakitang nakatingin siya sa amin ni Lingling. Her eyes were piercing through me like I stole Lingling from her.

"Princess, come here!" she ordered Lingling, but Lingling didn't cut her stare at me. She just kept on wagging her tail like she's asking me to play with her.

Genie kept on calling Lingling but she never obey nor answer her call.

I smiled and pat Lingling's head. Tinuro ko si Genie na ngayo'y nakatingin sa amin at itsura niya palang ay mukhang handa na siyang patayin ako. Of course, not literally.

"She's calling you, Lingling." sabi ko naman at panay ang turo kay Genie. "Punta ka sa kaniya, Lingling. Bili!"

Medyo nag-alangan pa si Lingling hanggang sa unti-unti ko itong tinulak paharap at papunta kay Genie. Sa tingin ko'y alam na niya ang gusto kong mangyari kaya naglakad na siya papalapit kay Genie.

Napangiti naman si Genie nang makitang lumapit sa kaniya si Lingling. She then hugged her before raising her gaze at me.

Ang akala ko'y magpapasalamat siya dahil pinalapit ko sa kaniya si Lingling ngunit ang natanggap ko ay isang dila at irap galing sa kaniya.

What the fuck is wrong with her attitude? I'm trying to be good here even when she always roll her eyes at me or when she cut me off whenever I speak.

I clenched my fists trying to control myself from bursting. Kanina pa ako napupuno ng bata na 'to. Nawala bigla ang awang naramdaman ko para sa kaniya kanina.

I suddenly felt Gael hand's covering my both my clenched fists. Sa laki ng kamay niya ay nagawa niyang ipaloob sa kaniyang mga kamay ang akin.

"Please be patient with my sister." he whispered. "I'm telling you, she's a nice girl. She's just jealous because Princess or Lingling's more fond of you than her."

"Well, I was the one who found Lingling and took care of her for a long time. She needs to acknowledge that!" sabi ko naman at hindi napigilan ang pag-irap.

He let go of my fists and swiftly moved his arm around my shoulders. He even pushed his weight on me that's why I was standing evenly—my one knee slightly bent.

"She will acknowledge that. Soon..." he trailed and chuckled. "But she's just a six years old girl with irrational thoughts. She's not like majority of the kids nowadays who can already think rationally."

My eyes never left Genie who's playing with Lingling in front of her father's grave.

"To be honest, both her psychiatrist and doctor are saying that she still undergoes trauma because of her father's death." he suddenly said. "The presence of having dogs as a pet overcomes her trauma somehow. Nakakalimutan niya kasi si Daddy kapag palagi siyang busy sa mga aso niya. Petting dogs is one of her therapies."

I know how hard it was for her. Para sa akin ay alam ko ang pakiramdam na naramdaman ar nararamdaman niya, pero siguro nga'y mas masakit ang naranasan niya dahil totoong nawala ang Daddy niya. I admire her for being strong despite having a trauma about her father's death.

"Come on. I will introduce you to our dad." sabi naman ni Gael at hinawakan niya ang aking kamay upang hilahin patungo sa puntod ng kanilang ama.

I was lowkey frightened because of his words. Nakakakilabot kaya ang pakinggang ipapakilala niya ako sa isang taong patay na. Thoughts about meeting a dead person suddenly ran through my head. It made me shivered.

"Isn't Princess so cute, Daddy?" I heard Genie cutely asked her dad—in the presence of his tomb.

Nang mapalingon naman ang makulit na si Lingling sa amin ni Gael na papalapit sa kanila ni Genie ay pilit siyang nagpupumiglas sa pagkakahawak sa kaniya ni Genie ngunit nang makita ni Genie'ng papalapit kami ay niyakap niya pa lalo papalapit sa kaniya si Lingling.

Napailing nalang ako. It's not like I'm going to steal Lingling from her.

I'm actually glad that someone will already take care of Lingling because I can't push taking care of her due to Mom's allergy for dogs.

The way she shows jealousy towards Lingling's fondness of me, I can see that she really loves Lingling though it has only been a while since she had her.

"Hey, Dad." Gael greeted. "I'm with the girl that I'm currently courting. She's an extraordinary girl. I bet if you're alive and you're able to meet her, you will like her." he introduced me in the most positive way.

"Uh..." I unknowingly scratched my name. "I'm Blair Alcoberes po. That's all." pakilala ko nalang sa sarili ko.

I don't know why I'm speaking to a tomb or a grave, but I often do it to my grandparents so... it wasn't that awkward nor embarrassing.

"Extraordinary but she's not even pretty, Dad." her sister mocked me again.

I gritted my teeth. My eyes pierced at her like a dart ready to aim the bull's eye.

Why does she have to ruin every good atmosphere that's building up?

"Your brother didn't even say to your father that I'm pretty or whatsoever, so why do you have to bring that up again?" hindi ko na maiwasan ang pag-iinit ng ulo ko.

She looked at me like I'm some kind of joke.m before crossing her arms. In the eyes of other people, she might seem cute right now—crossing her arms and pouting her lips, but instead of seeing her as an adorable little girl, she makes me want to hit something so badly.

"Just stating facts." she simply said. "Ate Darlene's even prettier and kinder than you."

Nalaglag naman ang aking panga sa taong pinagkumparahan niya sa akin. Ikukumpara niya na nga lang ako ay doon pa sa taong ni hindi man lang aabot sa kalingkingan ko.

"Genie..." rinig kong saway ni Gael kay Genie.

"I'm sorry but what kind of standard do you have to judge a person?" I raised my eyebrows, a sign that I'm turning my bitch mode on.

I never meant to be kind of rude and insulting but she insulted me first! She speaks ill of me ever since I met her this morning.

"How kind is Darlene to you, huh?" I sounded so offended, but I don't care. I'm going to spill everything about Darlene. "Do you even know what she did to Lingling or Princess before? She used to kick her and she was even disgusted to Lingling... or Princess! Whatever."

Hindi nakapagsalita si Genie dahil sa mga katotohanang lumabas sa aking labi patungkol sa ginagawa dati ni Darlene kay Lingling. Nakatikim tuloy siya ng frappe bath sa akin, pero nang dahil doon ay nakilala ko rin si Gael.

Mas lalong humaba ang pagkakanguso niya at bumagsak ang tingin niya sa hindi pa rin binibitawang si Lingling.

"Let's go, Princess." sabi nalang niya at saka ako nilagpasan upang makalayo siya kasama si Lingling.

So, that's it?

She didn't even apologize for her wrong judgements? She didn't apologize for offending me big time?

"Hey... calm down, Blair." Gael tried to console me when his sister already left to play with Lingling away from us.

"How can I calm down if she just compared me to someone like that bitch?" I said, bitterness was very audible from the way I sounded.

Binalingan ko si Gael at nakita kong nakangisi siya habang tinitignan ako. Nang makita niya naman ang inis kong ekpresyon ay kinagat niya ang kaniyang pang-ibabang labi upang mapigilan ang pagngisi.

"Why did you even court a girl like her?" I suddenly asked him at ngayo'y totoong nawala na ang kaniyang ngisi. "Is that your type? Don't tell me, you see me like her? Cause I'm not, Gael! I'm way above her."

"I didn't court her." he simply said and slid both of his hands to his pockets.

Naningkit naman ang aking mga mata sa kaniyang sagot. "Liar." I accused him. "That's impossible. How were you able to have a relationship with her if you didn't court her? Seeing you as a man with principles, I'm sure as hell that you court a girl."

"I'm telling the truth. I didn't court her." he said. "She declared that I was her boyfriend in front of many people when I saved her from falling down the stairs. I didn't want to embarrass her by saying that she's just lying so I lived with the thought that she's my girlfriend and I'm her boyfriend."

So, isang malaking assumera lang pala si Darlene? They're not official, afterall! People think that they were, but they're not!

Imagine if all of the girls have guts like Darlene who can just announce that a certain guy is her boyfriend. Kung ganoon lang pala kadali ay ia-announce kong boyfriend ko si Leonardo DiCaprio.

I want to laugh but I was able to maintain my straight face while looking at Gael who's still serious.

"I lived with it until you came..." he added at nawala na rin ang nakakatawang pag-iisip ko. I suddenly became more attentive to his words. "I just really have to break her heart when I met you."

"How were you able to tolerate all her caprices, Gael? I mean, me and Ida even saw you at the mall with her. You're buying things that she wants, right?" tanong ko sa kaniya.

"I liked her." he stated.

His statement is like a hammer, while my heart is a vulnerable glass. He was able to break that glass with a touch of his hammer.

So, he really did like her?

"For me, she's like a sister. She may seem like a bitch, but she's very fragile. She reminds me of Genie. As you can see, parehas na parehas sila ng ugali." he explained. "They only look tough on the outside, but they aren't inside."

Hindi lang naman sila ang ganoon. Kahit ako ay kaparehas nilang dalawa pero hinding-hindi ko 'yon pinapakita sa iba. Even in front of Ida, I still act strong kahit na alam kong alam niya ang totoong nararamdaman ko. I never wanted to show someone how fragile and vulnerable I am. I always maintain my fierce side to show them how strong I am. Na hindi nila ako pwedeng basta-basta lang apak-apakan.

Nagulat naman ako nang bigla kong maramdaman ang pagyakap sa akin ni Gael. He hugged me while I'm unconcious from my thoughts.

"You've worked hard enough, Blair. Among the rest, you're the strongest person I've ever known. That made me fall for you even more." he suddenly said. "If you want to rest for a while, you can have me to be your strength."

I bit my lower lip. Yumuko ako upang itago ang aking mukha sa kaniyang dibdib.

I never wanted to show anyone that I'm weak but when it comes to Gael, I'm willing to show him every side of me. I'm allowing him to see my weaknesses.

It may be risky but... that's how I trust him.