Sweet Sorrows and Joyful Pains
Kerubin P. Maranan

"Gracie! Miss Jane said there's no more chocolate pudding; banana pudding is all that's left." Across the school parking lot, Grace stopped writing in her journal as she heard her friend, Gabriel, yell. He was coming out of the back of the school and had brought them leftover snacks from the cafeteria. Gabriel was friends with the lunch lady, after all.

Although there was something in the banana pudding that made Grace cringe, she still took it from her friend. "What are you writing there?" Gabriel asked, looking at the notebook with a pen stuck in the middle. After taking a bite of the pudding, Grace swallowed and answered, "Trying to keep up with my journals."

With knitted eyebrows, Gabriel replied with another question, asking why she has so many.

"Well," Grace paused and took out four notebooks, each with different designs. "I have one for devotions, my school planner, one for my poems, and my personal diary." She looked up and saw her friend's reaction to the numerous diaries a person couldn't possibly have. Grace laughed and put everything away.

"You okay? You didn't attend church yesterday... is it because of Alice?"

Hearing her cousin's name broke her heart again for the nth time. "It has been two weeks... two weeks since she... Everywhere I turn my head, I want to see her, and she's not there, Gabe. We were supposed to go to college together and figure out our lives there, but how am I supposed to do that now?" Grace smiled. "You know, the last thing she gave me was her Bible." She said, and her bitter laugh trailed off.

Gabriel took her hand, and she looked at him. Grace saw the same reassuring smile everyone was giving her. She didn't know if she was sick of it or if she was grateful.

Alice, Grace, and Gabriel were the youth leaders of their church group. Alice and Grace were cousins, and their family came to America when they were seven. Two years later, they joined a church group where they met Gabriel and his family. Recently, Alice was battling leukemia, and although she passed away from it, her family never considered her journey a loss for Alice.

Alice and Grace were the two sunshines of their family and both considered themselves as sisters. They never wanted to outshine each other; instead, they both shined together. Grace is the most affected by Alice's death. She had faith that even if Alice's leukemia was too far gone from being cured, she still believed she would live long enough to see their plans pull through.

Grace and Gabriel stayed in the parking lot for an hour more until they had to go home. Before they separated, Gabriel reminded her that he'd pray for her, and so he did that night.

The next morning, before Gabriel could wake up to his alarm clock, his door opened, and his parents entered.

"Son," With a soft call and gentle pat, Gabriel woke up. As he was rubbing his eyes and confusingly looked at his parents, his mother sat down and held his right hand. "Mom, is there a problem?"

His mother did not speak; instead, she handed him a letter. Before he could even open it, Gabriel's heartbeat was through the roof, and he couldn't explain why.

Dear Gabe,

Hi, you're probably wondering why you're reading this, and you are going to get angry once you read this, so I am apologizing in advance.

After Alice, I have been having too much time on my own, and I have thought about what I am going to do next. Our plan was to go to college and have our first apartment together with her. You wanted to study Biology and we wanted Pharmacy because that was our planned pre-med course before we study to become doctors, Alice and I. Right now, I'm thinking it's not possible for me. I think my faith in God is hanging by a thread too.

Alie was my lifeline and I'm sure you are aware of that. In her Bible, she left me a letter too. She told me her leaving would be a great thing so our family wouldn't have to compare us, and I would be the star of the Rhee family. In her words, after her death, we should celebrate and not reminisce on her passing; she's basically telling us to forget her. Isn't that cruel?

I'm going away to figure out things, and don't even try to find me haha. Focus on yourself and finish our dreams. If this works out for me, I'll find you. Even if it doesn't, I'll look for you.

Gracie.

Tears were edging to fall from Gabriel's eyes, and he wiped it away before it even fell. "Grace's parents have told the police now; they are going to find her," Gabriel's father said and held onto his son's shoulder, patting it as assurance.

This is not the time to be weak. For Alice and Grace.

All the while this is happening, Grace found herself sitting on a bus, driving away from her home. She was sitting by the window and staring at the signs they were passing by; in her head, she was apologizing to her family, to Gabriel, and to Alice.

The End