After Kie dropped Jay and Pope we were driving to her house and it was kind of quite, an awkward silent.

Tonight was crazy, I felt helpless and useless so I just didn't have words left, and I think she didn't either

Seeing Gavin gets shot was too much for me, the gun shot sound, the blood, everything was just too much, and I just froze

I didn't know what's happening. everything was loud and I felt kinda dead, I couldn't move or breath. It's like there was no air left in the world.

I had panic attacks before but this was way more serious, in none of them my body reacted that way and that was hella scary

I am just scared that it will happen again and it will be without Jay and he won't be able to help me. I am scared that I wouldn't know what to do

I am just scared lately, of everything. Everything makes me jump or flinch. That's one of the reason why I started doing drugs, I just don't want to be scared all the time

It's not like me, I used to not getting scared of anything and now I just feel like I am in completely different body and soul, I don't feel like this is myself.

When I was using everything seemed easier, everything just felt more relaxed and after I got clean everything just seems way worse, like the world is so much darker and painful place like it was before

It was harder after I got clean, I felt everything so clear and it killed me. It was harder than before because after I got used to the feeling of nothing, the feeling of everything was very powerful and mostly painful

As we arrives at Kie's house her parents were awake, waiting for us "hi girls" Anna says before I notice a suitcase next to them, I stare at them confused "what's happening?" I asks

"We got a call from your mom, she thinks it's time for you to go back" Mike says "to go back? She kicked me out of there!" I says "she might wasn't serious, I don't think she meant it" Anna says

"We packed all of your things. She told me she got a call from Shoupe and she needs to talk to you, I would drive you home" Anna says "are you serious?" Kie says

"Kiara she's her mother" Mike says "she kicked her out of her own house and you just gonna let her go back?" Kie yells

"It's not our choice, we can't keep Haley here if her mother wants her back" Anna says "guys I don't want you to fight, it's fine" I says

"thank you so much for having me" I smiles before Anna leads me to her car and gives me a ride to my house

The thing Anna said about my mom getting a call from Shoupe disturb me. I know Shoupe hates me but why would he call my mom? She didn't mention that she got a call from Shoupe about Kie

"Bye honey" she says as we arrives" bye, thanks again" I says again before I walks into my house

"Haley" my mom says, sounds upset "what do you want?" I asks "Shoupe just called me" she says "fuck this shithead" I says

"Language!" She says "anyway, he told me you have caused some problems lately and I should keep an eye on you, can you tell me what it this about?" She asks

"It means that he's a shitty cop and he can't do his own job" I answers "Haley!" She says "what?" I asks "no, seriously, what? You tell me to get back here for what? Another fight?" I asks

"I told you to get back here because you're still my daughter and I am not going to let you mess around like this" she says "so why did you kicked me out?" I asks "because you are doing drugs!" She yells "I am sober now" I says

"Oh so you're clean now?" She asks "yeah, no thanks to you" I says "so, even when you're sober you are causing problems" she says with a fake chuckle

"I am trying my best!" I says "you are trying your best? You are not trying at all!" She yells "oh my fucking god you make me fucking wanna do drugs" I says

"so why won't you do a favour and go ahead?" She yells "why did you even want me back if the only thing you do is screaming at me to do drugs?" I yells "because I don't want all of the island to think that I am shitty mother and I let you act like this!" She says and I chuckle

"So this whole thing, is this about your stupid reputation?" I asks "No! It's about you causing troubles!" She yells "bullshit!" I says

"I didn't gave up my whole life for you so you can be ungrateful!" She yells "you stopped care about me the moment you chose to blame me over dad's death, you even looks at me differently, it's like I am not even your daughter anymore" I says

"And you know what? I didn't kill him! Stop blaming me for it! He killed himself because he realised how much of a bad person he is!" I says "stop it! Stop with those lies about him!" She says

"It's not lies! And I know deep down you know that too. You have to" I says "I know you're blaming me for his death because you don't want to be mad at dad because then you'd realise I am telling the truth, I know that!" I adds

"You don't know anything." She says "you can't keep blaming me. People died because of him!" I says "stop! fucking stop!" She yells "I won't, I won't stop until you'd get it" I says

"Oh shut up! How can I even believe you? You're a fucking junkie. Even if you're not doing drugs you are still you, nothing can change that" she says "what's that supposed to mean?" I asks

"He's not the only one who's dead because of you. You said you were there when Peterkin got shot, why didn't you help her?" She asks "I tried!" I says with watery eyes

"I tried my best" I says with tears before she shakes her head "well, it's obviously wasn't enough because she's dead now" she says

"You keep hurting people Haley" she says "I am not trying to" I says "you're right, but that's just who you are, and there's no cure for that" she says

"Even if your dad wasn't your fault, you hurt so many other people, even your friends. It can't be a consequence" she shrugs I shakes my head with disbelief

"You know, maybe you were right. Maybe I don't know anything, I obviously don't know who you are anymore" I says before I walks away

She didn't answer or talk to me after that, I still don't really understand why she got Anna to drive me back here if she's going to fight with me every time she sees me

I am starting to think that maybe I was wrong, maybe she do think I am the reason my dad is dead

At first I also blamed myself, I am trying my best to think it wasn't my fault but I keep hearing the little voice in my head telling me that she's right and I am the reason he's dead

I don't know how to get rid of that voice. Jay has been helping but every time I am alone and I can hear my thoughts and I just goes back to the same place, I just can't escape from myself anymore

-

I've missed school today, I didn't wake up in time and decided to just stay at home. Jay called a couple of time but I ignored it, I just didn't have the energy to talk with anyone

But he messaged me that they're going to look for the murder weapon that Ward drop at the drains and they want me to come, so Kie needed up picking me up

"This is the north drain. It should've gotten washed into the gully. So if it got flashed out it would've been pushed out to, like- " Jay speaks

"Somewhere in the trash" Pope completes his sentence "correct" Jay says "oh my god. People who use plastic should be shot" Kie says with a sigh "okay, personally, I love plastic. Use it every day. Love the stuff" Jay says annoying Kie

"Hopefully, you recycle it and don't let it flush into the ocean" Kie says "I thought you'd say something like that, so... trash bags" Pope says

"Did you just proactively protect the environment?" Kie says "maybe" Pope answers "I feel like I am interrupting something" I says "you want us to leave you two alone, or what's going on?" Jay asks before Pope throws his garbage bags on us

"Just pick up the trash" Pope says "so, have you been ignoring me?" Jay asks as we were picking the trash "I probably missed your calls" I lies

"Why haven't you been at school today?" He asks "just overslept" I answers "Haley" he says "what?" I asks "are you using again?" He asks "No! No, Jay, No" I says, being honest

"So what's going on? Something is clearly going on with you and you obviously pushing me away" he says "I missed one day" I says before he shakes his head

"Is it your mom? Kie told us your mom asked you to come back" He says "just drop it" I says "uh, guys?" Pope asks "yeah?" I asks "we've finished here" Pope points out "yeah, yeah" I says

"Well that was fun" Jay says "if it's not in the trash, then it's gotta be in the storm drain" Pope says "it's in... it's in the drain" Jay says "damn it" I says "of course it is" Kie says

"Good thing I brought the crow" Jay says "so, are we gonna do, like, rock, paper, scissors?" Kie asks "no" Jay says "or alphabetically?" Kie asks "nah. On three, Pope. One, two, three." Jay says as they open the drain"like the oldest goes?" Kie asks

"In the sewer, there's this worm that get when you're down there. It gets into your blood, and then it has to come out of your pocket" Jay speaks and I share a look with Kie

"So uh... that would be a hard pass for me" Jay say "that's gonna be a no for me" Pope says "ugh, I'll do it, group of pussies" I says walking towards the drain before Jay stops me

"Wait, are you sure?" Jay asks "yeah" I says "maybe it's not a good idea I mean-" he says but I interrupts "guys nothing is different now, I am fine" I says

"Okay, just... you know, be careful" Pope says "I'll be so careful" I says in a mocking tone before going inside the drain "I deserve that" Pope says

"Just, uh, holler if you need anything okay? We'll uh... we'll holler back" Jay says "very helpful, thank you" I says

"Haley, you find anything yet?" Pope asks "yeah, have you seen the gun yet?" Kie asks "are you good?" Jay asks "I didn't see anything yet" I answers "and I am fine" I adds assuring Jay

"It's probably at the bottom of the catch basin" Pope says before I get to the bottom. It's disgusting, I got to the water part and I tried to look for the gun

But I feels like I own it to them, I feels like I ruined summer for them with all of the shit I put them through and this is the least I can do

I also wanted to prove myself, to show them nothing is different now and maybe then they'd treating me like I can't take care of myself or do things I used to do

"Guys I think I found something" I says as I feel something "ugh, gross" I mumbles "wait, you god it?" I hear Jay asks "oh my god you guys, there's something dead in here!" I says screaming

"Like a person?" Pope asks "oh my god, there's something dead. I repeats!" I yells again "Haley don't touch it that's how you get the worms" Jay says "JJ don't starts with the warms!" I yells

"Did you find the gun?" Kie asks "what is it? Is it Gavin?" Jay asks "I don't fucking know! Oh my god" I yells "don't touch it!" Pope says

"I am not doing anything for you guys after that!" I yells before I see some water coming to my direction "oh shit. Guys? Guys, the water!" I yells

"Haley, get out of there now!" Pope yells "I don't have time! Guys! Shit! Oh no" I yells "Haley!" I hear Jay yells "Haley, hold on!" He yells again as I climbs a ladder because the water gets in so fast

"JJ! Jay, please!" I screams "Kie, Pope! Jay, someone!" I yells Haley!" Jay yells as I hear him running towards me "Haley we're coming" Kie says "Guys! The water is coming up!" I shouts before I sees them out of the drain "pull! Pull it!" I screams

"Please, Jay, please. Hurry up" I says "we'll get you out of there, I promise!" Jay says "Guys!" I says before the water goes up and I was under the water, I couldn't breath for a few seconds.

After a few seconds that I thought I am going to die in, they got the drains open out and I was able to breath

"Are you okay?" Pope asks as I lays on the ground, catching my breath as I was couching "Hales, you good?" Jay asks "never been better" I says while I was couching

"This wasn't what we were looking for, right?" I pulls the gun out of my back pocket before we were all laughing "oh my god, we're gonna get this son of a bitch!" Jay says befor Kie helps me stand up "good job" Pope says

"You did it Hales, you did it" he says before we all hugs and laughs "let's get it to Shoupe" Kie smiles

-

"So y'all telling me that this is the firearm Rafe Cameron killed Peterkin with?" Shoupe says as we put the gun at his desk "that's exactly what we're talking you" Jay says

"And the exact same firearm that Ward just used to kill Gavin" Pope adds "I- and where's that corpse again?" Shoupe asks "didn't you look?" Kie asks

"I checked the hospital. I went by his house, he was out" Shoupe says "he was out?" Kie sarcastically asks "no shit! 'Cause he's dead!" Jay says

"Yeah good job Shoupe you just realised the man is missing" I says "listen to yourself it make perfect sense" Kie says "just because he's not his damn home doesn't mean he was a victim of a homicide" Shoupe says

"What are you talking about?" Kie yells "you gotta be joking" Jay says "are you at least gonna send it in your ballistic and shit, or are you gonna sit on your ass?" Kie asks

"He'll sit there and wax that moustache. Is that even real?" Jay say "I'll wax this-" Shoupe says standing up "shut up, JJ!" Pope snaps

"It's not fair" Kie says "oh I am sorry. Did I hurt his feelings?" Jay says "shut up!" Pope yells as Shoupe opens the door for us to leave "get out. I got work to do" he says "are you serious?" Jay says

"Y'all smelling up my office" Shoupe says "shit" Pope says "did Ward bribe you? This doesn't make any sense" Kie says walking out "you ain't gonna do shit" Jay says leaving as well "if you don't wanna do this for justice, at least do it for Peterkin" I say following them "out!" He yells

"We brought you the murder weapon, there's no logical reason for you not to send it in" Pope says "go with your friends" Shoupe says "this is bullshit" Pope says before following us

-

Kie and Pope said they were heading to the wreck so it was only left me and Jay

"Hey, uh.. I can't go back home like this, can I crash at yours?" I asks rubbing my neck "yeah, of course" He says before we walks to his house together

"I haven't sleep in here in a while" I says as we walks inside his house "yeah, a lot of shit happened" he says "I am going to take a shower" I says "oh I'll get you some clothes" he says rushing to his closet getting me a shirt and sweatpants "thanks" I says

I sigh before I lays Jay's bed, I put my hand on his chest "are you good?" He asks "yeah" I says "it doesn't sounds like it" he says, not convinced

"I just wanna get the fuck out of my mom" I says before he grabs me closer to him "I get that" he says

"Maybe she just need some time to get back to herself" he says "I don't really think she'll ever look at me the same" I says "what do you mean? I mean... I am sure she loves you" he says

"She hates me, no doubts" I says "don't say that" he says "you didn't see how she looks at me, she's convinced that I killed my father" I says

"Yeah, but... she's grieving. It doesn't mean that's okay but she's not herself at the moment. I just thinks, maybe if she'll get better she'll understand" he shrugs "maybe" I says

"I am worried about you, I thought now when we found out John B and Sarah are alive you'd feel better" he says "I am happy they're back, it's just..." I says "just what?" He asks

"It feels like I'll always be on that tarmac, it's like I am stuck in there. I can't get out" I says "but it'll get better, right?" He says "I can't keep believing in that Jay, I just can't. I can't just keep hoping for the best" I says

"You know, my mom always was there for me, but now it's just not her, I don't know what to do without her" I says

"It's hard without her" I adds "but you gotta keep fighting, you're Haley, that's what you do" he says "I don't think I wanna keep doing that, like... am I supposed to keep fighting for the rest of my life?" I asks "maybe, maybe not. It depends on you" he says

"How?" I asks "you can give up. You can go and do drugs, you can keep killing yourself. But the fact that you showed up at the chateau calling me and asking for help, that means you do want to keep fighting, because that's what you do. You're a fighter, and yeah... you keep fighting, until you win" he says

"But how do I win? Now it's just feels like I am in some war with myself with no winners, just one loser. A fucking rigged fight, that's for sure" I says "you haven't lost, not yet. If it was a war, the end is not sad because the end is not written yet" he says

"It's not easy, I know that. But you're not alone" he adds before I feels tears in my eyes "wait- shit- I am sorry if I was harsh-" he says but I interrupts him "no- it's fine. You are the best. I needed that" I wraps my arms around him

"But, seriously... thank you so much, for everything. I would've been dead by now without you" I looks at him "you weren't." He says

"You know... when you asked me why I did come back and asked for help I answered that it's because I don't want to die, but it's not the complete truth" I starts "what do you mean?" He asks

"I mean, it was part of it, not most of it... do you remember when you told me that you're holding on just to see my smile again?" I asks "yeah" he quietly answers "so it just got me thinking. I guess what I am trying to say is, that you are the reason I came back" I says making him smile before he kisses me

"I love you" he whispers before he kisses me again "I love you too" I smiles at him

A/n: I am trying to get Haley to be happy I promise🙏

But anyways, I think this chapter was very cute and I will try to write more of JJ and Haley's scenes because that was just so adorable to me

And the meeting with Sarah and John B with the pogues is so close! I am so excited!!
I remember love watching that scene, it was so pure and I am so excited to write it