"Is Jesse here?" I asks Larry "they transformed him to a different rehab, I asked them too" my mom answers instead of him

"What? He was my only friend!" I says "your friend that helped you ran away and relapse" she says "it's not his fault, it was my choice" I says

"We figured it would be better for you two to be separated, that's our choice" Larry says "what-" I says before my mom cuts me off

"Hey, Haley. It's going to be okay, you'll be better that way" my mom says as she puts her hands on my shoulder "whatever" I rolls my eyes

"I'll better go now, please show up to things, be a good kid" she says before she leaves

"Welcome back, Haley" Larry says but I ignores him and lets him leads me to my room, helping me with my bags

"We don't do that a lot, but your mom wanted me to give you more help, so you'd meet here a therapist two times a week" he says

"What? Wait I don't need a therapist" I says "if the meetings are hard for you, we are willing to give you a private session with a great therapist" he says

"Do you prefer the meetings?" He adds "no, I don't. But-" I says "we have to make sure you are talking to someone, and you are not going to do that from your own will" he cuts me off

"But I didn't agree to this" I says "your mom did, we have to make work here so you could actually get better" he says

"Transforming my only friend is a weird way to do it, what am I supposed to do here?" I says "get better, this is what you're supposed to do here" Larry says

"Fucking asshole" I mumbles as he walks away "I heard that" he says and I roll my eyes

-

"I've heard a lot about you, Haley Baker" John, my new therapist speaks as I seats in front of him "what did you hear?" I questions

"That you've been through a lot" he says and I chuckle "is that funny to you?" He asks "yeah, actually. It's funny that you think you know what I've been through" I says

"That's the problem with all of you, with this system, you think you know me because you know what I've been through, you think you know me because I do drugs" I says

"What you've been through and how you handle things can say a lot about your personality" he says "that doesn't mean you know me, there's nothing in the world that could tell you how I feel" I says

"We are not trying to tell how you feel, we're only trying to help you" he says "no, you're trying to analyse me and why I do things" I says

"The addiction is coming from something, we need to figure out the thing in order to to help you" he says "that's bullshit" I says

"Why are you so scared that people would get know you?" He asks "I am not scared that people would know me" I says

"I think you're terrified of that" he says "see? You think you know everything about me because you read some books about psychology" I says

"You don't think I am right?" He asks "no, actually" I says "you are lost, I doubt you even know yourself. what I am trying to do is find you an explanation" he says

"You've ever got addicted to drugs?" I asks "it might surprise you, but yes, I did. When I was 19" he answers "really?" I asks and he nods

"I am sober 12 years right now" he says "wow... that's insane" I says looking down "you'd get there, don't worry" he says

"I dont remember myself sober" I says "you are sober now" he says "yes but... I am not really sober" I says "how come?" he asks

"it's not going to last long, I am not going to be sober forever" I says "if you'd think that way, you definitely won't be sober for long" he says

"I am just being realistic" I says "faith is all we got. If you won't believe that you can do it, you won't" he says

"How many addicts gets through that? How many addicts stay alive? I know my chances, they're not very high" I says

"So what? You'd just give up and do drugs because your chances to recover are not high?" He questions and I shrugs

"That's not a reason, you'd go and do drugs because you're too afraid to face your pain" he says "what do you know about my pain?" I asks

"I know nothing about your pain" he says "that's god damn right!" I stands up

"You know what? This is stupid, you don't get to sit here and judge me or what I've been through. You think because you did drugs as well it gives you the privilege to judge me?" I says

"Look at you, you open up a little bit, and you're already freaking out about it" he says "Shut up!" I snaps "you know what? this was a mistake, I told Larry" I walks out

-

"Seriously Haley?" Larry enters my room as I was reading a book "what?" I asks

"You storm out from the meetings, so we give you John, and you just storm out from his room?" He asks "it didn't work out" I says

"Haley this isn't a game, why are you here?" He asks "to get sober, not to get therapy" I answers "and how do you think people get better? By magic?" He asks

"Oh so I am you blame me because you don't know how to do your job?" I asks "I do my job right, you can't expect just get better without making an effort" he says

"John still wants to see you, twice a week" Larry says "what?" I asks "you think you scared him off? Nah, John is one of a kind" he says

"Larry, I told you. I don't need a therapy" I says "why did you storm out?" He asks "because I don't like that, he gets to my head" I says

"You don't like what? Getting help?" He asks "no! I don't like therapy, okay? I just don't like sitting there and listen to him criticise me" I says

"Well, I am sorry but you have to, that was your mom only condition" he says and I sighs

"You can't just leave when you feel uncomfortable, you gotta face it. You're very lucky to have John, he's professional" he says

"Yeah, I feel very lucky" I sarcastically says "if you want to get better, it won't happened itself, you have to take part in" he says "but-"

"John is here to talk to you" he cuts me off before he walks away and John enters "you don't have to speak, just listen" he sits in front of me

"You're an addict, right?" He asks and I nods "you think I'd know the first thing about how hard your life has been how you feel, who you are, because I know one simple thing about you?" He asks

"Personally, I don't give a shit about all that, because you know what? I can't learn anything from you I can't read in some fucking book, unless you wanna talk about you, who you are"

"And I am fascinated, I am in. But you don't wanna do that, do you? You're terrified of what you might say" he says 

"Why do you still want to see me?" I asks "because I don't buy what you're trying to sell, I don't buy this attitude that you don't give a shit about anything" he starts

"I look at you, I don't see a confident careless young woman, I see an insecure, scared, shitless kid" he says

"That doesn't seem like a good reason to keep seeing me" I says "but behind the drugs there is a good and a smart person, and I want to meet that person" he says

"I want to keep seeing you, the question is are you going to let yourself get better or waist your time here?" He says

"I came here to get better" I says "that's not answering my question, are you gonna see me on Monday?" He asks "yes, I will" I says "good" he says

-

Me and John sits in front of each other in silent for a few minutes "is this a way for a therapist to punish his client?" I speaks

"You think I am punishing you by silent?" He asks and I nods "I was waiting for you to speak, you don't like when I asks questions" he says

"Okay, I deserved that. But I don't know what to say" I says "what's this scar on your neck?" He asks "surgery" I lies and he raises his eyebrow

"What?" I asks "it doesn't look like a cut from surgery" he says "are you calling me a liar?" I asks

"Have you always been like this?" He asks "like what?" I asks "terrified of the idea that someone will get to know you" he says

"I am not terrified of shit" I says "prove it then, for once, tell me the truth about yourself" he says

"what do you wanna know? What? That my ex boyfriend held a knife to my neck?" I snaps "yes, that was I wanted to hear. I know it's hard, but it's important for you to be able to share those kind of things" he says "fuck that" I mumbles

"He used to do that kind of stuff a lot?" He asks "he could have get aggressive with me, yeah. But we broke up it doesn't matter" I says

"I think it does, I think you push away a lot of things" he says "why would I get stuck at this?" I asks

"You shouldn't get stuck at it, but you have to face your pain in order to get over it" he says "just because I am not thinking about this every day doesn't mean I didn't get over it" I says

"It doesn't. But you have to be able to talk about it, and be honest about what you feel about it" I says "I am" I says

"Is he the reason you stopped letting people get closer to you?" He asks "no" I answers as I was playing with my ring

"It was my dad" I adds "your dad?" He asks "don't play stupid, everyone knows him on this island, not for a good reasons. You know the story" I says

"I would like to hear it from you" he says "he killed himself. It was a night after I told him he is a murdered" I says

"Do you blame yourself for it?" He asks "I don't, he took part in killing Big John, and he is the reason Peterkin is dead, he's an asshole he deserved to die" I says

"You can still think he deserved to die and also blame it on yourself" he says "great, but I don't" I says

"It's not your fault" he says "I know" I says "it's not your fault" he says "I know" I looks at him "no, no, no. It's not your fault" he says

"I know" I stands up, starting to getting upset "it's not your fault" he stands up as well and walks towards me "okay" I says "it's not your fault" he repeats and I feel tears running down my cheek

"It's not your fault" he says "don't fuck with me" I shakes my head "it's not your fault" he says "don't fuck with me! Alright? Don't fuck with me John, not you" I tried to hide my cries, don't wanna seem weak

"It's not your fault" he says before I cover my face with my hands trying to stop myself from crying "it's not your fault" he says before I hugs him and cries in his shoulder, letting myself break down

I don't know why I became so overwhelmed, I've never really talked about my dad

I only talked about him with JJ, and I was high the whole time so I was mostly talking nonsense.

Now I got to let myself break down, I never let myself break down like that.

-

"Haley, there's someone here to see you" Larry says "isn't this is almost my time with John?" I asks "I'll tell him you won't come today, it's fine don't worry about it" he says before Shoupe walks in and I stand up

"What the fuck, Larry" I says "I am sorry, he just wants to have a talk" he says "sit down Haley, I'll make it quick" Shoupe says

"I am sorry to hear what happened to you" he says "What the fuck do you want" I sits down "I want to know what happened, I want to know where the other are" he says

"I don't know where they are, I already told my mom to tell you" I says "so what happened? Maybe we can figure out something together" he says

"Oh now you want to figure out something together? Fuck that. What about when I told you Ward is a murderer? You didn't need my help then" I says

"But you're the only one that knows what happened. Don't you want your friends to be safe?" He asks

"Whatever you guys did, I am not going to get you in trouble" he says "we split, I don't know where they are. I can't help you" I answers

"Split from where? You were missing for a couple of days, and you don't give me any straight answers" he says "I don't own you shit, I am not in an investigation" I says

"If you truly don't know where they are, and I believe you. How don't you want to find them?" He asks

"I want to find them Shoupe, but I honestly have nothing for you, I am sorry" I says "you can at least tell me what happened, people around the island has questions" he says

"Again, I am sorry, I can't" I says "you always have been selfish, these are your friends!" He says

"I know that! And I miss them every fucking day and I wish I could help you, from the button of my heart I do, but I have nothing! Okay?" I snaps

"Telling me where you've been or what did you do could help, we have better ways to find them, we would have better chance if you would have told me what happened" he says

"Nothing I would say could help" I says "I am the judge of that. Maybe there are details that you think won't matter but they could help us find them!" He says

"You don't listen to me! I have nothing!" I says "I don't know what reason you have to lie" he says "you still think I am a liar?" I asks

"You know what? If you have done your job right you would have find them by now and don't need a junkie 16 years old's help" I says

"It's impossible to fine them with no clue of what happened, something you could help. But instead of helping you're just ruining everything" he says

"Ruining everything? You know what? I am out of here" I says "that's easy, yeah just walk away" Shoupe says. I walks towards John's office seeing him talking with Larry

"Haley, you're supposed to be talking with Shoupe" Larry says "I am pissed, he pissed me off. I am here to see John, it's our time" I says

"O- okay" Larry says before he walks away. I sits down and takes a deep breath before I lit a cigarette "what happened?" John asks

"He started asking me about the Pogues, and he said I don't care about them" I says "the Pogues? your friends?" He asks and I nods

"Why did he ask you about your friends?" He asks "do you live under a rock? They're missing, they went missing with me but we split up and I don't where they are right now" I answers

"That's the reason you relapsed? Because they're gone?" He asks "they're not gone, and yeah. I am misunderstood as fuck and there's only one person that understands me the most, and that person is not here" I says

"Who's that person?" He asks "my boyfriend- I mean my friend, I don't know what we are at moment but his name is JJ" I says

"What do you mean you don't know what you are?" He asks "we had a lot of fights lately because of my addiction, and he broke up with me because he found out I relapsed but we were kinda okay when we last talked" I says

"You wish you'd say something to him you didn't have the courage to?" He asks "I wish I could tell him how sorry I am" I says

"Sorry for what?" He asks "for my behaviour since I started doing drugs. He was only trying to help and I pushed him away" I says

"It's crazy what the drugs does to someone" he says "I know" I says

"You know... all the things I've heard about you that you told me, it's crazy how a girl your age been through all of that without any help, I can't blame you for doing drugs" he says making me laugh

"I have no idea how I am alive right now, shit. I almost drowned in a drain" I says making him laugh "what?" He asks

"No, I swear to god. And I almost got shot a couple of times" I says "you're an interesting kid" he says laughing

"Now I get why Shoupe hates you" he says "hey!" I says, acting offensive

"But I wasn't without help, I had my friends" I says "your friends are there to support you, but they can't offer you help like professionals can" he says

"Yeah... I guess you're right. They tried to help me a lot, but they just weren't able to, I was angry at them and my mom for trying to help me" I says

"I don't understand why I am angry all the time" I plays with my ring "it's not you, it's the drugs" he says

"You also have problem facing things, when you feel uncomfortable you just bail" he says before I sighs "I know, I just feel trapped and I can't handle this" I says

"I understand confronting people is hard on you, but it's part of life" he says "I'll try to be better with people" I says

A/n: I am sorry if it's kind of boring because the whole chapter is about therapy, but I think I am close to finish the Haley's own plot and I feel like this is important one

You can learn about how Rafe's relationship affected her, or the way her relationship with her father affected on her. I don't write about that a lot, so this is my place to explain her character better