I liked him but that doesn't give him any consent to do what he did...

I was at a dinner party at my friend's place, it was a small get together with only five of us present there.

After having dinner we decided to call it a night, one boy in our group was quick to leave, leaving my friend, her boyfriend and me along with this one guy, he was comparatively new to our group, but God he was strikingly handsome.

He seemed discrete from the others, possessing features that contributed to making him stand out in a crowd. With those deep blue lucid eyes, straight greek nose ornamenting his well-structured body. No doubt he was damn hot but what attracted me towards him was his sweet composure and how well he presented himself, to add on I adored his cute smile which would make his eyes look smaller.

Simultaneously, we decided to let it loose and enjoy ourselves, that's when my friend came up with some whiskey.

He was quick to decline, "I avoid drinking as it makes me embarrass myself." he said with a nervous chuckle

Along with some disappointed sighs, expressions like,

"Aw, you're such a baby."

"Ah don't be a party pooper."

Were heard from my friend and her boyfriend.

That's when I came to action,
"Oh,come on just have one!", I insisted

As a result of our peer pressuring him, he finally accepted a drink.

Giggles and laughter filled the atmosphere when after some time my friend and her boyfriend began making out in front of the two of us, wrapping us with discomfiture.

Finally, when they left us and went upstairs was when we initiated small talks between us.
It was not the first time we were spending time together it had happened quite several times earlier.
I moderately liked him already, he was cute and we had many things in common that flickered my little crush on him.

My breathing got accelerated when he swiftly shifted closer to me, he was examining the scar that I had on my forehead, childhood injuries being the topic of our conversation.

Things happened in a flash when he kissed me, it was a sweet kiss.

I liked it.

I reciprocated the kiss, which was when things got heated.

He wanted more.

He kept kissing me occasionally leaving kisses on my collar bone, then below my ears.

I was aroused.
But did I want this?

When this question rouse within me was when I realised that I didn't want things to accelerate speedily.

"Hey, I...I think we should stop." I softly and very politely told him.

But he did not consider my feeble,
"No"

He pursued his manoeuvre without any glitches and kept showering me with those wet kisses, those I didn't
like anymore.

When he went for his belt I was vigilant, I stopped him from doing anything else.

"Why?" was his oblivious question

"I, I don't know if I want this," I answered, my voice was puny and weak, not enough to carry the power those words held.

"How can.......like how can you not know what you want?" his incapacitated question struck me hard, that I went blank for some time.

Was I doing something wrong by asking him to stop?

Was I at fault for not wanting this?

Taking my silence as an accord to continue he stood in front of me, exposing himself completely.

Swiftly he caused me to lean more on the couch with his body hovering over me.

"No.." I shook my head but he appeared deaf.

I looked intently into his eyes, those once appeared such saint with the luminescence of innocence in them were not the same anymore.
He did not give me those usual butterflies in my stomach rather there was a churning feeling within me that haunted me!

Should I kick him?
No,
That moment I endured guilt, that maybe it was my fault.

I liked him.

I flirted with him.

I offered him the drink.

I kissed him back!

I did not kick him.

I could not stand for myself.

I didn't try hard.

Maybe just a dim "No" was not enough.

I did nothing except enduring the torment I was being subjected to.
His pleas of pleasure were like molten glass to my ears.

He had no clue how petrified and shaken, I was rather he was pleasuring himself, using my body!

I was solely disgusted.

I didn't want any of it.
I didn't want him to continue with something that is so misty and beguiling for me to end up making it an unscrupulous act I could never unwash from my trail of memories.

The worst part was that after doing with the filthy act, he stood up in front of me, dumb, and I did nothing except to say,

"You should go now."

And he left.
That's it, the night ended in a happy note for him, but scarcely did he know that a horrific night awaited for me, one which was not going to end anytime soon.

It was probably some drunken mistake for him but me, I had to go through all that without any consent.

The memory must be very feeble or almost faded for him but for me, it was indelible that had scarred me perpetually and left me festered.

It was not sex.

He raped me.
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I would just like to say,
"Stop victim-blaming."
That's the worst crime one could commit.

Hope you like it.
Will update soon.
Xoxo