Chapter Ten

Returning home to an empty house.

Again.

It hurt. I didn't want to be here alone anymore. The eerie creaking of the house, the stove that hissed every so often, providing heat to the rest of the house, the rat scampering across the counters to try and grab up crumbs left over from my cooking session with Alexion.

I should have been getting back to work, but I couldn't bring myself to sit down and concentrate. My heart hurt so much that concentration was far beyond me. I gave up at the desk after an hour and found myself wandering into Kyros's room. I sucked in a sharp breath, standing just inside the door way, looking around.

Alexion had kept all of Kyros's furniture right where it was. He'd cleaned up all the dust and cobwebs. He'd changed the sheets and pillow cases and made it look as if Kyros would walk in at any moment, or Alexion himself. My heart ached as I stumbled in and went to the bed, flopping down and burying my face against the nearest pillow. Alexion's scent on it was heavy and thick. A masculine scent with tinges of cigarette smoke and herbs and spices. I hugged the pillow slowly to my chest, curling up on the bed.

I could feel a sob pushing its way into my throat, but I forced it down, squeezing my eyes shut.

I had to stop this incessant crying. It wouldn't do or help anything. It wouldn't bring Kyros back. It wouldn't bring Alexion back. I wouldn't make things better. It would just make me feel pathetic and awful.

And yet, it was the only thing I kept feeling. I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to have Alexion walk in and bring me food, or teach me how to cook more. I still hadn't learned enough to be on my own yet, and while Alexion promised me he would return to cook me meals and clean my home, it wasn't enough. I knew he wouldn't be able to spend too much time here without getting caught. It was too dangerous.

I sniffed, then jumped, startled when I heard a knock on my door. I seethed in irritation, reaching up to wipe away the beginnings of tears with my thumb as I got up gruffly and went to the door, opening it to see a black skeleton guard standing there emotionlessly.

"You have a run to make." He informed blankly, then vanished in a cloud of smoke. I only clenched my teeth and made my way toward the looming ferry, like a dark shadow. It was the shackle that kept me rooted here and I loathed it. I climbed the steps to the wheelhouse, snapped my fingers to set the barge in motion before I retreated to the captain's quarters with my journal, recounting the last few hours with Alexion.

There was definitely something more than friendship here, but I was too afraid to say what it might be. Alexion would never accept it. Nobody would. It was forbidden, in so many ways. The fact that he was a fugitive, the fact that Hades hated him, the fact that Hades hated me, that Hades wanted me to find a woman, if anyone at all. The list was endless, and the impossibilities were at the end of each one.

An then there was the fact that, Abel could be right. Alexion could have been trying to put up a farce this whole time, trying to woo me so he could figure out how to remove my heart. But as long as he remained by my side, I didn't care. He could be as cruel to me as he wanted, and I wouldn't be able to hate him...

No, I just hated myself for it.

I was pathetic and stupid for feeling like this for him, knowing that he could easily jump me in my sleep and rip my heart out. It might not kill me physically, but mentally... I wasn't sure I could handle that kind of blow. I would be too afraid of being left alone again. Even now, I couldn't stand it.

I was so tired of waking up to an empty house, coming home to it. Starving myself because I couldn't bring about the motivation to learn how to cook, to clean, to do anything basic. I liked being taken care of. It was sad and miserable, but I couldn't help it. It wasn't the laziness of it, or even the lack of motivation. It was the fact that someone cared enough, enjoyed it enough, to actually go through with it. To love me enough to bring me food, to clean my home, to share it with me, to want to teach me.

Was that so wrong?

I sighed miserably as we docked at Styx. I wanted to get off and purchase more fruit, but there were still leftovers that I had managed to learn how to reheat. I didn't want to eat anything that wasn't made by Alexion now. It was stupid. I just closed my journal and hid it beneath a cushion as I stood up to stretch my legs, walking into the wheelhouse, only to pull up short when I saw Theo standing at the wheel, touching the side of it. I narrowed my eyes instantly.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded, unabashed by the venom in my tone. Theo jumped when he heard me, whirling around to glare at me. I was tired of the arrogant glint in his eyes. I see now why Hades was constantly punishing him. Theo was a spoiled brat about 98% of the time. The other two percent was reserved for Sept, who was strangely absent. It only meant that Theo was free to be the snarky little weasel he was. I prepared for his bombardment of immature commentary, folding my arms over my chest as Theo cleared his throat, rocking back on the heels of his tall biker boots, a pair that reminded me of Cerberus's.

"So, I saw you pull into port and since you told me not to go to your house, I figured I'd visit you on your ship instead." He started. I said nothing to that. Just glared at him and hoped that maybe somehow, in that tiny brain of his, he got the hint and would leave, but Theo wasn't that type of person. It was like he knew what you wanted; he just didn't care. It made him ten times more obnoxious.

"And," Theo continued, surprising me with how uncomfortable he suddenly looked as he avoided eye contact with me now and ran his hand along the sleek black wheel of the ferry, "I... Well, I mean, it's not like I wanna get sappy on you. Cuz, you know, I don't do the mushy bullshit. That's for Malachi and Abel. The pussies. But no, I mean, you sorta blew up at the meeting. You're not really dropping out, are you?" I resisted the urge to curl my lip at him. Nothing fired up Theo's temper more than someone not caring about him. How odd, I thought sarcastically.

"It's not my problem." I stated flatly. Theo's eyes flashed as he dropped his hand from the wheel to pin me with a cold stare.

"Uh, yeah, it kind of is."

"No," I said slowly, so he would get it through his thick skull, "I started none of this. I didn't want to get involved in it. I already have a job, as you can plainly see. I don't have time to be getting into your shennanigans, and then getting punished for it."

"I don't see how you're getting punished."

"Of course, you don't. Get off my ship. I'm leaving shortly."

"You just got here."

"Leave." I said sharply, turning to go, but Theo appeared in front of me, glaring at me. It was almost amusing how he had to look up at me. Theo was quite tall when he wore bigger boots, but today he seemed shorter. He really was befitting the position of the younger sibling. He even put his hands on his hips to try and appear more superior.

"I am not leaving until you say you're going to help us again." He snapped. I glared at him.

"Help you? You don't need me. You and the others are good at making idiots of yourselves without me." I assured sternly, moving to shove him aside, but unfortunately, Theo had plenty of muscle tone and energy to shove me back, making me stumble. I gave him a dirty look and started to throw my arm out to send magic flying at him, but he threw his hand up first, blocking my attack and causing a spark of purple magic to go scattering to the floor like hot embers before they faded.

"Maybe if you actually spoke up once in a while." He returned angrily. I actually laughed at that, making Theo look at me with adorable confusion that somehow managed to enrage me further.

"Spoke up," I echoed with a nod, "Yes. Well, if I knew you idiots would actually listen to me, yes. Maybe I would speak up. However, I learned long ago that to you, I'm nothing. I know that very well now, so I don't bother." Theo's cheeks flushed with anger at that.

"You're just pissed because we picked on you a little!"

"Picked on me? You call centuries of mocking me and telling me I wasn't your brother was mocking? I'm almost afraid to ask how you treat your enemies."

"It's what brothers do!"

"No," I barked, making Theo jump as I raised my voice, ignoring the restless spirits on board that were affected by my anger, "Brothers do not mock each other. Brothers do not tell each other that they shouldn't exist. Brothers do not try to kill each other. You don't know what brothers are, Theo, and you're too stupid to try and learn. You know what, since we're being so honest here, I might as well tell you the truth. You're an arrogant, self-centered little prick that whines and stomps his feet like a toddler when he doesn't get what he wants. You were too stupid to even pick up on what Epimetheus was doing to you and Sept. You ignored me when I told you that hiring Rara was a bad idea in the first place. You use your mother's abuse as an excuse for why you're a terrible person. It's not your mother that made you a terrible person. You're the one who chose to walk in her bloody footsteps. Help you? You want me to help someone like you? You're lucky I have some miniscule amount of self-preservation, otherwise, I would have helped Prometheus, before I ever thought about helping you." I was breathing hard, seeing red, ears ringing so loud that I couldn't hear the souls outside wailing and crying from the pulsing rage that shot through the air around me, strong enough to pin Theo back against the door.

He stared at me with wide red eyes before his lips pursed and he vanished abruptly in a column of red smoke. I tsked in disgust at his cowardice and childishness, turning away as I sucked the angry power all back in. It took a while before the souls calmed down again, all of them slumping back into their usual daze.

I waved my hand across the wheel and allowed the engine to run again as we pulled away from the docks.

I wanted so badly to feel good about what I'd said to Theo. He deserved it for his cruelty and arrogance, but the further away from the docks I got and the more my temper settled down, the worse I began to feel.

I shouldn't have brought up Theo's mother, especially. I knew very well how touchy he was about her. No one spoke of her and her disappearance after Theo kicked her out the day he reached sixteen and took over the throne of Styx. She was a taboo subject. Her abuse had scarred Theo horribly and to this day, I had heard that Theo still had a habit of resorting to self-harm in an attempt to cope with what she'd done. He liked the pain. He'd made Sept viciously torture him for hours. He had associated the pain with affection.

And I had stirred up those horrible feelings again. I buried my face in my hands, partially wanting to return to Styx just to apologize to Theo, but I knew it would do no good.

I couldn't take back what I said, and Theo now had reason to hate me even more.

I made my usual stops, momentarily savoring the ride to Tartarus so the flaming river could heat the barge and give me the sensation that I was burning in hell for what I'd done. It was probably a bit severe, but I just wasn't used to hurting my brothers. I was used to it being the other way around, and worse, I knew what it felt like to have someone say horrible things to me and, despite not wanting it to hurt, it was worse than any stab to the chest.

I finished my route and returned home, once again welcomed by darkness.

At least this time it wasn't cold. The stove still heated the house and I at least knew how to work it enough to heat the house and warm up leftovers, so I made some of the food Alexion had left for me before I went to Kyros's room to sit in front of the television, putting in the movie I had watched with Alexion earlier. The rat had scurried in with me to join me and nibbled on the crumbs I piled at the foot of the bed for him.

I got up to shower and change into sweatpants and a black shirt before returning to the room with the intention to sleep there. I was afraid to sleep again, but I was exhausted and maybe, just maybe, being in Kyros's room again would comfort me enough to keep the nightmares at bay.

Or so I had hoped.

Sleep had started out quite peaceful and comforting. I fell asleep to the sound of the rat nibbling on my leftovers that I had left out for him. Watching his little beady eyes flicker around, his nose twitching as his tiny teeth crunched down on bread, his tail flickering every so often. Then sleep overcame me with a blanket of soft darkness.

A few minutes after I had fallen asleep, I could faintly hear a voice in my head. I squirmed in the darkness of sleep, reaching out for the source when I felt a hand slide down the side of my face. I tried to open my eyes to see who it was, but it was like there was something tied around my eyes. I reached my hands out and a pair of hands caught my wrists, but it was a gentle grip.

"...ron.... Charon... way... away... r...un..." The voice was distorted and eerie. I wasn't sure who was telling me to run away. I tried to reach for the hands that were holding me, but the grip abruptly left me and I was left grasping at air. I tried to get up, but I felt pinned down by an invisible force. I squirmed against it, trying to send out my own wall of power, but my abilities only sparked a few times before going out.

A pair of lips pushed against my ear suddenly and I gasped in horror at the feel of them, wet and chapped, moving against my ear. I couldn't make out what it was saying, but it was the most disgusting sensation in the world. I writhed to get away, finally managing to roll over.

My eyes flew open and I woke up hanging off the edge of the bed in Kyros's room. I was breathing hard, cold sweat soaking my shirt and hair as I scrambled to get out of the bed. The rat, who'd been apparently napping nearby on my plate, squealed in fright and leapt off the side, ducking under the dresser. I scrambled out of the room, pushing on the walls for support. My legs felt like Jell-O, heart pounding a rigorous beat in my chest, so hard that it almost hurt.

I looked around the living room for a bit, double checking that I was alone. I sent out a blast of power, and sure enough, I was alone.

And yet, it didn't feel like it.

I shuddered, reaching up to rub at my ear to try and get that revolting sensation to go away. The lips had almost felt... decayed. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head quickly, not wanting to think about it anymore when there was a knock on my door and I almost leapt ten feet in the air, gasping out loud. I whirled around to stare at the door uneasily.

Another knock came.

Should I answer it? Who was it? One of my brothers? The last thing I needed was for them to see me shaken up and nervous like this. But for some reason, I found myself rather putting up with their tauntings than being alone in the house.

I crept to the door carefully, placing my hand on it and the other on the handle, twisting slowly and opening the door a tiny sliver. Alexion was standing outside, dressed in black jeans, a navy V-neck, and black Harley boots. Relief swept through me as I quickly opened the door and Alexion looked at me, frowning in concern.

"Are you all right? What happened? You look pale." He commented, coming inside as I quickly shut the door and locked it. Without even thinking, I stepped forward and hugged him. Hard muscles rippled beneath my hands, his pecs a hard cushion against me. Instantly, the familiar thick scent of him filled my senses and made me dizzy with happiness. I could hear his heart pounding in his chest, blood rushing through his veins, and the stiffening in his muscles that instantly reminded me what I had just mistakenly done.

I stepped back as if I'd touched fire. Alexion stood there rigidly, staring at me with an expression I couldn't begin to read.

"I-I'm sorry," I stammered foolishly, "I f-forgot your rule. I'm sorry. I just. I went to sleep. And-And someone was touching me and the voice and-and-- I just--"

"Charon, calm down," Alexion breathed at last, making me look up at him helplessly, "It's all right. I get it. If... If it makes you feel better, you can hug me." I wasn't so sure he meant it, so I didn't go back for another hug, just folded my arms tightly over my chest and shut my eyes, wishing I could melt into the floor in shame.

I couldn't believe I forgot his no touching rule. I knew how he felt about that. How could I have been so stupid?

"Ah jeez." I jumped when Alexion came forward and put his arms around me. I hesitated, confused as to why he even bothered. I didn't want him to do something he wasn't comfortable with. And yet, he wasn't getting uncomfortable or uneasy. He just... hugged me. It felt so odd to have his arms completely encasing me. Warm and safe and comforting. I closed my eyes and leaned against him, savoring it while I still could before he decided he was uncomfortable again. I wasn't sure how long we stood there before we finally stepped apart. I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes, though. I was just too embarrassed.

"Uhm, why did you come over?" I asked at last, rubbing at my arm. Alexion frowned, cocking his head.

"I may not be living here anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't visit." He pointed out. I wanted to tell him that it was still too dangerous for him to come around often. It was like I said before. Hades could pop in at any moment and destroy everything. But I couldn't bring myself to say it. I felt so much better having him here. I only nodded to him and he seemed to relax at that. He made his way into the kitchen and I followed a few feet behind him.

"Looks like you've managed to keep the stove going; that's good," Alexion commented with a nod as he stooped to study the stove before he stood and faced me, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips, "And you're not wearing your cloak." I could feel the heat climbing my neck and scalding my cheeks as I suddenly felt naked without said cloak as I pulled on the sleeves of my shirt to hide my hands, making my shirt slide off one shoulder, which didn't help that naked feeling.

"I... forgot it. I'll be right back." I said, turning to go, but Alexion put his hand on my shoulder and steered me back, shaking his head.

"Don't apologize. I didn't mean that you had to put it on. I told you, I rather you not wear the cloak. I like seeing you, not the cloak." He pointed out. I found it hard to meet his eyes again as I reached up to brush at my bangs, so I could at least hide behind those. Alexion seemed to find that amusing, judging from the look on his face, but he didn't say anything about it as he looked around.

"Well, you managed to survive a whole night without me." He said at last.

"Barely." I blurted. Alexion looked at me, arching a brow.

"Well, the house is still here and you're still alive."

"But I don't like it," I confessed at last, avoiding his eyes now as I rubbed the back of my neck, eyes searching the floor, maybe for a hole to crawl into so I could disappear, "It's too quiet. There's no one to talk to. I don't want to live alone." Alexion studied me for a moment. I could feel his eyes on me before he spoke.

"Haven't you thought of hiring a servant maybe?" He asked at last. I sighed.

"Hades won't let me. If I tried to do that without asking his permission, he'd just kill whoever I'd chosen. It's my punishment for what happened with Prometheus, the Labyrinth." I added under my breath, momentarily wishing I could bash my brothers' heads together for dragging me, once again, into their fruitless battle against Hades. They kept claiming it was to protect the world from the Titans, one of which was Prometheus and our current thorn, but it seemed like the deeper we dug ourselves into that mess, the more we found ourselves butting heads with Hades.

"Well, that's not fair," Alexion said dryly, making me look at him as he folded his arms over his chest, "It's not your fault your brothers are all idiots."

"I know," I agreed, but shrugged helplessly as I went over and plopped down on the sofa, "But it doesn't matter. What I've learned is that nothing is fair. So I don't really complain about that so much as the fact that I hate being alone. I can't even move into the city, because Hades wants me right where I've always been." Alexion frowned, walking over to take a set beside me, his head tilting so he could look at my face as I brushed at a lock of my hair near my ear.

"You really take a lot of Hades's shit. Haven't you ever wanted to try and kill him?" He asked. I blinked at that thought, looking at him incredulously.

"I couldn't even imagine that. As much as Hades treats me like this, he's also the only person who's ever referred to me as a son, even if it's just for show. And he's also part of the natural balance of the universe. Killing him might rupture the natural balance and I can't risk making other people suffer for that." I said, then suddenly felt a pang of guilt, considering I had just insulted Alexion, who had been willing to destroy the universe for revenge. Alexion surprised me, however, by pouting.

"It wasn't that bad of an idea," He pointed out, making me raise an eyebrow and he shrugged now, sitting back on the sofa and staring up at the ceiling, "You learn to stop caring about people when every one of them treats you like trash."

"Not everyone is like that." I offered hopefully. A smile crept onto Alexion's face as he tilted his head to look at me.

"Admittedly, you're the first one I've ever met who hasn't tried to grab my cock or kill me. Thanks for that, by the way." He said. I blushed vigorously and turned my head away, reaching up to pull at that lock of hair again, needing to fiddle with something.

I would never do something like that to Alexion. I respected his no touching rule and while he told me it was okay to hug him, I didn't want to push him because of my selfishness, so I would keep in mind to avoid physical contact. As for killing someone? I probably wouldn't be able to do it, even if I wanted to. I wasn't quite sure why. The feelings in my chest were conflicting.

"So," Alexion said after a moment of awkward silence, "We probably can't stay here all day in case Hades decides to randomly show up. I can't be seen prowling the streets of Styx. And we can't sit here all day doing nothing. Was there work you needed help with maybe?" I paused, then glanced over at the time thoughtfully.

"I have a shipment of souls to take in about an hour. You could come with me." I offered. Alexion seemed intrigued.

"Wouldn't I be seen by those skeletons?"

"No. They're not allowed to stay on the ship. That rule was mine."

"Good rule. Sure, I could go for a spin. I haven't seen the entire underworld anyway. Well, the fun parts anyway. Styx was fun for the first week. Then it started to go downhill the more it became modernized." Alexion said with a shrug as he got to his feet. I just nodded to that.

"I'll be back. I have to shower and change."

"Need some logs or journals to take with you?"

"Yes, please." I watched Alexion head off to my room to collect the information while I drifted to the shower, stripping down and stepping under the hot water, feeling dazed and amazed. Alexion was bad and I could already feel my spirits lifting, creepy nightmare almost entirely forgotten as I soaped myself down and rinsed off, stepping out of the shower and drying off. I opened the door to head to my room when I smacked into Alexion, who jumped.

"Sorry," He told me, balancing a load of papers in one arm, "I was just going to ask if you needed me to pack a lunch or if you just wanted to grab something in Styx." He paused as if just realizing I was half naked. Heat rushed to my face. I'd passed by him in my towel before, but for some reason, this time felt more intimate. Although, embarrassing, particularly on my part.

I'd seen Alexion without his shirt on. Even with his shirt on, there was no missing the rippling masculine muscles that bulged in his shirts, his rolling abs like stones embedded into his olive skin.

It was nothing like my pale skin, still stretched tight over very lean muscles and a ribcage that threatened to rip my skin. I instantly pulled my towel up to defend that part of me, completely forgetting about my lower half until I saw Alexion's eyes drop instantly. I gasped, pulling the towel down, ducking my head.

"S-Sorry. Excuse me." I hurried past him and ducked into my room, slamming the door shut, breathing hard as humiliation burned me to the core. I buried my face in my towel, now really tempted to just kill myself to save the embarrassment of mockery or laughter. I waited to hear it, but instead, there was a soft knock on my door.

"Yes?" I managed to ask without stuttering. There was a short silence before Alexion spoke.

"So... Packed lunch or dinner in Styx?" He asked. I swallowed.

"Ah, uh, packed. Packed is good."

I waited to hear if he'd say anything else, but I only heard the sound of his footsteps moving away, making me sigh in relief before I buried my face in my towel again.

I am an embarrassment to nature.

I threw my towel down and changed into a pair of black jeans, a matching long sleeved t-shirt, my usual cloak, and large boots with a buckle over the top. I pulled the hood of my cloak up so I could hide the shame on my face before I emerged tentatively from my room, making my way into the kitchen where Alexion was putting together a meal. Without even having to look back at me, he spoke.

"I'm about finished with the food. If we want to avoid your skeletal friends, we might want to get out there soon." He said. I nodded, then felt silly since he didn't see me, but he seemed to know anyway as he closed up the large lunch box and nodded for me to let me know we could go.

So I led the way outside and across the black sandy beach of Acheron to the ferry, that slowly rippled and became visible, revealing the newly aquired souls that walked about in a delirious daze. We boarded the ship and went to the captain's quarters immediately, before I left on my own to inform the skeletal guards, who appeared just barely a few minutes after us, that I was all set and no longer needed their assistance. They accepted it and vanished before I returned to the wheelhouse, waving my hand and putting the ferry into motion before I entered the captain's quarters to find Alexion setting up the meal on a table.

A smile broke out across my face.

This was going to be the first trip I was actually going to thoroughly enjoy.