Sensitive content warning, chapters following this contain mentions of SA.

"Fuck," Natania snarled under her breath as Leah stiffened. Natania crouched down, picking up Leah's shirt and handing it to her. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to go. There was one exit out of the house and Rigaldo was standing in the way. He hadn't said anything, though she'd heard his footsteps halt. Why had she been so fucking careless? They hadn't even closed the door.

"Don't say anything," she ordered Leah, retrieving her own shirt and tugging it on, not bothering to look for her bra. It was too late to pretend he hadn't just seen them.

There was a bottomless well of pure unaltered rage curling up along her bond to him. Hurt and betrayal, like she had ever given him a reason to think she'd ever been his, and an all consuming wrath that made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up and pay attention.

The fact that he hadn't yet said anything made the fear prickling along her spine even worse. It was the quiet beast that killed you. Finally his footsteps resumed and Natania turned to face him, standing in the doorway to the bathroom so he couldn't reach her mate without going through her.

"Get out of my house Leah," were the first words out of his mouth, but he was standing directly in front of Natania, blocking any chance of exiting. Natania took one, small step back and Rigaldo's hand was around her throat, pushing her back against the counter so hard the mirror shattered from the impact, spraying all three of them with bits of glass.

"Go Leah," Natania ordered, not taking her eyes off Rigaldo.

"He'll-"

"I know," she tried to hide the fear in her voice, but failed and Leah took in a sharp breath. "Go, before he hurts you too." As much as she hated to do it, Natania pulled a leash around Leah's neck, forcing the order to go, to run. Whatever Rigaldo did to her could be tolerated as long as it meant Leah was safe. "If he comes for you, you fucking run and don't look back. He can't leash you."

"Get the fuck out of here," Rigaldo roared when she hesitated, tightening his grip on Natania's throat until she thought she'd pass out. Leah shot one last, desperate, fearful look at Natania and bolted.

He held her there until they both heard the front door slam behind her. "Really?" he said, releasing his grip and shoving her sideways. Natania whirled around so she could keep her eyes on him as she gasped for breath.

"A half blood? You're fucking a half blood?" He grabbed her upper arm and dragged her into the hallway.

"Why did you think my father disowned me?" she said through clenched teeth. She had expected the woman to be the infuriating part for him, but he was definitely more mad about the half blood.

Rigaldo laughed without humor. "You know, he told me it was because you were a soft hearted fool. That you were undermining his pack, making them weak, and he needed someone to break you. To make them understand that you were just weak so none of them would follow you."

"I get it now though. What a way to spit in the faces of everyone. You could have had your pick of the proverbial litter. Any pureblood you wanted, and you chose a fucking half blood." He shook his head, dragged her the rest of the way to his bedroom and slammed the door behind them. "At least it wasn't a man."

Natania stared at him in confusion. He dropped her arm, shoved her onto the bed, then pinned her against it. "If I'd found another man fucking you," he snarled. "Then I'd have to kill you both." He leaned back, discarding his shirt. "A woman I can forgive, after I remind you that you belong to me." He took the collar of her shirt in his hands, ripping it in two and traced the scar from his teeth on her collarbone.

"I told you before, if I had to take you, I'd enjoy making you scream," he snarled. He reared up enough that he could flip her onto her stomach, then grabbed one of her arms and twisted it around her back, forcing it up until the joint dislocated and she snarled with pain.

~

When he was finished, he pulled out of her, tugged on his pants and slammed the door without a word. Natania curled into a ball, gritting her teeth and popping her shoulder back into place. Every inch of her hurt, from her toes to her neck.

Rigaldo had bitten, scratched or bruised every part of her skin he could get his hands on, except her face. Two of her fingers were broken and her throat would be swollen and purple tomorrow, but aside from a bite on her lip, he had left her face alone. She noted that none of the damage was anything Rolf could help her with either. Even in his rage, he had been calculating exactly what he'd done.

She curled tighter around herself, hating that his scent surrounded her and the feel of blood drying underneath her but she couldn't move. She had been prepared for pain, she lived with pain, she could live with pain.

But she had not expected the disgust, the feeling of violation or the self loathing. It left her paralyzed. Tears leaked out of her eyes and she hastily wiped them away. She wouldn't cry over him, wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

Natania dug inside herself for any other emotion, something she could live with, something to give her strength. But her fury was spent, her determination shattered.

She didn't know how long she laid there before Leah tentatively knocked on their bond, jolting her out of her pit, but she didn't want Leah to experience this with her. She couldn't live with that so she shoved her out, building a brick wall between them. "I'm alive," was all she said before shoving the final brick in place.

The thought of Leah was enough to get her up and moving again. She couldn't fall apart. Couldn't give up. Natania stripped the bed and threw them in the wash, gathered up her shredded clothing and threw them in the bin, then took a shower. Washing off the blood and unmentionables helped steady her too, even as the water burned her wounds. Pain was better than despair. She could live with pain, she could.

When the water started to run cold, she climbed out, then groaned as she remembered the broken glass, bending over and digging a shard out of her foot. She decided that that one wasn't her fault, wasn't her fucking problem. She reached over, opening the door without taking another step then leaped into the hallway, avoiding the rest of the glass. Okay, now what?

She needed something to do, she had to do something to keep her out of her own head. Her stomach was too iffy for food, her body too sore to run. Well, she was still naked. That was something she needed to deal with.

She ran into her room, closing the door ever so gently, like she thought the smallest sound would bring someone running, bring him running. She closed it and locked it, then leaned against it and sank to her knees. There was no way in hell she was getting anything else done. Not that day. Natania leaned her head against the door and opened up the bond to Leah.

Her mate was instantly there, like she had been leaning against that mental wall, just waiting for it to come down.

"That bad?" Leah said softly.

"That," she let out a hiccupy breath and wiped her eyes, fuck she would not cry, "bad."

Her mate brushed against her mind, in the way she usually did when trying to touch her memories but Natania locked that memory behind steel bars, locking it into a box and dropping that box off a cliff. It didn't make her forget, like she'd hoped, but Leah got the point and backed off.

"I'm here," Leah said. "And I love you."

Natania didn't speak, but she didn't need to. She could lock away her memories but she couldn't block out her emotions. Leah didn't try to offer advice, or wisdom or soft promises or judgment, but she was there. And that helped.

Natania didn't leave her room for three days. Every time she tried, there was a panicky feeling in her chest that stole her breath and had her curled up on her bed just waiting for it to pass. So she dragged all her furniture in front of the door and stayed in bed.

The first day, Rigaldo had banged on her door, offering soft apologies when she didn't answer. The second, he blamed her, snarling about how she had forced his hand, that he loved her, that he was sorry, but it was her own fault. That didn't make her more inclined to answer.

By the third day, he had given up.

Leah, on the other hand, snuck in the window, absolutely reeking of wild garlic. "You stink," Natania said as she opened the sliding glass window.

"I figured if he scented me, it wouldn't be good," Leah said slowly, climbing over the ledge and landing easily on her feet. Leah crossed her arms, and didn't try to touch her.

Natania stared at her, simultaneously aching to touch her, and wishing she would leave.

"If you want me to leave, I will," Leah said, "I just ... had to see that you were okay."

"I'm fine," Natania replied, but her voice broke and she grit her teeth, unable to meet her mate's eyes.

"Heavy is the fucking crown, huh," Leah said, starting to reach out a hand then pulling back. It sounded callous, but she knew Leah hadn't meant it like that. It was her own pride, her own stubbornness, that didn't allow her to share her burdens, even if a thousand hands had offered to raise them off her back.

"You can say that again."

Leah sighed and rubbed her arms. "Look, if you want me to go, just say so, or don't, but," she ground her teeth so hard Natania could hear it, "I don't know what you need, I want to touch you, but I don't know if you're hurt or if you never want to be touched again or-"

Natania cut off her words, crushing Leah in the tightest hug she could manage without snapping her spine. Leah sucked in a breath and wrapped her arms around Natania, clinging to her like her life depended on it.

"I will be okay," Natania said, forcing a half smile, "not quite there, but I will be."

Leah kissed her forehead. "I'm here for whatever you need." Her gaze flickered to the barrier Natania had built in front of her door. "And I'm beginning to think the immediate priority is food. When was the last time you ate?"

Natania's stomach recoiled at the thought and she winced. "I'm not hungry." Leah trailed one hand under Natania's shirt, feeling where her ribs had started to poke out. Natania shuddered, a quick stab of anxiety making her shake, and backed away. "I'm not," she repeated, quieter.

Leah's gaze shadowed, Natania could feel her mind turning over itself, torn between wanting to accept her word and knowing the need for food would soon get desperate.

Leah settled on necessity, she didn't speak, but started moving Natania's furniture back where it belonged. Natania watched her do it, trying to push back the fear crawling up her spine. When the way was clear, Leah grabbed her arm, then dropped it immediately when Natania tensed.

Leah searched her gaze. "Please come eat with me," Leah whispered, offering her hand instead.

Natania took a deep breath before taking her hand. "Okay."

Leah led the way downstairs and into the kitchen, hunting through every cupboard for something that was easy on the stomach. She held up a can. "Soup?"

When Natania only shrugged, she poured it into a bowl and set it to heat up in the microwave before digging in the fridge.

A couple minutes later, Leah set the soup, some crackers and a roast beef sandwich in front of her, then sat with her chin resting on her hands.

Natania stirred the soup absentmindedly, it was chicken with rice, trying to will herself to take a bite. She knew if she just ate something, her brain would remember she should've been hungry and it would be easier.

"Do you want something else?" Leah asked after several minutes had passed.

"No." Natania finally pulled the bowl closer and picked it up, taking a sip. She put it down, waiting to see how her stomach reacted. A stab of ravenous hunger hit her and she tipped the bowl up, emptying the contents in a couple minutes.

She eyed the sandwich, but the thought of how much chewing it would take was not appealing. Leah followed her thoughts. "Don't have to chew it as a wolf," she offered.

Natania slid off the chair and Leah dragged the plate closer to herself, taking half the sandwich and holding it out.

Natania snapped it out of her fingers, and Leah tossed her the second half. She ate that too. Encouraged, Leah went to the fridge and pulled out a packet of sandwich meat, tossing slices at her.

Natania barked a laugh when the thing was empty and Leah tossed it in the bin. "What?" Leah asked.

Natania wagged her tail and pointed her ears forward. "House dog," she said, without any further explanation.

"You want a treat?" Leah teased and Natania laughed again. Leah sat on the ground and opened her arms. Natania crawled into them and Leah kissed the top of her head, tangling her fingers in her fur and squeezing her tightly. They stayed like that for a long time, until the sky started to blacken and Natania began to worry about Rigaldo coming home.

Leah kissed the top of her head one more time before she left. Natania felt the emptiness begin to take over her heart again as soon as she was gone.

"You're up," Rigaldo said when he returned home, Natania was still sitting in the same spot on the kitchen floor. His gaze flickered to the table then back to her, "and you ate something."

Natania hated the shiver of fear that curled up her spine. Regardless of the circumstances, she was still an alpha, and alphas were never afraid. When she didn't speak, Rigaldo crouched in front of her, putting one hand on her chin and briskly checking her over with the other. Natania trembled under his touch but didn't move.

"You're okay," he said, a little breathlessly, like he had been worried.

She pinned her ears but didn't make a sound, nor look at him. Rigaldo kissed the top of her muzzle, then got to his feet. "Look," he said, beginning to prepare food for himself. "I don't enjoy hurting you."

Natania held back a scoff, his excitement three days ago said otherwise, but she held her tongue.

"But you have to understand what's going to happen here." He held out a stick of pepperoni, offering it to her, but it was covered in his scent so she turned her nose away. "Whatever your feelings, you're mine. I'm not going to punish Leah for your betrayal, but I don't share, and I'm not going to have it going around that you picked someone else. Sooner or later, we're going to have children running around, and they're not going to grow up thinking that kind of disloyalty is acceptable."

Natania skittered backwards when he said "children", a fresh wave of fear and anxiety wrapping around her until she couldn't breathe. She wasn't anywhere near ready to be a parent, and he, she swallowed, she wouldn't wish being his child on anyone.

Riglado raised an eyebrow at her. "That's your duty," he said. "I intend to do my part in keeping our kind alive."

She took in a shaky, wheezing breath. This hadn't been a one time thing, this was going to be the rest of her life. He'd always be there, ready, willing and able to take her whenever he decided. Natania shuddered. She'd be forced to bear and raise his children, to watch him beat them whenever they had the courage to disobey his orders. Tend to their wounds, cover their scars.

She bolted, retching up the contents of her stomach on the grass outside. He didn't follow, for which she was grateful. She needed to be alone, needed to run, to escape, but there was nowhere far enough that he wouldn't find her. She'd have to come back eventually, but for that night, she just ran.

~

The next three months passed in a blur of sweat-inducing anxiety, Rigaldo didn't try to touch her again, and kept his word about leaving Leah alone, but found a way to get between them whenever they were together.

The rare moments they managed to steal alone, Natania didn't risk much more than the occasional kiss or hug, and only when she was absolutely certain there wasn't another soul around. Leah didn't complain, but she knew her mate missed their previous intimacy. The one time Leah had tried to push further, Natania had broken away, turning into a quivering mess, her heart beating so fast it ached in her chest. That night, Leah had held her and sang softly until she calmed and she hadn't tried again since

Natania cursed Rigaldo for making her fear the touch of her own mate, using that fury to shield herself until his presence no longer turned her into a shivering child. He noted the change in her, and his usually concerned gaze turned calculating once more.