"Calum?" Joy questioned, shaking her head as if it was hard for her to say her son's name. She was having a difficult time trying to even piece him into the words Mhina wrote.

What did she mean 'it was him'?

What did she mean 'A mother's, a brother's, a boyfriend's, a band, a family'?

Why did she describe Calum the way she did in that letter?

What was even going on and how did she not notice it?

The woman's stomach felt it was turning inside out with the ongoing possible reasons why that letter mentioned what it did in relation to Calum.

As for Calum, he sat in horror as the silence went on for longer and his mother's question lingered in the air like a gray cloud.

Everyone (that wasn't Ashton, Calum or his mom) grew uncomfortable with the quietness, glancing awkwardly at each other and avoiding eye contact with his mother, in fear they'd somehow expose the truth before Calum got a chance to.

Well, all except Ashton who slightly smirked as he sat back and hoped his mom was able to get those gears in her head going. He wanted her to find out about her son so bad. The boy wanted him to be exposed and humiliated.

He deserved to feel the way, Ashton felt.

It's the way he felt back in the garage when the truth got out in front of everyone.

Exposed and humiliated.

So, he was going to enjoy whatever unfolded from that moment on.

The brown boy could count the seconds his mother was from reaching her peak of patience. If the tapping of her foot wasn't an indication then it was how she slowly crossed her arms over her chest.

So, even though he wanted to run away from all of this, he decided to speak up. He licked his lips and cleared his throat.

"Yes, mom?" He asked, his ears growing hot in embarrassment. They met eyes and he could see the hurt creeping through her irises. It wasn't there just yet because she was unsure but it was slowly making it's way through as she got closer to an answer.

By this time, no one could look away, they all ran out of things to focus on.

All eyes were on Calum and Joy.

"Is...is that you being described in that letter? Is Mhina talking about you?" The older woman asked, mouth beginning to tremble when her son dropped his eye contact and found interest on the floor. It was all the answer she needed. But she so desperately needed to hear him say it. "Is it you, son?" Her eyes began to water and by this time it was getting difficult for anyone to continue staring at the pair.

But Ashton didn't look away, he kept his gaze upon the cowardly boy that sat in front of him, the one unable to make eye contact with his mother because he knew he was guilty.

He knew what he did.

Even if Ashton didn't know all the details of Calum and Mhina, the brown boy knew.

No matter how hard he'd try to erase it in his mind, Calum knew what he did. It will forever eat him inside and that's all Ashton needed.

He didn't need to fight Calum every time they saw each other. The simple fact that Calum felt guilt and carried it inside him was more than he could ask for.

Calum couldn't look his mother in her eyes and give the answer he was seconds away from uttering. It was too hard to face.

Because to Calum all of this was justifiable and still didn't feel wrong.

But to everyone in that room it was different. They deemed it gross or wrong. In their eyes this wasn't something to justify.

It hurt to be the only one on his side, with Mhina possibly being the only other one with him but she wasn't physically there so it didn't matter, when everyone else was on the other.

But, to have it be his mother struck a cord in his heart and as a man he couldn't look into her hurt eyes and tell her that...

"Yeah." He muttered, causing her to gasp, his jaw clenching at the sound. A tear escaped her eye, streaming down her cheek.

"Yeah, what?" She pressed, closing her eyes as she waited his answer.

Calum bit down on his lip, releasing a sigh as he replied. "It's me." The two words fell from his mouth, the two Mama Joy was dreading. She instantly put her head in her hands, bending over as she silently sobbed.

She was devastated.

Not only was her son and adopted daughter involved in more than a sibling relationship, but said daughter was missing.

And Joy didn't want to start thinking that her son had something to do with her absence.

Ashton soothingly rubbed the older woman's back, a sight that broke Calum's heart.

He couldn't do that.

No matter what he did, it could never take back what she now knew. Of course, she didn't know all the details but she knew enough.

She knew enough to crush her.

"I think I'm going to jet--" Michael started, feeling emotional all over again due to the woman's tears. He hated being in situations that involved women crying. It automatically made him sad and borderline tears.

That, and it brought up how he felt back in the garage.

He felt for the woman.

However, Joy shook her head and released a shaky 'no', raising her head.

"No. We're all staying and finishing these letters." The woman said softly but sternly. She wasn't going to turn back now.

Joy wanted all her questions answered and if reading the letters will reveal that then she'll stick it out.

Calum's eyes moved upward and towards his mother, eyebrows raised in shock.

"Mom, you want to continue--"

"Please...just don't talk right now, son." Joy said, the hurt evident in her voice. She wasn't up to hear him say anything, really. The woman was halfway into knowing the whole truth and right now wasn't the time for the boy to speak.

Calum's jaw clenched and his body tensed at her words, the pain of his mother not wanting to hear him talk written all over his face.

Oh, but Ashton was enjoying it.

Not the part where this damages a mother-son relationship or the hurt on both their faces but the fact the truth got out.

That Calum finally felt the way he did when he heard from Nikki what was really going on.

Who, sitting next to Luke, felt a pang of guilt from telling Ashton anything.

She knew both Calum and Joy for a long time, mostly through Mali, so seeing them go through this was hard to watch.

And had she not said anything, this could've all been avoided.

But it was too late for that, now.

"Ashton, your letter is next to be read." Luke said, sliding the envelope in front of him.

The golden haired boy could feel the anxiety growing inside him, picking up said envelope and staring at it like it was a sacred scroll.

His jaw clenched then he sighed, ripping it open and coming face to face with the lengthy letter.

1:05 am

I find myself up in bed, awakening from a mere nap.

I couldn't sleep due to the fact that I knew your letter was next to write.

Before I wrote yours, I had written Mama Joy's letter, which was pretty long so I took a nap

But as I tossed and turned, anticipating what I should say to you, what I could possibly say to you, I realized there wasn't much I could say.

But you have the right to know my feelings for you and what happened that ruined us.

Dear Ashton,

You were the best guy a girl could ever meet.

You made it your mission to satisfy me in whatever way it may be.

From the cuddles, to the kisses, all the way down to the jokes.

You never failed to make me feel like I was on top of the world.

I've never had anyone in my life quite like you.

You were the first man in my life that I was close to saying I loved.

So close...

You did nothing wrong and I don't want you to ever think all of this was your fault

I didn't realize I had something pulling the strings in my heart before you came into the picture

And whatever that something was played a role of a disease, starting small then soon spreading

As our relationship built, the faster that disease grew, fully infecting me in the end

And before I could take something to wipe the disease away, I realized I was only taking something to deaden the symptoms

But eventually, nothing worked anymore and unfortunately the disease became fatal

The casualties: two

It killed what we had and what we haven't had the chance to have

I was selfish and I didn't care

When he was around, I forgot about you and what we had

I only had him in my mind, everything else was irrelevant

Everything including, you

Every time I was with you, I felt guilty knowing when I looked to my left at those brown hands, I wanted them in mine, not yours

Every time you'd hold me, I wanted those brown hands wrapped around my body

Every time you'd kiss me, it's those plump, pink lips I wished was on mine

Every time it was you, its was always him

No matter how hard I tried to block it out or ignore it, I couldn't

I wanted to forget him and focus on you but it was like trying to physically grasp air

The way this ended, I never intended

You weren't supposed to find out the way you did

I never wanted you to feel the hurt I know you felt

I saw it in your eyes that day

My heart broke into two

And maybe it should've, to represent those two casualties

What was then and what never will be

I don't know if I've ever really loved a guy but I'm sure if I have, you'd be the closest thing to it

I hope that one day you could forgive me and look pass all of this

But maybe I'm asking for too much and you'd hate me for the rest of your life

And maybe that's okay because maybe hating me makes you feel better

I hope you never think you did anything wrong because you were the only right thing in this whole ordeal

One last thing before I end this letter...

Please don't hate him, either

I've already killed us and there's no reason to add another casualty to the count

Continue beating those drums, Drummer boy

Signed,

"--Almost Lover." Ashton finished, jaw clenching as he stared down at the paper. His heart fell into his toes. He was speechless.

He thought his feelings for the girl burned away back in the garage but the second he finished the letter, they poured back through his veins.

Ashton didn't know how to deal with himself at the moment, nor did he know how to face everyone right now with his emotions all bundled up.

He was a mess.

Mama Joy threw her hands over her face, finally taking in all the information and confirming in her head that, yes her son and foster daughter had something going on.

Calum let his head hang low, closing his eyes, fighting back tears.

He hated what he did to his mom and even to Ashton and Mhina's relationship.

It bothered him that Mhina was willing to take the fault for everything, totally disregarding Calum's role in the situation almost completely.

If anything it was all his fault. If he had chilled out and not pushed up on the girl then all of this wouldn't be happening.

But sadly, this was the reality and nothing he could do would change that.

So, as much as he hated it, they had to continue and get it all out there.

Two more letters, the one's Calum felt would be the hardest to read, just so happened to be his mother's then his own.

He dared to glance up from the ground, catching both his mother and ex-best friend in a somber state.

It was like a dark cloud rested above their heads.

Calum opened his mouth to say something, maybe a few words to attempt at making things slightly better, but his mom let off a dry chuckle.

"So, let me guess... that him is you?" She asked, sniffling, an amused smile on her face. Her son glanced from Ashton, who still hasn't looked away from the letter, then back to his mom.

He admitted. "Yeah, I guess it's me."

Joy snorted, "You guess? What is there to guess about anymore, Calum?!" She asked, throwing her hands in the air then shaking her head and placing a hand over her face.

She felt like her world was crashing right before her. The woman thought bringing another daughter into the picture would be good for them, her and Calum, but she was soon realizing it was a big mistake.

And that was something she couldn't bare saying; that she regretted bringing the girl into her home.

She was crushed.

Calum took notice, leaning in his mother's direction and speaking quietly.

He figured enough was enough. There wasn't much else that could be read that wasn't already.

So, he felt the last two letters were unnecessary to read aloud.

"We don't have to continue, mum. It's ok--" Once again, Mama Joy interrupted the boy, shaking her head.

"No. My letter is next and I want to know everything." Joy said, fighting back fresh tears. She bit at her trembling bottom lip then cleared her throat. She then picked her letter from the coffee table.

The woman knew her son wouldn't disclose everything and seeing as Mhina's letters are in depth, she knew she'd get the full truth from the girl.

Calum bit back his response, anxiously waiting to hear what was in her letter.

Or was he just anxious because he was next up after his mom?

Either way, he was anxious.

IT LITERALLY TOOK ME MONTHS TO UPDATE WHAT?!

Does anyone even read this anymore?!?

I'm so sorry it took me so long to get this chapter out, guys!

It won't happen again!

Anyway, a lot happened, huh? Mama Joy knows about Calum and Mhina...did y'all think it was gonna go down like this?

How do y'all feel about the letters so far?

Let me know!

Meanwhile, as you think of how to answer those questions, you can comment and vote :)

Thank you guys for the love and the nomination for Best Calum Hood Interracial Fanfic!

Love y'all and as always

Ttyl 💕