Chapter 21

** GHOST POV **

My chest feels like it's about to explode. My lungs feel constricted. My stomach feels fluttery. My mind is hazy. My lips are still tingling. It feels like fireworks are going off in my heart, making it beat faster than normal. Over all I feel...pleased? No that's not the right word... maybe...happy? No I felt a sliver of happiness before, this is much different... much stronger than that. It's pleasant, but it also has a hint of anxiousness... and nervousness? 

What the fuck is this feeling? What the fuck is going on?

Usually, whenever I feel emotions, they're short lived, and dull. As if I know that they're there, but I can't feel them... I haven't been able to feel anything for years. It's as if my mind recognizes the emotions, but my body refuses to feel them. Whenever I'm around Damon, that's when it's the strongest, the most prominent, and whenever I'm away from him, I start feeling... sadder... perhaps longing? Until eventually, every feeling fades away into the abyss of nothingness I have become accustomed to. But whatever this is, whatever emotion that Damon Carbone has evoked inside of me, is gnawing at me, lingering longer than anything I have ever felt. 

Before I met him, I felt nothing at all. But ever since I saw him, that's when I started feeling... strange. The elevator incident was the first time I had a surge of feelings that I could actually experience, but it was short lived and went away almost instantaneously. It was the first sliver of emotion that I felt in years. 

During our late night conversation in Paris I felt somewhat... carefree? And that emotion took about ten minutes to fade once I left to go take a shower. 

In the airplane, I felt...flustered.... and nervous? I was anxious for half an hour around him until that faded. 

In the van... I felt... attraction? Need? Perhaps desire? I avoided him for hours until the mission, and the feelings went away in about forty-five minutes. 

The more I got to know this reckless, optimistic, intelligent, confident, calm, brazen, and deadly man, the more I've noticed that these feelings were slightly appearing, even without his presence. 

I stood on the second story of the boat, watching as the moon lite up the seas around us. I was leaning forward my elbows resting on the handrail as I tried to decipher the emotions I was feeling. It was a two hour boat ride from the harbor to Thorn's estate, and I've spent the last hour and forty five minutes in solitude, trying to figure out why this lingering emotion in my chest still remains. 

I took another drag of my cigarette as I took a deep breath, exhaling the smoke and watching it dwindle away in the wind as I tried to come to a logical conclusions as to why I'm feeling so overwhelmed... but I couldn't. For the first time in my life, I had no idea what was going on... and it petrified me more than anything else in this world. 

"Penny for your thoughts?" A familiar deep voice called out behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Damon walked towards me, a smirk on his lips. I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn't even hear him come up here. 

"My thoughts are worth millions. You'd need more than a penny." I chucked as I turned back around. I heard his footsteps behind me coming nearer, until he was right next to me. He placed his hands around the rail and leaned forward as silence stretched between us. 

"How do you do it?" I whispered as I stared off into the distance with my eyebrows furrowed. 

"Do what, babe?" He said as he looked over at me with his eyebrow raised. 

"Stay so optimistic? You're always so calm, and confident that everything will work out in your favor." I said as I looked over at him. 

"Because things always will work out in my favor." He smiled at me before I smacked his arm gently. 

"I'm serious." I laughed. 

"You know, when my cousin Martino sent me flying off a cliff, I thought I was going to die. When I woke up in a hospital a few days later, I was honestly upset that I didn't. " He said as he leaned his elbows down on the rail and looked off into the distance with a slight smile on his face. 

"The only remaining family I had died, the title of Don was taken from me, and I was exiled from my home and forced to go off the radar. That was one of the hardest times in my life. I felt miserable for years, until revenge and anger consumed me until I felt nothing else, making my life feel like an endless torture I couldn't escape." He said as his slight smile still lingered on his face, the breeze making his hair flow in the wind.

"So what changed?" I asked curiously as I listened to his story intently. He grabbed the cigarette from my hand like he always does, and took a long drag before exhaling. 

"I never worry about the outcome of things because I finally came to the realization that if it's meant to happen, it will. If it's not, it won't. Simple as that." He said calmly as he shrugged and looked back towards the sea, flicking the cigarette off the edge and into the water. 

"Aren't you bothered that those things happened to you though?" I said in confusion. 

"You can't focus on your future if you're living in the past, babe. And on the contrary, I'm grateful that all those horrible things happened to me, because if they didn't, I wouldn't be who I am today and I would have never met you." He said as he continued to look off into the distance. We sat in silence, listening to the waves of the sea as I tried to process what he just said. 

"Have you ever been in love before?" I asked him curiously, making him raise his eyebrow. 

"Have you?" He asked turning his head to face me. 

"Not that I know of." I answered honestly. He looked at me for a moment before a smirk started to form on his lips. 

"Well to answer your question." He said after a few moments, he pushed off against the rail and stood up straight and took a step back. 

"I've never been in love, but I think I'm starting to know what it feels like." He said in a low voice as he stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. My body felt like exploding from his words and his touch. I felt a pull towards him, like a moth to a flame, and I leaned back into his muscular chest and tilted my head. 

"And what does that feel like?" I asked curiously as I placed a hand over his forearm. 

"That you miss them when they're not around, and can't get enough when they're near." Damon said as he rested his head on my shoulder, both of us still looking out into the distance, watching as the dock started coming closer and closer. 

"That every little thing they do captivates you, from what they say, to how they walk, to how they talk, to how they think. Every little seemingly minor thing they do now becomes significant, and draws you in, consuming your thoughts until there's nothing left but that person." He said, barely above a whisper as his grip around my waist tightened slightly as we watched the boat dock in the harbor. A wave of unknown emotions flooded through me, making my breathing sporadic and my heart rate increase drastically. 

"She must be a lucky girl." I breathed as his chin moved slightly making the stubble on his face graze my shoulder, causing a shiver to jolt up my spine. 

"More like I'm the lucky guy." He whispered as he turned his head so his nose was grazing my jawline. He kissed my cheek softly, making me close my eyes and savor his touch as a soft moan escaped my lips. He pulled away after a few moments and headed down to the first floor, where the crew was now exiting the boat, the warmth of his body now replaced by the cold breeze. I stood there against the rail, perplexed and still thinking of what he just said to me as I continued to look at the ocean around me with my eyebrows furrowed. 

Fuck. I think I'm falling in love with Damon Carbone. 


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