Unallowed grief

           The news of Glenn's passing came several hours after King Lambert's. How does a ridiculous fifteen-year-old knight's existence compare to a good and just ruler's? How long did they even have to search through bodies before they found Glenn Govan Fraldarius? Still, no matter how young this knight was, he did put everything on the line to try to save his King in the ambush that has cost them both of their lives.

           The Fraldarius family, loyal vassals of the crown, reacted to the death of their heir with great shock. In the family mansion, mourning family and their guests take turns crying and comforting each other. Only Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Glenn's younger brother and new heir to the duchy, stays dry-eyed and isolated, far from everyone. To be honest, he doesn't know how to act. Thinking about his brother breathing his last in the King's retinue makes him burst with rage. That image is in such stark contrast with the chivalry novels Glenn used to read to him as a child! That is where a knight's life leads: Death. Pretty stories don't make it easier on the living.

            Several representatives from neighboring territories came to support the Fraldarius. The Gautier and the Galatea, close friends of the family, have temporarily moved into the mansion. The heirs of these houses, Sylvain Gautier and Ingrid Galatea, grew up alongside Felix and Glenn. Ingrid was promised to Glenn from her birth and, year after year, they had developed mutual true feelings. Her future husband's demise devastated the young girl. Felix avoids his friend as much as he can because her sobs and her despair holds a mirror to the feelings he doesn't manage to let out. However, as Sylvain said that morning: "She needs us now the most, damn it, get a grip on yourself!".

           Felix isn't indifferent to his brother's death, far from it. He wants to keep away in his room in peace to make sense of the thousands of memories and emotions welling up. Nonetheless, his status as a new heir to the duchy of Fraldarius forbids any softness. He wanders the mansion, his face a mess, his eyes dry, torn between the dignified behavior everyone seems to expect of him and the sad boy that his mind kept captive. This sad boy wants only one thing: to set ablaze every single chivalry novel in the kingdom.

           The funeral is icy cold, like a nightmare with blurred shadows. Felix only remembers one sentence, the last one uttered in the speech his father Rodrigue Achille Freldarius gave: "Glenn died as he lived: a perfect knight". This indictment hits Felix more cruelly than the ceremony's blizzard. How can he eventually mourn his brother's death now that their own father defined it as perfect?



           After the burial, he locks himself away in his room and reads all of Loog and the maiden of wind, a novel his brother and himself have read time and again, so much so that some illustrations are half-faded. Then, without thinking about it, he sees himself ripping off page after page. The book is near total annihilation when Sylvain knocks on the door. He sleeps in Felix's room, since the other rooms are occupied by the many guests.

            The future Duke hastily collects the pages strewn around and unlocks the door. He then quickly lays on his bed, arms crossed behind his neck, eyes firmly set on the ceiling. Sylvain drops to the mattress that was prepared for his use on a corner of the room, exhausted.

— Ingrid is finally asleep. Where the hell do all these tears come from? She's going to turn into a mummy if she carries on crying that much!

           He doesn't even try to laugh at his own joke. A grim face replaces his usual happy-go-lucky self, and he doesn't even try to hide it, which is almost more frightening than Ingrid's plight. Glenn was his friend too, after all. In this sad turn of events, Felix is glad he isn't another burden on his friend.

            As Sylvain finds a more comfortable position on his bed, a creasing of paper is heard.

— What's...?

           Felix bolts up and tries to pry the page away from Sylvain, but his grasp is firm and he pushes him away forcefully. He steps closer to the chandelier and easily recognizes the illustration. He too knows that story by heart. His eyes sweep the room and his gaze fills with compassion as he sees the torn pages hidden under Felix's pillow.

— Felix, is this... Is this Glenn's book? What came over you? You care about this book more than a monk cares about his reputation!

           Felix bites his lip, not knowing whether to laugh nervously or cry his heart out. His body chooses the latter. All of the tension built up over the last days vanishes immediately. He falls apart on his bed, drowning in tears what is left of Loog and the maiden of wind. Sylvain sits against him and holds him tenderly. As Felix hugs him tight, he says softly:

— I'm here, you can cry all you want. Nobody can fight sorrow, not even you.

           Felix isn't alone, and he never will be.

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