dedicated to kaImiakid because she keeps writing sad wolfstar oneshots and i love it and hate it at the same time, you c o w.

***

In about four hours, Sirius was going to board a plane with tears in his eyes, an overfilled suitcase, and Remus' farewell kiss pressed to the top of his head.

They were lying together on their bed, Sirius resting his head on Remus' shoulder, Remus running his fingers through Sirius' hair.

It was about six in the morning. The sun had risen and filled the room with clear light, warming their bare skin, making them squint. Birds sang just outside their window, their notes sweet in an otherwise silent world of morning sky.

Neither of them had spoken yet. They hadn't even moved.

It was unavoidable, really. Sirius had to do a year of work experience in various places around the world before he could finally have his dream job, and Remus was unable to go with him (though he had tried his best to get time off work).

It was unavoidable, and yet that didn't stop Sirius' throat from aching at the thought that he wouldn't wake up to his boyfriend's face tomorrow.

And it hurt that a silent part of him couldn't stop wondering whether this was it. Whether they would ever wake up together again.

No matter how many times Remus had whispered to him, late into the night, that he would wait for Sirius to come back, it didn't stop him from considering what would happen if Remus moved on.

Because a year was a long time. A long, long time.

Sirius sighed, moving closer to Remus, heart clenched in his chest.

He didn't want to think about it, so he wouldn't. He trusted Remus to tell him if the distance was too much for him to handle.

Remus let out a sudden breathy laugh. "You think so loudly." He rubbed the other's arm.

Sirius caught the wry smile on Remus' face, and tried to smile back. "It's just... well, you know."

"I know."

"I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

Remus let his hand leave the other's arm, reaching over to the bedside table behind Sirius and scrabbling around for something.

"What are you doing?"

Remus stopped searching, apparently frustrated, and leaned over Sirius to get a better look.

"Where is the buggering thing - ?"

"What buggering thing?" Sirius asked, distracted by Remus' freckled chest as it moved just above him.

"Aha!" Remus moved back, clearly satisfied. "Found it."

"Found what, exactly?"

Placing a kiss on Sirius' forehead, Remus settled back under the covers, a fond, slightly sad smile lining his face.

"Remus...?"

A deep breath. "You're going away for a year."

"I am."

"And you've not mentioned it much, but I can tell that you think I'm not going to wait."

Sirius looked away, feeling guilty, but wasn't able to bring himself to deny it.

"And I know why you feel that way," Remus continued, voice soft as the sun on the windowsill. "But Sirius, I wouldn't ever want it differently.

"You've... you've been there for me, ever since we were eleven. Through the good times, through the bad times, through the weird as fuck times. You've seen me grow, in more ways than one."

Sirius grinned, eyes a bit teary. "You can say that again."

Remus' smile widened. "I know you worry, but you need to see that there's no reason to. Because even before I found out you had to leave, I knew in my heart that you're the one I want to spend my life with - the one I want to annoy, to laugh with, to cry with, to talk when we should be asleep, to fuck - "

"Remus - "

" - and the one I want to wake up with, every single morning."

They looked at each other, faces nearly touching, legs tangled together beneath the off-white sheets.

"Are you... is this what I think it is?" Sirius felt hope alight in his heart.

Remus said nothing, but his hand found Sirius', and pushed something small and cold and metallic into his palm.

"Oh, God..."

"Yeah, I know." A laugh. "I had a big grand plan, but I hope this is just as good?"

"Remus Lupin."

"Sirius... Lupin? Would that be alright?"

A silence. A long, beautiful, birdsong-dusted silence.

And suddenly they were sharing a kiss, sharing a breath, hands running over hair and skin and sunshine dyeing them yellow, dyeing unnoticed tears yellow as their mouths moved as one between soft white pillows.

Four hours later, Sirius boarded the plane with tears in his eyes, an overfilled suitcase, Remus' farewell kiss pressed to the top of his head, and a ring shining softly on his left hand.