Review by Kit: You said Forever and Always 📗
Reviewer: KitZimmerman
Book: You said Forever and Always by lostlovefairy
Book Title: 4/5
Although the title seems to align with current trends using second or first-person pronouns followed by quippish action phrases, it stood out enough in how it belies sadness and remorse, which I found thematic with the cover and blurb and ultimately held my interest. My only real point of critique concerns the lowercase "s" in "said" on the Wattpad text version of the title field, which should be capitalized according to title case capitalization standards.
Book Cover: 5/5
The book cover was eye-catching, creative, and relevantly nuanced where the story is concerned. It seemed like time and careful thought went into its consideration, which I appreciated.
Summary: 3/5
The blurb is there, but it doesn't allow readers to question it or become as interested as they could be. Points in favor of the blurb's brevity, but that's also where it falls a bit flat. Summarizing the conflicts of the central characters while providing hints of what's to come is an effective strategy in hooking potential readers, but not through overuse of rhetorical questions or dialogue excerpts—especially ones that give away potential plot points (e.g., "I love you, Zayne").
Grammar & Punctuation: 4/5
There weren't many overt mistakes, which made the story flow well. The predominant thing I noticed was in the case of numerals instead of words, and I would advise some revision. Numeral usage in prose requires readers to make mental shifts that can be jarring, whereas spelling out numbers smooths out those transitions in thought to better track logic flow.
Character Building: 3/5
The character building was good but could have been better, at least in the sense that although a lasting impression was made, it wasn't necessarily for the better—a point which I'll elaborate on in the Reader Engagement section.
Writing Style: 1/5
The strongest aspect of the writing style was its focus on character action and emotion, but that was ultimately the extent of its exploration. To have a style is to have a voice with distinguishable modes of expression. In that sense, I see a lot of potential, especially where imagery is involved, beyond the basics of movement and dialogue.
Plot Originality: 1/5
While an initial plot point is established early on (Naina marrying Zayne), there is very little trajectory from that point on, inhibiting its ability to expand beyond the trope. There are a lot of conversations and heightened emotions, but nothing really happens—there are no major events connecting the story to pull it along.
In summary, the narrative seems to mimic real-life "what ifs" of character reactions to a proposed scenario, and I think that's where it needs some developmental editing. Even in literary fiction, readers often walk away with some level of insight after experiencing "life" through fictional characters.
Arguably, genre fiction can accomplish this as well, but we see either growth or declination of a character's development over the course of recognizable story beats to keep readers engaged.
Narratives lacking those story beats typically have markers I noticed throughout my read (and rereading, in some instances)—markers such as chapters ending on notes irrelevant to the overall story that build false tension, recycled scenes, and continuous cycles of internal and external conflict without any clear micro-resolutions leading up to a final, culminating one, to name but a few.
Reader Engagement: 2/5
Initially, I was tempted to talk at greater length about why my level of engagement was low, but I maintain that not all, if any, of my feedback truly matters. Like with any story, it's no longer truly ours when we publish it, but lives in the hearts and minds of others.
With that said, I decided to focus more on why I wasn't as engaged with the narrative as I could have been, which is why I turned to characterization. I would argue that striving for 100% realism isn't always the best option in writing fiction. Make no mistake, crafting realistic characters is essential, but it's the degree to which it's done, in my opinion, that matters. So, although I'll focus mostly on Naina, much of what I have to say can be applied to other characters.
Yes, the grieving process is not linear, and Naina is most certainly grieving the death of her and Advik's relationship and, to a degree, her own sense of identity. That's a lot for even a real person to process. It takes time—sometimes a lot of it—and requires the patience of others. Asking a reader to invest themselves in a grieving fictional character for any amount of time is a big ask. However, asking a reader to do so without any actionable progress on the fictional character's part is monumental.
The bigger the ask, the bigger the payoff needs to be. This is where the crux of the matter lies: how realistically does one craft a character? Simulating the non-linear stages of grief creates a feedback loop of internal conflict that can go on indefinitely, which bogs down pacing and progression. What a story requires is a beginning, a middle, and an end (often in a linear fashion)—and not just for the central characters. Ideally, a beginning, middle, and end should occur for most, if not all, of a narrative's respective character arcs.
Take Zayne, for example, a character who (despite his good intentions) exhibits many of the misogynistic behaviors he ironically hates in Advik (e.g., controlling whether Naina eats or not). Just when the character takes a step forward toward revelation, he takes two steps back and regresses.
My unsolicited advice would be to instead have these characters take two steps forward then one step back, reversing the pattern—that way, there's some progression with an underlying sense of believability. When building a plot, the one-step-back moments are reactions to the plot points; they are events that move the story forward until the character reaches a level of growth that they're no longer reactive but proactive.
Plot points are the hurdles characters must either trip over or overcome, and by way of doing so, give the reader a sense of satisfaction. Give characters their triumphs, but throw rocks at them while they're climbing their respective trees.
Comments:
Before I close, I want to address some specifically requested feedback areas I considered during my 14-chapter read:
Flashbacks: The flashbacks were not confusing once I understood the techniques used to implement them (e.g., italics and triggering moments). What I did notice was that not every flashback seemed to have value or a reason for being introduced. Naina's flashbacks seemed the most relevant and organic, whereas Zayne's were more sporadic and contrived. The reason for this is apparent, I believe, because Naina is grieving and mentally unhealthy, whereas, for the most part, Zayne is not.
I think where a lot of writers go wrong with flashbacks is that its used to give context or backstory. Instead, I would challenge everyone (including myself) to use flashbacks to progress their stories forward. Through that lens, Naina's story arc may look something like her living a life free of flashbacks of her time with Advik (or at least greatly reduced if we're being realistic) or ultimately becoming enslaved by them. Either way, through growth or declination, there's a trajectory.
Standalone Story: I don't feel like I was missing anything to understand what was occurring for Naina; that is, unless Advik's crime against her is explained elsewhere. That was the only lead that felt buried, although I'm sure I grasped it through context clues. (I also made a note to mention this while I was reading.
Are we meant to find out what Advik did? Will it be stated explicitly? It felt like it should stated, graphic though it may be, to be understood by the reader and thus understand Zayne better. Were it to be revealed, I would recommend revealing it sooner rather than later. The longer information is withheld, the bigger the reveal must be.)
Cultural Context: I hold the belief that although considering one's audience is integral to storytelling, it is also, at times, a mere courtesy. Consider any time we watch a foreign film: at no point does a movie or television episode stop midscene or list in its end credits word definitions or elaborate on culture.
(Granted, it can happen, but it hinders pacing and breaks the fourth wall.) Speaking only for myself, when I don't know a term or understand a cultural norm, I endeavor to engage in self-education through research and asking clarifying questions. So, with that, I say: be authentic and suffer no fools. Strive to immerse readers. Show them your world, don't tell. If anything, providing context clues should be enough, but at the end of the day, if someone doesn't understand things like what a sari is or its cultural significance, it isn't your job as a writer to educate them—that's what awareness activists and educators are for.
(Slightly off-subject, but I highly encourage every writer to check out Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's "The Danger of a Single Story" 2009 Ted Talk! Very insightful.)
Lastly, I will close on a final requested point:
While You said Forever and Always seemed a decent imitation of how people might seek to navigate Naina and Zayne's predicament, it didn't necessarily make for a thought-provoking or entertaining read. To paraphrase Louise Rosenblatt, people read for two reasons: information and experience.
Reports give information. Stories offer an experience. The goal for a story, then, is to make a person's time with it worthwhile by either providing entertainment or some level of insight they can walk away with. This isn't to say there isn't room for improvement—there always is—it just means one might need to go back to the drawing board and decide where a story is going, how it's going get there, and how quickly.
Overall Score: 23/40
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