Review by Kit: The Unspeakables 📗
Reviewer: KitZimmerman
Book: The Unspeakables || Portrait of a Prophecy by SojourningGhosts
Book Title: 5/5
Original, catchy and intriguing, the book title successfully sparked my interest, and my only real critique is that a colon or single vertical bar would accomplish the same function as two (but that's just me!).
Book Cover: 4/5
I thought the book cover was excellent and complimented the subtitle quite well, though it did remind me of a republished literary work under Penguin Classics. However, the font size for the author's name is quite small, which I took into consideration by keeping in mind that the majority reads Wattpad by phone. (Even after isolating the image and zooming in using a laptop, the name was difficult to read.)
Summary: 2/5
While relevant, much of the blurb needs polishing. It wasn't until the last sentence that I could make sense of the first—and here's why:
When reading the beginning of a sentence, there sometimes exists a brief moment where the reader is not yet sure of how specific words are being used in their respective word families (unless it's obvious, such as when a determiner is used). For example, let's examine the first sentence in the blurb: "Young" is used as not just a noun, but a proper one, which isn't readily apparent because the rules of grammar demand the first letter of a word at the beginning of a sentence be capitalized regardless of usage. Hence, it doesn't become clear until later—the end of the blurb—that "Young" is someone's first name rather than a descriptive aspect of their identity (an adjective). In other words, I wasn't sure if the person's name was "Young Montague", or "Montague" being described as "young".
While most of the necessary semantics are in place for this first sentence, it comes down to a matter of syntax—its structure—to clarify meaning.
Following my initial impressions after the first sentence, I saw other opportunities for improvement to the blurb that would mirror my later thoughts on the book's prose. While figurative language is important for things such as engagement, conveying abstract ideas, or making a point, it must be used appropriately, and sometimes sparingly, in order to keep readers oriented on what matters most—the story.
The lens I would challenge every writer to look through when writing their own blurbs would be that of marketing—using the summation of one's summarization skills in order to capture the basic 5 Ws of their narrative (Who, What, When, Where, and Why) in 200 words or less without spoilers and with the sole aim of enticing readers to spend time with their story (usually by presenting a character's initial conflict and hinting at a larger one to come). More than that, I would also challenge writers not to use blurbs in place of exposition. Why? The blurb is a sales pitch—not a story beat—and it's important not to conflate it with exposition (not that is what I believe happened in this blurb, but I thought it worth mentioning all the same).
Grammar & Punctuation: 4/5
There weren't many notable mistakes other than instances of incorrect/questionable word usage, nonsensical fragments, and some tense confusion. There was also an instance in Chapter 1 where "who" was used as a referent for an inanimate object. Overall, I was glad to discover Jay's dynamic writing.
Character Building: 3/5
Character building was decent, but didn't leave a standing impression, as there seemed to be more of a focus on showcasing figurative language or descriptions of physical traits that didn't necessarily contribute to characterization. In Chapter 1, paragraph 23 (if my count is right), there's an instance where traits are all but listed in a single paragraph—an example of what I call "detail stacking", wherein time is taken away from the narrative to explore a near-fourth wall break paragraph that describes a series of traits of a character, object, or environment rather than organically weaving those details throughout. It wasn't until later, in Chapter 4, where I really started to feel some connection to Young during Placement (an event in the story), but more on that later.
Writing Style: 4/5
Though the writing style was undeniably creative, it sometimes left me confused due to a severe overuse of figurative language, breaking tension and my impeding understanding of the plot as I progressed from one paragraph to the next.
Plot Originality: 1/5
It wasn't until I stopped reading (sometimes between paragraphs) that I was able to piece together what was occurring. There was no tension or clear understanding of plot to pull me along. Again, figurative language worked against the narrative at nearly every turn save one (which I'll discuss more in my closing statements), and left me asking some serious questions. Only later, after some reflection and re-reading with the strategy of ignoring figuring language on my second go, was I able piece together an often used story beat: a young person partakes in a communal ritual to discover their place in society, only to realize they are what their society deems as "undesirable". Despite putting that together, I still didn't have a clear idea of why any of it truly mattered or how it related to a broader tale. There didn't seem to be any sense of consequence—a lack, I believe, reflective of something crucial missing from the story: exposition.
Even when presenting familiar words, phrases, or concepts, it's important to note that those familiar words, phrases, and concepts take on different meanings when blended with unfamiliar setting elements. For example, despite possessing elements of fantasy, it was unclear exactly where and when the story took place—especially in an instance in Chapter 2 where a character used a name in the form of an expletive in a way specific to our world ("Christ"). I allowed that line of dialogue to serve as a context clue for where the story might be taking place—our world, though perhaps within a hidden, magical community (e.g., Harry Potter [...]), or in an alternate reality that was in some ways parallel to our own. But because I had no precedent through established exposition, I was still unsure.
Although there are some elements of exposition that can coast on context clues, not all of them should. The goal of exposition is to include readers and allow them to experience the story (preferably through "showing" rather than "telling"); lacking a clear exposition risks alienating readers entirely.
Reader Engagement: 2/5
After reading the line, "Juice dripped from her hands, painting her faintly red as though she was a sinner of a different kind", I thought to myself, "Okay, that's an abstract way of describing 'caught red-handed', but why use so many words to describe an idiom—which is already figurative?" Similar questions came to mind with each use of figurative language, and in each puzzling, I found myself rabbit-holing away from the narrative. The irony was that while I was engaged with individual sentences, I was disengaged from the story. Eventually, I came to a conclusion: constant use of figurative language was distracting from main points, stunted pacing, and made the plot difficult to follow. That is to say, when I was engaged, it wasn't what I should have been engaged in.
Comments:
Despite my heavy-handed critique on the prevalence of figurative language and its cascading impacts on other aspects of story-telling, I was pleasantly surprised with how well it worked for a specific scene in Chapter 4, "The Dead Shack". Descriptions of harrowing abstract thoughts, memories, and sensory information vaulted me into Young's shoes, giving a brief insight into who she was and why—and by extension, gave me a reason to care about her as a character. I also appreciated how cleverly the Guides' (literal) intrusive thoughts were injected into Young's, which added to the well-crafted tension. This was a great example of where figurative language should live in a story, and one I think many writers could learn from.
Overall, The Unspeakables || Portrait of a Prophecy contains many core elements of a great story in-the-making, albeit coated in a thick layer of figurative language, and a read to consider if one has an interest in works such as Divergent, The Wheel of Time, or Elantris.
Overall Score: 25/40
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