Review by Dio: No Strings Attached 📗

Reviewer: Dio (@of-wine-and-ecstasy)

Requester: No Strings Attached by @Strawberrynvanilla


Hi! Thank you so much for requesting a review from me! I hope I can provide some useful feedback for you. I tried my best, as you are actually my first review :] I did read up to chapter 10 of your story, so some criticisms I mention may be resolved in later chapters that I didn't get to read. If there's any problem with the review, something is unclear to you, or you'd like me to elaborate on certain points, please don't hesitate to reach out to me!

I also apologise for the wait! This ended up being longer than I expected and I've been a little busy lately, thank you for your patience!

Let's get into it!


TITLE: 4.5/5

"No Strings Attached" is a very nice and simple title. It's not terribly unique-never-seen-before, but it is intriguing, fits the genre and trope you're going for, and I see nothing you could change about it and there's nothing to complain about!


COVER: 4/5

Your cover is simple and generally very pretty! I like the colour scheme a lot, it's very simple and coherent. The image you used is high quality, and matches the genre you're going for. I do feel like the title disappears a bit, it's very thin and a little small. Perhaps you could try to use a thicker font, and make the title a bit bigger. Try playing around with fonts, colours and position of the text! Your username is very easily readable on the cover while the title fades a bit. Also, try to use fonts for title and your name that match each other a bit better to make it look more coherent!


SUMMARY: 3.5/5

Your summary starts off with a big piece of dialogue copied from your story. Some authors do this to show a little sneak peek of their book to intrigue readers. However, this doesn't work in your favour. The quote from your book you inserted is very long, and I quickly found myself scrolling past it to find out what the story is actually about.

Just like a cover, a blurb has to catch the eye of a reader and keep them interested. A reader may find themselves skimming the summary because there's just a big block of characters we don't know yet talking to each other. If you really want to include a sneak peek of the book in your summary, maybe try something that is shorter, snappier, and instantly catches the reader's interest, about one or two lines, or a single quote from a character that makes the reader want more and find out the exact context of it, or move it to the bottom of the summary instead. Personally, I would leave out that entire first part completely.

Now to the summary of the story itself. Generally it's intriguing and made me excited to read your story! It gives a good overview of what you're seemingly intending your story to be about.

What I really like is the part you added where you're sort of "advertising" your story to your reader: "Are you looking for a slight cliche, hate, betrayal [...]" I think this part is very charming, especially that you're "owning" that your story may be cliche! People who do enjoy stories like this, me included, will certainly find this addition very fun! The wording of it does seem a bit off though, like the word "story" is missing in it to make the sentence a bit more clear.

Now, I do enjoy the summary itself quite a lot. Sadly, the book itself isn't quite what the summary promised, and after having read a couple of chapters, the blurb is rather disconnected from the contents within the book, though I'll talk more in depth about this in a later section.


GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION: 3/5

The first and most important point I'd like to mention is that you really need to put a space after every punctuation mark.

You currently write like this,which looks unnatural,crammed.It can make it harder to separate words,as well as sentences.

This is a formatting error that is very unpleasant to the eyes and noticeable even at just a glance. This specifically is something a reader will spot nearly instantly, and since it's already present in the summary, it will turn off many potential readers very quickly.

Since this is present all throughout your book, I understand that correcting this issue may take a lot of work, but it will make your story look a lot more appealing and professional to the reader. Throughout the story, there's also often been missing commas at many different points.

Aside from that, your grammar was generally fine. There were only a few spelling mistakes that I noticed because they changed the meaning of a word or made a sentence difficult to understand.

During chapter one specifically, I also noticed you briefly switching up tenses, though this didn't happen again anywhere else as far as I've noticed.

I don't know if you're writing on Wattpad itself or if you're using a different document to then copy your work into the Wattpad editor, but many writing programs have functions that will point out grammar mistakes, missing commas or wrong formatting to you. I use Google Docs, which frequently corrects my grammar semi-reliably. Using something like this could really help you especially with punctuation!

I also implore you to reread your writing again one or two times before posting to see if you can catch any more mistakes. Put a little time between writing and rereading so you can approach your story with a clearer mind!


CHARACTER BUILDING: 3/5

I quite like Nat as a character. She is a sweet and kind looking girl with a sassier and more confident side. The banter with her friends and family usually feels sweet and not overly mean, and it was nice to see her have a support system and a seemingly good family dynamic, at least as it was presented in chapter one. Generally she seems like a rather basic and unassuming girl. She is often called a "nerd" by Nate as well as the ABCs, though she doesn't really feel like a nerd at all, and doesn't seem to have any nerdy interests.

She also often falls into a "I'm not like other girls" trap, especially when she talks about the ABCs. While I do also find these girls horrible, Nat often emphasises how "slutty" they are and weaponises their very exaggerated femininity, which leaves a really bad taste at times.

While Nat is a nice likeable character, the reader doesn't really learn a lot about her, what drives her, what she likes and doesn't like. It is mentioned that she draws in one chapter, but not really brought up again, and she doesn't seem to have any hobbies aside from watching TV. Is she involved in the shows she watches? Does she draw a lot? Is she a creative person? What else are her interests or goals, what does she do outside of school? Though I liked her as a character, I couldn't help but feel as though she was a little flat.

Something I did find very funny about her though was her reactions to Nate. Whenever she was unimpressed or annoyed by him, it really did add to the humour of the story!

I find Nate kind of funny because he seems like the kind of guy with a huge ego but not much to back it up. The introduction of Nate and the bad boys in chapter one was hilariously over the top with all the girls suddenly swooning and squealing over them. It kind of gave me Mean Girls vibes, which I absolutely loved. Nate even has a "signature smirk" which was just so amusing and solidified his role as the cliche bad boy even more, in a very funny way. I liked Nate quite a bit in the first chapters!

He did sadly get a little irritating after a while. At some point the way he spoke to Nat just annoyed me, but Nat reacting in an equally annoyed way at least made me feel a bit more justified in that.

Nate also seems to lack depth, which isn't as bad, since we're seeing him through Nat's eyes, who also doesn't know much about him. I did appreciate him looking for a quiet place at the end of chapter ten, which gave us a little more insight into him, and you also included a chapter from his perspective, but it still didn't feel like we learned a lot about him. It was really difficult for me to root for him or even be interested in him as a potential love interest for Nat.

Okay, now that we have all of them out of the way, let me just give a little shoutout to my girlie, LIV! She's probably my favourite character of all of them so far. She's a lovely comic relief, her dialogue is often quite funny and she's such a sunshine! She's a very lovely friend to Nat and I feel a lot more invested in her love story than in Nat's to be honest.

All of them have a fairly common base personality and role they play in the story, the pretty basic main character that's easy to project onto, the funny sunshine best friend, the bad boy potential love interest, the mean girls- This is in no way a bad thing and can offer a good base for characters a reader will quickly understand and relate to. However, these characters don't go any deeper than that. All of them lack the depth, and things that make us human, and make characters more endearing: Hobbies, motives, interests, quirks, strengths and weaknesses. What makes your characters the person they are? What sets them apart from others?


WRITING STYLE: 3/5

Your writing style generally isn't particularly new and exciting, nor is it completely cliche. It's simply fine, and definitely carries a ton of potential!

I don't think you need to worry too much about style, it's something that'll develop with time and be ever changing, and it will always be a very subjective thing. Your style is simple and usually easy to understand, which fits the genre you're going for, and there's a lot of room to grow.

You're quite skilled at describing small, somewhat mundane things, such as Nat waking up in chapter one, or when you described her little hidden place in chapter ten. However, you have to watch out that you're not getting carried away with these descriptions. There are a lot of adjectives used that can sometimes seem unnecessary and so,e words are very frequently repeated which disrupts the flow a bit.

Descriptions are also drawn out a lot, delaying the plot and action. You describe many things in exact detail, like Nat getting ready in the morning, that don't add much to the plot nor tell us more about the character itself. While this scene is nicely and vividly described, it drags on and doesn't engage us, which, especially in the first chapter, can turn off a reader very easily.

The same goes for some of your dialogues. While banter between Nat and Liv can be generally sweet and show us how they interact outside of action, some of their conversations can feel flat and not needed.

While not every scene has to add to the plot directly, conversations like this should still tell us more about the characters, the settings, their thoughts, emotions, etc. Especially some of the scenes featuring Nat and Liv in which they just do small talk feel a bit boring to the reader and come across very forced and stiff.

On the other hand, some of your dialogues are really funny, usually thanks to Liv, who lets a bit more of her own personality shine through. I'm a Liv lover. At many points in the story, I really did have to chuckle because of her comments and actions, and the way Nat describes her. Many times, the fun dialogue like this is buried within long conversations though.


PLOT ORIGINALITY: 2/5

Your summary really promised a lot. I'm a sucker for fake dating and have absolutely no problem with "cliche" stories!

No Strings Attached follows a very basic formula we've seen a lot on Wattpad before. This is in no way something bad. But mixed with the character's flatness, there was little uniqueness to this story.

The plot also just doesn't seem to kick off. A lot of things happen to Nat and many of them feel like they're not adding to the grand scheme, especially if the reader is expecting the plot mentioned in the summary, in which Nat and Nate's potentially blossoming (fake) relationship is described to be the centrepiece of the story. After ten chapters, the two have barely talked to each other, and there seems to only be very little chemistry yet.

If their relationship wasn't meant to be the main plot of the book, then blurb and cover are misleading. There's a couple of things going on in Nat's life: Witnessing Liv's own relationship, apparent troubles with her brother which felt very sudden, and her having to deal with the ABCs, all while somewhere, in the background, there's also Nate.

The actual plot of your story isn't clear when reading your book. A lot of things happen, and then lead nowhere. After reading ten chapters, I really am not sure what the book is actually about. Is it just an insight into a teen girl's life? Is it a story about a fake relationship with a bad boy? Is it about a girl dealing with her bullies and becoming more confident and popular as she faces them? Are there any cheerleaders, since in your blurb you mentioned "most importantly, cheerleader's issues"?

Maybe these questions get resolved at a later point of your story and the actual main plot will step into the foreground. Judging by the chapter titles, chapter fourteen ("The beginning of drama.") is when the story picks up a bit- However, by this point, many readers waiting for something to happen might've already tuned out.

When writing a story, try to think about what it is about, and what you want to focus on. Having a couple of sub plots can be great, but what storyline would you advertise your book with? What would you write into your blurb? If a friend asked you to tell them what your story is about in two sentences, what would you say? Once you've found that essence of your story, keep that in the foreground instead of jumping from idea to idea and opening up plotlines that don't really get resolved.

Keep the promises you give your readers in the summary of your book, because it really intrigued and excited me, and not seeing it come to fruition was rather disappointing.


READER ENGAGEMENT: 2/5

As mentioned previously, it takes a really long time for the story to get going, which keeps a reader from feeling engaged. Your first chapter takes a long time to describe very mundane things, and doesn't catch the reader's interest. I believe I've gone on long enough about this, but I think this is what's holding your story back the most.

We get so much information, so many things are described in great detail, but it doesn't seem to have any purpose, and a reader may begin skimming the writing instead of reading it attentively to get to the action. It's hard for them to stay engaged throughout dragged out scenes.

Another thing I've mentioned before that I'd like to get deeper into is describing environments, as well as character appearances. I really enjoy when you give insight into Nat's surroundings, especially in chapter ten, I could imagine the place she was in so well and instantly felt the same peace and calm she must've felt as soon as she arrived to be a little more alone.

I also greatly appreciate you describing what characters look like and wear. You described plenty of character's appearances so that the reader can have a rough idea of how you intend the character to look like, yet are still able to use their own imagination.

Clothing can also help establish a character's personality, personal style, and class, and I do think it gives your characters a little more depth which they very much need.

Something that could be improved is the way you describe the outfits though. Whenever a character enters the scene, you often begin to describe their outfit very plainly and just list traits and things they wear. Try incorporating their appearance into the story a little more by having the character interact with it, or create some kind of connection, a reason to bring the character's appearance up in the first place.

You already did this nicely in the first chapter, when Nat mentions that her hair is straight like her mothers. When Nate gives Nat the nickname "Brownie" because of her eyes, there's a reason to bring up this trait of hers.

So instead of listing the clothing someone wears, such as (for example) "he has brown hair and wears a shirt and a black jacket", you could try something like "he brushed through his brown hair with his hand, then adjusted his black jacket, a white shirt peeking from underneath it". This isn't the best or most engaging example I've given, but it does feel a little more natural, because the description of the character's fashion is integrated into an action.

Do be careful to not over describe though. Don't spend too much time on every little detail of a character's outfit, as you might get carried away again causing the reader to get bored or disengaged. Describing the main character's outfit every day can get repetitive and uninteresting.

Another thing that drags out your writing and makes scenes slower is the very frequent use of dialogue tags. Nearly everything a character says is accompanied by a "she says", "he asks", "I say". While using dialogue tags can be helpful to further show the tone or mood of a character, a dialogue will feel slow, stiff, and drawn out when you overuse them.

Your dialogues often don't flow well because of this, because the characters and their conversations are constantly interrupted by "she said". Once you've established who's talking, you can easily cut out a majority of the dialogue tags you're using, unless you want to specifically convey a specific tone or an action that happens simultaneously as the characters are talking.


TOTAL: 25/40


COMMENTS:

Let's get into a couple more notes I've made throughout the story!

> I love your chapter names! They're really fun, smart and creative. My favourite is probably "Not Acknowledging the Greek Gods" (same, Nat, same) and "Escaping those mesmerizing eyes"/"I Didn't Escape Those Mesmerizing Eyes".
> I do kind of wish Nate's PoV chapters would've also gotten fun titles since that'd be a great way to look into him just a little more! I think it's great that we get his PoV in the first place though.

> Something that may disrupt the flow of the reader, especially when they're bingeing your story, is the inclusion of Author's Notes as additional chapters. I think it's lovely to thank your readers and followers for their support and it's definitely a thing you should keep on doing! Though, maybe you can add this at the end of your chapters, or on your message board instead of dedicating full chapters on them. Also, advertising your new book in a separate chapter, in an unfinished book can be really, really frustrating for your readers when they get a notification for a new update just for it to be a promotion.

> A part that really stuck with me was in chapter three, after Nat got drenched, everyone's first reaction was "Wow you look like shit" and honestly that was so funny to me. Like, thanks guys! No shit! That part really made me laugh!

> Your sense of humour is generally great and sometimes hilariously dry, and it's really great to see that shine through in your writing!

> This is the obligatory Liv Loving Zone. I love her. She's so fun and probably the highlight of this book to me!


FOCUS POINTS:

> Punctuation: Leave spaces after every punctuation mark! It makes things easier to read and a lot more appealing to potential readers.

> Character Building: While there are solid bases for your characters, avoid making them feel flat by trying to think about what makes them unique, what makes them human, realistic, relatable. Give them more depth by giving them interests, quirks, strengths and weaknesses, goals and dreams, a driving force.

> Reader Engagement: Focus more on a main storyline that your book follows. Keep things a little shorter and look out for scenes and dialogues that especially a) do not drive the plot forward, b) do not offer more insight into characters, their emotions, relationships or dynamics or c) don't set the scene or give more information about the setting and world our characters are in, in order to not disengage or even bore the reader. Think about what actions, moments or appearances the reader really needs to know about. Before writing, think about what your story is really about and if possible, try to plan ahead.


Overall I think your writing style is very promising, and I absolutely believe that improving and evolving will come easy to you!

The "outside" of your book (cover, title, summary) is interesting and intriguing and did excite me to read further. The humour of your story is great, and the main character is easy to root for.

You do need to put more focus on your storytelling and keeping the reader interested in the plot and characters, but I think you're absolutely on a good way!


I'm sorry this got a little bit long. I still have to figure this whole review business out myself. I do hope this review helped you in some way! I hope you'll continue to write and share your stories! You have a lot of potential, I hope you'll continue No Strings Attached and find success with it, as well as with your other story and any projects that come in the future <3


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