(Originally written 8/14/24 22:19 Wednesday)
Author's note: alr bear with me, I'm trying something out...

I'm so stupid

I still can't over what you already did

"You're trusting the wrong person" they said

But I didn't want to listen to them

I ignored their warnings instead

And now I'm seeing all the signs I should've read

All the flags I now see were all blindingly red

I thought it was love, I was too stuck inside my head

To notice all the ways you slowly killed me half to death

Did you even realize where all this finally led?

Did you even mean all the things you said?

Did you really let me believe all the lies you fed?

The ones you sugar coated in words you knew I wouldn't get

Until it was too late for me to see how all the dots connected

And it was past too late to have you convicted

For being the reason behind the things I soon resented

Because by then my heart was already painted

With the deep blue sadness my soul had already bled

And it almost makes me wish that we'd never met

Because trusting you was, by far, my biggest and deepest regret

Was it my fault that our friendship was permanently tainted

By that one question I should've waited

To ask because it slowly ruined our relationship

And the damage was too late to be prevented

By the time it finally dawned on me what I did

And how everything eventually toppled

With every attempt I fumbled

To try to fix how bad I stumbled

And left our friendship indefinitely crumbled

The pieces of what we used to be buried under the rubble

Of the damage that never settled

But what hurt the most is how easily you willed

All your broken pieces to reassemble

The ones that didn't appear nearly as dismantled

As the fragments of mine that I never fully untangled

Because after all this time, I never actually healed

From the hurt that left me broken and unconsoled

Now, I'm a mountain of ruins that was once a castle

A rusted structure that couldn't withstand the battle

And I'm too afraid to try anymore out of fear that I'll fall

Back down into the deep dark hole

That made me feel weak and depressed and spiteful

The memories stain my soul

And still haunt me to this day like the whisper of a call