Originally written 2/7/24 22:26 Wednesday

(Author's note: okay, so this is something entirely different from what i've previously been posting....it's just a little excerpt from a scenario idea for a possible story im thinking of writing. it's not my best writing but i kinda wanted to put it somewhere other than my drafts, so....enjoy, i guess.)

Shep's ocean blue eyes meet mine, before they slide shut and his body goes limp as he collapses to the ground.

I yell his name, sprinting over to his almost lifeless figure lying on the ground several feet away.

Kneeling down beside him, I drop to the ground and pull his upper body into my lap, cradling his head in my hands.

I brush the sweaty dark-blonde strands sticking to his dirty forehead. Then I slide two fingers under his chin and feel around the front of his neck for a pulse.

My heart almost stops in despair when I don't feel anything at first. And then a sigh of relief escapes me when I finally feel an unsteady pulse against my fingertips. A little faint but, nonetheless, still a pulse.

I shift my attention back on his face. His lips are slightly parted, his expression slack and lacking any emotion.

"Shep?" I call, hoping and praying he'll answer.

Silence.

I desperately look around for anyone who might be able to help but there's no one.

It's a struggle to keep myself from crying. Until finally, I can't hold it in anymore and a series of cracked broken sobs slips out of me.

"Shep? Shep. Shep!" I keep calling his name but they fall on deaf ears when he doesn't answer.

"Wake up! Please, you have to wake up!" I sob.

I gently stroke the backs of my fingertips against his cheek, slowly losing hope. "Please, wake up. Please. I need you..."

My vision continuously blurs from the tears obscuring my eyesight, only clearing when I blink them away and let them slide down my dirt smeared cheeks.

My teardrops sprinkle onto Shep's terrifyingly pale face.

"I'm sorry," I cry softly, my face crumpling in anguish. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you."

Then I hug him to my chest, cradling the back of his head with one hand and weeping into his shoulder, repeatedly murmuring soft 'I'm sorry's against his limp body.

An unbearably large ache fills my chest, grief slowly making itself known to my body as it sags in despair.

I don't want to accept he's gone. He can't be. He's...well, he's everything to me.

Living without him would be like amputating my leg—I'd never be the same, I'd forever be unbalanced and unable to walk normally anymore.

I grip Shep's body tighter to me, grief splitting my heart in half and seeping in through the cracks.

"I can't live without you..." I whisper, desperately hoping to wake up and realize this was all just a nightmare. "I'm not whole without my other half. I can't move on with a part of me missing."

With that, I continue to cry broken, gut-wrenching sobs into the curve of Shep's shoulder, wishing he'd wrap his arms around me, brush his fingertips through the ends of my hair, tell me to breathe, and whisper to me that everything will be okay as long as I'm in his arms.

As minutes pass, I soon realize he's stopped breathing, his pulse has gone still, all the life in his face drained of all color.

I never thought my heart could be broken into thirds, or fourths, or fifths.

It just keeps breaking the longer I take to let it sink in that he's really gone.

Shep—my Shep—is gone.

I'm alone.

He's not here to comfort me.

I'll never see his dimpled, crooked smile again.

I'll never see his deep, ocean blue eyes again.

I'll never be held in his arms again.

I'll never get to exchange meaningless banter with him again.

I'll never get to spar with him again.

I'll never get to go out on long walks through the frigid forest with him again.

I'll never get to share my thoughts with him or enjoy listening to his thoughts again.

I'll never get to see the way he looks at me in that endearing way of his, his dreamy gaze as he stares at me like he just realized what love is, again.

I'll never get to sneak small kisses to his cheeks to make him blush again.

I'll never get to see how much he cares about me—the way he holds my face in his hands, his eyes darting back and forth between mine while he repeatedly asks if I'm okay, if I'm hurt, if I need a hug—again.

I'll never feel him sneak up behind me to startle me by grabbing me by the waist and tickling me in his arms.

I'll never get to hear him laugh again.

His sweet little giggle when he's sleep drunk.

His amused chuckle at my snarky retorts.

His loud, delighted cackle when I say something that makes him laugh so hard he can't breathe.

The way his eyes squint and his nose scrunches slightly when he laughs his real, genuinely humored laugh.

The spark of child-like delight in his eyes when he's excited about something that would normally be considered so simple to anyone else.

The way he picks up on my stress habits and notices when I'm feeling depressed or down and will do voice impressions until I crack a smile.

The sad, hurt look in his eyes when I tell him about my insecurities and my suicidal thoughts.

The way he lists off things he loves about me, refusing to stop until I finally agree with him.

The way he'll stand behind me sometimes when we're talking to someone and absentmindedly braids my hair.

The way he makes crowns from pine needles and places it on my head, fixing my hair until he's satisfied with the way it looks, before pecking my nose and giggling at the way I get all flustered.

The way he finds creative ways to say, "I love you".

The way I'll never get to tell him "I love you" again.

All these things I love so much about him because they're what make him Shep, I'll never get to see or experience again.

As the tears only fall faster with each little quirk or habit I'll miss about Shep, I'm completely oblivious to the fact that my grip on him is so tight, and my grief so strong, that it floods out of me and into him, reawakening his body, slowly bringing him back to life.

I'm still crying and clutching him to my chest that I barely notice that he's suddenly breathing again, his cuts and scratches sewing themselves back together.

It's not until I feel him stir that I loosen my grip and look down at him with red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

I freeze in shock and confusion.

His eyes open, then close.

He blinks. Once. Twice. Three times.

Then they remain open and shift towards me.

His voice is slightly raspy as he murmurs, "Finn?"

He frowns in concern, reaching a hand up to caress the side of my face. "Hey, what's wrong, are you okay?"

My face crumples all over again as I grasp his hand on my face and lean into his palm, my eyes closing as tears trickle down my face.

"Finn, what is it, what's wrong?"

I try to respond but I just can't, I'm still trying to process the fact that I just spent the last several minutes convinced he was dead...and now suddenly he's not?

I don't know how much my heart can take anymore.

Shep sits up, pulling me into his lap and hugging me to his chest...just like I'd been doing to him just now.

The irony makes my heart clench in pain as I clutch onto Shep for dear life and cry into his shoulder.

He doesn't ask anymore questions, seeing as I didn't answer the last few he asked me. He simply holds me in his arms, his cheek leaning against the top of my head, pressing a soft kiss to my hair every now and then, his fingertips brushing through the ends of my hair, the way he knows has always soothed me during my crying fits.

"It's okay, I got you," he murmurs, breathing deeply and calmly, which does help soothe me some, knowing he's alive—knowing he's breathing again.

It's only after quite sometime that my tears are finally all dried out.

Shep peeks down at me, concern laced into the sparkling irises of his deep ocean eyes. "You wanna tell me what's wrong, now?"

I clench one of my fists as I start to wonder whether I should tell him or not. My nails dig into the skin of my palms to distract me from the stress of choosing whether to lie or tell the truth to the only person who's ever mattered to me.

"Hey," he whispers. I'm almost confused for a second before I realize his hand is covering my clenched fist, his thumb trying to uncurl my tightly clenched fingers. "You don't have to do that anymore."

"Shep," I start, my voice raspy from crying so much.

"Yes?"

"This is gonna sound...odd, to say the least, but you were dead. I thought you were dead. You stopped breathing—you're heart stopped beating."

He frowns. "Really?"

I bite my lip and nod, looking away from him.

"Then how am I—"

"Alive?" I finish for him.

"Yeah," he agrees. "How is that even possible?"

"I'm not sure."

"I'm sorry I scared you so badly," he murmurs, his ocean blue eyes swimming with a thousand apologies.

"It's okay," I assure him, giving him a weak, unconvincing smile. "It wasn't your fault."

"Finn, no," Shep shakes his head, bringing a hand up to cup the side of my face and turn it back towards him so he can look me in the eyes. "It's not okay. You're not okay. Don't think I can't tell. You know I can."

"I just..." I open and close my mouth several times, trying find to the right words, staring down at my lap and avoiding his gaze before finally looking up to meet his eyes. "I was ready to kill myself. I mean, just the thought of living without you...it felt like an unbearable weight I knew I'd never be able to carry all alone. That's how scared I was that you were actually gone—that's how grief-stricken I was, Shep."

"Finn..." he breathes, his eyes holding so much sadness and apology and worry.

I draw closer to him, closing the small distance between us and gently grabbing his face and pressing my lips to his. He doesn't hesitate to kiss back with just as much, if not more, fervency, his arms sliding down to wrap around my waist, hands splayed against my lower back.

Then, breaking apart, I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. He immediately hugs me back, gently stroking a hand up and down the expanse of my back.

"It's gonna be okay," he murmurs into my ear. "I'm here, Finn. I'm not dead."

"I know."

"I'm okay."

I hug him tighter, nodding into the curve of his shoulder.

(Author's note: umm, yeah, that's it.....i hope it wasn't too bad. i have one other excerpt/scenario/scene i wrote a while ago, which i might post on here, but im still not sure. anyway, i don't even know if many people are even reading this but i hope you at least enjoyed it a little bit. have a great day/night! <33)