chapter twenty-six
feelings
[shawn mendes]
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anya scrolls through her laptop, her feet resting on my lap as i scribble down a few song lyrics, trying to get some work done.

"oh shit!" anya gasps, sitting up, and looking more alert. "i completely forgot, holy shit!"

"what's up?" i ask her, concerned, as i see an expression of anxiousness consume her face, the usual glow she has vanishing, being replaced by a pale complexion.

"university results. they're out today, i completely forgot about it." she frowns, chewing on her bottom lip. "do i open them?"

"what the fuck, of course you do!" i chuckle at her, putting my notebook down, pulling her legs over my lap, so she's sitting closer to me.

"okay, okay! let me log on," she furrows her brow, typing away a few things, before biting her bottom lip once more, clicking on something and immediately closing her eyes. "i can't look, oh my god." she groans, throwing her head back, eyes still shut. "you look, please." she sits up again, picking up the laptop and holding it out.

"you're looking, babe." i chuckle. "open your eyes, i'm sure you've done fine."

"i don't want to do fine! i want to do more than fine!" she groans, making me laugh again. "i'm not opening my eyes, shawn, you look at it, and tell me if i've failed." i roll my eyes at her, taking the laptop.

"uhm, there's nothing there." i lie, glancing at the screen, biting my lower lip to stop myself from laughing.

"what?" she bursts, opening her eyes and snatching the laptop, her eyes going wide, and her mouth slightly agape. "oh my god." she mumbles.

"you got a first!" i yell, beaming at her and standing up, as she continues to look shocked at the screen. "anya, i'm so proud of you." i chuckle, crouching down next to her, as a smile envelopes her face, a soft blush running at her cheeks, as she continues to look at the screen, speechless.

"i-i can't believe it." she stutters out, chuckling softly. "i-i got a first."

"congrats, baby!" i laugh, throwing my arms around her, as she laughs, leaning back onto me, the smile not being wiped from her lips. "i'm so incredibly proud of you." i say, pressing my lips to her cheek over and over again, making her laugh louder, as she holds my arms that are wrapped around her from the back, after putting the laptop down from the table next to us. "where do you keep your champagne, hun?" i hum softly into her ear, making her laugh again.

"bottom cabinet, under the island, far left." she explains, chuckling softly. "champagne flutes are in the cabinet above." she lets out a laugh of surprise. "i-i have t-to call my mom." she reaches for her phone, scrolling through her calls before she reaches her moms contact. at that same moment, the landline begins to ring, and she groans, hanging up her mobile before answering the main phone.

"hey soph." she chuckles, answering the phone. "you got a first? congrats, b!" she squeals, sitting on the couch and pulling her legs to her chest as i stroll to the kitchen, chuckling to myself. "i got a first too!" she laughs, making me smile, as i crouch down, getting out the champagne and champagne flutes. "come over! bring brooklyn too!" my face falls, and i quickly put down the glasses and bottle, rushing into the room, looking at anya in panic. "oh wait- no soph-" she groans loudly, frowning, before chucking her phone on the couch.

"anya, i can't just leave now." i say sadly, looking at her in concern. she bites her lower lip, standing up and pacing around the fairly large lounge.

"w-what do we do?" she stutters out, looking up at me, her eyes falling, and her breaths getting heavier.

"baby, shh," i quickly say, rushing towards her, wanting to prevent a panic attack. she nestles her head onto my chest, steadying her breathing, as i rub my hands up and down her arms, whispering quiet, comforting words to her. "i'll hide in your room, okay?"

"n-no, stay here." she whispers. "it's only soph and brooklyn."

"anya." i groan at her, as she sighs. "we can't let this get out."

"i know we can't but what else can we do? you can't exactly hide in this apartment." she folds her arms, looking up at me. "just them, please, shawn."

"i-if this gets out, sydney will find out, and i'll be called a cheater." i shake my head. "sydney can't find out through an article."

"shawn-"

"anya, please don't make this harder than this already is." i say softly. she sighs, biting her lower lip.

"how are we going to do this?" i ponder for a moment, sighing.

"okay, we'll tell sophie and brooklyn." i say to her, gently. she nods, rubbing her arms and looking to the floor. "anya, what's wrong?"

"maybe we should just stop this while we're at it." she mumbles. "you have a girlfriend, and i have a boyfriend."

"that hasn't stopped us from what we've been doing recently." i say, raising my voice slightly. "you need to stop fucking around with my feelings."

"oh, i'm fucking around with your feelings?" she yells, looking up at me. "if i mean so much to you, you would break it off with sydney, and you wouldn't say i love you to sydney, and actually mean it!"

"i'm sorry if i actually did fall in love with her when being apart from you!" i shout back, as anya laughs sarcastically. "what about you and dan, then? do you remember how painful it was me to see the only person who i am so utterly in love with, love another person?"

"well you just described what your girlfriend is going through right now, yet she's blind to it." anya spits out. "and dan and i are nothing of your concern, i don't even know what dan and i are, if i'm honest."

"you think i want to hurt sydney?" i shout. "anya, i'm only doing this because this is what i want!"

"well we aren't getting anywhere by cheating!" she shouts back, throwing her hands in the air. i groan in frustration, before picking up my notebook and rushing into anya's room, throwing my things back into my suitcase. "oh, so you're leaving now? that's a bit difficult since everyone thinks you're in the french riviera." she follows me, as i shove in a few items of clothing, and any other possessions of mine into my suitcase, before zipping it up and wheeling it out of anya's room, holding my guitar in my other hand.

"just shut up!" i shout, putting down my guitar and slinging my backpack over my arms, before picking my guitar up again. "i don't care if people find out i'm in london, i'll be leaving today anyway."

"make sure to sugar coat your answers to sydney when you get back to toronto." she snaps, folding her arms at me.

"oh, i'll tell her all about how every song i've written in the past two weeks is about her, and all the love i feel for her." i argue back to anya. "you really want this to be over?"

"yes!" she shouts, as a silence overcomes us.

"well then," i say, my tone softer, and voice quiet. "i'm leaving."

"fine."

"fine."

"good."

"great." i open up her front door, revealing a confused sophie and brooklyn, looking at me like they've seen a ghost. "she's all yours, i hope you have fun with her fake love." i spit out, before rushing out of her apartment block, and walking around the streets of london, far away from her so no one would suspect anything.
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that night, i managed to get a flight to toronto, and i arranged for sydney to come and pick me up, since she finally got her licence. after the short drive from the airport to my condo, the events of the past twenty-four hours come rolling back to me.

anya and i are over?

"what are you thinking about, babe?" sydney asks me softly, her hands knitting themselves in my hair, as she straddles my hips.

"nothing much, just about this new music." i quickly lie, rubbing my hands up and down her sides, making her smile softly. "how have you been, my love? i'm sorry i haven't been able to spend a lot of time with you, alone."

"i'm great." she bites her lower lip, fiddling with the edge of my hoodie. "you know, we're alone for the first time in ages."

"mhm?" i smirk at her, pulling her closer to me, linking my arms around her waist. "what are we gonna do about that?" i mumble, leaning forward and pressing my lips to the side of her neck, kissing the warm skin softly, making her moan quietly.

"you seem so stressed, baby." she murmurs, making me chuckle quietly. "so, so stressed." her hands are placed on my shoulders, as she slowly begins to massage them, her delicate hands wandering about my tense posture.

"why don't we take this somewhere a little more comfortable, yeah?" i ask, with a small laugh, hooking my arms under her legs, lifting her up, as she lets out a small laugh, nodding, as i carry her into my room, laying her down onto the white sheeted bed. "better?"

"much." she nods, flipping us over so she's on top again. "i've missed you way too much."

i think i could get used to loving sydney.
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oH