chapter sixty-two
feelings
[shawn mendes]
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4 years later; shawn's 26, anya's 25;
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i let out a small sigh, turning over and seeing the other side of the bed empty. great, why did we have to fight last night? i suppose i should make it up to her, after all, it was my fault in the sense that i'm hardly ever home, and constantly working in the studio.

anya and i have moved into a medium sized family house in the suburbs of toronto city. it's usually a forty five minute drive for me to get to the studio, which is the reason why i'm always home late and leaving early. i get why anya's upset at me.

i rise up from the king sized bed, stretching out my sore back, and walking straight out of the room, looking down the corridor to the guest rooms and guest bathroom. i see a guest room door cracked open, and i sigh softly again, walking towards it and opening it up, seeing anya fast asleep, stretched out on the bed, her cheeks red, and her eyes puffy. my heart swells as i sit down next to her, placing my hand on her shoulder gently.

four years of marriage already.

"hun?" i ask quietly, gently shaking her awake. her eyes flutter open, as her eyebrows scrunch up, and she looks around me.

"oh." she mumbles, resting her head back on the pillow.

"darling, i'm so sorry," i whisper, leaning down and pressing my lips to her cheek. "i know i haven't been home a lot, and i'm really sorry for that. how about i take a week off of work?"

"you would do that?" she asks in a small voice, as i nod, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear.

"i can always work in my office if i need to." i shrug, as she smiles gently at me, nodding. "am i forgiven then?"

"you were always forgiven." i smile back at her, leaning down and pecking her lips gently, as she smiles into the kiss. she links her arm around my neck, pulling down onto the bed, as i let out a chuckle against her lips, pulling away. "can we go out for-" anya's facial expression changes completely and she gasps, jumping out of bed and running straight out of the room.

"babe?" i call, getting up after her, and hearing the sounds of vomiting over a toilet bowl. "oh no." i mumble to myself, before rushing into the bathroom, pulling her hair into a ponytail, crouching next to her and rubbing her back slowly in circles.

"what happened?" i ask her, confused as she sighs, shrugging and sitting up again, wiping the side of her mouth with the back of her hand.

"i-i don't know." she says. "i haven't eaten anything bad, and we are the same thing yesterday." she says quietly again. "i don't know what happened." she stands up shakily, and i steady her with my hand, helping her up quickly.

"do you want to lie down or anything?" i ask her.

"no, i feel fine now?" she asks, confusion and anxiousness running through her face. "hold on," she rushes out of the guest bathroom and i follow her straight back into our room and our bathroom. she opens up the cabinet under the sink, and stares at a box of tampons.

"shawn," she says quietly. "i haven't used these this month."

"you don't think...?" i trail off, slightly hopeful.

"i didn't think it was going to happen, i mean, we haven't been trying," she furrows her brow, standing up and opening the cabinet above the sink, taking out a white box. "should i try it?" she asks, holding out the pregnancy test.

"i don't know, do you want to? this is the first time you've been sick, maybe we should wait a couple days." i suggest. "how late are you?"

"uh, maybe just over a week? but i have been stressed recently." she says, folding her arms and biting her lip anxiously. "you know what, i'm gonna take it. there's two in here so that should show the accuracy, right?" she asks, looking up at me.

"hunny, as long as it says positive, i think both of us will be happy." i chuckle nervously, as she smiles, nodding. "i'll give you some privacy, okay?"

"shawn?" she calls, as i turn around. i smile, turning back to face her.

"yeah?"

"i hope it is positive." she bites her lip again. "i think i'm ready." i grin widely at her, walking forward and pressing my lips to hers.

"i love you." i say, making her smile. "i'm gonna go make some tea, yeah?"

"alright, i'll be down in a couple seconds." she says, as i nod, exiting the bathroom and leaving her alone.

almost immediately i feel a surge of excitement rush through my bones, and i almost jump for joy as i make my way down to the kitchen. the smile doesn't disappear from my face at all, as i start to make anya and i a mug of green tea each. the main phone begins to ring and i sigh, wandering to answer it.

"hello?" i call into the phone.

"hi shawn! how are you?" nates voice captures my ear as i let out a laugh.

"hey bro, i'm great, you?" i ask, brewing the mugs of tea.

"good, good, listen, jasmine and i are going to see my family tomorrow and we really need someone to look after the house. any chance i can pop by and give you the spare keys so you guys can look after the place for a couple days?" he explains.

"sure, don't worry about it." i say. "come by today, i'm gonna be home all day today."

"alright, see you later then." i hang up the phone, picking up the two mugs of tea and placing them on the kitchen island, sitting down at the bar stool and waiting for anya to come back down again.

after a few moments, i hear her patter of feet down the carpeted steps of the house, followed by her coming into the kitchen, a slightly sad look on her face. oh.

"what was it?" i ask carefully, nervous for her answer.

"negative." she mumbles, sitting back next to me.

"it's okay, darling, we can always try again." i nudge her shoulder gently, as she nods, putting on a small smile. "don't worry about it."

"shawn," she stops me, a smile enveloping her face.

"anya," i mimic, genuinely confused at her change in attitude.

"i'm kidding shawn, it was positive." she says, as i feel my world completely stop around me. "shawn, we're gonna have a baby."

"wait, are you serious?" i burst, standing up from the bar stool, shock covering my face. "no way." i place my hand over my face, letting out a laugh. "no way!"

"yes way, shawn, i'm pregnant." she beams, her face glowing with happiness.

"oh my goodness, anya!" i say excitedly, leaning down to pick her up from the bar stool as she squeals loudly. i soon her about, repeatedly kissing her cheeks, as she lets out small laughs. "wait, so in like nine months we're gonna have a baby?"

"yeah, i guess so." she lets out an exasperated laugh as i place her down again, crouching down on my knees and pulling her shirt up slightly, revealing her smooth skin. i place my lips to directly under her navel, kissing it softly.

"hey baby," i whisper to her stomach, holding her waist in my hands. "i can't wait to meet you, little one. i already love you so much, and i can't wait to spoil you rotten baby." tears build up in my eyes as i stand up again, holding anya in my embrace, as she tightly grips onto me, looking into my eyes.

"thank you, so much anya." i say quietly, cupping her cheek and wiping away a tear that is rolling down her skin. "thank you."

"i-i gotta book an appointment, and shawn we need to start making a nursery, and buying things, and oh shit, how are we gonna tell everyone? and we need to start classes, get clothes-" she says, starting to panic.

"anya, baby, chill." i chuckle, running my thumb over her cheek. "we have plenty of time, it's okay, don't worry."

"alright." she nods. "but how do we tell everyone? my birthdays coming up in like a week, and then after that we're going on tour. shit, shawn! the fans!"

"they'll be ecstatic, but we tell them after we've told our families." i explain to her. "but i think you'll be showing when we're on tour so that's gonna be tricky."

"it's okay, we'll just have to tell them before that." she says, nodding. "we tell our families on my birthday, okay? my mom's flying down anyway, and jasmine and nate are gonna be here on my birthday so we can tell them then and call everyone else i guess and-"

"anya, breathe." i laugh gently, placing my hands on her shoulders. "jasmine and nate are coming over today, they need to drop the keys off because they're going to nate's parents' place tomorrow for a couple days."

"can we tell them today then? do you think they'll keep their mouths shut?"

"tell them when we tell everyone else." i suggest. "it'll be easier." she nods once more, a huge smile being plastered on her lips.

"shawn," she cries, tears pooling in her eyes once more. "we did it. a-after thinking we couldn't when i was younger, w-we did it." tears run down her cheeks and i smile sadly at her, wiping the tears away quickly, cupping both of her cheeks, as i feel my own tears build up.

"see, i told you everything would be okay." i say quietly to her, as the tears flow freely down my cheeks. "and everything is now more than okay."

"i love you." she says to me, her voice breaking at the end. i grin back at her, sniffling through my own tears, before leaning down and pressing my lips to hers softly.

"i love you."
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mendes baby on the way then i guess