chapter sixty-six
feelings
[anya rose mendes]
-
3 months later, back in toronto
-
"shawn come on, we're gonna be late to our own baby shower!" i groan, placing a hand on my six month baby bump, feeling little avery move about.

here's a little summary of everything that went on since paris:

shawn and i got back to toronto in late september, when i was apparently four months into my pregnancy - crazy how i completely forgot about my period for two months, but let's not talk about that. almost immediately, we wanted to book an appointment to find out the gender just simply because of the fact it would settle shawn, and we could start really getting things done for the baby.

we found out we were having a baby girl, therefore the earlier reference to avery.

a couple nights later, we felt her move for the first time. it was an indescribable feeling and time, really. shawn was so mesmerised, yet kind of scared by it. i think it must've hit him about the craziness of how a human forms out of literally two individual cells. he didn't stop smiling until he fell asleep, and his hands constantly remained protectively over my bump.

back to present day, shawn and i are extremely late for our own baby shower, that jasmine and aaliyah decided to plan for us.

"hold on, hold on, andrew just texted me about work." shawn groans, scrolling down his phone as he strolls into the hallway where i am. "apparently we're releasing merch in like a week, signed merch."

"oh god, the house is gonna be full with boxes again." i complain, as shawn chuckles, walking forward and pressing his lips against my forehead.

"it's okay, i'll finish signing them quickly this time." he laughs again. "they're only t-shirts, it won't take that long."

"alright, but let's go now, we're so late." i groan, as shawn chuckles, holding onto my hand. "i'll lock up, go in the car." shawn nods, pecking my lips briefly, before walking out of the house. i quickly lock up all the doors, before grabbing a set of keys and wandering out of the house, shutting the door firmly behind me, and locking it, before heading into the car.

"babe, we're gonna have to start baby-proofing the house in a couple weeks." shawn tells me, reversing out of the driveway and beginning the twenty minute drive to his parents house.

"i know, i don't know how we're supposed to baby-proof the office or studio though, maybe a gate at the doors?" i ask, as shawn shrugs, reaching over for my hand. he holds it in his, squeezing it gently.

"i don't know, some of my fans were saying we should start at six to seven months in." he tells me. "and since it's january the 2nd, and we literally have two months and three weeks till our due date, i think we should start." he says with a light chuckle.

"yeah, maybe we should start." i giggle, placing my other hand over my bump, sighing quietly.

"everything okay?" shawn asks me gently, as i begin to stretch my back out lightly.

"just a little back pain, nothing to particularly worry about." i wince slightly, before my face returns back to its relaxed state. "my mom was saying something about having a little back pain at this time in the pregnancy, especially if it's a girl."

"oh, okay hun." shawn says, squeezing my hand. "just tell me if you need anything."
-
"aaliyah, jasmine! this is amazing!" i squeal, walking into the kitchen of shawns' parents house, seeing the room decorated for a baby girl. "i love it so much, thank you!" i give the two girls hugs, as both of them laugh, hugging me back.

"we're just really excited for this baby, and wanted to give you something." aaliyah explains, making me laugh.

"thank you so much, i'm sure shawns gonna love it too." i beam brightly.

"where's shawn anyway?" aaliyah asks, looking around.

"he had to go pick up ian." i roll my eyes. "he dropped me off so we wouldn't be considered 'late'" i laugh, as aaliyah rolls her eyes. "where's lucas?"

"uh- he's not coming." aaliyah says softly, her eyes holding an emotion of sadness. my heart swells for her and i immediately feel a concerned look stretch over my face. quickly, i drag aaliyah by the arm out of the kitchen, and up to her old room, where we sit down on the bed, the door shut behind us.

"liyah? what happened?" i ask quietly, as she lets out a small sigh, opening up the drawer of her nightstand and pulling out a ring box. i gasp, as a tear slides down her cheek.

"h-he was gonna propose." she chokes out. "h-he did it too, it's just i-i said i had to think about it because i didn't want to make shawn more mad." i sigh at her, cursing under my breath. "shawn said no to lucas for getting my hand in marriage."

"i know." i mumble. "shawn told me about it on my birthday." aaliyah begins to softly cry as i sigh, wrapping my arm around her. "shawns an idiot, okay? you do what you want, and if you want to marry lucas, do it anyway. shawn will be happy no matter what, and if he isn't, well i'll force him to be. he had no right to decline your happiness, and on behalf of shawn, i'm saying you can marry lucas, yeah?"

"shawns mad at me for starting to date lucas in the first place, w-we've lost that bond we used to have." she chokes out again, crying even harder. my heart breaks for her and i reflect back on all the times i've seen shawn crying in the past two years because of how distant he feels from aaliyah growing up.

"you know why that is, right? shawn doesn't want you to stop being his little sister." i say quietly to her. "he cried so much when lucas asked for your hand in marriage, liyah, he doesn't want you to grow up and that's it."

"i'm twenty two! i'm gonna grow up!" she bursts. "he's really annoying me now, i literally broke the one guy who i want to spend the rest of my life with, heart! you don't even know how mad i am at shawn right now, i had to see him grow up! doesn't he ever think that i never wanted to see my big brother grow up far away from me? no!"

"liyah, calm down." i quickly say to her, grabbing her wrists in my hands. "you have every right to be mad, okay? i think it is completely fair for you to be mad." she lets out a small sigh. "do you want me to talk to him?"

"honestly? i really don't even care anymore." she sighs softly, looking up at me. "let's just go back down."

"okay." i nod, giving her a small hug. "and go say yes to lucas! don't worry about what shawn thinks." she lets out a small chuckle. "come on."
-
the last of the guests leave the house, letting shawn, his parents, and aaliyah, and i all in the house. i sigh, looking at the two siblings who are standing pretty far away from each other than what they usually do.

"okay that's it." i mumble, grabbing shawn by the wrist in one hand, followed by aaliyah in the other one, dragging them both upstairs.

"hey, anya!" aaliyah groans, as i push the two of them into shawns old room, followed by myself walking in and shutting the door behind me.

"anya-" shawn begins, but i quickly glare at him, making him shut up.

"you two need to fix this." i say sternly, folding my arms over my bump. "shawn, stop being a fucking overprotective jerk! she's your sister at the end of the day, you should be happy for her no matter what!" i say to him, as he hands his head low, looking guilty. "i know you hate that she's growing up, but she's happy with lucas, and that's the only thing you should be concerned about. i bet you don't even know that she said no to lucas, and that she'd think about it. don't you realise this is hurting her more?" shawn suddenly looks up, turning to aaliyah.

"you said no?" he asks quietly. "why?"

"i-i didn't want to make you mad." she stutters, folding her arms.

"i'm gonna head down to see if your parents need any help." i say to the both of them, placing a hand over my bump and walking out of the room, shutting the door behind me, and making my way back into the living room.

"hi anya, we were just about to make some tea, you want some?" karen asks me gently, as i sit down on the couch.

"no thank you," i shake my head, letting out a small sigh.

"how's everything going with the baby?" karen asks me, sitting down on the couch, turning to me.

"she's okay, the back pain has just started to kick in, and a little bit of the exhaustion, but other than that, everything is going great." i nod. "karen, can i ask you something?"

"go ahead sweetie." she chuckles.

"have you noticed the thing going on between aaliyah and shawn? she told me she said no to lucas because of shawn. is that why she's staying here now?" i ask her, slightly concerned. karen lets out a mere sigh, rubbing her temples.

"they're siblings, i just don't understand what's going on." she says quietly.

"shawns cried to me so many times about it, and i-i don't know how i can help. i-i mean i just locked them in shawns room to talk-"

"you locked them in shawns room?" karen asks with a small laugh. i smile, nodding.

"they had to talk somehow, i-i just hope they sort everything out." i mumble, trailing my fingertips over my bump. "aaliyah's really mad at him."

"i don't blame her, he did say no to lucas." karen says. "he's being a little bit too protective about things." she lets out another sigh, as i look away, biting my lower lip.

"-anya, we're going!" shawn shouts, running down the stairs, coming into the living room, holding our jackets. "mum, this has been a great day, but we're gonna have to go."

"shawn, what's going on?" i ask him, standing up.

"nothing baby, we're just gonna have to go." he holds my jacket out for me, as i slide my arms through the holes. "mum, where's dad?"

"he's out in the front, you'll pass him on your way out." karen says, standing up and giving shawn a hug. "why don't you two come over for dinner tomorrow?"

"oh, we have a thing mum, i'm sorry." shawn apologises, hugging his mother back, as i notice a tear rush down his cheek. i look at him in confusion, before looking up the steps and hearing quiet cries. i look back at shawn, and he links eye contact with me, shaking his head.

shawn and i exit the living room, pulling on our shoes and gathering a few of the gifts we hadn't already put in the car.

"what happened?" i ask him softly, placing my hand on his arm. he sighs, another tear falling down his cheek.

"i-i'm never gonna forgive myself." he whispers, his voice cracking at the end. "i-i took away her happiness." his eyes begin to overflow with tears, as i quickly shush him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and pulling his head down, knitting my fingers in his hair.

"hey, shh," i whisper. "don't cry, please don't cry." he nods, removing his hands from around my waist, and wiping away his tears with the back of his hand.

"let's just go." he croaks, sniffling. "i-i just want to sleep."
-
"you gonna tell me what happened then?" i whisper to shawn, who currently is resting his head over my legs, my hands messing around his curls. he lets out a large sigh, sitting up and sitting cross legged on our bed.

"i heard her out." he simply says, shrugging. "i didn't want to admit anything, but i knew i was in the wrong. she said exactly how she felt, and-" he cuts himself off with a sigh. "-and the thing i'm most mad about is how i managed to drift away from my own sister just because of her happiness. she's my sister, anya, how could i hurt her like that?"

"breathe, shawn." i say quietly to him. "you did apologise to her, right?"

"yeah." he nods. "i-i said sorry straight away. b-but then i realised how much i-i actually hurt her, and how much i-i broke our bond." tears well up in his eyes again. "i told her to say yes to lucas." he mumbles.

"you did?" i ask, in shock.

"yeah." he nods again. "he treats her so well, he makes her happy, he was there for her when i couldn't be, and most of all, he's probably the most important person in her life."

"lucas won't break her heart, shawn. we've known the guy for almost five years, and they've never had any problems." i say quietly to him.

"even when they were kids, they had no problems." he murmurs. "i feel so bad."

"you two will be okay in no time, trust me, shawn." i reassure him, placing my hands in his. "get some sleep now, you look exhausted shawn."

"mhm." he nods, standing up from the bed and opening up his side of the duvet, getting in and cuddling up to me. "thank you anya, for everything. you're always there for me and i'm so grateful to have you as my wife."

"hey, i love you, i'm always gonna be here for you." i whisper quietly, turning on my side, as shawn rests one of his hands over the side of my bump, tracing it slowly with his hand. almost immediately i feel avery kick and shawn gasps, placing his hands more firmly on my bump, letting avery respond by small kicks and movements.

"oh my god, i'm so in love with you baby." shawn mumbles to my stomach, as i quietly laugh, seeing him so astonished by our baby moving. "but seriously, go to sleep, your moms gonna be mad if she doesn't get any sleep tonight." shawn chuckles, making me roll my eyes and let out a small laugh. "goodnight baby girl." he leans down, pressing his lips to my unclothed bump, before sitting up again and holding me in his arms. "i love you, anya."

"i love you more, hunny." i respond, kissing his lips gently, before i tuck my head into his chest, and fall asleep in his warm embrace.
-
aw how cute