chapter sixty-five
feelings
[anya rose mendes]
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"i'm sorry for waking you." i groan, leaning against the wall of our bathroom in paris, as shawn smiles gently, handing me a bottle of water.

"don't worry about it, babe." he says. "i had to get up anyway, i just wish your morning sickness would stop, it really makes me upset seeing you sick and drained so early in the morning."

"same here shawn, but luckily apparently women who don't have their morning sickness till late in the first trimester, it continues into the first or second week of the second one. i just hope it stops by the end of this week, after all it is my second week of my second trimester." i stand up, rubbing my bump lightly, which has just started to form. shawn grins, wrapping his arms around my waist.

"i'm so happy." he hums, pressing his lips against my forehead. "let's do something today, we have a free day." i nod eagerly, making him chuckle.

"no offence, it's been so boring stuck in hotels, or shows, or even the bus." i sigh. "i'm glad we get the only actual bed on the bus though."

"it really is great that you're pregnant." shawn jokes, making me laugh. "where should we go, my love?"

"can we go to that café we went to last year? the one with the really cute mugs?" i beg, as shawn chuckles, nodding.

"anything you want, darling." he kisses my forehead again. "i'm gonna shower quickly."

"i wanted to shower." i pout, as shawn lets out a cheeky smirk at me.

"who says we can't save water?" he cocks his brow as i roll my eyes at him, smiling sarcastically. "i'll start the water up then." i laugh, as he walks away from me and to where the shower is, where he turns it on and sets it to the right temperature. he then takes his shirt off along with his tracksuits, revealing his toned and muscular body.

"damn, someone's been working out extra hard." i tease, taking off the night silk slip i was wearing.

"damn, someone's getting fat." he teases, looking at my small bump. i gasp sarcastically as he laughs, coming over to me and wrapping his arms around my waist again.

"i'm kidding, you look gorgeous anya." he says, leaning down and pecking my lips. "but you'd look even more gorgeous in the shower so let's go."
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"oh my god, shawn, a baby shop! lets go!" i squeal, dragging shawn by the hand to a small boutique store filled with the cutest baby clothes.

a little bell at the top of the door rings, signalling our entry, as shawn and i immediately wander round the store, passing expecting mothers and their partners looking at clothes.

"shawn, we have to buy this for liam." i whine, picking up a white baby grow with fluffy white pom-poms all over it.

"don't you mean we have to buy this for avery?" he teases, as i find the size for a newborn, and a 1-3 month old just so it can last that little bit longer. "oh my gosh, anya, come here for a second." shawn says, looking down at something. i stroll next to him, seeing another baby grow with little guitars all over it. "we're buying seven of these, one for everyday of the week."

"oh gosh shawn." he chuckles, picking out a few sizes just to last the baby longer, before holding them in his large hands. "i can't wait to go proper baby shopping, this is already so exciting."

"bonjour! are you two expecting?" a shop assistant asks shawn and i, her french accent very clear.

"yeah we are, we just found out a few weeks ago." i smile, placing a hand over my bump. "we're due next march."

"how sweet! congratulations! do you know the gender?" shawn and i look at each other, shawn sending me a small smirk.

"i think it's a girl, the mrs is convinced it's a boy." shawn chuckles, making me smile. "let's just say unisex right now."

"oh oui oui!" she says. "well i hope you have a good time here, just call me when you're ready to pay!" she then walks off to tidy something up in the store, as shawn and i continue to look around, picking up various different clothing articles and baby accessories.

"shawn how are we going to take this back to canada? we're gonna need to check in another suitcase." i chuckle, as we get given three fairly large shopping bags to take back with us. shawn breathes out a laugh, paying for the clothing with our shared bank account card, before he slides it back into his wallet.

"how are we gonna still transport this round on tour don't you mean, god, everyone's gonna be so annoyed at us for taking up bag space." shawn and i both laugh, snickering at each other. "thank you," shawn says to the shop assistant, taking the bags in his hands, as the two of us leave the shop, to be greeted by paparazzi. i hear shawn sigh next to me, as he moves all three bags to one hand, and with his spare hand he grabs mine, walking to the road to try and hail a taxi.

"shawn! anya! when's the baby coming?"

"anya! have you got a bump yet?"

"what are you naming it?"

"is it really shawns baby?"

"how excited are you two?"

the shouts consume the space around shawn and i, as i feel my head begin to spin wildly. shawn politely begins to answer them, telling them to kindly go away, but i stop, looking down at a section of the floor, my head pounding. almost immediately i feel myself collapse onto the floor, and my arms and legs go limp.

"shit! anya!" shawn yells, noticing me, and immediately coming down to the floor, slowly helping me up, wrapping his arms around me, as the cameras continue to swarm. "hey, all of you, fuck off!" shawn yells once more, his neck vein popping out in anger. "my pregnant wife has just collapsed, give us some fucking privacy!"

"s-shawn-"

"shh baby, come on, let's get you back to the hotel yeah? is everything okay? do you hurt anywhere?" i shake my head, as shawn nods, placing his hand out for a taxi. "you ready to go? come on, i'll lift you up." i nod once more, as shawn scoops his arms under my legs, pulling me up, before gently placing me in the taxi, along with the bags of shopping in the boot.

"what happened?" i mumble, as soon as shawn gets in, leaning my head against his shoulder.

"you probably collapsed because of the crowd, don't worry, we'll be at the hotel in no time." he reminds me. "does everything feel okay with the baby?"

"i-i think so." i nod, not feeling any pain or anything different.

"alright." he nods, turning to the driver and giving our hotel name to him. "shh, hun, go to sleep for a bit, it looks like there's some traffic." he places a hand over my bump protectively, as i smile gently at him, nodding. i place my hand over shawns, rubbing my thumb against it softly.
-
"-i'm sorry baby girl, i swear from now on i'm gonna protect you and your mum as much as i can, i love you both way too much to get you both stressed out." i pretend to be asleep as shawn talks to my bare stomach, as i try to hold in a smile. "angel, you're already so perfect, and i am really sorry if those, excuse my language but, idiotic paparazzi scared you. tomorrow i have a show and i promise you and your mum that i'll keep you safe and i-i'll keep you far, far away from those stupid people."

"enjoying yourself?" i mumble, a small smirk on my lips as my eyes flutter open. shawns cheeks immediately flush red as he rubs the back of his neck. "don't be embarrassed, shawn, it was adorable." i chuckle.

"i-i was serious though." he mumbles. "i-if something bigger happened to both of you today, i would have never forgiven myself."

"but we're okay shawn, that's the only thing you could have wished for." i remind him, sitting up. "avery and i are perfectly fine."

"you called her avery?" shawn asks, a cheeky smile on his lips.

"maybe my mothers intuition changed." i shrug, as shawn smiles widely. "maybe, just maybe, we're gonna have a little girl."

"i really want a girl, i mean, it'll be great if we have a boy, but i really want a girl." shawn urges, making me laugh as he lays his head down on my lap. "i just really want one girl now and then maybe in a few years to have a boy."

"same here." i nod, as shawn smiles. "can we go out for dinner?"

"you sure? there's paparazzi outside still." shawn says, slightly concerned.

"i have a couple of things i want to say to them." and with a smirk, shawn sits up, taking my hand, whilst the two of us leave the hotel room, eager to cause some trouble.