chapter six
feelings
[anya rose steinburg]
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i find myself on the corner of my bed when i wake up, shawns arms around my waist, his body pressed up to my back, his face buried in my hair, my hands knotted together with shawns, that are resting on my stomach.

"shawn! anya! wake up! it's christmas!" tommy yells, opening up our bedroom door, making me groan immediately. he runs to the next room, yelling at the unlucky sophie and brooklyn, making me laugh softly.

"merry christmas." shawn mumbles, releasing his grip on my slightly, but still holding me.

"merry christmas." i reply, turning to face him, before he kisses my lips lightly. "are you feeling okay?"

"i'm okay." he smiles weakly, rubbing his thumb over my waist softly. "anya i-i just want you to know that you're not doing anything wrong, please don't worry about me."

"but shawn-"

"no, i want you to think about yourself in this situation, not me, yeah? do what you think is best." he says softly. "we should get up, and change." i nod, pressing my lips to shawns gently, letting them linger for a few seconds, before i get up, walking to my wardrobe, taking out a pair of black yoga pants.

"shawn, can i have one of your long sleeves?" i ask, sliding off my jeans and putting on the yoga pants instead.

"here." he hands me the shirt, as i slide off my jumper, replacing it for the black long sleeve he's given me. i then notice he's dressed in a pair of grey tracksuits, and a black t-shirt. the two of us brush our teeth and freshen up, before exiting my room and heading downstairs, shawn carrying the large bag containing all the presents we bought for everyone.

"finally." my mom laughs, as the two of us enter the kitchen, after placing the presents under the tree in the main living room, well next to the tree. "you two sure do take your time." shawn and i blush in embarrassment, noticing my entire family inside the kitchen and large dining room, eating breakfast. "there's waffles on the kitchen island, help yourselves." shawn and i immediately head for the island, picking up a plate each, before plating ourselves a waffle each, along with some fruit.

"mistletoe." peter smirks, pointing above shawn and i, as he passes the island, matthew in his arms.

shawn chuckles lightly, as we turn to each other, shawn leaning down and pressing his lips to mine, his spare hand holding onto my waist, as i cup his cheek with my spare hand. his lips are sugar. i pull away, a small smile on my lips, as shawn bites his lower lip, looking at me with a small smirk. "i think i could spend some more time under this, with you." he smirks at me, before leaning down and pressing his lips to mine once more.

"hey mendes, hands off my daughter before i kick your ass!" my dad yells, making the family laugh. shawn pulls away, a soft blush running at his cheeks, as i laugh softly, taking my plate and walking to sit at the table.

"did you tell him?" brooklyn whispers quietly to me as i take a seat next to him and sophie.

"yeah." i nod, whilst shawn comes over to sit next to me, before standing up again and grabbing two mugs of coffee, handing one to me. "thanks hun." i say to him, taking the coffee.

"so i heard you got the wake up call from tommy this morning?" shawn asks brooklyn and sophie, cutting up his waffle.

"so did you." sophie laughs, sipping on her orange juice. "that boy is so excitable, it scares me."

"my sisters like that." brooklyn says, leaning back in his chair. "she gets very excited, easily."

"he's a child." i say, sticking up for my cousin. "we were all like that at one point." they all laugh, as we finish up our breakfast.

"presents!" jasmine squeals, rushing out of the kitchen to the main living room, sitting at the tree, emptying out all the sacks of presents.

"i didn't realise how many there would be." shawn says to me, with wide eyes. i laugh gently, wrapping my arm around his side.

"well, this is a big family." he chuckles, holding onto my hand that's wrapped around his waist. "come on, you need to open your presents!"

"you got me presents? anya you didn't have to." shawn says to me, as i drag him over to a pile i made when we arrived, full of shawns gifts from me. "okay i already know what one is." he laughs, pointing at the gibson, unwrapped guitar.

"look at it closely!" he chuckles, picking it up, examining the body. his eyes go wide, and he looks up at me, a surprised look on his face. "i got it delivered here! do you like it?"

"um, of course i do! john, ed, and jojo? anya!" he shrieks, putting the guitar down carefully, before walking towards me and wrapping his arms around me. "thank you so much, this is so beautiful."

"you're welcome, now open the rest!" i laugh, sitting down onto the couch arm, watching shawn open all his presents, the expression of an excited child on his face.

"oh anya, i love these." shawn says, pulling out the three shirts i got ordered from the vintage store he found his classic red one in europe. "holy shit, are they from that vintage store?"

"i got a friend to get me them." i shrug, smiling. "okay, wait, open this one." i say, standing up and handing him the small box. i bite my lower lip in anticipation, as he takes out the smaller, clear box inside the small black box.

"anya..." he whispers, looking up at me. "hunny, thank you." he smiles, looking at the engraved guitar pick i bought him. he opens up the last few presents, containing homeware, a few CDs, and a couple more shirts, before he reaches the final, ring box. he opens it slowly, revealing a silver band, with the morse code of his first single engraved onto it.

"what does it say?" he asks confused, gazing at the dots and dashes.

"life of the party." he looks at the ring, before gazing up at me, a small smile on his face. he leans forward, pressing his lips onto mine quickly, kissing me briefly.

"thank you so much gorgeous." he says, a smile on his lips. "alright, your turn." he holds onto my hand, dragging me to another place around the tree, as the two of us sit down on the floor, shawn bringing out a pile of gifts.

"i thought we agreed not to go overboard since we went overboard for our anniversary? and my birthday?" i laugh, looking at the large pile of gifts, almost reaching shawns height.

"well you better get through them quick because i can't see you until you do." i laugh again, removing some of the presents to around us, so shawn can see my face. "go on, open them."

i sigh, picking up the first box, opening it up, revealing a new camera, one that takes film, instead of being digital. my mouth goes agape, as i look at shawn, whilst he grins widely at me.

"oh my gosh, shawn!" i say, shocked and looking at the camera box. "how did you find this? they stopped selling this brand about ten years ago!"

"i have my connections, well, josiah does." he chuckles, as i place the camera to the side, making my way through the pile of gifts.

"shawn, everything you've given me today is so thoughtful, thank you." i say softly to him, gazing over the clothes, shoes, and items shawn has bought for me. i reach over, holding his hand in mine and squeezing it softly.

"there's still some more." he laughs lightly, pointing towards the two wrapped boxes. i pick one up, unwrapping it, revealing a wooden box. i open up the wooden crate, revealing a black, rose gold metal strapped watch, with a rose gold rim to the wide, white watch face.

"shawn," i gasp, admiring the watch, noticing it is a prada watch. "shawn," i repeat, as he smiles widely at me, laughing lightly.

"your daniel wellington was getting a little worse for wear." i look up at him, a large smile plastered on my face. "okay now open the last one." he says, urging me to open up the flat packaged box. i laugh, unwrapping it, revealing a velvet touch, midnight blue, cartier box. i gasp again, as shawn let's out a nervous laugh.

"shawn," i trail off, looking up at him once more. "this is too much."

"you haven't even seen what it is, it could be a piece of paper inside." he jokes, making me laugh. i open up the box, revealing the rose gold love collection necklace resting on the white silk mound. "do you like it?" my eyes gaze at the chain in awe.

"shawn, i-i love it." i choke out, as he grins even wider than before.

"let me put it on you." he says softly, taking the box from my shaky hands. i nod, moving my hair to one side of my neck, turning around so my back is facing shawn. he gently lays the necklace over my neck, the cold gold hitting my skin, making a chill run down my spine as shawn slowly does the necklace up, letting it rest over the top of my chest.

"shawn, thank you." i whisper, turning around and wrapping my arms around him.

"it's okay baby." he says softly, rubbing my back. i smile, pulling away, before sitting next to him, as gifts are passed to shawn and i.

we spend another half an hour opening up presents and giving presents to one another, before we all decide to take our new things back to our rooms. shawn and i volunteer to collect all the wrapping paper and tidy up the room so everyone else can get on with their day until lunch.

"let's take a walk after this." shawn decides, picking up a bunch of wrapping paper.

"alright." i shrug, putting more of the wrapping paper into a large black bin liner. "we should facetime aaliyah and your family later." he nods at me, before taking the bag from my hands, tying it up and placing it to the side of the room, ready to be taken outside.

"come on, take a walk with me now." he holds out his hand to me, and i nod, grasping onto it, as the two of us walk to the cloakroom to get some clothes to keep us warm. i grab a jacket, followed by a scarf, and slipping on a pair of ugg boots, whilst shawn puts on a jacket and a scarf, followed by his running trainers. we link hands again, taking a set of house keys, before we exit the house, walking down the driveway and emerging to the road.

"i'm leaving to la on the 2nd of january." he says, as we turn into another road, covered by the snowy trees of winter, the trees acting as a tunnel to the road.

"i thought you weren't gonna go until the 10th?" i ask, wrapping one of my arms around his arm, still clutching onto his hand.

"andrew wanted me there earlier." he sighs, stopping in his tracks. "i think we should break up when i go." he gazes at me briefly, before turning his eyes to the snowy pathway.

"shawn-" he cuts me off with a sigh.

"anya, i don't want to break up at all, but i think if you can't get your feelings in order, there's no point of us staying together." he says quietly. "if you want to stay with me now, we can completely forget about this conversation, but if you are still unsure, we'll say we're broken up after i leave." i bite my lower lip, looking up at him to answer. "anya please don't think of me in your answer, i'll be fine, i promise." he cups my cheek gently, connecting our eyesight.

"i-i think we should break up." i breathe out. "shawn i-i'm so sorry."

"it's okay, it's for the best." he says softly, rubbing his thumb over my cheek. "i love you, okay? don't reply, i just need you to know that." he brings me to his chest, holding me close as a light snow flurry falls around us. i few him press his lips to my head every so often, as the two of us just stand there, holding onto each other, like it is our last moment together.

well, it is one of them.
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how are you all??