chapter seventy-two
feelings
[anya rose mendes]
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the small baby who rests in the incubator next to me, her little hands and feet covered in white mittens and socks, and her body dressed in the white pom pom baby grow shawn and i bought in paris.

"she's beautiful." shawn whispers, caressing his thumb over the back of my hand. "thank you, so much anya."

"hold her." i urge him, a small smile on my face as i place my phone down on the sheets of my hospital bed.

"i-i don't wanna drop her." shawn chuckles, standing up and looking over the incubator, rubbing his thumb over avery's cheek.

"you won't drop her." i let out a snicker, as shawn playfully glares at me. "she's small but still heavy."

shawn nods anxiously, gently easing his hand underneath her head to support it, and his other hand slipping under her body, gently lifting her up. he doesn't break contact with her, his hands holding avery's small body against his chest, supporting her head, and gently rocking her sleeping body.

"hi angel." he coos, bringing his thumb to her cheek again, as i smile at the sight, folding my arms over my chest. "i'm your dada." he brings his lips down to her forehead, nuzzling his nose onto her small one. "anya she's so tiny."

"i know." i chuckle, as shawn sits down on the side of my bed, so i can see avery too. "hi ave." i whisper, running my fingers over her forehead. "you're so precious baby girl."

"she looks like you." shawn chuckles, a rosy tint to his cheeks. i let out a small laugh, rolling my eyes at him. "i'm serious, she looks like you when you were a baby."

"have you been looking at my baby albums?" i gasp sarcastically, as he chuckles, nodding sheepishly. "don't worry, i've been looking at yours too."

avery begins to stir in shawns arms and almost immediately starts to let out a shrill of a cry. "woah, baby, shh," shawn says, immediately concerned and rocking avery side to side, shushing her. "what's up sweetie?"

"i think she might be hungry." i frown, reaching my arms out to hold her. "c'mere angel." shawn gently lays her in my arms, as i quickly position myself to feed her.

after about ten minutes of feeding, avery's eyes begin to close, and i smile, leaning down to kiss her forehead, before pulling down my hospital gown again, and holding avery in my arms once more.

"all better." i whisper, as shawn smiles gently at us two. "can you put her in her cot?" i ask shawn slowly, as he nods, reaching out to hold her again. "when do we get out of hospital?"

"the doctor said sometime tomorrow, since you did have avery a couple days ago and she looks perfectly healthy." shawn explains to me, taking a seat on the chair next to my bed. "can we talk about a few nights ago?" i sigh, looking away from him.

"we don't need to talk about the past." i mumble, feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment.

"no we need to." he says. "i-i should've told you i was helping her, and i-i should've told you about what happened all those years ago in that cafe. i am a shit-"

"language!" i say softly to him.

"i am a stupid partner to you, and i'm sorry." he continues, as i look down at my lap. "i thought i saw the end of her after helping her with that stupid song, i'm just really sorry, and i hope we can move on from this."

"we can," i mumble, biting my lower lip as i lean over, holding shawns hand in mine. he looks up at me hopefully, as i reassure him with a small smile. "there really is no point in dwelling on something which happened basically seven years ago, and something pointless which happened last year."

"i love you so much, anya." he hums. "and i know i haven't said it enough lately, but anya, i really do love you."

"i love you more shawn." i say gently, as he tangles our hands together on my lap.

"you're too good for this world." shawn whispers lowly. "everything about you is amazing, this world doesn't deserve you. i don't you deserve you." my cheeks blush at shawns loving words, as a small smile comes upon my lips. "did you know that you're gonna be the best mother out there? damn, avery is gonna be one lucky girl." i let out a chuckle, rolling my eyes at him.

"she'll be lucky because she's got you as a dad, shawn." i squeeze his hand gently as he smiles sadly at me.

"you're the best." he whispers. a knock is heard on the door making shawn and i break our eye contact. with a sigh, shawn opens his mouth to respond. "come in!"

"hey you three." jasmine and aaliyah walk into the hospital room, carrying a small gift bag and balloons in their hands.

"shh," i giggle, motioning to the sleeping baby.

"oh!" aaliyah gasps, rushing towards the incubator and gazing down at avery. "aw, she looks so sweet when she's sleeping."

"she reminds me of you when you were a baby." shawn chuckles, greeting his sister with a hug. "she balls up her fists just like you used to do when you slept."

"she's so tiny." jasmine whispers, crowding round the incubator with aaliyah. "but she looks bigger compared to yesterday."

"i don't know, they're gonna weigh her again later today." shawn replies, shrugging. "she does feel heavier, but she has been fed like a lot."

"avery definitely has shawns appetite let's just put it that way." i chuckle, gazing at the incubator. "shawn, i need to pee, help me up?"

"of course hunny." he says, as i sit up, swinging my sore legs over the bed.

"are you seriously that sore?" jasmine asks, an expression of fear running over her face.

"you remember kelsey don't you? she couldn't move properly for like a week." i giggle, shawn helping me up so i'm standing. "luckily avery wasn't as big as matt, but still."

"oh god, now i'm scared." jasmine gulps, making me laugh once more. "why did nate do this to me?"

"you'll be fine, don't worry." i say, placing my hand on her shoulder, before hobbling into the bathroom.

"-if your wife things hobbling is fine, i don't know what to think." i hear jasmine say to shawn, as he laughs, aaliyah also letting out a small chuckle.

i quickly do my business, washing my hands thoroughly, before exiting the bathroom and making my way slowly to the bed. shawn helps me back up again and i thank him, before looking back at avery, seeing her wide away, her caramel eyes looking around the room.

"look who's awake." shawn grins down at avery, leaning into the crib to lift her up, holding her close to his chest. "aaliyah, wanna hold her?" shawn asks softly, gently rocking avery.

"holy crap yes please." she blurts out, making me chuckle. shawn helps her to position her arms, before she carefully takes avery from shawns grasp, in complete awe over her.

"she's so little, oh my gosh." aaliyah gasps, holding avery close to her. "hi ave, i'm your aunt, aaliyah." avery shakes her small head, nestling closer to aaliyah, as she lets out a soft yawn. "mum said she's gonna come over today." aaliyah says looking up from avery and at shawn.

"that's fine." shawn nods, as aaliyah gently passes avery to jasmine, who gladly holds her in her arms.

"she's so calm." jasmine says, looking at shawn and i. "how? you two aren't exactly calm."

"jasmine!" i giggle, rolling my eyes playfully at her. "i don't know, she's literally only friend twice, and that was just a few minutes ago, and when she was born."

"she didn't even wake up last night while sleeping either." shawn adds. "we're lucky then, i guess."

"yeah we are." i say. "ian and lauren were saying they didn't get sleep for the entire first week."

"either way, i still can't wait till she's allowed home."
-
"and this is the kitchen," shawn coos, taking avery around the house for a tour, while i chuckle behind them, reaching for a glass of water. "you've met mommy, but she's always at the sink, so if you need her, go to the sink."

"shawn!" i chuckle, turning off the tap.

"what? you drink loads of water." he shrugs.

"so do you, check the fridge." i tease back.

"anyway," shawn says to avery, before leaving the kitchen and walking about the house again. i laugh, following him up the steps to the upstairs part of our house. "this is our room, and you'll be staying with mom and i for a little bit before you get to sleep in your nursery, but we made you in here-"

"shawn!" i gasp, slapping his back lightly, my cheeks flushed red. "none of that talk around ave!"

"sorry." he laughs, leaning down to peck my forehead gently. "and this is our bathroom," he walks into the bathroom, showing avery who's looking around the new settings crazily.

"i'm gonna get some sleep, okay? you alright with avery for a bit?" i ask shawn, placing my hand on his arm.

"we'll be fine, get some rest love." he whispers back, as i nod, leaning up and pressing my lips to his cheek, before kissing avery's forehead lightly. "you look exhausted, i knew you weren't comfortable in the hospital room."

"that bed was the most uncomfortable bed i have ever slept on." i groan, slumping down on our shared bed, shawn letting out a small laugh.

"night darling." he teases, making me playfully roll my eyes. "we're gonna be downstairs okay? shout if you need anything."

"i love you," i mumble, as i pull up the blanket from the foot of our bed over my tired body.

"i love you more, have a good rest." he walks up to the bed, leaning down and kissing my lips slightly, before walking with avery in his arms back around the house, the quiet sounds of him giving avery a house tour sending me to sleep.
-
okay so for the next few chapters, i'm sort of planning something very different. it's something i haven't known anyone to experience, but i feel like it would be very fitting to the book to explore another side of shawn and anya's ever changing relationship. it's gonna be different, and i'm really sorry if it offends anyone or disrupts your thoughts.

now that i've got that out the way, let's talk about something more important:

shAWN AND HAILEY YES

okay first of all, neither of them have confirmed anything so idk what to think apart from they would be a fucking hot couple, and that hailey, as a person, will support shawn through everything. personally, i have no negative opinions of hailey, and she's freaking stunning so shawn got very lucky anyway, others may have negative views of her, which is perfectly fine because everyone is entitled to their own opinions. however, this doesn't mean you have the right to hate on hailey just because she's closer to shawn than you will ever be. news flash sweetie, you and shawn probably never will happen, so you might as well stop dreaming while you're at it. shawns happiness is all that should matter, so stop being to uptight and simply hating and sending death threats to hailey just because she's probably sleeping with shawn

that's all ladies and gents, have a good rest of the day and i will see you all very soon! xoxo