chapter seventeen
feelings
[shawn mendes]
-
taking a breath, i quickly unlock the door to my condo, revealing anya pacing around the room, typing things away on her phone.

"jesus, anya." i chuckle, shutting the door behind me and revealing my entrance.

"shawn! where were you? you just left with no note or anything!" she yells, unfolding her arms.

"hey, shh," i quickly say, walking towards her and motioning for her to shut up, and be quiet so my neighbours won't hear. "brian came round and said he needed dropping off somewhere, i didn't want to wake you." i lie.

"bullshit, i heard a girls voice." she says to me, folding her arms. "who was that?" i sigh, leading anya to the couch, and sitting down with her.

"that was my girlfriend." i say, biting my lower lip anxiously.

"shawn! you never told me you had a girlfriend!" anya bursts quietly, a huge smile on her face.

"well i do, but we don't want anyone to know, and she especially doesn't." i sigh, running a hand through my hair.

"why?" anya asks me gently.

"she's seventeen. i'm almost twenty. she's a minor." i explain. "she was gonna stay here tonight after going out with one of her friends, and i completely forgot about it, but luckily she came over and said she had to go home. she would kill me if anyone found out about us."

"is it serious?" anya asks me quietly. "shawn, i'm so happy for you!"

"it is kind of serious? i don't know, i've been with her since late february." i chuckle. "thank you, though."

"but why did you tell me in london you weren't over me?" she asks confused.

"i did that to make sure no one, not even you would suspect anything. my family still think i'm not over you." i chuckle nervously. "i know i should probably introduce sydney to them but i really don't want to."

"sydney, eh?" anya smirks. "tell me about her!"

"well, she's kind of dumb, but that's not the point." i laugh. "she's really funny though, and she makes me happy." i smile to myself.

"so, have you said the big L word to her yet?" anya asks me with a smirk.

"she has to me, i'm just not so sure if i can say it back yet, you get me? i don't just want to rush into things. i'm getting older and i kind of want to be settled down by twenty six, twenty seven." i shrug. she nods at me understandingly.

"that's so sweet shawn, maybe get things out when she's eighteen?" anya suggests to me.

"she's turning eighteen in september, so hopefully we can tell everyone then." i shrug, nodding.

"that's amazing, i'm so happy for you, really." she beams at me. "i'm glad you've moved on, and that we're both happy in these new relationships."

"yeah, me too." i smile at her. "i'm glad that we're still close friends. really anya, please don't break contact with me after this concert."

"i won't, but only if you won't break contact with me." she warns teasingly, as we both chuckle.

"i won't." i say to her. "so, how's dan, really?" i tease her, nudging her side with my arm. she blushes red, hiding her face in her hands. "oh god, anya, i didn't mean it that way." i laugh. "although, most relationships-"

"i don't want to hear it." she laughs, cutting me off. "we're doing okay though, it's kind of hard with the distance but it's going okay." she nods. "but after seeing him for the last week, i've just been really happy, and i'm in a really good place now."

"i'm glad, anya." i smile at her. "okay, it's getting late." i chuckle, looking at the time on my phone.

"oh my god, it really is." she laughs, standing up from the couch. "goodnight, shawn."

"goodnight anya." we walk to our separate rooms silently, a small smile appearing on my face. i slide under the covers of my bed, and for the first time in what seems like months, i finally feel content.
-
"what's this?" i laugh, seeing anya playing out almost a full breakfast. she chuckles, dishing some eggs onto two plates.

"just a little thank you for letting me stay. my check in times at 12, so i'll be out of your head by then." she says to me, handing me a plate of breakfast and a glass of orange juice.

"do you need a lift to your hotel?" i ask, sitting on the barstool and eating the breakfast.

"yes please." she says, sitting opposite me, getting started on her own breakfast. "so what are the arrangements for the concert tomorrow?"

"well, i was thinking we should start driving out at around 3ish? i know i'm driving you, but i think ian and brian and tagging along with us." i shrug. "we should get there for about 4:30 if we leave at 3. i can pick you up at your hotel then, brian and ian will meet me at my place."

"why don't i meet you at yours too then? it'll just be a hassle to get me from the hotel." she says, sipping on her juice.

"alright, meet here at 2 then? we can have pre-drinks." i smirk, making her laugh. "we're having post-show drinks here too, so either way you're gonna have a drink here."

"whose we?" she chuckles, finishing breakfast.

"just everyone coming to the concert." i trail off. "and aaliyah."

"oh my god, aaliyah's gonna be there too? thank god!" she squeals. "that's great, one of the better mendes' will be there."

"it's nice that you think i'm one of the 'better mendes'" i say, smiling gratefully at her.

"yeah, no, you're not." she trails off. "only aaliyah and your parents are, sorry shawn." she shrugs, frowning at me.

"you're so mean to me." i pout sarcastically, as she bursts into another fit of laughter. "but yeah, she's gonna be there too, so i'll need to pick her up as well, but i'll do that in the morning."

"i haven't seen her for ages, i can't wait." she smiles to herself.

"she's missed you." i mention, making anya smile and blush.

"we still text a lot. i didn't tell her about toronto though, i was hoping i could surprise her." she smiles softly.

"well now you can." i say to her, standing up and taking both of our plates to the sink to wash. "if you want we can go see her now." i offer, making anya look at me hopefully.

"i don't want to be a burden to your day-" she starts, but i cut her off.

"shut up, anya, aaliyah would love to see you today." i say with a chuckle. "so we can go to pickering today then?"

"shawn, we don't have to." anya says to me softly. "spend some time with sydney today."

"i'll just say i'm visiting my family if she wants to meet up, it'll be okay, and the truth." i wave off, making her sigh.

"alright." she mumbles. "just make sure she's not upset, she has feelings shawn."

"yeah, yeah," i wave off, taking out my phone and calling sydney up, pressing my phone to my ear.

"what?" she answers tiredly, making me chuckle.

"hi to you too, babe." i laugh, leaning against my counter.

"oh shit- sorry shawn." she chuckles. "how are you?"

"i'm good, how are you?" i ask, with a smile on my face.

"tired." she yawns. "can i come to yours after school today? oh shit, i'm late for school." she groans.

"i'm visiting my family today, baby, how about after tomorrow we can have a lazy day at mine?" i offer, trying to make up for the fact i won't see her for two days.

"okay." she yawns again. "i need to go, i'll see you then. call me later, yeah?"

"of course, darling." i smile, looking down at the floor. "have a good day today, i'll see you soon."

"bye shawn." she says, hanging up, as i slide my phone back into my pocket, folding my arms and looking at anya. she playfully glares at me, and i breathe out a chuckle, rolling my eyes.

"you just don't want to admit i'm a considerate person." i tease, starting to wash up the plates from breakfast.

"i know you are a considerate person, it's just the way you were acting, it didn't seem like you really cared." she shrugs, grabbing a drying cloth and drying the items that i've just washed. "she seems sweet though."

"she is." i smile, looking down at the washing, my cheeks heating up. "i think i could love her? when do you know it's right to say it?"

"honestly? whenever you feel ready to say it." she tells me. "i'd say it when the person is always on your mind, and they're the only thing you can think of, when it almost makes your mind go insane. you get me?"

"yeah, i do." i nod, remembering how i could say it so early to anya. she took control of my thoughts. "when did you know you loved me?" i ask, out of curiosity. "sorry, i'm just curious." she chuckles lightly, looking down, and sighing.

"love at first sight i guess." she shrugs. "it was only until camila got involved that i actually realised that i loved you, and i wanted to tell you."

"you told me that night, well morning, didn't you?" i remember, that night reciting in my head.

"yeah, i did." she says softly. "i didn't think i would fall in love that fast."

"neither did i." i say to her. "i guess you could say our love was unexpected."

"yeah." she agrees, letting out a small chuckle. "if you're ready to say it to her, shawn, say it." she urges. "after all, she loves you anyway, so nothing can go wrong."

"you know what, i'm gonna say it." i nod. "i can't stop thinking about her, and i-i love her."

"yes!" she squeals, making me laugh, as i finish the dishes, before wiping my hands on a towel and getting my phone out, dialling up sydney's number.

"shawn, leave me alone, i'm trying to get dressed." she groans as soon as she answers, making me smile widely.

"i love you." i blurt out, smiling widely. "i love you."

"y-you do?" she asks, shocked at what i just said to her.

"100%." i smile. "say something, babe, please?"

"i love you too." she says to me gently, making a blush arise to my cheeks. "but i really have to go, i'll see you after tomorrow. have fun with your family today, i love you."

"i love you too, have fun at school." i say, smiling. "i'll buy some champagne for our lazy day."

"okay." she laughs. "bye mendes."

"see you later hunny." i hang up, placing my phone on the counter, seeing anya smiling widely at me. "well." i chuckle, scratching the back of my head nervously.

"i'm so happy for you." anya tells me, smiling at me.

"thank you, anya." i day gently, nodding at her. "enough about my love life, have you said you love dan yet?"

"yeah, about two months ago now. it was easier for me though because i have said it before." she folds her arms.

"i'm happy for you too, anya, really." i say to her, grinning. "okay, we should get ready if we want to hit the roads with little traffic." i sigh, looking at the time. "leave in half an hour?"

"that's fine with me." she says, jumping off of the counter, rushing into the guest bedroom.

i laugh to myself, before giving the kitchen a final clean and walking into my bedroom to quickly change and shower. after changing, i tidy up my room a bit, before walking out, and seeing any scrolling through her phone, sitting at the kitchen island.

"ready?" she asks, noticing me. i see her luggage lying next to her, and i nod.

"we'll stop by your hotel first so we can offload the bags, i'll bargain my way to get you early check in, don't worry." i say, grabbing my car keys.

"you do that, mendes."
-
i see loads of people talking about my books on twitter and it actually makes me laugh so much haha

comment your twitters i wanna do some stalking xoxo