chapter seven
feelings
[shawn mendes]
-
"you alright, mate? you haven't said much today." brooklyn says, coming next to me at the bar of the kitchen, watching as anya's family laugh at whatever the hell is going on.

"not really." i sigh, taking a long sip of the bottle of beer in my hands.

"what's up?" he asks me, putting his bottle down onto the table, as i let out a long sigh.

"anya and i agreed to break up as soon as i leave for la." i get out, looking at anya who's holding matthew in her arms, playing with him and making him laugh. what a great mother she would make.

"shawn, i'm so sorry to hear that." brooklyn says, sending me a sad look. "she's smart though, she'll realise you're the one for her." i shrug, taking another sip of my beer.

"right now, i don't know what way it could go." i sigh, looking down at my watch. "i should probably go and call my family, i'm gonna call it a night." i sigh again, placing my beer down on the table. "tell anya i'm upstairs if she asks." i stand up from the bar, walking out of the kitchen and living area straight to the main hallway and up the marble steps, heading into the room anya and i are sharing.

i take my phone out of my pocket, sitting on the bed, and dialling up aaliyah's number, waiting for her to answer.

"hello?" she answers, as i hear some shuffling round.

"hey liyah, merry christmas!" i say, trying to sound happier, as she laughs on the other side of the phone.

"hey shawn, merry christmas to you too." she chuckles. "are you okay? you don't sound okay."

"stuffs been going on between anya and i, we decided to break up when i leave for la." i say sadly, looking down at the grey carpet of anya's room.

"aw shawn, are you okay about it? i know what's going on." aaliyah says, as i hear a door shut in the background.

"honestly? no. intellectually? i guess i have to be okay." i stand up, walking about the room, before i land on anya's photo wall, seeing photos of basically just me and her.

"well i talked to mum and dad about trying to get my school work online so i can come with you for a month, and they said yeah, but of course andrew has to decide." aaliyah tells me, trying to lighten the mood.

"i just hope andrew doesn't stress me out with everything, you know? i'm already stressed out as it is." i groan, my eyes glazing over a picture of anya and i, taken the day we both met. i smile softly, tracing my fingers over it, remembering how crazy that day was.

"i wish i could give you a hug right now." she sighs. "how was your christmas otherwise?"

"great, anya got me this guitar signed by john, ed and jojo, so that's pretty cool." i say to her. "did you like your presents?"

"yeah! thank you so much for them, i'll give you yours next time i see you." aaliyah says, as i frown, knowing i'm not going to be seeing her for a while.

"you didn't have to get me anything." i laugh lightly, noticing some pictures of anya and i from the two photoshoots we've done together.

"i did." she says, yawning after. "i'm gonna go, mums calling me down."

"alright, text me later, yeah?" i say to her. "tell mum and dad and the family i say hi and merry christmas, and that i love them loads, and miss them so much."

"of course, i love you, shawn." she says into the phone.

"i love you too, liyah, see you soon." she hangs up, as i sigh, sliding my phone back into my pocket, before folding my arms together and looking at the rest of the photos of us together.

"no! don't sit there, there's bird shit there!" i laugh at anya, as she sits down onto the wall near the london eye. "you idiot."

"oh my god! get me tissues!" she squeals, standing up immediately and trying to look behind her. "is it bad? shawn, clean it, please!"

"oh shit, your jeans are white!" i laugh, as anya runs about in the space we are, freaking out. i notice geoff laughing too, taking a picture of the moment, anya panicked, and myself laughing.

"shawn!" she groans, as i hand her a packet of tissues, whilst she wipes away the stain.

"wait, come here." i say, taking off my jacket and handing it to her. "it'll cover your butt." she smiles gratefully at me, before slipping on the jacket, and handing me back the packet of tissues.

i smile fondly at the memory, looking at another one of the pictures, this time, from the first event we went to as a couple.

"relax, all they're doing is trying to get the best picture." i tell her softly, as we're photographed on the red carpet.

"i'm sorry if i hate cameras being shoved into my face." she says, scoffing after, as we leave the red carpet, walking into the banqueting hall.

"you really are something else." i shake my head, following her to the bar.

i roll my eyes, remembering how we forgot to go to the red carpet to take photos of that first event in london, and andrew made us go out he back entrance, and re enter the hall, taking photos on the red carpet outside.

"shawn, stop!" she giggles, as i run with her on my back down the beaches of australia. "we're gonna fall over!"

"no we won't." i laugh, just as i trip over my own feet, landing half in the water, half on shore, anya laughing and pushing me softly. "oops." i say, rolling over, and sitting up. "are you okay?"

"i'm fine." she chuckles, sitting next to me, as the water cascades over our laps, whilst anya rests her head on my shoulder. "it's so pretty here."

i chuckle lightly, looking at the picture we found on twitter, taken by a fan who happened to be on the beach at the same time as us.

i turn around from the large wall of photos, seeing anya standing there, her arms holding a sleeping matthew, a sad smile painted on her face. "come downstairs, we're going outside to roast marshmallows." she says softly, rocking the baby in her arms.

"mhm." i nod, as anya walks out of the room, going into peter and kelsey's room (the one opposite ours) and placing matthew down.

"-oh thanks anya." i hear kelsey say, as she walks into the room.

"no problem, are you coming down?"

"no, i'm gonna take an early night." she says. "you have fun though."

"alright, goodnight." anya walks back into the room i'm in, grabbing a large blanket, and her jacket. "come here," she sighs, dropping the jacket and blanket, holding her arms out for me.

i sigh, walking straight to her, embracing her smaller figure, resting my head on hers, as she nestles her head into my chest. "i-i'm sorry." i croak out, sniffling softly. "i just needed somewhere to be quiet."

"that's okay." she mumbles back, holding onto my tighter. "let's go down and roast some marshmallows, yeah? i know how much you love campfires." she says, pulling away from my chest, leaning up and kissing my cheek gently.

"yeah." i say, pulling on my jacket, and following anya downstairs, carrying the blanket with me. the two of us walk outside, clutching our jackets closer to us, as we approach the blazing fire, the sudden heat warming us slightly. anya walks over to one of the outdoor love seats around the fire pit. i sit next to her, placing the blanket over both of our laps.

sophie and brooklyn are cuddled up in a blanket opposite us, along with jasmine and nate holding each other to the other side. tommy is in poppy's lap, and the two of them sharing a blanket, whilst jason and his girlfriend, willow, are holding onto each other, a large blanket wrapped around them. i sigh, thinking how anya and i are sitting side by side, and the blanket only over our laps, watching the fire crackle, as sticks are handed out, along with marshmallows. i look down at anya, as she grabs a stick, pushing a marshmallow onto it, a sad expression over her face. she's noticed too.

i take a stick, impaling it into a marshmallow, before removing the blanket from our laps, and instead wrapping it around our shoulders, leaning back on the love seat, wrapping my spare arm around anya's cold body. she looks up at me briefly, before resting her cheek on my chest, snuggling closer to me. i lean down, pressing my lips to her forehead, as the two of us roast our marshmallows, wrapped up in each other's warmth.

i look down at anya, seeing her eyes shut, and her face almost relaxed. i then notice how her hand has gone slightly lip, and i sigh, pulling her hand into the blanket, and taking away the stick from her hands, placing it on the side of us, along with mine. she's definitely fallen asleep.

"i'm gonna take her up." i say, standing up from the seat, gently lifting anya's sleeping body up in my arms. "night guys."

a chorus of quiet "night"s are heard, before i walk away from the fire pit, holding anya close to me, as i venture back into her room. i shut the door gently behind us, before placing anya onto the bed, taking off her jeans and shirt, finding one of my t-shirts to drape over her body. i then lift up the duvets to her bed, tucking her into the covers, before i change into more comfy clothes, brushing my teeth, before joining anya in bed.

i stay situated on my side, as anya remains asleep on her side of the bed. sighing, i sit up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, putting my head in my hands, feeling tears drip down my cheeks.

i've lost her.
-
you're welcome for the double emotional updates!! also loving the "i hate you" messages i'm getting :))