bet you weren't expecting a sequel so soon eh? this takes place at christmas time, the guilt and lies closing anya off from shawn entirely. hope you all enjoy this series as much as i enjoy writing it. so without further or do, here is the first chapter of feelings!!
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chapter one
feelings
[anya rose steinburg]
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sitting on a plane from toronto to the hamptons seems short to any normal person. however, the dread and anxiousness consumes my tired mind, wandering what is to occur with my actions, and the actions from people around me. clouds envelope the plane as we begin our descent back onto ground, shawns head resting on my head, showing him to definitely still be asleep. he hasn't slept properly in days. ever since andrew told him to start working on music after we got back from asia, things only went downhill from there. he would stay up, continuously writing, come back from the studio at ridiculous hours, before sleeping for two hours and going back to the studio. he would go to the gym every day too; i hardly ever saw him actually in the house.

ever since that show in new zealand, i haven't felt the same. i know it's something to do with daniel. i'm hurting shawn so much, and it kills me that he doesn't even know how i'm feeling. it's good he doesn't. he doesn't deserve to be treated in the way i treat him. it's hard to believe i would ever think about getting back with my ex.

"baby?" shawn mumbles, waking up from his snooze. "have we landed yet?"

"no, love, we're landing though, so you might want to stay awake." i say to him, looking out of the plane window.

"how are we getting to the house from the airport?" he yawns, squeezing my hand in his.

"peter's picking us up." i answer, looking at him. he sends me a sleepy smile, pecking my forehead gently.

"our first christmas together, i can't wait." he smiles again, a red tinge hinting at his cheeks, as he wraps his arm around me, warming up my side immediately. "we can be that cheesy couple now."

"shawn, we'll only be that couple for two days. it's christmas eve tomorrow." i laugh, making him breathe out a small chuckle, smiling nervously at me.

"don't ruin my dreams." he leans down, burying his head in my neck, his untouched glass of scotch lying on the first class seat table in front of him. i feel my heart clench as shawn chuckles into my neck, wrapping his arms around my waist. shakily, i bring my hands over shawns back, holding him close to me. "hun, are you okay?" he pulls away from my neck, looking at me concerned.

"y-yeah, i'm fine." i smile reassuringly at him, before he settles into his seat again, picking up the scotch glass.

"i've been ignoring you recently, haven't it?" he says sadly. "and we won't see each other for four months next year too, i've wasted most of my time left with you."

"what? no shawn, don't think you've been ignoring me, i know you've had a lot of work to do." i remind him, bringing my hand up to his shoulder, squeezing it slightly. "it's just hard seeing you this tired and overworked." i say softly, as shawn slides the glass in between his lips, downing the scotch in one.

"i'm sorry anya." shawn whispers, looking at me after putting the glass down. "i promise, for the next week, i'll give you all my attention." i can't bring myself to structure a proper answer, so i simply just nod, before settling back into my seat, gazing out of the window. shawn moves his hand onto my thigh, grasping it gently in his large hand, rubbing his thumb slowly over my jean covered leg, as he scrolls through his phone.

it's eating me alive.

after a short landing, we finally touch ground, before we are finally let off the flight, revealing the busy airport, since it is incredibly close to christmas. i immediately head for baggage reclaim after getting through border security, shawn following close behind me. almost immediately, he spots the two guitars he brought with him. he reaches for them, bringing them to where i'm waiting, before heading off to grab our suitcases. he comes back with both of our large suitcases, and i quickly go to find a baggage trolley to place our bags on top of.

"here, put them on here." i say to shawn, pushing the trolley towards him, as he lifts them up, placing the suitcases onto it, followed by the guitars. "i'm gonna call peter to come round the front of the airport." shawn nods, as the two of us walk to the exit, not wanting to go outside into the cold winter weather. after hanging up with peter, i spot his car driving up to the exit of the terminal, and i start walking outside, greeting my cousin who stops the car, getting out and begins to help shawn load the luggage into the car.

"hey guys!" he cheers, embracing me into a hug, followed by shawn. "how was the flight?"

"very short." shawn laughs, folding his arms to trap the heat into him.

"someones here to meet you two." peter says, opening up one of the back seat doors, revealing a baby carrier, along with a five month old baby smiling cheekily.

"oh my god, hey matt!" i immediately coo, bringing my finger up to tickle the baby's pink cheek.

"he's adorable, hi little guy." shawn says softly, a smile on his face, his eyes completely wide as he stares at the child in awe.

"this is the first time you're meeting him, right?" peter asks, as shawn brings his hands to matt's sides, tickling him gently, making him erupt into laughter.

"yeah, i haven't had the change to meet this one." he chuckles, pulling his head out of the car,  as peter shuts the door softly.

"well, you guys are free to babysit whenever you want." peter smirks at us, as shawn chuckles.

"i'll hold you that deal." shawn laughs, as he sits in the front passenger seat, allowing me to get into the other side of the backseats, next to matthew. i'm not complaining.
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"anya!" kelsey yells, running straight to me, immediately crushing me in a tight hug. "i've missed you so much!"

"shawn!" tommy yells, his small legs carrying him straight to shawns frame, crashing into his open arms. shawn bends down, hugging him back, as tommy goes on and on about how sad his life has been without seeing shawn.

"i've missed you too," i smile at kelsey, my eyes filling with happy tears. "i have so much to tell you."

"anya, shawn, so good to see you both!" my mom rushes into the scene, embracing the two of us with big hugs. i pull away, letting her hug shawn hello, before i wait for him to finish so we can greet everyone else.

"nate? what are you doing here?" i put my handbag down, going to hug him, before i see jasmine, a small smirk on her face, as she leans against the door, obviously in a boys hoodie. "no fucking way!" i pull away from nate, rushing up to jasmine and embracing her with a bear hug. "jasmine!"

"i bumped into him in september, and i guess we just hit it off." she laughs, hugging me back.

"why didn't you tell me?" i laugh, coming away from the hug, standing back next to shawn.

"i wanted to surprise you." she laughs, standing next to nate, holding onto his hand. "go say hi to everyone and we can catch up." i nod, as shawn follows me into the large main room, before i spot sophie on brooklyns lap? what happened when i was away?

"soph!" i yell, surprised. "come here!" she rushes up to me, as i quickly jump up, linking my legs around her and hugging her close. "my baby's growing up!"

"chill, i'm 18." she laughs, hugging me back.

"you're 18?" shawn asks shocked. "i thought you were like 14?" sophie pulls away from me, laughing at shawn before hugging him.

"i'm 18." she repeats, pulling away from shawn. "babe, come here?" she yells at brooklyn, before he stands up, sighing and walking towards us.

"hey brooklyn." i say softy, leaning up fro a hug. he hugs me back, before pulling away.

"hey anya, how are you?" he asks back, standing next to sophie.

"good, what about you?" i ask back with a smile, holding onto shawns hand.

"great." he smiles. "listen, shawn, i'm really sorry about the way i've acted in the past, is it okay if we restart?"

"yeah that's great, i'm sorry too." shawn smiles, before the two of them hug, laughing before pulling away.

"maybe all of us can go out to a bar or something tonight." i suggest, before excusing myself and greeting the rest of my family, shawn following behind me. after we've greeted everyone, shawn places his hand on my lower back, stopping me in my walk. "what's up, shawn?" i ask him, turning around.

"you know i love you right?" he asks quietly. "anya, i'm really sorry for ignoring you."

"i'm not annoyed shawn," i mumble, cupping his cheek gently. "i love you too." i croak out, making him smile softly, and his cheeks turn a subtle pink. "lets go put our stuff upstairs, yeah?" shawn nods, grasping onto my hand, before the two of us walk back to the main hall of the house, collecting our large suitcases, before dragging them up the stairs. peter caught on what we were doing, and helped us bring shawns guitars to my room so we wouldn't have to make two trips. after thanking him, he leaves shawn and i alone to unpack and get settled again.

"come here, hunny." shawn whispers, holding out his hand to me. i smile, taking it in my smaller one, before he spins me into his chest, holding me close to him. he sways us softly, before moving his hands up my shoulders, removing me from his chest, and looking me sightly frightened, but a small sense of serenity in his eyes. "so," he pauses, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a small bag. "i was gonna wait till christmas day, but, i can't wait."

"you aren't proposing are you?" i tease, as he laughs, rolling his eyes.

"not now anyway." he chuckles. "its a key, to my house." he takes it out of the bag, holding it in front of me. i look at, and back up at him. "i know it was supposed to be our house, but i know at the same time we might be rushing it if i ask you to move in, so i'm giving you this key as a way to say you have free access to the house, even when i'm away." he smiles gently at me. "i trust you, one hundred percent, and i want you to have this key."

i don't even trust myself one hundred percent.

"shawn," i trail off, a small smile on my lips. "thank you, gorgeous." i slowly take the key from his hands, before he links his arms around my waist again. he smiles widely, before pressing his lips onto mine, kissing me ever so softly, before pulling away, and tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear. "let's go downstairs and see what everyone's doing." shawn nods, following me out of my room and down the stairs into one of the large dining rooms, where, coincidentally all my cousins and their significant others are.

"shawn! let's play cars!" tommy squeals, noticing our entrance into the room.

"alright buddy, but only if i get to be the red car." toomy chuckles, taking shawns hand and running off out of the room, shawn giving me a smile before rushing off. i chuckle to myself, before joining kelsey, poppy, jasmine and sophie all around the bar area, sipping on a glass of wine each.

"hey girls." i smile, reaching for the bottle and a glass, pouring out the red wine until it reaches half way. i put the bottle down, standing next to poppy, sipping on the wine immediately.

"what's got you eager to drink?" jasmine chuckles, sipping on her own glass.

"you don't even want to know." i say with a small laugh, going back to sipping on my drink.

"let's go to the hot tub, you can tell us all there." i bite the inside of my cheek, nodding, before following all the girls upstairs so we can change into bikinis.

i just don't understand how i'm supposed to tell them all about what's been happening in my life, especially my feelings.
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there it is!! chapter one of feelings is done!

i hope you all enjoy this book, but i can't promise things will go to plan haha x