chapter forty-five
feelings
[anya rose steinburg]
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"baby, you look good." shawn says, strolling into the bathroom as i apply my makeup. i chuckle at him, shaking my head, gazing at my attire of a plain black romper, a deep v-neck and the black material going into a simple pair of shorts, complimenting my body.

"thanks hun." i smile back at him, as he messes around with his hair, styling it to the way he likes it.

"so i don't look good too?" he asks sarcastically, folding his arms and looking at me. i shake my head again, laughing, before i finish applying my makeup and standing in front of him.

"you look handsome." i mumble, pressing my lips to his quickly. "happy now?"

"much." he grins, taking his phone out, and logging onto snapchat. "up for a picture, my love?"

"mhm." i nod, wrapping my arms around his torso and pulling a funny face to the mirror, as shawn quickly snaps the picture, saving it and smiling widely, before posting it on his story. "send that to me." i tell him, as he slides his phone back into his pocket, before hugging me tightly, nodding, swaying each other from side to side.

"barcelona in six days." shawn sings, making me smile.

"i can't wait." i mumble back to him, letting go of him and sending him a wide smile. "finally a break, i'm really excited."

"me too." he chuckles, looking down at his watch. "and we should be going, hold on let me check where the uber is." he takes out his phone, opening his uber app. i notice that the uber's two minutes away from our hotel, so shawn and i should really hurry up. "come on, hun, let's go." i quickly gather together my bag, putting my hotel room key and phone inside it, before clutching onto shawns hand and following him out of the hotel room, shutting the door behind us. we race down to the lobby, wandering outside into the peak summer heat, looking for our uber.

"do you see a toyota prius?" shawn asks me, looking around the hotel. i see a black one pull up, and i tug on shawns hand, making him look in that direction. we walk up to the car, as the driver quickly checks it is shawn, before the two of us get in, the ac cooling us down quickly.

"42nd and 8th?" shawn asks, shutting the door behind him, and pulling our joint hands to his lap.

"sure." the driver replies, beginning the drive to the place where shawn and i are supposed to be tasting food for the wedding. i gaze up at shawn, seeing him admiring the buildings as we drive past. i smile softly, squeezing his hand gently, before resting my head on his shoulder, content with life.
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"this is our most popular cake base." sarah says to shawn and i, as we both try the small slice of cake, deciding what to have for the wedding. "what do you think?"

"i really like it-" shawn begins, but he gets cut off by my ringtone. i sigh, seeing it's my mom. "who is it?"

"my mom, i think it's about the venue, sorry i have to take this." i stand up quickly, walking outside the large room, answering my moms incoming call. "hey mom."

"hi sweetie, listen, they've only got may sixteenth free, is that okay for you?" she asks. i bite my lower lip, anxiously.

"hold on, let me quickly ask shawn." i say to her, walking back into the room and motioning for shawn to come over. he stands up, rushing towards me and looking concerned. "they only have may sixteenth." i tell him.

"that's perfect." he says to me, scrolling through the calendar on his phone. "and it's a saturday, anya that's amazing."

"so may sixteenth then?" i ask him, as he nods, confirming the date. "okay, thanks love." he nods again, kissing my cheek before walking back into the room. "hey mom, yeah, may sixteenth is perfect, can you book it?"

"of course, dear." she laughs. "do you want me to start looking at marquees too?"

"yes please, a really big one would be great." i say. "i'll talk to you later mom, i have to go, we're trying food for the wedding."

"okay, sweetheart, i'll talk to you later. have a good day." she laughs, as i quickly smile, mumbling a quick goodbye, before wandering back into the room, seeing shawn trying another cake.

"this ones your least popular? it's your best!" he chuckles, before seeing me in the room. "babe, you've gotta try this cake, this is the one, i'm telling you." i chuckle at him, as he picks some of the cake up on his fork, holding it up for me to try. i sigh, taking a bite, chewing it and swallowing it, understanding what he's saying.

"can we get this one?" i ask sarah, as she laughs softly. "you know, normally i would never agree with this idiot, but he's got some good tastebuds." shawn scoffs, playfully glaring at me, as i let out another laugh.

"do you have any cake ideas for the actual thing?" sarah asks, as we all sit down again. i sigh softly, leaning my chin on my hand, looking at shawn.

"a four tier cake?" shawn asks me.

"i want it to be really simple though." i add.

"definitely, but something that incorporates us both into it." he says quickly.

"well, you two seem like quite classy yet laid back, and classic people, so maybe a plain iced cake with a few accent details?" she asks, sketching a few ideas down into her notebook, showing shawn and i a perfect cake, with some sort of lace detail around the surface of the cake, and on top something like edible pearls over the top of each tier.

i gasp quietly, my face looking at the sketch in awe. i turn to shawn, nodding my head wildly, as he breaks out into a grin, turning to sarah.

"can we order that cake for may the sixteenth?" he asks, clutching onto my hand. she laughs again, nodding before scribbling it down to add to the set menu we've decided.

"let me just total everything up, you can pay now." she says, making us nod. she stands up, walking away from the room, leaving shawn and i alone. shawn takes out his cheque book, placing it on the table in front of us.

"may sixteenth, huh?" i smirk up at him, as he beams widely, nodding.

"it's so soon." he mumbles, squeezing my hand tightly.

"shawn," i laugh. "we still have the rest of this year, next year and some of the year after, that's not soon." i laugh again, making him chuckle.

"i know, but you know what i mean." he says, looking down at our joint hands and fiddling with my engagement ring. "it's actually happening." he mumbles, in shock.

"i know, hun." i tell him, squeezing his hand. "i can't believe it."

"neither can i." he says quietly. "can we promise not to end things now? and actually act out all those promises we've made up until now?" he asks me, looking up. "if we feel a fight coming, please can we stop it while we can?"

"of course, shawn." i mumble, leaning up and pressing my lips to his cheek. "i promise."

"okay, good." he says to me. "now i definitely can't wait to marry you."
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i bite my lower lip anxiously, as shawn runs his hands through his hair, obviously frustrated with me, and himself in a way. is a fight coming along?

"look, it's not my fault for being scared, okay?" he says harshly, looking up at me, resting his arms on his knees. "i can't do this."

"shawn," i stop him, walking over to the bed and sitting down next to him. "breathe, okay?" i say softly, placing my hand on his back, rubbing it slowly. "i'm sorry." i mumble as he sighs, turning his head so he's looking at me from the side.

"what's wrong with me?" he murmurs, tears pooling in his eyes.

"stop, nothing's wrong with you." i remind him quietly, cupping his cheek. he sighs again, pulling me onto his lap and linking his arms around my waist.

"it's like every time we bring up something about not fighting or avoiding fights, we fight." he mumbles. "i just want to stop them from happening."

"me too, love." i say to him. "but at the end of the day, if they happen, they happen. everything happens for a reason, and maybe fights are our way to show something else." he looks up at me, letting a tear fall down his cheek. "maybe this fight was to show us that we are gonna fight, no matter what. every couple has their ups and downs, please don't be worried about it, shawn."

"okay." he nods, rubbing his hands over my waist. "i'm sorry for yelling at you."

"don't apologise." i mumble. "it's okay."

"i love you so much, you know that, right?" he asks me, pulling me onto the bed, as i let out a small giggle, shawn resting his head on my chest.

"and i love you more." i mumble, pressing my lips to his forehead, letting them rest there for a few moments.

i'm just glad we managed to let things settle fast.
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get ready for a huge time jump lads🤙🏼🤙🏼 (well not huge but you get what i mean, it'll be a couple months or something idk just get them out of summer)