chapter forty
feelings
[anya rose steinburg]
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"fuck." i mumble, bashing my side onto the kitchen counter as i race around, trying to make shawn's breakfast. my phone rings and i groan, running to answer it. "hello?" i call.

"anya! listen we're at the supermarket, how much beer do you think we'll need?" i sigh, looking at the decorated main room, and smiling softly at it.

"well we have two kegs, but i'd say get a few cases of 48? i've ordered the rest online and they should be arriving at some stage this morning." i reply to ian. "get a few snacks too, and can you pick up the cakes? i'll text you the address of the bakery."

"of course, see you in a bit." he chuckles, before hanging up. i place my phone down, flipping the last pancake and placing it on the stack, before pouring over some maple syrup and adding some of the cut up fruit i had prepared.

almost as soon as i had finished making his tea, he stumbles into the kitchen, yawning, and pulling a hoodie over his shirtless torso. i pick up the pancakes, quickly lighting the candle on it, before walking slowly to shawn.

"happy birthday to you." i begin to sing, as he chuckles, blushing red. "happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear shawn," i sing, a smile coming onto my lips. "happy birthday to you." he blows out the candle, and take the pancakes, placing them on the table beside him, before he smiles, leaning down and pecking my lips gently.

"thanks hunny." he mumbles, shaking his arms around my waist.

"come on, you need to open your gifts." i smirk at him, as he grabs his pancakes, following me into the main room, where he sinks down onto the couch, beginning to attack the stack of pancakes.

"anya i really don't want any gifts." he chuckles, as i hand him a small, wrapped box.

"it's really small, honestly." i say to him, sitting next to him, as he sighs, taking the box and unwrapping it with one hand. he opens it up, revealing the leather wallet i got him, along with the small polaroid picture of the two of us in london.

"anya," he says in awe, picking up the small photograph, smiling gently at it. "thank you, so much." he says, picking up the wallet, sliding the picture into it. "i love it."

"i know it's nothing too big but-"

"anya, i don't care about presents, all i care about is you being here with me. that's the best gift i could ask for." he places the box down, cupping my cheek and leaning down to kiss me again. "i love you."

"i love you." i reply, pulling away and smiling at him.

"thanks for the breakfast too, baby." he mumbles, wrapping his arm around my shoulders, fiddling with the silk robe over my shoulders. "i also love what you did to the place, it looks great." he grins, looking around his decorated condo.

"i woke up at 6 to do all of this." i chuckle. "it's okay though, you deserve it." i say to him, sweeping my legs over his lap. he pulls my legs closer to him, rubbing his hands up and down my bare shins.

"well, we have some time before everyone arrives." he smirks, leaning down and pressing his lips to my neck. "wanna go back to bed for a bit?"

"why do you think i'm wearing this?" i chuckle at him, as he slips off my silk robe, revealing the navy blue lace lingerie i bought recently. "happy birthday, baby." i say to him, and he begins hooking his hands under my legs, lifting me up effortlessly, before carrying me back to his bedroom.
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"shawn! can you get the door? it's probably ian!" i yell from the bedroom, as i finish up curling my hair, whilst shawn steps out of the bathroom, dressed in a white button up and a pair of black jeans, his usual boots on his feet, and a denim jacket draped over his shoulders. "wow, you look good." i comment, turning the curling tongs off, and gazing at my appearance in the mirror.

"thanks hun, you look stunning." he smirks, before rushing out of the room to answer the door. i chuckle to myself, before sliding on my engagement ring again, along with my watch and a couple bangles. i then leave shawns bedroom, turning off the lights, seeing ian, brian, matt and a few others carrying in various drinks, food, and the cake.

"anya, love, can you come here a sec?" shawn asks me, holding open the door to his room. i nod, quickly rushing into the room again, before shawn shuts the door, looking at me nervously.

"oh god, what happened?" i groan, as he sighs, dropping his shoulders.

"i know it's early- and i know we said we'd pick them out together but i didn't realise they arrived until i opened the door and-" he holds out a small cardboard box. "if you don't like them we can return them, it's okay."

"what are they?" he motions me to sit down on the bed with him, as he opens up the box, revealing a ring box. he opens that box up, showing me two wedding bands - one plain silver one, which is quite large, for shawn; and one silver one with a small dip in the middle.

"remember how i said all the rings i got you come together in a stackable piece? well i have your promise ring too, which is," he opens up his bedside table drawer, taking out another ring box. "here, but the jewellers heard about our proposal and they contacted me saying they want to send the wedding bands over, so here they are." i look at them in awe, holding the box in my hands, as i examine the two delicate pieces.

"i love them, shawn." i smile at him, handing him back the rings. he breathes out a sigh of relief. "we also need to start planning, i want everything about our wedding to be perfect."

"yes we do, but let's get drunk tonight and do it tomorrow." he says, taking the rings from me and standing up, holding his hand out. "come on, baby, i think i need to show up at some stage."

"well, no ones here yet apart from your friends, so have fun with that." i chuckle, patting his shoulder, as the two of us walk out, laughing softly at each other. i clutch my arm with shawns, realising i was wrong, and shawns large-ish condo is now filled with an array of people, the music blasting out loud from the dj in the corner.

"there he is!" ian yells, holding up a solo cup in the air. "big boys 20!"

"oh god." i hear shawn mumble next to me, making me laugh softly, as two drinks are handed to us. "ian, for the love of god please don't get wasted tonight."

"i think he's beaten you to it." lauren chuckles from near us, as i immediately smile, rushing up to hug her.

"lauren!" i squeal, as she laughs, hugging me back. "how are you?"

"i'm good, how are you miss i'm engaged to shawn?" she smirks at me, as i blush. "let me see the ring!" she shouts over the music, as i hold up my hand, the diamond sparkling in the ambience. "oh my god, it's beautiful!"

"thank you," i chuckle, taking a sip of my drink, before i see shawn great a group of his friends. "hold on, i need to check on something quickly." i excuse myself, wandering through the condo, before i spot andrew on his phone to someone. "andrew!" i call, getting his attention.

"anya, hey, yeah ed's running a bit late." he says anxiously. "is there anyway we can keep shawn away from the doorway?"

"we should get him to say a speech when ed walks in." i suggest, shrugging. "he'd be so surprised that way."

"okay." andrew nods. "well they're driving from the airport now, they should be here in about half an hour." i nod, smiling.

"okay, i'll keep shawn busy." i chuckle, walking back to the main crowd of people dancing, and having a good time, before i spot shawn doing some shots with a few friends. "i can't leave you for two minutes without you doing something like this." i chuckle, picking up a filled up shot glass, as shawn smirks at me, holding up his shot to clink with mine.

"you only turn 20 once." he smirks, clinking the shot with mine, before we both down them, placing the shot glasses on the table, my throat burning slightly. "come on, let's go dance!" he yells, holding onto my hand and pulling me into the middle of the crowd, twirling me once, as i laugh, swaying to the beat of the music.

shawn chuckles, his laugh filling my ears with pure music, as he twirls me about once more, pulling me to his chest. "did you realise that we're the best dressed couple here?" he says in my ear, making me laugh, throwing my head back in humour.

"well, it is your birthday, and i am your girlfriend." i point out to him.

"fiancée." he corrects, in a sing song voice, making me roll my eyes. "holy shit, we're actually getting married."

"and we haven't fought in ages, i'm so proud of us." i beam, making him smile. "come on, its speech time." i smirk, walking over to the table, and standing up on it.

"anya get down, you and tables at parties don't mix." shawn chuckles, holding his hand out.

"shut up." i mumble, playfully glaring at him. "can i get everybody's attention?" i yell, as the dj turns down the music, making everyone's attention turn to me. "so, today is shawns birthday, and since it is his birthday, i propose he makes a speech!" shawn rolls his eyes at me, as i jump off of the table, collecting my drink from shawns hands. i spot andrew as he slips outside the door of the condo.

"okay well," shawn chuckles, placing his drink down onto the table. "thanks for coming out, guys." he begins, as i roll my eyes. "uh, so, i'm not good at these sort of things but honestly it's been one of the best years of my life, and i hope next years like this, but yeah, thank you for being here with me. i really appreciate-" he cuts himself off as the door opens, and the ginger walks in. "holy shit ed?"

"hey mate!"
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"i still can't believe you got ed to come here, you're incredible, did i mention that?" shawn says, as we stroll along a pathway in toronto, both hungover and battling serious fatigue.

"maybe like a couple hundred times." i chuckle, reaching out and holding shawns hand in mine. "i take it you had a great birthday then?"

"i loved it, thank you so much." he says softly, a toothy grin on his lips. "even the part where you and aaliyah pushed me into the pool."

"that was hilarious." i chuckle, as shawn rolls his eyes, opening the door to an artsy cafe. we walk to the queue, lining up and waiting to be served.

"what do you want, babe?" shawn asks, looking up at the menu, as i scan my eyes over the drinks.

"i'll just have a double shot almond latte, hold the cream." i sigh, as shawn nods, letting go of my hand to get out his wallet. "bitch put that away, i'm paying." i say, holding out my debit card.

"anya," he laughs. "you've got to stop calling me a bitch."

"bitch no." i respond, folding my arms, as he chuckles, rolling his eyes at me. "i'm gonna fall you a bitch when we're reading our vows, bitch."

"are you still drunk?" he asks me, as i chuckle, shaking my head. "you're hilarious."

"hello, welcome to blue, what can i get you- shawn?" i gasp, seeing the familiar brunette, shawns ex girlfriend, standing at the cash desk, in a white uniform.

"shit." shawn mumbles next to me. "can i get a double shot almond milk latte, hold the cream, and a double shot expresso to go?" he states tiredly, as sydney looks up at him, her eyes boring into his.

"that'll be 6.50." i present my card, quickly paying for the drinks before shawn can protest. he grumbles softly from beside me, whilst i smirk softly, laughing at his nature. "shawn-"

"i don't want to hear it, sydney." he says, obviously still hurt by what happened. "just please, leave us alone."

"i'm sorry." she mumbles, typing a few things away on her screen, before addressing the next person in queue. i sigh softly, slapping shawns arm as soon as we leave the till area and move to the collection point.

"ow! what was that for?" he questions, rubbing his arm.

"shawn, she's sorry about it. the least you could do is actually be a human to her!" i complain, as shawn looks at me shocked.

"anya, don't you remember what happened? she slapped you, broke my guitar and awards, and slapped me too." he laughs sarcastically. "if you ever think i'm actually going to respect her? god!"

"don't get annoyed at me! did you see her face? she's heartbroken shawn!" i argue back, as he snorts, folding his arms.

"i don't care! she brought it on herself." he shrugs. "drop it anya, we're not getting into this now." he says, collecting out drinks. i feel myself get angry all of a sudden, my face flushing. i quickly snatch my drink away, making shawn look at me suddenly, and a little more softer.

"well you can call me when you stop being a dick." i spit, before walking away from him and to the cash desk, surprising sydney. "sydney?" i say softly. "i'm honestly really sorry about everything." i look at her in guilt, letting out a soft sigh. she smiles sadly at me, shaking her head.

"don't worry about it, i was the one who took my anger out on you two, i'm sorry." she says quietly. "i really hope you and shawn have a great future, you really do deserve it." she says genuinely, making me smile gently at her.

"thanks sydney, i really do appreciate it." i say to her. "hey do you know any good shopping places around here? i need some time away from shawn."

"is everything okay?" she asks me, as i shake my head, noticing shawn sitting in the corner of the cafe, looking at his hands. "and there's a few good shops a couple blocks away."

"things will be." i smile sadly at her. "hey, please make sure he eats something for lunch." i take out a ten dollar bill from my pocket, handing it to her. "and if he asks, tell him i'll be back at his place tonight."

"will do, have a good time shopping." she smiles softly at me, nodding.

"thanks sydney, hope you're okay." i lean over, rubbing her arm softly, smiling at her before walking away, out of the coffee shop.
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was shawn right to be annoyed?