chapter fifty-eight
feelings
[anya rose steinburg]
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two nights before may 16th 2020
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"i can't believe we're heading to manhattan now, in a freaking jitney!" i laugh, as sophie reveals the plans for my pre wedding celebrations. "how could you get a private jitney?"

"connections." jasmine smirks at me. "and now that you're 21, you can drink legally!"

"wow, how amazing." i joke, sitting at the kitchen island, as the boys laughs echo around the house from the room next door, as the two sides reveal what they planned for shawn and i's pre wedding celebrations.

"so we leave this afternoon-"

"today?" i cut poppy off, shocked immediately.

"well, yeah, this afternoon does mean today." she chuckles. "that is okay, right?"

"oh, yeah, i just thought shawn and i would have tonight together." i shrug, getting up from the bar stool. "give me a couple minutes, wait when do we leave?" jasmine looks at her watch, sighing.

"in an hour."

"oh shit, hold on." i quickly run out of the kitchen, walking into the room shawn is in, all eyes falling on me. "shawn, babe, i'm leaving today."

"what?" he says, standing up, suddenly frowning. "i thought we'd have today."

"so did i." i frown, as he walks towards me, holding his arms out, as i sink into them, sighing softly. "it's okay, but i really thought we would have tonight."

"don't worry, hun, when do you leave?"

"in an hour." i sigh, as he tenses, but relaxes a few moments after. "when are you leaving?"

"tomorrow evening we're just hitting a couple bars around town, and a club." he says, as i groan. he lets out a small laugh, chuckling at me. "come on, i want to give you something before i see you again." he holds onto my hand, leading me out of the room and up the steps to our room, opening the door, and leading me to sit on the bed. "okay, close your eyes." i nod my head, shutting my eyes, as i hear shuffling around me. "hold your hands out." i do as he says, and i feel a small box placed in my hands. "okay, open."

i slowly peel open my eyes, revealing a wooden box, with my name embossed into the lid in silver. i smile gently, beginning to open it, revealing a set of handwritten letters, each with different times to open them, all ranging between different times of the wedding.

"open them all at the times they say, it'll all make sense by the last one, i promise." he smiles gently at me, sitting down next to me. "i love you, so much baby."

"i love you too, shawn." i whisper softly, putting the box down on the bed next to me, turning to shawn and cupping his cheek gently, leaning forward and pressing my lips firmly to his.

"two more days." he mumbles against my lips, making me smile against his, pulling away from the kiss.

"i can't wait." i say, my voice cracking at the end, and my eyes filling with tears. "shawn, we did it."

"i'm so proud of us." he chuckles, wiping away my tears that have fallen. "who knew we would get here, huh?"

"we have andrew to thank for that." i giggle, a tear sliding down my cheek. "god shawn, i love you." he wipes away my tear quickly, smiling at me, before pressing his lips to my forehead.

"i love you." he replies to me, moving closer to me and cupping my other cheek, as he continues to wipe away my tears, chuckling softly to himself.

"i'm gonna be such a mess on the day." i cry, letting out a small laugh, making shawn grin at me, showing off his pearly whites. "i'm sorry if i cry the entire ceremony."

"don't apologise, i know i'm gonna cry too." he chuckles, making me smile.

"we're both gonna be a hot mess." shawn removes his hands from my cheeks, holding onto my hand instead, squeezing it with his soft palm.

a knock is heard at the door and shawn and i immediately look at it, nervousness consuming my entire body. as soon as i leave, it'll mean the next time i see shawn will be when we're about to get married.

"come in!" i yell, squeezing shawns hand back.

"sorry guys, but anya, we need to go." jasmine tells me. "you're already packed up, don't worry about that, it's just we need to go, the jitney is in the drive."

"okay." i sigh, nodding, before standing up with shawn, grabbing the box from the side of me. "come to see me off?" i ask hopefully, as shawn nods, clutching onto my hand as i lead him away from my room and downstairs to the main door again, my suitcase and bag lying there, already packed up. i turn to shawn, embracing his tall figure.

"have fun." he says quietly, as i pull away from the hug, seeing tears pool in his eyes. "the next time i see you will be on the other side."

"don't cry now." i chuckle, cupping his cheek and rubbing my thumb against it softly. "save your tears for two days." he nods, leaning down to kiss me once more. "i love you so much."

"i love you even more." he responds, pulling away from the kiss. "don't have too my fun without me."

"it'll be hard but i'll try not to." i tease, making shawn gasp sarcastically, as i let out a small laugh. "i'm joking, nothing is ever as fun as it would be if you were with me."

"i'll see you so very soon." shawn says softly, kissing my lips once more, before pulling away and leaning our foreheads together. "bye, darling."

"see you soon hunny." i kiss him once more, before sending him a small smile. "i'll see you on the other side."

"the other side." he confirms, kissing my forehead, before i grab my bags and walk out of the house, joining the girls outside the jitney. i turn back to shawn, as he sends me a wave. i blow him a kiss back, before walking into the bus with the girls, the door shutting firmly behind me.

"welcome to your last moments of being a single woman!"
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"oh my god, no, i'm not wearing that." i gasp at poppy's choice of my clothing for that evening, consisting of a pair of black booty shorts, and a burgundy bralette. "pops, i'm 21, not a wannabe chavy teenager."

"okay fair, but then what are you going to wear then?" she asks, placing her hands on her hips.

"i don't know, maybe," i sigh, leaning down and rummaging through my suitcase, pulling out a black play suit, with a deep v-neck, and a choker style detail. "this? with my heels?"

"wear your sparkly louboutins, the ones covered in diamonds." kelsey says. "and don't say jasmine didn't pack them, because she did." i laugh, taking out the shoes from their dust bag, placing them on the floor next to me.

"why couldn't aaliyah come with us?" jasmine asks, lying down on my bed of the hotel suite.

"because she's a minor you idiot, she wouldn't even be allowed in the bars we're planning to go to." i sigh, sitting down on the floor. "do we have to go out? i'm exhausted, and i really don't want to go to a bar."

"holy shit, she's tied down." sophie chuckles, sitting next to me. "what about drinks at the hot tub then? and we can go to the spa tomorrow."

"we're getting the jitney back at 3 tomorrow though." jasmine sighs. "why don't we check out the spa now then?"

"sounds good." i shrug. "i really love this, you guys." i smile softly. "it's something not usual to a bridal shower, and i really do love it."

"are you pregnant or something? you sound so emotional." kelsey chuckles, taking a sip of a water bottle.

"god no, we're waiting at least a year before any kids come along." i laugh, rolling my eyes. "well, if they come along before that, it's fine, i just want to be married before i get pregnant, or even take the risk of getting pregnant."

"i understand." kelsey says to me. "just wait though, it will be the best time of your life."
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@AnyaRose

❤️: @ShawnMendes, @jasminehannah, @aaliyahmende.s + 1,238,783 others
💬: @AnyaRose: pre-wedding martinis @ manhattan 🤙🏼

@ShawnMendes: Hope you're having so much fun, love❤️ Miss you

@user1: ^he's so sweet

@jasminehannah: 💛💛💛

@aaliyahmende.s: so mad i couldn't come with you guys :(( see you later tonight though❤️ love u

@AnyaRose: @ShawnMendes miss you more darling :(💜

@AnyaRose: @aaliyaymende.s love you too b!! can't wait to get that manicure with you tomorrow morning ;)

@rosessshawn: I HEAR WEDDING BELLS

@ShawnMendes: Can't wait for tomorrow, I love you

@AnyaRose: @ShawnMendes: me neither, i love you so much more baby. see you tomorrow x💗