Little Raphael sat on a high stool pulled up close to the kitchen counter. He lay his head down on his arms sobbing quietly.

A few moments later a concerned father stepped soundlessly into the room, staring thoughtfully at his son's small form, a hand rubbing gently at his whiskers. "Raphael."

The little one jumped before sitting up to wipe his tears and to glare impassively at the old rat. "Seriously, can't you knock?"

Splinter ignored the jibe, knowing Raphael was making a pointed attempt to cloud the issue at hand. "Why don't you play with your brothers, Raphael?"

The turtle shrugged, "It's not like I wouldn't if they asked me."

"But why do you wait for them to ask? Why not just join them?"

"Because it hurts." Splinter raised an eyebrow at that, prompting Raph to continue. "Every time I ask them if I can go along...there's a really bad silence that spreads between them. It's obvious that they don't want me there, so why should I go with them? I'd only ruin whatever fun they were gonna have planned."

The old rat put a soft hand on his son's shoulder. "You do not know that, my son. They must have some reason for their behavior."

Raphael shrugged Splinter's hand off and refused to meet his gaze. There were no tears in his eyes, but his bottom lip pushed outward in a deep frown. "Yeah Sensei, they say I'm no fun to play with and I hurt them."

"Then you have learned your lesson."

"Yeah, I know...but I've been trying to be better. I've been trying to control my anger, but I just can't help it. I get mad. And they hate me for it." The younger turtle mumbled bitterly, tears of hurt stinging the corners of his eyes.

"Your brothers do not hate you, my son."

"Well they sure don't like me." Raphael retorted.

Splinter glanced at his son sadly, knowing that his second-oldest, even at such a young age, was as stubborn as they came and he would be unable to convince the young turtle otherwise.

"I know they wish I didn't exist. I guess I keep hoping that maybe, if they give me a chance, they'll see that I'm trying my best."

The fatherly rat sighed. "Would you like me to speak with them, my son?"

The fear that surfaced in Raphael's bright green eyes immediately made Splinter eye him warily. What was there for Raphael to be afraid of?

"No Sensei!" Raphael pleaded adamantly, "Then they'd feel like they have to play with me and I don't want them doing it just because they feel bad."

"Raphael..." Splinter began, but his son cut him off.

"It's no use Sensei. There's no way around it. They're going to hate me anyway. I mean, I guess I shouldn't expect them to come ask me to play. They give me no more than I deserve. I'm sorry I can't be better, Father. I've been trying my hardest, but I just can't compare. Everyone knows Leo's the perfect one."

The old rat glanced down at his child with stern eyes. "Leonardo is far from perfect my son."

Raphael only looked down and whispered, "He's better than me."

"Do you truly believe that, Raphael?" The father asked, his gaze serious and strict.

"Yes." The little one answered, his gaze still riveted to the floor.

"Then he is better than you." Splinter answered solemnly. The tears that had steadily been collecting in the young turtle's eyes rushed down his face in rivulets at his father's words and all he wanted to do was go off in a corner and die. Immediately Splinter sensed his child's desperation and distress, and he hurried to explain, "As long as you allow yourself to believe it, it will always be the truth. No one of the four of you is better than the other. Believe me when I say that my son. I love you just as much as I do each of your brothers."

Green eyes fell to the floor once more. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough father."

Splinter stared at his son, unsure how to deal with the situation, and decided it would be best to let his emotions guide him, considering he was currently dealing with unquestionably the most emotional of his sons. "Oh Raphael, you do not seem to understand. You are very good, my child. You cannot keep blaming yourself for everything that occurs. Your brothers all have their faults as well. You are not the only one who struggles. And you are good Raphael. You are a good boy. Your exterior may seem rough, but you have a heart of gold. This family needs you as much as it needs your brothers and myself. And, please, above all, don't ever forget that I love you my son. And as long as I am here you will never, ever, be alone, you understand?"

Fresh tears spilled out of Raphael's eyes as he looked up at his rodent father with a small smile. "I love you too Daddy!" He jumped into his father's arms, Splinter's instincts kicking in true to form as he caught the young turtle and pulled him to his chest.

"I love you so much. My son. My little Raphael." The mutant rat smiled, tears rolling down his face as he held his child close and vowed never to forget this moment.

Master Splinter opened his eyes from his meditation, tears rolling down his snout. His hotheaded son had received a potentially fatal wound in their latest conflict with the Shredder and was now at death's door. Memories had been revisiting Splinter through his meditation since his sons returned with their injured brother in their arms.

---------------------------

Leonardo and Michelangelo were in the main room, waiting, and the old rat was currently in the dojo. After deciding there was no use in further meditation, he joined his sons in the main room.

Leonardo was sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees, head bowed low. Michelangelo had a frown creased into his face and he sat next to the arcade machine, in Raphael's customary post-battle brooding position, his baby-blue eyes never straying far from the lab door.

Splinter sat down beside Leonardo and stared straight ahead, memories of his second oldest relentlessly plaguing his mind. Master Splinter found that he was no longer be able to hold back the tears. As they rolled down his face, his sons stared in shock.

Finally Leo asked, "What are you thinking about Sensei?"

"Your brother, my son. I don't suppose you are in the mood for a story?" The rat asked, glancing over at the eldest of his sons, tiredly.

Leo looked torn for a moment before he nodded his head.

"When the four of you were about eight years old, you, Donatello, and Michelangelo went out to play and you left Raphael here."

"I remember that." Leo said with another nod. "We saw Raph right as we were leaving. I told him we'd see him later and he looked kinda...hurt. I wanted to apologize later, but he wouldn't let me in his room."

"Yes, well, your brother was very upset. I, too, saw what had occurred and I followed your brother to the kitchen. He was crying quite hard by that time."

Leo looked up, shocked, "He was that upset?"

"Yes. You see, my son, when I found him in the kitchen he confessed to me that he had been feeling left out for quite some time." Master Splinter stated softly, deliberately avoiding making eye-contact with his blue and orange-masked sons.

"Why didn't he say anything?!" Leonardo asked as he jumped up from his seat and stared down at his father in shock.

Splinter sighed. "Because he didn't feel that he deserved any more than you had given him my son. He blamed himself. In fact, he was quite convinced that you hated him. He apologized to me for not being good enough. He claimed that you were better than him, and his belief in that fact was astounding."

"Wait, he thought all of us were better that him?"

"No my son, he claimed that you, in particular, were 'the perfect one' and I informed him that no one is perfect, to which he replied, 'He's better than me.' I told him that if that was his belief, then it would always be so. And he was so upset I was afraid he would never regain his self-esteem."

"I know I've always claimed to be better than him, but I never meant to hurt his feelings." Leo stated, his voice tinged with remorse.

"You never did, my son. You see, Raphael may occasionally attempt to best you in some things, but he has always acknowledged you as 'better' and he challenges you to try and prove his superiority in any way he can, just to help him achieve some peace of mind."

"If I'd known how he felt I would have..." Leo paused looking crestfallen, one of his little brothers had been in pain all this time and he'd never even known it! "Master Splinter, why didn't you say anything?" He asked, feeling guilty. While at the same time, the fact that his younger brother could die before he could even apologize left him feeling numb with horror.

"Because Raphael begged me not to." By now both Michelangelo and Leonardo were staring at their father as though he'd just told them the apocalypse was upon them.

"If it was hurting him so bad... Why?" The blue-masked turtle asked, his heart clenching in pain.

"Because he feared then you would have been acting only out of pity, or requirement and he felt that would only make you hate him more."

Leo's eyes were desperate. "I would never hate him Sensei. He's my little brother and I love him."

"I know that, my son, but I fear that your brother's behavior, his position as protector of the family and his constant near-death experiences are all a partial result of this psyche. He believes that he, himself, is expendable, therefore he throws himself into the most dangerous situations in order to protect the three of you, and myself of course."

Leonardo went stock still, every muscle in his body tensing up. "You mean...he thinks his death wouldn't hurt us."

"I'm afraid that is exactly what he thinks, my son. I'm certain he is happy here in this life with us, he feels that all three of you are the best brothers he could ever possibly ask for, and I have no doubt his is proud of all of you, yet he does not provide the same courtesy towards himself. His over-emotional nature will not allow it."

At that precise moment the Lab doors opened and Donatello walked slowly out, looking stressed and exhausted. The conversation ceased and all three of the room's occupants stared up at the second-youngest with worried eyes.

"He'll live."

The father and two other turtles let out a sigh of relief before Leonardo recognized something ominous in his younger brother's words, "You said he'll live. Will he be alright?"

Tension filled the room once more and the Brainiac ran a hand through his bandana tails with a sigh. "Honestly, I'm not sure. He should be...but I almost lost him." Don's voice cracked and Leo and Mikey rushed to his side, staring at him wide eyes. "He stopped breathing. I thought..." Tears filled his eyes and the eldest turtle gripped his shoulders tightly.

"Donnie..." The blue-masked pulled his younger brother in for a hug. "It's okay. You brought him back, you saved his life. It's gonna be okay. Raph's a fighter. He'll be alright."

The purple-clad shook his head back and forth tears now running down his face, "No, no! You don't understand, Leo. While I was pumping his chest, I swear for a moment he just gave up. He wasn't going to live. It was...It was..." Michelangelo pulled Donatello off to the side and Leonardo rushed in to the lab.

What he saw made his heart drop to his stomach. Raphael, his hotheaded little brother, lay motionless on the slab in Donatello's laboratory. He looked horrible. His skin was pale and clammy and his eyes were closed.

If it weren't for the soft, steady beep of the heart monitor, Leo could have sworn his younger brother was dead. The eldest walked slowly over to the cold, metal table and took his brother's hand. He tried his best not to shiver from the feel of the cool, almost lifeless touch. He took a deep breath and squeezed Raphael's hand tightly.

"When you make it through this Raph," he paused and cleared his throat, deciding he had to acknowledge the other possibility, "if you make it through this...things are going to be very different, little brother. I promise you that. I love you. You'll never feel unloved, left-out, or unwanted again, I swear it. I can't believe you've been feeling that way for so long and I never noticed, but I will make it up to you. Please come back to us...to me...Raphael. I love you, Sensei loves you. We all do. We always have and we always will. Don't leave us, brother. You're my equal, I need you, Raphael. We all do."

He stood up, about to leave, but after a moment he doubled back and took Raph's hand once again, leaning in close to his ear to whisper, "I know I've never told you this, but...I'm so proud of you Raph. How could I not be proud? My little brother is a hero. And ya know...I couldn't ask for a better brother. I love you, Hamato Raphael. Please don't lose this fight, my beloved little brother." With one last squeeze, Leonardo released Raph's hand, and slowly left the lab.