The blue eyes with large bags under them stare into the unforgiving depths of the cauldron, narrowing into forced focus. Making sure he doesn't fall asleep is the easy part and even that borders on the improbable. Sighing he pushes that thought from his mind, making sure he focuses on the task at hand. This is it, the make or break moment. Not that a break moment means much anymore given his life is entirely fractured, leaving him completely hollow, but that hardly matters anymore. Not to him, not to anysmurf. How broken everything is has left him wherever he is now. Wherever it is, it certainly isn't home or safe. Then again, where is? Nowhere. This location may be dark, damp and admittedly scary but at least he chose to be here. Everyone else decided his former place was home, that it was safe but now he decides what is best for him. Even if he isn't sure what is.

He hesitates, hating himself for it but a small thought tugs for attention at the back of his mind. He is already broken. Why bother risking breaking himself even further with yet another failure. What if this doesn't work – it is a spell he is creating so there is no guarantee it will and so many of the ingredients would be poisonous on their own- but also what if it did? It not working would solidify what everyone says about him. Not trying would prove it too though. What then? But, if he succeeds, then everything is a mystery: at least he would leave his real self behind. The self who has nothing but fading emotions and burning hatred. Not to mention the deep gnawing rooting in his chest, making each day worse and worse. The time for hesitation is past as he begins the spell.

Dead tiger lily. Crystallised honey. Thimble of foxglove pollen. A drop of mushroom oil. One hateful truth. Dried thistles. Boswellia. Apricot stones.
"And less this spell be all for naught, the final thing: one hopeless thought."