"She was broken from moment to moment,
watching her world collide
she felt lost inside herself. "

✘✘✘

"You look insanely hot!" Renee smiled as I hopped out of Brock's truck.

"Told you that was a bit much" I heard Brock and smiled before hopping into the truck again while Renee and Brie who had flown in and came here first thing stood waiting. I hadn't hung out with my girls in awhile so I welcomed it.

"We'll wait for you inside!" They called out as I slowly got onto Brock's lap and he smirked as his fingers moved up my thighs.

"I have to wear all these clothes before I look like a whale " I shrugged instead of giving him a lecture about telling me what to wear.

"You're not going to look like a whale baby " he chuckled while I was sure once my cravings kicked in full force I would.

"You're going to miss me?" I whispered as I leaned my forehead against his.

"Yeah I didn't want to leave the bed this morning now I'm stuck babysitting the goat"

"Brock!" I hit his chest as he chuckled while I knew he didn't mind hanging out with Bryan.

"You're so mean sometimes"

"I'll keep that in mind the next time you're seducing me baby, cause I would have been fine fucking you all day today." He shrugged as his eyes fell to my cleavage before he focused on my eyes again.

"I know you would and I would too, but my girls wanna hang out and you need to finish up some work on our house instead of spending all day in bed with me" I smiled as all the lazy days flashed in my mind but I quickly pushed them back as the last thing I needed was to get turned on right now.

"Have to get you as much as I can before I have to share" He shrugged.

"Its a baby, not another man!"

"I told you I don't like sharing " he chuckled, "you'll be tired Nicole, so I will have to wait again. These months with your injury was fucking torture, the last thing I need is to wait longer. Might I remind you that before your injury we were still fighting a bit so I hardly got any... "

"Oh my word! I didn't know Brock Lesnar could complain this much " I cut him off and he narrowed his eyes at me which I ignored.

"So you're wearing me out?" I rolled my eyes but he leaned forward and kissed into my neck as his hands gripped my behind and rocked me onto his lap. I slowly moaned as I held onto his head and pulled his face back and he smirked.

"I love you and I will see you in a few hours okay?" I whispered into his lips before kissing him knowing I needed to get away as despite being in the middle of nowhere. The last thing I needed was a public indecency headline ..

"Love you too baby"

I smiled and kissed his dimple one more time before moving off of his lap.

"Be careful" he whispered as he tugged on my hand before I left.

"I will..." I laughed as I wasn't driving anything, I had learnt my lesson with the race cars. I had apologized to him for biting his head off then as I realized he didn't want his pregnant fiance driving a race car...

I hopped out and soon saw Bryan and hugged him before he joined Brock and I watched them drive off. Feeling a weird anxiety at being away from Brock, having announced it all to everyone last weekend made it all real.

I was engaged to Brock Lesnar and fell more in love each day it was honestly crazy.

Despite usually being annoyed at gatherings I could tell that he had had a good time with all of them which meant a lot to me. Brock hardly had any friends and his brothers were all the way up in Canada so we would be spending much more time with my family and friends. So it was good that they were slowly but surely getting along.

***

"Woooooooo!!!!" I screamed out as Brie and Renee came driving in.

"You guys were insane!" I laughed.

"I'm surprised you didn't want to race" Brie rolled her eyes and I shrugged hoping she didn't read into anything of me not being my competitive self.

"I'm not feeling adventurous today" I laughed as we walked over to the store to get some lunch.

"For once in your life! I honestly think being out here has made you lazy..." Brie whispered before eating.

"It has, all I do is stay in bed all day with Brock" I smiled as I ran my hands through my hair.

"Oh how awful that must be" Renee rolled her eyes as we sat down with our Iced Tea and she set Blue next to her.

"It is, because when he heads back out of town I'm going to be so sad and then his probably going to get annoyed because I'm being needy again" I almost pouted as despite him not minding apart of me was afraid that the Beast would get sick of it or was when he went away on these trips leaving me behind.

"I don't think that annoys him, its when you go all bitch mode on him. I thought it would be perfect for you to have someone who had mood swings which I suspected Brock had. But whenever I see you two its just, he is like a love sick Beast. When you leave the room he will either go after you or keep himself busy until he sees you and its like this light is around you"

I sighed.

While I was surprised each day by Brock's ways hearing everyone say it each time made me feel weird as I wasn't sure how Brock would feel about everyone seeing Brock the guy ..

"I wonder when you guys will stop being amazed by it. You keep telling me the same things every time"

"Because its shocking every time and now you are engaged. I'm just so happy that everything you want is finally coming true. From the least likely person but I'm happy its him, he is simple and he has brought back the old Nicole that doesn't care about anything else but just being happy"

"That's why I like being out here so much" I glanced out of where we were parked to the desert.

"Its going to be weird once your neck is healed up though, back to the road. It will be a huge adjustment from being here all the time with him. I mean he works a handful of times a year..." Brie sighed as she was thinking about something that wouldn't be happening as I wouldn't be returning.

"Yeah, uhm Brock and I are flying out to San Diego after this" I blurted out trying to change the topic not to a very good one though.

"San Diego?" Renee frowned.

"Dean let it slip about my things that are still at John's place and well my fiance, being him, wants to make sure I get my things."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I knew that look on my sister's face but glanced away.

"I think its the perfect idea. I mean you guys are touring here so John is around here, the sooner we get out of here the better. Please don't mess up the house, the last thing I need is Brock moaning about you guys" I added as Brock was letting them camp out there for the next couple of days while they were in town.

"We won't! I guess it is good but I was more thinking going to the old apartment? Do you still have a key?"

"Yes I do, I think it will be good to just clear everything out and literally close the door on my life with him, with Brock holding my hand as I do it"

"I think that sounds good. The last thing you want is John pitching out on your property to 'drop off your things' and Brock killing him" Renee laughed while that could be a possibility with all the pent up frustration Brock had towards him.

While they had a couple feuds in ring I doubted he would be able to stop himself out of work when he had broken John's nose at work. I honestly wouldn't put it past my future husband to literally leave him in a pool of blood on our front porch.

"How did you tell the kids? I realized they weren't there?" Renee smiled and I was happy to drift to a different topic .

"Well Brock did that, sat them down while I was just there. He was real cute basically like 'you guys know how much daddy cares about Coco and how much he loves Coco so we're going to all be a big family'."

"That's so cute! You're lucky they like you!" Brie laughed.

"I am" I nodded as I recalled how nervous I had been the first time I met them so long ago and now I had grown so attached to them, seeing them twice a week.

"When are you dropping by mom's?"

"I don't know, she couldn't make it last week but of course she knew before I did"

Brock had been old school in asking J for my hand in marriage. I loved that he knew how much J had been a father figure to me after my grandpa passed. That also meant my mom had known about the whole thing as they helped set everything up.

"J is at work a lot these days so you should drop by while you're having some down time. You know once we're on the road its crazy like I'm not even sure when I will be seeing you after this. Being champion obviously makes it insane I can finally see what you meant when you felt all these different things when you were performing every night. "

I wished my sister could stop bringing it up as I felt myself slowly getting annoyed due to it.

"Aren't you enjoying it? " Renee asked.

"No I am! I love it, especially because if I had to go home now there wouldn't be anyone so even though we have different schedules Bryan and I get to see each other. Its like we have reversed lives now.." she glanced at me.

"It is, you were successful at your first PPV defense which is a great start! You'll get used to it soon. For now let's go have some fun that I will actually be partaking in. " I smiled wanting to get off these topics.

"How are you not struggling with this?" Renee screamed out as I finished shooting.

"Brock taught me or well reminded me how to use one " I smiled and realized I hadn't done clay pigeon shooting on our back porch in awhile.

"Oh no you guys did not all hang out!" I heard Renee and turned to see the weirdest three musketeers.

The Lunatic, The Beast and The Beard..

"Well I wasn't going to be stuck here while you guys went doing your shit" Dean smiled as he approached us while I walked over to Brock .

"Safety on baby " he smirked.

"It is!"

"How did you survive my poor fiance?" I asked as I set the rifle down and wrapped my arms around him.

"Survive? He loved having me help him! " Dean rolled his eyes before focusing on the others again while I raised my eyebrow to Brock and he simply shook his head making me laugh before kissing me.

****

"Are you sure you are ready to go in there?" He asked as we sat in a rental car and I had gotten lost in the waves washing up on shore .

"Well I didn't want to have to see him and since its Smackdown tapings and they are in Minnesota. I think its safe to say that this is the perfect time Brock"

I sighed and opened the door.

I hadn't thought I would be back in the apartment again any time soon, walking in and seeing everything so different reminded me how much my lifestyle had changed since I met Brock. This apartment couldn't be more different than our farm house and the weird thing was I didn't miss the expensive life or the overly decorated house done by some interior designer.

It didn't feel like home anymore and I wasn't sure it ever had.

"Did you set everything up here?" I heard him as he followed slowly behind me.

"Yeah I got the interior designer and stuff" I whispered as we walked into the bedroom.

I didn't really like how quiet Brock was being as despite him hating to talk and reminding me that so many times, with me he could get rambling which I loved. Most of the time his long speeches ended up in me being emotional due to him going to Brocky mode or he would just make me laugh due to how flirty he was being.

And now he was quiet..

I slowly went through the closet and packed my things into my suitcase.

I noticed Brock wasn't in the room with me and I wouldn't have blamed him for going back to the car. This was why I had wanted to come on my own, I knew it wouldn't be entertaining to him at all and the last thing I needed was thoughts going around in his head just when we had put John behind us.

"Okay, so I think I have everything I.." I began as I saw he was still in the apartment . I stopped as I realized where he was staring at.

"You two were very happy, trying to figure out where it went wrong" he whispered.

I set the suitcase next to the door and walked up to him, "we were.. And then things happened and I wasn't anymore. YOU know that.. "

"But you are with me?" I frowned as the answer to that should have been obvious.

"Yes Brock, I wouldn't be engaged or be having your baby if I didn't want to be with you" I stated despite feeling like it shouldn't have been necessary.

"When we get our new place, you can have more say in decorating it to the way you like" he whispered while I loved our home but I frowned as I realized what he had said.

"New place?"

"Yeah when we relocate to Canada" He briefly glanced at me before staring at the fridge filled with memories on it that now meant nothing to me.

What.

"What?"

"I mentioned to you that Ric's parents moved up to Canada and well Rena's have relocated there so..."

"So?" I cut him off wanting him to get to the point.

"Rena is planning on moving there sometime next year and the baby should be born then so we can.."

"Wait? So you want to move to Canada and you just believe that I would want to as well?"

"Nicole, Rena's moving there which means my kids are too and..."

"So you can fly out, its less than a three hour flight Brock , we see the boys twice a week. How hard is it just to fly out for the weekend, now you want me to move all the way up there?" I wavered as I moved in front of him.

"Calm down.." was he seriously telling me to calm down?

"I'm not going to calm down Brock , its clear that you and Rena have sat down and talked about this while where was I? Let me guess, this was discussed when you spoke to her about assuming I was pregnant instead of speaking to me about it and just accusing me of hiding it from you " I glared not really sure where those words were coming from.

"Nicole!" He narrowed his eyes at me and while anger filled them I wasn't bothered by it.

"Don't fucking shout at me or glare at me. I like the fact that you and Rena have a good relationship. She is amazing so I can see why but it would be nice if my fiance spoke to me about things first or considered me." I shook my head as it hurt that none of them had mentioned any of it to me.

"Is this really about fucking Canada or is this about the baby?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" I frowned as I didn't understand where that came from.

"It means that yes you have been happy since finding out but these moods that you have been having. I doubt its because of the fucking hormones"

I laughed a bit as of course this would be turned on me.

"Okay Brock tell me why I am being such a bitch to you"

"Because maybe you are just fucking settling Nicole. " He shrugged.

Not again..

"Are you serious right now?"

"I am fucking serious... Because maybe you being pregnant made you fucking realize now you are fucking stuck with me"

"I love you" I frowned as I didn't know what to say, we had had so many talks about this and now he was doubting me again just because I didn't want to move to Canada next year.

"I know you love me Nicole. But fucking look at this!" He moved past me and pointed to the pictures on the fridge

"Dinner at fucking fancy restaurants, red fucking carpets. Look at this apartment... Me proposing to you was giving you something you always wanted ,yes. The baby another but I always assumed the reason you were so hesitant about even speaking to me was because I wasn't the one you wanted to give you that stuff and maybe it is."

What the fuck just happened?

"Its not, I want to be your wife and I want us to have a family." I defended hating the hurt filling his eyes.

"Then why do you have that look in your eyes?" He questioned.

"What look Brock you are being insane right now can we just fucking leave this apartment and go home?" I grabbed his hand in mine wanting to pull him away from all the memories that I didn't care to even see because Brock was with me and that was all that mattered to me.

"Don't fucking make it seem like I'm imagining things. I saw it when I asked you about the pregnancy and now you're fucking hiding it from everyone?"

"I told you I didn't want our engagement to look suspicious Brock" I sighed as I sat down at the counter as he clearly didn't want us to leave.

"Yes that's the reason" he shook his head.

"What is wrong with you?" I whispered being the calm one now. I didn't want to join in on his screaming because I didn't want to feed into the doubts resurfacing.

"I just find it strange that you have wanted these things for so long so one would think you would be wanting to tell everyone everything at once" he searched my eyes.

"Well I don't " I shrugged as him searching caused the feeling that I had been trying to push back since I found out I was expecting to fill me .

"Why?"

"There is no reason why!" I screamed out surprising both of us.

"What is it? You don't want to have my kids is that it? Like you said we never spoke about it. You spent years pretending that you were happy with John. I'm not going to have you pretending to be happy with me when you aren't happy because I'm the father of your baby... "

"That's not why.. " I whispered defeated as he was right I was unhappy.

"Then tell me why Nicole?" I glanced down and he slammed his fist on the counter before I heard the front door banging.

Why?

I wasn't even sure why...