"ARE you allowed to sleep with anyone?"

I was in the process of asking Dwight as we stood across from each other, by our own bedroom doors. I do not know what made me want to ask him, but I did. It was just a question since I know that Negan hogs all of the women — including Dwight's very own wife, Sherry.

"I suppose, if I were gay, he wouldn't mind me sleeping with another man," Dwight claimed, slowly nodding and somewhat smiling about it. It was cute, I have to say. "But, you... You women can sleep with anybody here or from any other place that we visit. The rules, truthfully, is that everyone is completely off-limits to Negan's... wives."

Hm, I'll be damned. Yet, his sudden reply pursued me to ask him a follow-up question. "What about Daryl? What if he's my boyfriend? I can't be with him while he's being held prisoner here?"

Dwight sighed and rolled his eyes all in one motion. "No, you can't," he hissed before launching himself off the wall. He took three — maybe four — steps until he was standing directly in front of me, somewhat towering over my short frame. "And, I doubt that he is yours because I seen how you looked at that Asian boy. Yet, that boy didn't say your name in his last words. Did he?"

I was growing to become bitter and downright angry towards his sudden mention of Glenn. He has no idea what Glenn means to me. "First of all, he was Korean."

Rolling his eyes, he deadpanned, "Whatever."

"And, second of all," I picked right back up where I last at, "you're not allowed to mention Glenn. Nobody is anymore. I... I loved him and he loved me, but—"

"But," he quickly intervened, "he was married to that pregnant girl, Maggie. He loved her more than you. That's why nobody is allowed to mention him anymore. Am I right? I mean, what could've been, Tess... Am I 'bout right?"

I was more angry now than I was before. He was speaking the truth in loud volumes here, but I could not ever admit that he was right aloud. He did not even legitimately know us, but he could easily put he pieces together as one. It was not that hard, after all, yet Maggie has not figured it out. She does not need to. It is all in the past now, buried with Glenn.

"Shut up," I hissed, quickly spinning around and turning my back on him.

Since the door to my bedroom was left to me, it only took two steps for me to open the door and try to slam it behind myself. Yet, he had caught it before I could with his boot in the door and his hand on the outer frame. He was not going to let this go, was he?

Dwight was shaking his head and began to somewhat whisper, "Don't cry for what happened."

I did not know what he meant by that until I reached up to my own face and felt the tears running down my cheeks. I was crying, after all, but, apparently, did not realize it until he had said something. This seemed to be always happening, as of late, ever since Glenn's passing.

I can not move on...

"Just... leave me alone, Dwight," I growled, trying my best to wipe the tears off my face as quick as they land on there. "This isn't any of your concern."

By this point, Dwight had completely secured himself inside with the door now fully shut behind us. He had stepped forward to where he was back to towering over me. "You need to move on," he tried telling me, which did not help. "He's gone, Tess. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?!" I almost began to scream, but knew that I needed to keep it low for anyone else wandering the hallways. "You're not sorry, Dwight! You couldn't be sorry even if your life depended on it!" I paused, but only to regroup to no avail. "And, as far as 'moving on,' I can't do it! I loved him and, now, I can't ever have him again! Even if we were meant to be friends and I would have to keep my feelings all to myself forever... It wouldn't matter — as long as he would be here with me right now."

"I know just how you feel..."

"You do?! Really?!" I sarcastically asked, rolling my eyes. He was not about to get my sympathy.

Turning my back on him to wipe my tears away, I heard him confess, "I do — with my wife, Sherry. Negan took her away from me and won't ever let me see her. I barely remember her face anymore. You'll do the same with Glenn — especially when you find someone else to occupy your time with."

Suspiciously, I slowly turned around on my heel and faced him from the short distance between us. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's just that," he paused to gulp and shrug, now looking away from me, "we'll both have to eventually move on. Y'know?"

"Tough shit on you," I growled, now getting right in his face. I began to hit his chest as hard as I could with my balled fists while tears streamed down my face. "At least the love of your life is still alive and well! Glenn is gone and I'll never, ever get him back! At least, you can have Sherry!"

"I can't have somebody who don't want me back," he hissed back in my face, now trying to hold me back. "Plus, don't you ever forget what I have done for you, Tess! I wouldn't do any of that for somebody that I didn't care about!"

"You did it to save your own ass—"

"Really? I did?" Dwight spat, now holding my arms down. We were face-to-face now and the tension was high as hell in here. My face felt like it was on fire, due to it being so hot in here along with the tears streaming down my cheeks. "Because the last time that I checked, I didn't do it to save anyone, but you."

"Just like after Glenn died?" I challemged, trying to build up my courage again. "How you shoved my nose into what was left of him?!"

"I had to act the part," he countered, yelling back in my face. "You think that I like seeing people lose their family and friends? Because I don't like it, Tess. It doesn't make me feel good inside or anything."

Somehow, I was now locked in his arms and I could not escape, yet I was not very sure if I even wanted to, honestly. I slowly slid my moist tongue over my bottom lip, as it had become a forced habit of mine. Yet, he somehow seen this as encouragement.

Before either of us could think twice about it, I took a slow and tender moment to really analyze Dwight. Sometimes, I forget to see his rusted face as one side of it is clearly not like the rest of his damaged face. It was clearly melted, due to Negan's eager evil hands. He hurts anyone that even steps one toe out of line.

Dwight's first mistake was when he tried to escape Negan's Sanctuary with his wife and sister-in-law. His second was when he took advantage of Daryl's help out there. His third was when he stupidly returned back to the place that he had first escaped from to begin with.

Dwight's biggest flaw is not his damaged face... It is that he cannot let go of the past and leave what is already so broken behind. Just like me.

He continues to stand by a man that has shattered his life into tiny little pieces. Most of all, though, it was my biggest flaw, too, yet I know where my loyalty lies and where my true home is at the end of the day.

Somehow, my current state of being spaced out invited Dwight in. His left hand was holding both my wrist and hand while his right hand had wandered around to the small of my back, gripping me even closer to him. We were so lost in each other's eyes and the heat of the moment that our surroundings did not even matter anymore.

I watched his lips right at the last second a little too long for comfort. I never, ever wanted to touch his lips... Until now, of course. Maybe I wanted to feel his lips on mine because I desired to be kissed again — to be touched, period. I wanted somebody to actually want to kiss and hold me back.

We began to lean into each other and, just as we were only a few inches apart, I even closed my eyes and prepared to feel his lips onto mine. I was preparing for the new and exciting butterflies to flutter around inside of my stomach. I waited for the tipsy aftermath that always happens after the first kiss with someone new.

Yet, before our lips could even touch, there was a sudden knock on the door. Due to it being locked from the inside, nobody could come in, thankfully. Though, the knock rather quickly spread us apart from one another, as if, the person on the other side of the door could see what we were trying to do.

"Um," I breathed out afterwards and awkwardly dusted myself off. "What is it?"

"Hey, Tess," I heard Alden call out from the outside. I recognized his voice immediately. "I just wanted to know if you were coming to dinner. It's ready."

I gulped down the wet kiss that I was able to give to Dwight before glancing over to him, who was surprisingly already looking up at me. I signaled for him to remain quiet, holding my right index finger over my lips. To Alden on the outside, I called out, "Yeah, I'll be there soon. You can go on without me."

He quickly replied, "Alright. I'll see you in a little bit." Hearing his footsteps follow behind him and, when I did not hear them anymore, I took a deep breath that I had been holding in for a good minute there.

"We can never to do that again," Dwight suddenly threw out of his mouth, catching me a little bit off-guard. I looked up at him with my sad puppy-dogs eyes that I did not expect would reveal themselves. Why was I so hurt for? "I mean it, Tess. Never again. I... I can't have Sherry, but I still love her and I still am technically married to her, too."

I nodded to agree with him, but I did not want to, though. I just felt forced to do it, that is all, for his sake than mine. Yet, I did not say a word. I remained quiet as I could not find the words to say to him.

He claims that he cares about me, then tries to kiss me. Right when we were snapped back to reality, he cannot even stand the sight of me anymore and, now, he is claiming that he still loves the woman that he will never get back as long as Negan is alive and well.

"Fine, okay," I finally agreed after he looked dead at me for an actual verbal answer. Yet, I could not look back at him for I was now hurt. Crushed, even.

I was devastated and maybe even a little heartbroken, too, for some odd reason. He was the first person in years that has seemed to want me in that way. I held onto the idea of us for a little too long, perhaps.

"I'm gonna go now," he suddenly announced, turning around to get to the door. He unlocked it and cracked it open, but held back to glance over his shoulder at me. "See you at dinner?"

I quickly and frantically nodded, staying quiet and clearly holding back. I was hoping that he could sense that, too, but he did not care to comment on it, though.

"Come find me and we'll sit together," he quickly said as more of a demand than question. Then, he opened the door wide and disappeared through it as he closed it behind him.

When he was officially gone along with his footsteps, I backed up until I hit a wall and slid down it, feeling heartbroken all over again. I was no longer crying and promised myself never to cry again without good reason. I was shocked just by my willingness to even allow myself to be touched by a man who had almost everything to do with so much death within my communities.

What is wrong with me?