* * * CONTAINS A TON OF CURSING, SO PROCEED TO READ WITH CAUTION * * *

—

Darkness.

That is what it all was.

Just total and utter darkness.

Then... There was pain. Lots and lots of pain. It was in my head, chest, and my whole body, in general. My heart ached most of all. I felt guilty because, maybe, I had caused all of this. I don't know rather this will feel better on myself later on down the road or worse.

Dwight had stuffed us all in the back of a truck, like we were rapid animals. Glenn, Michonne, Rosita, Daryl, and myself were stuffed in here together. We barley could fit with all our big bodies as hips, knees, and feet touched. Thankfully, they had decided to take the fabrics from our mouths for us to breathe properly.

I hadn't stopped crying. I know that they were probably annoyed by it, but I couldn't stop crying for anything. Somehow, Glenn had reached over – with his hands still tied-up behind him – and tried to soothe me. "Please calm down, Tess."

"She's having a panic attack," Michonne added, noticing my appearance somehow in this dark box. "Tess, you need to calm down. You're getting too worked up. It's going to be okay."

Before the rise of the dead, between the drinking, partying, and working... I had major anxiety. I used to mix my medicine with alcohol, which didn't help anyone – especially myself. Paul used to have to sit me down and help me through each of my panic attacks.

If only he was here right now, I would probably feel a lot better. Still, in the same thought, I am definitely more happier that he isn't here.

"I don't feel good," I admitted, feeling both of my arms and face numbing up. "I want to leave. I want us all to leave."

"Well, we can't," I heard Rosita whisper from being across from me. As a matter of fact, if I'm not mistaken, it's her legs that I'm tangled-up with right now. "So, just calm down. Don't make them come back in here."

I shook my head and closed my eyes for a moment, letting the last bit of hot tears that I had come down my warm cheeks. "Is D-Daryl okay? I haven't heard anything from him in a while. Daryl... Are you... Are you okay? Please say something."

"Daryl?" Glenn squeaked out his name for extra effect, then I heard a slight scuffle. What I'm thinking is Glenn nudged him since they're so closely together over there.

"Mm," we all heard Daryl hum under his breath. "I-I'm fine, Tess."

I heard him out, but it didn't feel right. It felt like he wasn't fine at all. When I was freaking out like that, Daryl would've said something to calm me down. He barley said anything at all. He's not okay. I know it.

"How long have we been in here?" I asked everybody, hoping for a legitimate answer.

"I don't know," I heard Glenn answer from beside me with a shrug. "But it's been a while. I know that."

Rosita's legs moved, trying to untangle from mine, but it was no use. We were tied in here together for good. "It's been hours. Maybe days. I don't know." She wasn't far off from what I assumed was the truth.

Abrutly, there seemed to be something going on outside. I could hear it just as the bright lights switched on outside, causing it to enter through the cracks in this hell-box. That couldn't be good. "What's going on?"

"Shhh," I heard Daryl spat out, hushing me so that he could hear what's going on out there.

"Good," somebody said aloud, who sounded like Simon — one of Negan's right-hand men. "You made it." Who made it?! "Welcome to where you're going. We'll take your weapons. Now."

"We can talk about—"

"We're done talking," Simon said again, interrupting the first. Who was that? "Time to listen."

The noise started again and I continued to shake. It sounded like the weapons were being stopped off of whoever was out there. Glenn could obviously feel me shaking – since I was still sitting next to him – and he placed a hand on my knee. "It's okay," he reassured me, but I continued to heavily breath. "I'm not going to let anything happen to you, Tess."

"That's yours, right?" Simon said to somebody, speaking to somebody out there. He was whispering, so I'm surprised that I could hear it behind these thick walls. "Yeah, it's yours."

"Okay," he grunted, continuing. "Let's get her down and get you all on your knees. Lots to cover."

"Hold up," somebody else said and the voice was somebody's that I almost recognize. "We got it."

Dear God, was that Abraham's voice?!

"Sure, sure," Simon said back. Oh, my God...

After this, there was a bit of noise, but not much at all. Sounded like footsteps and struggle, but not much noise after that. The silence was what was so damn scary right now. What's going on out there!?

"Gonna need you on your knees," I heard Simon say to somebody, but – once again – I have no idea to who. Abraham?

There's a whole lot of panting after this point, but I can't tell if it's just me or somebody out there. I think that I'm having a serious heart attack right now. Nope, it's me. It's definitely me.

"Let's get the other ones. Right now," Simon suddenly said, coming closer to the box. "Dwight!"

"Yeah," Dwight called back.

"Chop-chop," Simon demanded, referring to getting us out, I believe. But, holy shit...

"No matter what happens," I found myself whispering to them, "we'll make it through this. Together."

They had no time to reply when the doors suddenly opened and the unwelcoming light entered, burning into all of our eyes. We briefly shunned the blinding lights with our arms over our eyes.

It was like being in hibernation in utter darkness, just to come out months later to a brand new light hitting your eyes.

"Come on," I heard Dwight say, who must of been the one to open the doors. "You got people to meet."

One by one, he and some ohers grabbed us out with much force. First, it was Daryl, Michonne, Rosita, Glenn, then myself. I was the last one to be dragged out of there to the rough ground, trying to finally use my legs, but to no use because I was like a newborn deer trying to walk.

Once they had us spread out on our knees, they sat me down beside Glenn and that's when I seen everybody there. Everybody from Alexandria.

Abraham. Maggie. Rick. Sasha. Carl. Aaron. Eugene.

Maggie, however, didn't look the same at all. She had her hair cut short and, the last time that I had saw her, her hair was a little past her shoulders. She just didn't look good at all. She couldn't even barely remain on her knees like the rest of us.

Glenn obviously noticed her and cried out her name, "Maggie...?"

Rick noticed us and his eyes suddenly landed on me with fresh tears in his distraught eyes. His eyes were all glassy and red, much like my own. "Rick...," I cried out his name, letting the tears flow.

"On your knees," Dwight reminded us, coming around to make sure that we were following protocol. Glenn, however, tried to fight him off as he tried to crawl over to Maggie. Oh, my Gosh...

I looked across the circle and noticed Eugene, who had blood all over his face while he was crying. He wasn't going to stop, either, much like myself. When he seen us, he just started to cry even more.

This is it. It's over. It is all over.

"Alright," Simon smiled, standing in the middle of all of us. For a hot second, I figured that he would start clapping to celebrate this. "We got a full boat! Let's meet the man..."

Simon was just as evil as Negan. Maybe that is who he learned from, like a mentor.

He slightly backed up and knocked on the RV's side-door before throwing down an empty gun in front of Carl. What for?

Then, suddenly, that is when the RV's door flew wide-open and a dark figure stepped out from inside. Before I even seen him, I already knew who he was. With that same old leather jacket on and the barbed-wire baseball bat in hand, it was... It was Negan.

"Pissing our pants yet?" He stepped out and into the official light. I was crying even harder now as I shook unsteadily. "Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close." He was going to talk. A lot. I could already tell, but that's just Negan's classic style. "Yep. It's gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon."

Negan was a classic murder mystery, waiting to be made. He had killed a kid at the Hilltop, threatened to kill me, too — if only Paul wasn't there to save me from his wrath. I didn't know if he could recognize me — since I had black dirt all over my face. If he does... We're all dead.

He began to point to everybody one by one while asking: "Which one of you pricks is the leader?" Oh, shit...

Simon took a step up behind Rick, pointing down at him, as he said: "It's this one." Negan noticed and nodded. "He's the guy."

Negan stopped in front of Rick, looked down at him with a narrow stare, and sighed loudly. He stepped forward and simply said: "Hi. You're Rick, right? I'm Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men."

Rick just gazed up at him though sweat and tears. Sasha was looking, too, but she didn't seem as intimidated.

"Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you kill more of my people." There was a slight pause. "Not. Cool. Not fucking cool at all. You have no fucking idea how not fucking cool that shit is. But... I think that you're gonna be up to speed here shortly." Rick was shaking for dear life — as bad as I was over here, like two Chihuahuas. "Yeah. You are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes." With a vicious smile, he added, "Fuck yeah, you are."

With a slight turn, Negan continued: "You see, Rick, whatever you do — no matter fucking what — you don't mess with the new world order. And, the new world order is this, and it's really very simple. So, even if you're fucking stupid, which you very may well be, you can understand it. You ready?" Rick didn't respond in any way possible. He kept quiet and kept his eyes glued up on Negan. "Here goes. Pay attention."

Suddenly, in one swift shift, Negan dropped Lucille where she almost hit Rick right on top of his head. He steadied Lucille to where she was right beside Rick's head. I wanted to scream, but I kept quiet as I shook with each word and action.

Every heartbeat is more dangerous than the last...

With a smile, Negan began to lean down towards Rick as he almost silently said, "Give me your shit... Or I will kill you." Then, he started to pick himself back up while his classic evil grin returned. "Today was career day."

Negan began to walk passed Rick, but very slowly and almost cautiously. "We invested a lot, so you would know who I am and what I can do." He stopped in front of Abraham before he took this chance to point Lucille directly back at Rick. "You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me. That's your job." Negan paused just as Rick glared up at him in question and fear. "Now, I know that is a mighty big, nasty pill to swallow, but swallow it you most motherfucking certainly will."

I felt a lump in my throat as I stared at Negan's back, hoping to burn a big ass hole through it. Of course, if looks could kill... We'll all be dead right now. No joke.

"You rules the roost. You built something," Negan continued, back to talking down to Rick. "You thought you were safe. I get it. But the word is out." Maggie continued to shake in fear and sickness on Rick's right side while Sasha sat there in disgust and anger on Rick's left. "You are not safe. Not even fucking close. In fact, you are fucked. More fucked if you don't give me what I want and what I want is half your shit."

We can't do this if the whole group is in two separate places, fighting two different battles. We need to go back home and let Rick in on what we're cooking up here.

"And if that's too much, you can make, find, or steal more, and it'll even out sooner or later," Negan continued as I had tuned out for a second. I remember what I had told Glenn right before we were all captured and dragged here against our will. Negan stood in the middle of us all, swinging his arms and Lucille around. "This is your way of life now. The more you right back, the harder it will be."

"So, if someone comes knocking on your door...," Negan kept on with his classic speech with a slight chuckle. "You fucking let us in. We own that fucking door. You try to fucking stop us and we will knock that fucker down." Rick stared into space and I couldn't feel more sorry for him — and us, in general. "You understand?"

Rick didn't reply. There was no talk whatsoever, unless it was Negan. However, Negan leaned forward and cupped his hand over his left ear, not hearing a word from Rick whatsoever.

"What, no answer?" Shit. Negan straightened himself back up and wiped his hand over his rough beard. "You don't really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished, now, did you?"

The tensions were suddenly being raised and it was only getting worse. "I don't want to kill you people. Just want to make that clear from the get-go. I want you to work for me. You can't do that if you're fucking dead, now, can you? I'm not growing a garden... But you killed my people, a whole fucking damn shit load of 'em. More than I'm comfortable with. And, for that, for that... You gotta fucking pay."

Negan paused, so that he could look at each and every one of us. I glanced down at Daryl, who looked rough. I just wanted to go down there and hold him for dear life. I couldn't do that. Not after this. Not after... Negan.

"So, now...," Negan grunted, taking a whole new stand in the middle of us. "I'm gonna beat the holy fuck fucking fuckity fuck outta one of you."

I began to shiver again, as if acold breeze had just came in. I felt my heart beating ninety to nothing, and a big ass lump in my throat forming. It felt like I was going to throw it up and I may very well do that. I began make weird noises, which caused everybody to look directly at me — especially Negan.

"Who do we have here?" Negan spoke up again, walking right up to me. "We have a nervous girl." He bent down in front of me, waving Lucille very unsettling close in my face. "Don't worry now. If it's you, then you get to die quickly. I won't let you feel any pain."

Then, he stood back up and I held my breath, silently thanking God that he didn't seem to recognize me. It's been years, after all, since he's last seen me face-to-face.

The problem is, I didn't really care if I died. All I cared about was about everyone else dying here tonight. I tried to warn them about Negan and the Saviors. I tried so many times, but they just wouldn't listen. Especially Rick.

Negan stood in the middle all of us again, not letting anything effect him whatsoever. He spun Lucille around in the air and announced, "This... This is Lucille, and she is fucking awesome." Glenn leaned forward, placing the palm of his hands on the ground in front of him. "All this, all this is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor."

Then, he began to walk pass Rick, inhaling sharply. He passed by Maggie, who shook, and stopped at Abraham. To my surprise, he didn't look intimidated at all. He was so brave and fearless. Everything that I strive to be. I was both impressed and scared for his safety. Abraham stood tall on his knees, bowing-up against Negan. I began to silently pray for his safety.

And, since Abraham did this, Negan took obvious notice and smiled. "Huh," he said on the account of Abraham's bravery. He wiped his rough beard again. "Ugh, I gotta shave this shit."

Then, he turned around and headed back to where Rick was. He passed by him, Sasha, Aaron, and stopped at Carl. I squeaked out a scream and reached forward in an obvious failing effort to save him from Negan's wrath.

"You got one of our guns," he said to Carl, pointing. To mine and everybody else's surprise, he began to bend down — like he did with me before — with Lucille steadily by his side. "Whoa. Yeah. You got a lot of our guns."

Again, to my surprise, just like how Abraham was, Carl was, too. He wasn't at all intimated by Negan and that was more than crazy. I just don't understand it.

How can you be fearless when there's fear all around you?

"Shit, kid. Lighten up," Negan said to Car with a pleased grin. "At least, cry a little." Negan took a moment and glanced down at Rick, then back at Carl with a chuckle.

So, then, Negan stood up and placed the empty gun in his front. "Ahem," he cleared his throat, looking right at Rick, then sniffed.

He began to walk down to Maggie, who was a combination of hurt and anger. I felt her. "Je-zus," Negan called out, when he noticed her. "You. Look. Fucking. Shitty." Really, Negan? Glenn began to stir from beside me, which made me cry even more. "I should just put you out of your misery right now..."

I jumped forward when he said that, but not before Glenn did, who began to go crazy. "No! No!" Glenn yelled and I cried even harder than before. He almost got to Negan when he jumped up, but not before Dwight came up and got him, starting to punch and kick him.

"Stop it!" Maggie and I screamed together, begging for Glenn's mercy. "Just stop it," I added by myself, heaving. "Please... Stop!"

Dwight held him down with Daryl's own crossbow pointed right at his head, ready to shoot. I was sobbing uncontrollably. There was a whole lot of grunting and groaning.

When they wouldn't loosen up, I jumped up with my arms up in surrender. I could barley stand, too, but I tried. Dwight looked over his shoulder at me as Negan smiled in my direction. "Please," I begged in Glenn's mercy. "Please just... Leave him alone. I'll... I'll take the punishment."

"Get back in line," Dwight warned me almost silently. When I didn't do as he said, he huffed and puffed, becoming angrier. "I said to get back in line!"

"If you want blood," I gulped out, shaking even more than before, "you can take it from me. Not him. Please."

"Nope," Negan calmly said in return, shaking his head. "Nope, get them both back in line."

That is when Simon flew up behind me like a vampire and dragged me back to where I was before. I started to scream and shout, hoping that I would get the bat instead of Glenn. "P-Please..."

"No," Glenn cried and grunted, as Dwight dragged him back in line, too.

"You know what?" Negan swallowed, turning to look at both myself and Glenn sitting there together. "They need to be separated. Too much history there with them. Move her away from him."

"Where to, boss?" Simon asked, who was still standing firmly behind me.

That is when Negan turned to look around our circle. I noticed Maggie in the heat of the moment, her head was in her lap and her back was shaking with strong sobs. I didn't want to move away from Glenn, though.

"Hm," he hummed out, stroking his beard. He smiled when he seen Carl, though. "Place her between the girl and the kid. Now."

I shook my head and that is when Simon began to pick me up, but I quickly grabbed Glenn's hand. "No, no, no," I begged, just as Glenn grabbed both of my hands with his. "No!"

"Dammit," Simon hissed in frustration when I wouldn't move. I was going to fight to stay near Glenn. He stopped trying and leaned down, slapping me right across the face. My friends gasped and cried, as I tried not to let it affect me. I still wouldn't let go of Glenn, though, and he wouldn't let go of me, neither.

"Do what you have to do," Negan told Simon as a direct order — which legitimately could mean anything at this point.

Simon bent down, picked me up by the throat, and hit me hard across the face. Somehow, that made my whole face grow numb and lose grip of Glenn. He picked me up by the hair and dragged me across all that dirt and rocks, to where I was now between Carl and Sasha.

When he dropped me there, Carl immediately took me in his arms and helped me up. My hand climbed up to my nose, which was now bleeding uncontrollably. I shivered while Carl tried to calm me down as we watched on.

Glenn is now screaming and sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't," he begged, which left a numb feeling in my throat. "Don't..."

Negan is chuckling, finding amusement in all this for some strange reason. "Alright, listen," Negan began to announce to everyone. "Don't any of ya do that again. I will shut the shit down, no exceptions! Man, woman, kid... It doesn't matter. First one's free. It's an emotional moment. I get it." That is when he pointed directly at myself and Glenn, especially – singling us out.

Meanwhile, I noticed Glenn was shivering, crying, and overall distraught — the same as myself and the rest of us; but, somehow, he was on a whole higher level than us.

Then, there was Rick... I seen him now more than ever before. I seen his eyes. He was shaking with fear and frustration. He was about to lose Glenn, Maggie, and me just then. He was losing it.

Negan noticed Rick's sudden actions, so he glared down at him and sighed. "Sucks, don't it? The moment you realize you don't know shit."

Shaking, Rick began to slowly look back up at Negan. Again, Negan glanced down at Carl and myself, then back to Rick. What the hell?

Negan smiled and took a step towards us, holding out Lucille, while he kept his current glance on Rick. "This is your kid, right?" He laughed, focusing on Carl. "This is definitely your kid."

"Just stop this!" Rick finally found his voice by screaming. His sudden outburst made even me jump.

"Hey!" Negan countered, pointing and facing Rick. "Do not make me kill the little future serial killer. Don't make it easy on me." He placed his hand over his heart, then spread out his arms again with Lucille still in his dominant hand. "I gotta pick somebody. Everybody's at the table, waiting for me to order."

Negan stepped forward, towards Rick and began to whistle. He looked at each of us, nodding at Michonne once. It had to take a seriously deranged, sick, and cold-hearted person to smile and laugh about killing people.

Alas, Negan took a deep breath and stared aloud, "I simply cannot fucking decide!" He turned his back on us and scratched his eyebrow with a chuckle. Then, with a smile, he turned back around on his heel. "I got an idea!"

He licked his lips, kept his glare down on Rick, and chuckled again. What he did next... I will never, ever forget — for as long as I live, even if it is only for another minute or so.

Negan placed Lucille almost on Rick's nose and said, "Eenie..."

On Maggie: "Meenie..."

On Abe: "Miney..."

On Michonne: "Mo."

On Rosita: "Catch..."

On Daryl: "A tiger..."

"By... the toe," Negan continued to sing, letting Lucille dance in front of everybody one by one. "If... He hollers..." He paused and pointed Lucille right in front of me when he said, "Let him go."

He gulped and continued with his same old routine, "My mother... Told me... To pick... The very best one... And you... Are..."

Before he could even say it, I closed my eyes and gulped, falling forward into the ground. I didn't know who it was, but I didn't want to find out, eithet. All I knew was that the bat wasn't being swung around in my face right now.

Sadly, somebody else's life besides my own was about to be taken. All I wanted to do was run in front of them and take the bat, along with all of the pain involved.

"It," Negan finally said, his first kill of the night being revealed. "Anybody moves, anybody says anything, cut the boy's other eye out and feed it to his father and, then, we'll start."

I finally found the will to open my eyes after silently praying that a miracle will be spared for my friends. Almost like it was in slow-motion, I slowly opened my eyes one by one and looked to my side, but not before I spotted Negan down between Maggie and Daryl.

I held my breath, shaking like crazy, as I gulped. No... No... No... Please no!

"You can breathe. You can blink. You can cry. Hell, you're all gonna be doing that," Negan revealed before he swung Lucille up in the air behind him and down. She went right down on one of my friend's heads.

Everybody began to scream and cry, including myself. I wanted to take all of their pain away.

At this point, time seemed to freeze in place. It all happened so quickly, but so slowly, too. His death was what was so slow to take in and to watch, but time was only going to go so fast before it was time to go.

"Ho! Ho!" Negan chanted, sizing up with him. "Look. At. That." I couldn't even see by this point with all the crying that I was doing as I lunged forward, settling on my hands and knees. "Taking it like a champ!"

Then, there's another blow to head. Again and again. Lucille just kept going with Negan, killing one of my friends right in front of me. Again and again.

We should meet in another life. We should meet in the air, me and you.