• Hello, everyone 👋🏻 I just wanted to put this author's note up for you to read before you go on with the chapter... For Christmas this past year, I received TWD S7 on DVD — which is exactly what I needed and wanted. I needed it for this story — and I wanted it for my pleasure and to go along with all the other 6 DVD's that I have of TWD. Now, with that said... I haven't even TOUCHED the S7 DVD set yet. (IKR?!) It's what I wanted and needed, but... I can't do it. I legitimately CAN'T bring myself to put in the DVD player and/or laptop to watch it. I'm scared to do it 'cause that WHOLE SEASON was too emotional for me to get through. I BARLEY made it out alive. So, with that said, instead of going play by play of the show, I wanted to do yet ANOTHER chapter of something that I have made-up from my mind to fit in this little story. I'm thinking that the next chapter will be the one where Carl (and Jesus) pay a VISIT to the Sanctuary. That is when I will FINALLY put the DVD in to watch and pick back up with the REAL stuff. Tess is gonna be a KEY member when it comes to Carl and Jesus — 'cause, like... She loves Carl (like a little brother) and has to protect him, no matter what, and Jesus is her twin brother, so... I'm sorry that this has been SO LONG. I am so sorry. So, bare with me for this chapter and the next should be better... 🙃 Yet, this one WILL be pretty sad, though, so prepare yourselves 😭 All the love .xx •

— — —

The days went by...

I was starting to lose my mind a bit.

Everything from obeying Negan's every order to protecting Daryl at all costs to trying to avoid Dwight altogether... I was losing myself — and who I've always been.

If Don was alive right now and seen how quickly I fell to the enemy, he would just so ashamed of me. He probably wouldn't even be able to look at me, unless it was with disgust.

Most days, I find myself locked away in my room — unless I'm due to do something else for Negan. Every night, before I lay my head to go to sleep, I'm up and writing in my personal journal. I keep it under the mattress, so that nobody will hopefully not find it.

I don't necessarily start off every new page with Dear Diary, but I do write in it every night to keep myself sane. I write letters, poems, and scribble some drawings down, too. I have written a letter to each person back at home, even Glenn and Abraham, too.

Every time that I go to write one for Maggie, though... I can't seem to do it. I can't place that pen onto paper without crying. Not even writing those letters to the dead gets me like this. I feel guilt every time that I think of Maggie — and her unborn child, too.

The way that she reacted when I was being dragged away... She cared about me and my safety. Yet, every time that her back was turned, I was undressing her husband with my eyes. There's only one way to put it...

I was in love with Glenn Rhee.

I want to put that in the letter that I could probably give her one day, but she'll never forgive me, though. She won't ever forget, no matter what happens. She'll always look to me with disgust and hatred, and I can't live the rest of my life with that. Yet, somehow, I can't let this guilt go until I finally confess to her.

What would I say to her, though? Dear Maggie, I'm sorry that I was in love with your husband. I hope that you take care. Sincerely, Tess. That's bull-crap.

I have been for over two weeks now, so it's been well around sixteen days so far. I'm losing my touch with reality. I really miss everyone, alive and dead. I miss having people to be around to tell your problems to and to just have a really good laugh with when you need it.

So, when I woke up on the sixteenth day of being at Camp Hell, I didn't even want to get up and start my day. I've been feeling like that a lot lately. I have become so depressed with myself and what I've turned into that it's not even funny anymore.

I wanted to just die already. I mean, what's the point anymore? Don's gone. Kurt's gone. Abraham's gone. Glenn's gone. I might as well be next before I can see my own twin brother be ripped away from me, too. I didn't want to see any more of my friends or family die — especially because of me.

However, just as I ignored the alarm clock on my bedside table once again, I heard my bedroom door open and close within two seconds of each other. Nobody could get in here, unless they had a key — and only about five people in the whole place had them, so this could any one of them.

I was curled up and buried under the covers, tightening my grip on the inside of them underneath my chin. "Go away," I groaned out to whoever it was, even if it was Negan — especially. "I don't want to get up. I don't feel good."

"Yes, you are," I suddenly heard and recognized the very familiar voice of Dwight say to me. I could practically feel him towering over my bed, too. "Now, get up and let's get going."

"Leave me alone," I demanded of him, bringing the cover over my head to bury me inside of it. "You're not my probation officer, so just leave me the hell alone today."

He didn't say anything immediately and was silently hoping that meant he was giving up. Yet, it didn't because, just as I began to close my eyes again, I heard him messing around with my things. As long as he didn't find my journal that's underneath my mattress, I didn't care what he found or took.

However, that's when I felt something be thrown at my feet on top of the cover. I didn't know what it was, but — before I knew it — the covers were being dragged off of my cold and fragile body. I tried to catch them, but it was no use before he had it curled up in a ball in his arms and tossed it to the side.

"Get up," he simply demanded, signaling over to the clothes that were now laid out on the naked bed. "Put those clothes on because we're rolling out in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" I repeated, my eyebrows together in confusion. "Dwight, what the hell? Where are we going?"

"You and me are going somewhere for a couple of hours," he replied, seemingly sincere about it. "Meet me in the side parking lot in ten minutes. I mean it. Let's go."

Before I could say anything else, he had opened the door and closed it behind himself as I heard him lock from the outside. I'm assuming that he didn't want anyone else to come inside while I have to change... for him.

Without any other self-questioning, I took a huge deep breath, rubbed my face, and stood up. I picked up each piece of clothing that he had thrown at me and studied them. I can't believe that he knew my style so well because these are the clothes that I would wear on any casual day.

Almost against my will, I put on the clothes that he had laid out for me one by one. I still haven't fully forgiven him for what occurred the other day between us. He broke my heart, lifted my spirits, then crumbled my heart into the palm of his hands once again.

These days, I don't know what's been going on with me. My emotions are up and down, and usually always ends with me being emotional. I've began to actually really hate myself as of late. Ever single day always seems like it's going to be my last and, when it's not, it's emotionally draining and a total let-down, too.

After leaving my room and locking it up for the day, my studded leather jacket was the very last thing that I grabbed before I left. After slipping it on in the hallway and flipping my braided ponytail out of it, I continued on to my journey of finding the side parking lot that I was required to meet Dwight at.

Very few people greeted me on my way out as I've tried not to get close to any of them, except for Brie, of course. At this point, I'm honestly thinking that she's the one good seed in this whole garden of evil. She's pretty decent and kind-hearted.

Not to get too personal here, but... Every time that we visit the Kingdom, I always see her and Jerry exchanged smiles and winks. So, I'm just assuming that she might have the hots for Jerry. That's none of my business, though.

After having to ask someone for directions to the side-entrance, I finally found it and had to push the door open with all of my mite. It's one of those kind of doors that's hard to function.

I immediately found Dwight right there in the middle of the small parking lot. It was filled with at least a dozen or so motorcycles lined-up next to one another. I'm going to go ahead and bet money that one of these belongs to Daryl. However, Dwight already had one of them out and was bent down next to it, trying to fix it, apparently.

I slowly approached him, even though he could clearly see me coming. I stood on the other side of the motorcycle, rested most of my weight on my left side, and crossed my arms over my chest.

"What's going on? Why am I here for?" I began to question of him, wanting answers on the spot. "You gonna teach me how to fix a motorcycle or something?"

He glanced up at me with his pretty blue eyes that he had with his mouth ajar. He was wiping down a piece of something with a dirty red rag. "Nah, I ain't gonna be teaching you how to," he grunted out and slowly shook his head. "Unless you want me to teach you, then I will."

I opened my mouth to decline his offer, but quickly fell back to being dead silent. If I spent time with him on fixing bikes, then that meant that I didn't have to do something else. That's why I agreed — and because I don't know how much longer that I would here for.

"Sure, Dwight," I agreed, slowly nodding. "You can teach me, but I'm thinking that's not why you asked me out here for. What's up?"

He sighed loudly, dropping the part and rag off to the side, and jumped up to my feet. He took a moment to dust himself off, mostly his pants in the knees area because that's where he was mostly at just then. His pants were already so dirty and, no matter how much he sweeps them off, it'll never help his situation until he finds a washer and dryer.

"We're going on a trip, me and you," he suddenly confessed, finally letting the truth out. "It'll only take a couple of hours to get to there and back. You up for it?"

"Hell yeah, I am," I breathed out, feeling a whole lot of weight lift off of my shoulders. "Being anywhere, but here would be great."

"Yeah, about that," Dwight suddenly sighed out, placing his hands on the handles of his motorcycle. "I honestly think that you'll actually want to be here for once instead of where we're going. But, this is where you need to go... To finally let the past go."

I didn't know what he meant by that, but I didn't really have enough time to question him further. My eyes were squinted together in confusion, but he didn't let me ask anything else.

He jumped on the front of his bike and steadied it, kicking the stand off the ground. "Jump on," he motioned for me to get on with his head, too. "You won't need a helmet, though, right?"

I shook my head before carefully throwing my right leg over the bike, slipping my fingers to latch onto Daryl's signature vest that Dwight wore (for some strange reason), so that I wouldn't fall over with my luck. Once that I was on, I placed my hands on each of his shoulders to level myself while he cranked it up.

"Hold on," he simply instructed, so I quickly wrapped my arms around his middle to bottom of his upper body.

Then, he took off and we left the place of evil in the wind of dust and dirt...

I didn't recognize the area or understand why we were here until I spotted the dry blood splatters on the dusty ground.

My heart stopped. It froze like it this place was buried in layers of snow and I was starting to die from hyperthermia. Somehow, I managed to get off of the bike and managed to take about five steps forward until my legs collapsed underneath me.

I fell to the ground, my knees feeling the firsts lick of pain, as I crawled the rest of the way there. I knew that I was crying, for once, but didn't know how severe it was until I felt each tear slide off of my face and hit my hands down below. Each tear felt like they weighed ten pounds each and were rock-solid.

I didn't understand why Dwight brought me here, but I didn't need to be here. Not after what happened. I was sitting on my knees between the two spots that were still visible after all this time.

To my right, it was where Abraham's head was crushed in by Lucille and Negan's helping hands. Then, to my left, it was the spot where Glenn's head was crushed in, too. Dwight had brought me back here, but for what?

Before I could ask him, though, he had already started to explain: "I brought you here because..." He paused, biting down on his bottom lip for a moment as he stood by his bike. I had started looking up at him through a veil of tears to understand why. "Because... You deserve to say goodbye. T-To your friends, the two people that you loved most in this world. Am I right?"

I couldn't even find the words to speak, much less function my insane mind at the moment. I couldn't find the will to open my mouth and say anything back to him, but maybe it wasn't wanting me to say anything back at all.

I was officially and utterly broken.

"This is where it happened at," Dwight began to narrate the whole entire process over again. "This is where your friends died at. This is where I allowed them to die at. This is where Negan killed them both right in front of you and the rest of your friends. This is where—"

"I know," I finally uttered some words out, talking more through my nose. I was shivering, even though I wasn't cold at all, and had turned my head away from him and held my hand up at him. "I just know, alright? I was there..."

Dwight had fallen silent again, allowing me the time and quiet to focus on what was my sides. Like he said, this is where it all happened at. This is where I lost them two at. He wanted me to say goodbye and to give me the chance to leave the past in the past. I don't know why, but I wanted to thank him for this opportunity. Or, well, hit him, too... But, that'll come much later.

I found myself floating back and forth from Glenn's spot to Abraham's, waiting for them to suddenly reappear. I see Glenn everywhere that I go. I know that he's very disappointed in me and I couldn't blame him. He'll never leave me alone until I'm back with Rick and them again. Yet, do I want him to, though? No, not really.

However, I know that I have to let go of him one way or another. Today was going to be that day. I was no longer going to cry over my losses and pity myself until I have a nice bullet as my last meal.

Glenn followed me around because he wants me to return back home — back to Alexandria, where we were headed back to before we were caught and taken by the Saviors. He followed me around because I think that he wants me to let go of the past, too. He wants me to let go of him and to forgive myself because I couldn't save him.

Thinking of all this, I began to sob even more as my back shook with each escaping cry. I had my left hand on my face to shield myself while my right was placed on the ground beside me to keep me from falling. I grabbed the gravel and rock, taking it into the palm of my hand. I felt the pain that came from the rocks cutting into my palm. I didn't care, though.

"Glenn," I finally managed to cry out his name, as if, he was sitting there right in front of me to listen. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you. I'm sorry that it's all my fault that you're dead, too. I'm sorry that I've failed you once again. And, I'm sorry that I loved you more than you loved me."

I felt Dwight's eyes on my back, burning a hole in it. I didn't care, though. I came here to air the rest of my grievances out, so that I can finally move on with my life. Yet, I'll always still be without a few puzzle pieces and I'll always feel so empty inside, too.

"Abe," I cried out the fearless ginger's name out next, slightly turning to where his faded blood stain was at. "I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry that you had to go out the way that you did. I'm sorry that I couldn't save you, either. I'm sorry that I didn't spend enough time with you. And, I'm sorry that I can't forgive myself for not being there for you."

The sobs fled from my body like it was a burning building. I couldn't keep it in anymore and I was starting to blab, not caring what was going to come out of my mouth next.

"You two deserved better than what you both got in the end," I continued to sob, glancing at both spots. "You deserved to go out fighting, not on your knees for some asshole that didn't deserve to take your life away, either. You both deserved better."

To Abraham, I promised: "Abe, I promise to take care of Sasha — even if I never see her again. I promise to look out for Rosita, too, and Eugene as well. I promise that I'll never forget about you and all of your hilarious jokes, too. I promise..."

To Glenn, I cried to him: "A-And, Glenn... I promise that I'll always take care of Maggie and the baby — if they made it. I promise to always look out for everyone, just like you did. You always made sure that everyone was happy and taken care of, and I will do the same again one day. And, Glenn... I promise — I swear to God — that I will never, ever forget you. I..."

My voice trailed off, just as the tears poured out of my eyes like waterfalls. I couldn't bare to speak anymore, but I had so much more that I had to say before leaving here. Together deserved that much.

"Glenn, I know that I told you all the time, but... I loved you," I admitted, my voice now becoming hoarse from all that crying. "I... I still love you. Nothing will ever change that. You'll always be in my heart. You only said that you loved me back once... And that was right before you were taken away from me. It was like we both somehow knew that it was over, then."

I sighed, placing my right hand over my heart. I legitimately felt like I was about to have heart attack because I was aching that much. This was so unbearable.

"Why? Just... Why couldn't I have saved you both?" I whispered, probably being the most quietest thing that I've said so far. Yet, I still think that Dwight heard me.

You would've died, too, Tess, I heard somebody's voice whisper in my air after feeling a chill run down my spine.

Glenn? "I don't care anymore," I finally admitted, trying my best to wipe the tears off of my cheeks. "I don't care if I die anymore, Glenn. Anywhere is better than here, I suppose. Plus, I hear that Heaven is beautiful this time of year. Maybe I can come visit you and Abe..."

Dying is stupid, the chilling voice returned, sounding awfully familiar. Anyone could die, even you. But... It's not your time yet. You've got to let go, Tess. It's time. Just let go already.

"I... I can't," I countered the voice, speaking through my gritted teeth. "I can't let go. I... I tried. I did. I tried, Glenn, but I... I can't do this anymore. I can't fight how I'm feeling and..."

Please, the voice suddenly began to beg of me. Stay alive. If not for yourself, then for all the people back home that need you the most. Stay alive for... Maggie and the baby.

"Glenn, I—"

I have a good feeling that it's going to be a boy, the voice interrupted, sounding very sincere and so fucking real, too. So, do me a favor, Tess, and... Stay alive for them. They need you.

I kept shaking my head, trying to fight away everything. I was trying to fight off the pain, suffering, rapid thoughts of suicide, and the voice — that I don't even know is real or not. It may just be my imagination fighting back at me.

You can do it, Tess, the voice reassured me, seemingly getting closer to me. I believe in you because... You're going to make a great mother and wife someday. You're going to make so many people happy, especially the one that you'll come home to every night and your kids, too. You're going to find your happiness again, Tess.

I couldn't fight this feeling anymore. That was Glenn's voice. He's talking to me. He's finally reaching out and telling me everything that I need to know.

"I'll never forget you," I cried to the voice, apparently being Glenn. "I'll always love you, too."

You're the most fearless person that I ever knew. Just remember: You can't control what has already happened... But you can control what happens next. You get to decide how your story ends, the voice began to conclude. And, Tess... I love you more.

Then, just like that... He was gone again.

• For ME... This chapter was emotionally draining. I mean... Tess is having rapid thoughts of suicide, yet Dwight is there for her when she needs somebody the most. Maybe Dwight knew that she was complaining suicide and thought that returning there to find PEACE with what happened would somewhat "fix" her — for her regain her strength again. I mean... Both Abe and Glenn are gone. She can't keep CRYING over what's already happened, y'know? Like the "voice" said... "You can't control what has already happened... But you can control what happens next. You get to decide how your story ends." Was it Glenn? Maybe, but it was probably most likely her imagination and/or her coping megangsim. Only ONE person could've talked her out of suicide... And that person was Glenn. I hope that you guys enjoyed as I cried legitimately the WHOLE WAY through. Next chapter... You won't even RECOGNIZE Tess because she is going back to being BAD to the ASS. See you then! 👊🏻 All the love .xx •