❛ I'll leave my window open
'Cause I'm too tired at night to call your name
Just know I'm right here hoping
That you'll come in with the rain ❜
- Come In With The Rain, Taylor Swift

Hal's trial began, and I didn't think it was possible for the family to forget about Reese being missing any more than they have. I get that it's been pushed to the back of their minds because of everything going on, but it hurts to see them move on with their lives without him.

It's been a month since he left, but it feels like forever.

To put it simply, I miss him—devastatingly so. My days have felt slow and aimless. I see the Wilkersons less and less each passing day. I barely know what Hal's situation is and I definitely know I should be doing something to find Reese, but I just don't know what.

I don't look at my calendar anymore, it's only a reminder of how long it's been. Worse, it's a reminder that his birthday is coming up soon. It's August.

I don't want to imagine how terrible I'll feel on the actual day if I already feel like crying again at the thought of it.

No, I can't keep doing that. Crying isn't going to make Reese come back: that's what I've been trying to tell myself.

I roll over in my bed and huff into my pillow. I haven't even got around to changing my bedsheets yet. Ugh.

How can they go on with their lives like that? I know Reese was a menace half the time, but how could they care so little?

I push myself off the bed. No. A month is too much.

The first thing my eyes land on is the guitar across from my bed.

Nothing has been able to take my mind off Reese being missing lately... not even music—actually, it just reminds me of him even more. But I've found that it doesn't have to be an escape, and instead a way to cope.

So I pick up the wooden object, it's heavy at first, given that I have barely used my muscles for the past month.

I play the same three melancholy chords that I haven't been able to get out of my head. Frustratingly so. Those same chords linger in the back of my mind throughout the whole day, impossible to let go of, as if a reminder of the way I should be feeling—miserable.

It's a terrible defeat, the fact that I can't think of a single song that doesn't bring back memories I'd rather not remember anymore. So I resort to making up my own tunes, and they just end up sadder than the next. The purpose of all of this? To deal with Reese's absence. Which has proven to be in vain.

The other day while going through the attic to find some old documents of Hal's, Lois uncovered Reese's old drumset.

It was busted and dusty, like it's always been sitting ever since him and his brothers destroyed it. But I convinced him to get that drumset when we were 12 years old. I was the one that nagged Hal's ear off trying to get him to buy it because Reese and I wanted to start a band.

Surprisingly, Reese wasn't terrible at playing. But like the fate of everything else that steps into the Wilkerson household, it didn't take long for the boys to destroy the set, and we moved on from our glamorous rock band dreams.

It wasn't the thought of the expensive broken drumset that made my eyes well up when Lois told me what she had come across in the attic, though. No, it was the fear that everything Reese owned would soon be shoved under blankets and thrown into cardboard boxes too; that he would be forgotten just like those drums.

I can't let that happen.

I quickly get up from the edge of my bed and wince at the immediate light-headedness I get. I throw my guitar on the bed and walk towards my window so I can climb out, not even bothering to put any shoes on. The Wilkerson's have gotten used to my dishevelled appearance lately, so I don't think twice about fixing my hair or getting out of my worn clothes.

When I walk in through the backyard door into the Wilkerson home, no one pays mind to me. They all seem to be going about their business, and Malcolm seems to be cleaning up—now that I take a better look, all of them are.

Only now does it register how much I've missed out. I have no idea where they stand in the court case nor do I know anything about what they have found about Reese. But they would tell me, right?

I'm not even sure anymore.

Ever since he's been gone, I've realized how much of a powerful link he has been between me and the Wilkerson family. I don't know if I'd be anywhere as close to them as I am if it weren't for Reese.

He has always been the first person to welcome me. Whenever something would happen in the family, he would be the first to fill me in.

Ever since my Mom left, and my Dad distant personality became more and more glaring, the Wilkerson house has been the only place I've ever felt at home in. It's only now do I realize that I have never felt lonely in this living room. In fact, I don't think I've ever felt genuine loneliness in my life—until now.

I've always had Reese to fall back on, and he's always had me, and now neither of us have eachother.

Reese left me too. They all are slowly letting go of me...

"Hey Tessa," Piama stops to say. The sound of my name snaps me back into the living room. "You here to help out? Or...?" She eyes my attire and unruly overall state.

I simply shake my head in reply and walk over to the kitchen, where Lois is, looking around to notice Francis and Malcolm cleaning up trash.

"How's the case been going?" I ask Lois.

"Oh, it ended." she casually says.

Weird, it didn't start too long ago. "So... everything's good now?" Wow, I've really been missing out on alot.

"Well, we are in bankruptcy, but yeah," she says and goes on about her work. It's a bit frustrating how none of them are paying me any mind, let alone pay the remaining problem any. The problem being that Reese is still missing! Is it really that insignificant to them now? No matter how many letters he's left, he's still a minor whose whereabouts and wellbeing are unknown to everyone.

"What about Reese?"

"Still missing!" Malcolm yells from the kitchen. I stand in the middle of the house, feeling as if I had just stepped in a foreign country. Lois brushes past me and walks into the foyer.

Her voice interrupts my lost trance. "It's a letter from Reese." My heart sinks into my stomach and I spin to look at her.

I can feel my blood thumping as she opens the envelope and begins to read it in what seems like slow motion. "Oh my god, he's joined the army!" She shrieks.

Everyone's eyes widen as she continues reading the letter aloud.

"Dear family, I'm fine. I waited 'till I was a success to write to you. I finished basic training at the top of my class. My drill sergeant told me I've earned some sort of reward."  She looks up in confusion. And I eagerly wait for her to keep reading, but it seems like that's the end.

Knowing where Reese is and what he's been up to doesn't give me any of the reassurance I thought it would. It just makes me sadder, and frustrated.

More than anything, I'm angry. I'm angry that he would make such a stupid decision. I'm angry at the world for allowing this. I'm angry at Malcolm. I'm angry at him. I'm angry at myself.

I'm angry because I just feel more helpless. I still miss him. And I want nothing more than to wallow in my room, more than I already have been. At least now I have somewhat of a new thing to cry about.

This giant flurry of emotions has all combobulated to make me just feel... empty. I'm not sure how to feel or what to do with this.

So all I do is leave my window open at night, just like I've been keeping it this past month. Yeah, I'm well aware of all the reasons why its stupid to do so,  but I do it regardless. Even though this time I know for sure he won't magically enter during the night.

He's probably thousands of miles away, and now I'm certain of the chance that he could die out there. He could die out there and I wouldn't know until it became months and months without a letter or sign from him.

All I want is for him to come back.

I leave my window wide open. And when I do, I notice the light drizzle of rain in the darkness outside. A rare sighting in the middle of summer, but deadly symbolic of my feelings right now. Right on point, Mother Nature.

It's 12 AM, and I can't get any sleep—as if I needed anymore of that. But I'm not so sure staying awake and allowing myself to think will do me any good either.

A knock sounds on my door, I squeeze my eyes shut as if whoever is behind the door will disappear at my will.

However, as much as I hope they do, the person behind the door doesn't leave. Another knock sounds.

My eyes snap open in frustration. It's probably just my Dad anyway, but I don't know what he could possibly want at this time.

"Come in," I say, my back still facing the door.

"Your Mom is on the phone."

My body tenses up. That's the last thing I wanted to hear. I sit up slowly and turn to look at my father. His curly hair is a gelled mess, and his work attire is wrinkly. At least I'm not the only one that looks terrible.

"What does she want?" I inquire. She never calls, unless she needs something from my Dad or she wants to wish me a happy birthday.

"She just wants to talk," he says casually—and I can tell that he's also aware of how unusual this is. I jut out my lower lip in confusion and get up to get the phone on the kitchen counter. My dad follows behind me.

I pick up the phone begrudgingly. "Hello?"

There it is, her voice. I haven't heard it since last goddamned December. That was practically last year.  "Hey, Tess! How's everything been?" She speaks in such a cheerful voice, it makes me cringe at how out of touch she really is. Her schedule isn't half as busy as my father's, what excuse does she have not to check up on her daughter every now and then?

Her question makes me think. It's a funny question, really. I choose the simplest answer, "Everythings... everything is fine." That's obviously far from the truth, but I'd rather not vent to her right now.

"Great. You know, I was talking to your father, and I've been thinking a lot the past few weeks..." she trails off, "it's the summer before your senior year, if you've noticed... hah, and I think this is a great time to choose where you're gonna be studying! Isn't that exciting?"

I let out a light chuckle, half out of disbelief that she would care enough to notice, and half out of shock at the fact that I'm really going to graduate this year. I haven't even processed that with everything going on. "Uh, yeah. Sure is," I stutter out, forcing a smile as if she could see it.

She laughs over the static. "Well, you don't sound too excited, but you will be." My eyebrows furrow. "'Cause I was thinking... You should move to Atlanta! You could live with me and I know how much you like it here. Oh, and do you remember Jenny? She's been asking about you! She's also starting her university applications, there are so many great options to choose from here. I've got just the one for yo—"

"No." I cut her off. She lets out a string of unintelligible sounds. I guess she's not used to me talking to her in a tone like that. "I'm not planning on going to Atlanta, Mom."

"But, honey, it would be such a great opportunity for you to get out of California and start a new life here." I almost consider what she's saying. After all, what do I have left here?But there's no way in hell I'd go to live with her. I haven't even thought about what I want to major in, or if I'm staying in Star City, and she definitely doesn't get to plan my future for me. Definitely not when she couldn't even help plan my childhood.

"Thank you, but I think I'll stay in California. I'm doing fine out here, without your ideas... or opportunities." I can see my Dad look down at the floor after what I said. It might have been a little rude, but I can't muster anything nicer to tell her. Not with how miserable I'm feeling. I could explode over the phone right now.

She goes silent for a good 30 seconds, asides from some uncomfortable shuffling sounds. "I don't know what good you think that sad town is going to get you. I'm giving you an offer of a lifetime, Tessa." Her condescending voice brings my blood to a boil, I can't handle the memories it brings back.

So, I simply put down the phone on the counter, not putting it back on the base so that she's still on the line, and I do it rather aggressively. My nostrils flare and I brush past my Dad as I beeline back to my room.

As I'm closing the door, I can hear him pick up the phone and apologize to her.

I slump on the floor with an exasperated sigh, it's a habit I've developed recently. My eyes tear up, and I blame it on my temper. I've gotten used to it lately—crying out of frustration.

Thanks to mother dearest, I have a few more things added to my list of worries. It's not like she knows this is the absolute worst time to be her out of touch self, but something about how terrible the timing is makes me feel like she does.

It's like everything is piling up into one big ugly mess. And everything in my life reflects that. From my messy appearance, to my messy bed.

This has all put into perspective how dependent on the Wilkerson family I've been. They're a mess, and so I am. It definitely doesn't help that my family is being more difficult than usual either.

I get up from the cold floor, the tears are streaming down my face now. I rub my nose, but it doesn't stop the sniffling. My eyes land on Reese's note. I read that damned thing every day, and it hasn't been making this any easier.

It feels like the universe is letting out a sick cackle at my misery right now. Before I know it, the piece of paper is crumpled up in my hand. I throw it at the wall in an attempt to let out my frustration, but it just falls and lies on the floor—sadly.

I crawl into my bed and begin to ease into a slumber through my sobs and sniffles.

The next day, I make sure to check in at the Wilkerson's as soon as I wake up—which happens to be in the afternoon.

I sit at their kitchen table, performing every nervous antic imaginable as I wait for Lois to get back home with news about Reese. One hand fidgets with my star necklace and the other taps on the table. Malcolm glares at me as an attempt to stop me from being so distracting while he's reading.

My eyes shoot to the front door when I hear Lois' unmistakable voice yelling what sounds like demands to let her go. Hal rushes to open the door and I get up to follow him.

What looks like some two fancy security guards let her go and she huffs as she enters the house. "What'd she do?" Hal questions the two men at the door.

"She completetly destroyed the office, made explicit threats against The United States Army, attacked my groinage region, and captured same," The man reveals in a robotic tone. I can't help but smile, I would absolutely ransack the place if I was in her place too.

Hal stares at them apologetically. "Uh.... Listen, maybe there's a way we can make this whole thing go away," he says as he reaches into his pockets for a couple dollars.

"Sir, if she comes within 500 feet of my perimeter, I've been given the authority to engage."

Hal simply shuts the door in their faces.

"Mom, what happened?" Malcolm asks.

The disheveled woman walks further into the house. "I'll tell you what happened," she begins, "I told them how my underaged son ran away and joined the army under false pretenses and was sent off to combat, and you know what they said?" She leans down to Malcolm, Dewey and I. Whatever news she has can't be good, my face contorts in worry. "They said if you can find out what name he used, they can have him back to us in 6 months." My heart thumps and falters. "6 months! They'll have him back to us in 6 months?!" Lois yells.

Hal tries to calm her down, she looks as if she's going to detonate any minute. "Just calm down and let the Army—"

"I don't trust the army," she interrupts, "which means this family has to find him. And I don't trust this family, which means I have to find him!" I can't help but agree with her.

"The army, what do you expect from people that would give Reese a gun," Malcolm comments snarkily and I scowl at him. It's not the time for his sassiness.

"Oh that's right," Lois approaches him, "It's the army's fault if your brother gets killed." The thought of that makes my stomach hurt, it's been plaguing me ever since we found out.

Hal places a hand on her shoulder. "Now, Lois, we can't blame Malcolm for stealing Reese's girl and causing this whole mess in the first place." Oh, right... That's how it all began. Hal and Lois begin to bicker and I zone out, my mind had been completely skipping over the fact that Reese left because he was heartbroken. But I still don't know if it was because of that girl, or his brother. And I'd rather not find out, because I'm certain if I found out that it's the former, It'd feel like a punch in the gut.

Lois begins to make dinner, angrily so, as the pots and cutlery make a ruckus. The two boys go off into their room, and I decide to aid Lois with her meatloaf. My mind completely somewhere else.

After dinner is done, Malcolm comes up to me as I'm cleaning up, a strange look on his face. "Tess? I think I'm gonna check out some places to volunteer at. You know, help the veterans and all. This Reese guilt has been killing me." I let go of the plate in my hand and pause to listen. Something about his tone sounds familiar, and I realize it reminds me of my mother. That same condescending voice.

"Are you asking me what I think?" I reply.

He shrugs, "I mean, yeah."

"I think you're being incredibly self-absorbed right now. But, whatever makes you feel better I guess." I look straight ahead at the dishes in front of me. I expect him to come up with some smart, bitter reply, but he just walks away and storms out of the house.

If Malcolm feels this at blame, I can't help but feel an inkling of guilt too.

Maybe if I wasn't too butthurt and concerned about my feelings, Reese would have never felt the need to run away. Maybe he could have come to me instead. Maybe this could have never happened.

author's note:

I'm so sorry for making you all wait for a year. But I appreciate all the love you've been giving, without it, I wouldn't have gotten the motivation to update. Thank you!