❛ Part of me wants you
But most of me needs you
So I won't fall unless you ask me to ❜
- Steamroller, Phoebe Bridgers

... "Honey, can I call you back?"

Oh, shit.

It wasn't long before we had to give in and leave the car with the security, like children going into the principal's office. Surprisingly, they didn't give us too much trouble. Reese and I took off the gown and the tux and they let us go. So we're walking to the car—with the keys this time.

I look at Reese, and it's a bit hard to do. Everytime I glance at his face, I look at his mouth, which makes me remember how I kissed him less than an hour ago. I wonder if he's as worked up about it as I am, and I consider apologizing about it, but I don't even want to bring the incident up.

"Let's go! Lois is in labor and we just wasted forty-five minutes in the security office," Hal says. We all speed walk towards the car. The boys complain about something as we get into the car. Dewey follows Malcolm in the back and Reese and I are left in the front back seat.

"You guys have really outdone yourselves this time," Hal scolds. "Now I'm gonna take your mom to the hospital and I'm not gonna hear one word out of any of you until we come back with the baby!" He yells and starts the car, but in his flurry of rage drives forward instead of backwards and the car hits something. Great.

Hal looks like he hit his head, so we call an ambulance and we go to the hospital. One more way to stall us. They place a strange cushion on his head and a neck brace and he's rolled into a room with a doctor. Even with his injury he nags at us with instructions on how to get to Lois on time.

"Dad, calm down," Malcolm says.

"I will not calm down!" He yells. His phone rings and he answers it despite the thing around his head. "Hello, Lois? What!"

"Sir, stop moving." The nurse grabs the phone from him. Lois is in labor at home and this is what we're doing?!

"What'd she say?!" We all say in unison.

"She's having our baby right now! I have to get home to her!" he answers. My mouth parts in shock, this is all so crazy.

"She's having the baby at home?!"

The doctor walks over to the struggling Hal. "Sir, you're not going anywhere in the shape you're in." He looks over to the nurse. "Give him ten milligrams of Diazepam." Wait, I know what that is! It's a sedative! She places some of the medicine in a syringe to inject him.

"Let me out of here—I'm fine! Wait—what is that?! What—what is that?!" He spurts out a mess of words. The nurse injects him with the medicine and he passes out. That doesn't last for long, however. He wakes up just a few seconds after and screams, it almost seems like the medicine had the opposite effect of a sedative. The doctor instructs the nurse to do something and turns to us. Reese, Malcolm and I exchange concerned looks.

"Why don't you kids come with me? We have all sorts of fun magazines in the waiting area," he says and I can hear Hal stop squirming. "Ya' like highlights?" He looks at me. "Ya like 'Goofus and Gallant?'" He looks down at Dewey.

"We don't wanna read stupid magazines, our mom is having a baby!" Malcolm yells.

"I'm sure she's very well taken care of and so is your father. Now there's nothing for you guys to do but relax and wait for someone to come and getcha."

Dewey speaks up next, "but we have to do something, this is all our fault."

"You're obviously very upset, young man, and frankly, I have no idea how to deal with you. That's why I'm not in pediatrics. Now, let's go to the waiting room like I told you," he gives us a condescending smile. Hal is still squirming and making weird noises in the room. "If you don't want to look at magazines, I'm sure there's a chair you can spin around in." He leads us out.

We don't go into the waiting room, and instead just stand in the hallway. Eventually, Reese and Dewey sit on the floor as Malcolm reads some notice board. I just pace around before eventually sliding down the wall to sit on the floor with the boys too.

"We are the worst kids in the world... Mom was right," Reese ponders.

"We really are evil little trolls who have no consideration for anyone but ourselves and we destroy everything we come in contact with and we're lucky if we don't end up in prison or dead," Dewey continues. Well, that's a bit detailed, but partly true.

Malcolm walks over to us. "Here's what we're going to do, there's a class that starts here in ten minutes, it's all about how to be parents to newborn babies," he says. I guess it would be a good pastime and could teach us a few things. He hands us the flyer.

"What are you talking about?" Reese asks.

"We're gonna learn how to help out. We're gonna learn something good for once."

"Hm, good idea," I nod when the flyer is in my hand.

"Yeah, this baby is not gonna get dropped on its head all the time," Reese says, looking at Dewey and getting up.

"Yeah... What?" Oh, Dewey, If only you could remember what they did to you as a baby.

We go over to where the class is, somewhere in the obstetrics wing. We find it and soon enough we're explaining why a group of kids want to join a parent's class.

"So, we really wanna take this class," Malcolm finishes for us.

"Oh my god, you should feel awful, you're horrible children," the older woman with short hair we're speaking to says.

"That's the point!" Reese remarks.

She sighs and crosses her arms, "well, I suppose everyone deserves another chance. You can take the class." We cheer.

"Thank you!" I say.

The class starts off pretty slow at first, mostly a lesson on female anatomy. There's a labeled diagram of a breast now, and the woman is explaining problems with milk ducts and feeding. "When the milk duct is blocked, it's called mastitis." I can't say I knew this could happen, but it's pretty regular information for me. The boys are staring up in horror though, I can't blame them. "It's important to let your baby suck the obstruction out of the breast and don't be alarmed if the baby then vomits up a cottage cheese type substance." Okay, now she's just wording it to sound gross! She moves on to the next topic, but the boys stall back as they try to process the information they just learnt.

"Like I needed another reason to hate cottage cheese," Dewey says and I agree.

"I've been kind of zoning in and out here, but did she just say milk comes out of those things?" Reese points at the diagram in horror and I frown.

"Reese, that's what they're for," I say.

I pretend to not notice him look at my boobs for a second, he then looks back at the diagram.

"My god, women are the cows of people!"

For the next few lessons, they give us a fake baby to work on. It's the usual kind you'd find at a kids store. We sit in a circle as the teacher explains some processes and parents ask questions. Reese constantly plays around with the toy baby, and I nudge him to stop, but he doesn't budge.

"My biggest fear is that I won't be a good big brother," he says as he spins the baby on his head. I don't want to imagine what this actual baby is going to go through, or what Reese would do if he had any kids. "Babies are born stupid, and they're totally counting on you." Everyone watches in shock as he plays with the doll. He begins squeezing it's head. "They'll touch stuff that they shouldn't, they'll eat anything—I'd say half of our legos have been through this kid," he motions to Dewey.

"Probably more."

Reese shrugs and continues spinning the doll, and it's head comes off. The body falling on the ground. The parents around us gasp.

God, don't ever let Reese Wilkerson have children.

"Can I get a new baby?" He says as he throws the detached head like a ball.

The next lesson is on how to put on a diaper. We team up to do it, and it's pretty smooth sailing.

Malcolm takes off the 'dirty' diaper and Reese grabs the baby, facing it to me. "Wipe." I grab one of the wipes and do one swift wipe across the baby's bottom. "Cream." He turns the baby towards Dewey who does as told. He hands the baby to Malcolm and in a few quick moves from the both of us the diaper is on.

"Done!" Malcolm and I exclaim and Dewey cheers.

"Yeah!" We high five each other, I flash a proud smile.

"In your face!" Dewey yells at one of the couples next to us.

"We're just learning how to take care of our babies," the woman says.

"That's loser talk!" Reese quips.

"We're gonna be the best big brothers ever," Dewey turns to the older boys. "We aced diapering and we totally owned tub time."

"I'm so glad we memorized the common household chemicals that can be poisonous to the baby," Reese adds and I nod along, unsure if him doing so is a good or bad thing.

"You know, all this stuff parents have to do—all the feedings and bathings and diaperings and safety stuff and scheduling, it just made me realize... Mom never did any of this!" Malcolm speaks up.

Reese grabs one of the cleaning products from the shelfs. "There's a bottle of this stuff on our headboard."

"No wonder we turned out the way we did."

Alright, Lois and Hal might not be the most perfect parents, but they sure do try. They can't blame them for not perfectly doing all this tiring stuff.

Parenting is a tough feat, I don't believe anyone can do it flawlessly—that's practically impossible. Sure, Lois might not have taken all the safety precautions or managed to perfectly schedule every feeding, but she's still the best mother I've ever seen, and will continue to be with this baby.

The next evening, we go home and meet the baby. He doesn't have the name yet, but he has to be the cutest baby I've seen since Dewey.

We don't do much but take care of him the whole day, but it's still so exciting that I stay over to help. The four of us walk into the master bedroom, where Lois and Hal are with the baby.

"Okay, hand 'em over," Reese orders, and Dewey takes the baby from them.

"It's five thirty, it's time for the baby's sponge bath," Malcolm adds.

"Look at how full this diaper is. When was the last time you changed it?" Dewey says and Hal sighs. Ever since the class, the boys have been doing the parenting more than the parents are.

A thought pops into my head. "Have you come up with a name yet?" I ask. I've been asking them about the name every hour, but I'm too eager to know. I anticipate their answer when Lois smiles at me.

"Yes." She looks at Hal. "Jamie." I beam.

"It's perfect."

The boys exchange hesitant looks but then shrug. "It fits." Malcolm and Dewey walk out the room with Jamie.

Just as I'm about to leave too, Reese stops. "We'll come back when your udders are ready," he tells Lois. I roll my eyes, he hasn't stopped talking about that discovery he made. I grab his arm and pull him out of the room.

We give Jamie a sponge bath like Malcolm said, and when he's done, we take him to the nursery area to put a diaper on him.

"Okay, I'll go get his onesie and get mom ready," Malcolm says while holding the baby wrapped in the towel.

"I'll take him," Reese holds Jamie and lowers him on the changing table. Malcolm leaves and I lean on the table, watching as Reese diapers the baby.

"You're really good at this, you know," I say as he finishes up. The corners of his lips turn up and he shrugs as if to say 'I know'.

He carries Jamie again and cradles him. I get closer to him to look at the baby, and I look back up at Reese. He's smiling at me, and I return my own smile. I notice the faint dimple on his cheek and the precise way his lips curve up. His lips. I think back to yesterday when I kissed them on a whim.

Yesterday, when we pretended to be a couple so we could have some fun. When we ran in wedding attire. It was crazy, but absolutely exhilarating. I always am my truest, free self when I'm with him—and it feels good, it always has. He's my partner in crime. Not only has he always pushed my boundaries, I somehow always feel safe with him—even if there are security chasing us or even police cars.

Truth is, no matter how dangerous the things he does can be, I know he's gentle at his core. Whether it's the way he talks and looks at me, or the way he's taking care of his baby brother right now.

Those green eyes that are staring into mine make me melt. I look at his lips again, and I want to kiss him. I hate that I do. But I want to kiss him like I mean it, I want for him to know exactly how I'm feeling right now. But it's scary—these feelings are.

If I let any of this slip, it could ruin everything. There's a big chance he doesn't return these feelings, and that alone makes my heart ache terribly. But above all, it could ruin something precious we already have: our trust.

I can't give all that up just because I want to kiss him. God, I want to do it so badly. I try to summon every time he's done something gross, willing my brain to think of anything else that will take my mind off how lovely his face looks in the warm glow of the golden hour shining through the curtains. Thinking back on the stupid things he's done just makes my heart swell even more at how funny he can be. He can be so messy and idiotic and reckless, but even so, I realize I want his complications too.

The butterflies in my stomach just seem to increase with number and flutter with more intensity than a butterfly's wings should be able to do. Jamie makes an unintelligible sound and I remember what we're doing right now, taking care of this baby. I should not be thinking about kissing Reese. My face flames again at the thought and his piercing eyes do no good for me. He looks at me with such intensity yet softness, it pins me into place, and all I can do is gulp as I try to avert my eyes from his face.

I want to scream into my pillow and curse at the sky. I wish I had someone to blame over the way I'm feeling except myself. This is Reese, I can't be thinking about him like this.

Malcolm comes into the room and takes Jamie away from Reese; my thoughts are interrupted. He hands Jamie to his mother and I avoid Reese as much as possible as I tell everyone I'm going home.

I need time. A lot of it. This rush of new feelings hits me like a tsunami wave, I'm going to have to think about this. I see him every single day, I can't lose myself everytime I do.

So, when I'm in my room, I take a deep breath. I, Tessa Smythe like Reese Wilkerson, I want to kiss him. It's a lot to take in, but I can't go on with my life without dealing with this. And so I do.

AN:

she's so confused :') but yea season 5 is gonna be fun, expect a lot of changes to the original plot of the show, especially plot points regarding reese's girlfriends... bc... yk ;)