Chapter 49:

    Hating to live and living, wanting to live and dying, I think that was the new fashion that life created on 21s century.

I hate living once in the past,it lasted longer till I met Grandma and Ashton,I had the will to live even if it was plenty, then when grandma died and I went to New York I wanted to die, to really die but I lived for Noah who would want to die and I didn't want that to happen to him. The feeling of suicide was some unhealthy stark which kills you!

Now when I wanted to live again, when I wanted to live for what Ashton shared me, for what everyone gave me, when I really wanted to live with everything I had I was consumed with darkness, trapped by my own body. I knew I wouldn't make it,I knew I was going to die, but after all the damage that life gave me I didn't want to. Now when I don't mind living, death wanted me!

I lie there, unable to move,breathing was harder and wanting to stir was even harder. I wasn't comfortable on the bed I lay at, the pain on my chest that cines when breathing was getting unbearable and to alleviate it I was supposed to move which was uncontrollably impossible.

I hear what they say, their sobs and their sweet words. I was a but glad that there were some people that cared for my health, I was a bit relaxed but that didn't last long when I heard Liam's cry, I wanted to hold him and say that I was OK. His cries made me want to stand, but again I was held hostage of my body. Liam's cry was loud and painful, breaking my heart every time he would call my name.

I was hating my body for trapping me and I wanted to do nothing but escape the hellhole I was in, this gotta be a dream but I knew it wasn't for the spin was felt. My ineluctable position was meant for me to feel, but along the road the people who love me were feeling it too. I was nothing but pain to others, I really can't get why they care for me, why they love me and cry for me, I did nothing but pained them,gave then scars and shared them sadness.

After a while of Liam stopping his cries which I think is because he slept, I could feel everyone circling me, they talked about me and how I would be fine, which I knew wasn't going to happen. A hand would touch my face,getting my hair out of my face, and then brushing my cheek,am guessing it to be Noah's since it was cold and soft. Everyone was talking while Ashton and Noah were silent, their voice wasn't heard. I knew that again because of me they were feeling pain,and knowing Noah he was blaming himself for not being there.

I don't even know how it happened really, I was driving when suddenly everything was going out of my hand, I was turning and turning before everything was silent and I was feeling pain on every part of my body, slowly when people gathered I was consumed by the darkness I now settled in.

After hours and hours of them all wasting their time here on me, I heard everyone saying goodbye to me and Noah, promising they would come tomorrow, kissing my forehead and all before it was silent after opening and closing of the door, then again a while later which passed by hearing Noah's cry and feeling so weak for not condemning him the door was again opened and closed, then I heard him speak. His voice was fainthearted, wavering and lack of effectiveness.

"Go home Noah, I'll be here till you come."

"I am going nowhere!" Noah's immutable and weak voice say, "I'll be here till she wakes up."

If I ever did...

I was resisting a tear, I was trying to get up again, open my eyes or even move a finger but I lied there, unmoving, like a dead body with a soul. And it hurt when you hear someone you love cry for you while you do nothing at all,it really did!

"You can come back again after washing and changing, you don't want her to see you like this when she wakes up do you?"

"Yeah, you're right. I'll come back, take care of her till then!"

"You better be up when I come Ky, you better be!" And after a kiss of goodbye, he was never here.

I could hear the sound of a chair being pulled, then s hand warm and cold at the same time caught mine. It was silent, only the monitor could ne heard. I was tired of lying here doing nothing at all, the inanition of my body was dragging me to sleep but I forced my self to hear anyway, it was dark anyway whether I  asleep or not!

"Ky," his voice so unfeigned and sad, eating me with the injury I held on my body, I wanted to hold him, hug him or even see him if anything,  "get up please, you know I need you here." His voice continued to sob ignoring the words that I want to speak, "We didn't have Helda and Coran remember? I am still against Siren but if you wake up I'll think about it," he chuckle, I want to smile, to defend my Siren, "We didn't even go to the trip Ky, okay forget all those and think about Noah's graduation, you were choosing his suit remember, you should get up for the prom is next week."

His voice got even weaker when he entreat, "Please Kylie, please get up," I could tell he was crying just like I was, my tears falling sideways.

One more chance was all I needed, one more day with all of them,one more happy time! I know I couldn't but I hoped anyway, a girl can dream right. Hearing his cry followed next, oh God you are being unfair. Tears sat pooled by my shoulder, his hand that rested on mine leaving me slowly.

Ashton don't go! Please don't!

All I could do was cry and that was what I did,I hear shuffling by the room along with his screams and sobs. My chest tightened, my breathing got really heavy and the darkness was completely engulfing me.

Liam, oh my baby how I wanted to see him! Was he really going to grow with another mother, was he going to love her more than me? You could call me selfish but I wanted him to remember me, I wanted him to love me more than he ever did! Was Ashton going to marry someone else and completely forget me? Would he?

Why did the thought itch? Noah would also take time to forget me but he would right? What if I wanted them all to remember me, if for nothing then for the pain and scar I gave them? What if I never wanted them to forget me? Would it be selfish, would it make me bad? Would it make me the cruel women I am?

But still, I want them to! Even after I was dead and everyone moved on, I wanted them to remember me sometimes, I wanted them to love me even a little bit, I want them to be happy but still remember me!

Was I crazy? Wasn't that possible? Adina was right huh,I was indeed a very cruel and unpleasant person wasn't I? But I just wanted to be remembered, I just wanted them to lobe ne even when I was dead! Was it bad? Was I mean?
  
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Ola people, how r u all?? Good?!

Anyways, who thinks Kylie was selfish???

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Much love
Habo-j