A chilling wind was what burned my cheeks freezing my body, that now was full of shivers and goosebumps, when I set a foot out of the car. A little seconds until am safe, in my home, with my family.

I would never have thought I would see this days coming even not in my dreams before five years, after all happiness like to choose who to offer some and who to deprive. I was indeed one of the deprived, not once did happiness hit the nerve that wreck inside of me as always as I had ever knew.

I have been desperate to find out what happiness really is, and I have had a taste of it on tip of my life, where it was at age 18, that sure didn't last long though, as always.

I might be a little selfish if I wanted the happiness I am feeling now to last a little longer, I know it would die slowly soon, but I hope it would last a little forever.

The day light of the bride Singapore hangs high, high enough to shine but not to burn, with the cold friendship, they made a great partner in the beautiful elms of my home, which is now full of people.

I was awoken from my thoughts and staring at my home as if I am a stranger when Astree came muttering some words I couldn't really get. I was never a home person but at least I know what Astree does when she is mad, so quietly I lead myself to Liam's room, thinking what he was doing.

I ended the useless meeting quickly to spend a little time with him, but I don't think that's happening today too, as I think he is sleeping, or watching some movie, maybe he is with Lily, learning how to cock; he's been doing it lately.

I smile at my thoughts, bitterly laughing after. If I didn't know Liam as a mom should do, I would totally think that, but I can defiantly state that by now Liam's is somewhere eating chocolate chip or some cookie.

"Guys" I call, opening the door to the hiding cave of my son and sometimes Noah's too, that's when he hide from Astree.

What I didn't except was my son and two old babies seated eating cookie, obviously stolen. The cookies were on the floor some crushed and others wild delicious looking round cookie in hands of each of them, except for Liam that is, he had it on his laps.

As so, His little hands pointed two index finger of both hand were pointed to Noah and Ashton. With wide eyes, and fear tearing eyes they all see me, shocked to my appearance.

I wasn't mad, I was a little shocked and also delighted too. Something burned inside my chest at seeing the most important people if my life, sure there are some more, some dead and some still breathing if not living but still this ones were the most ones, seated together eating some stolen cookies, for for all my life, I had never thought I would be seeing this scene unfold in my eyes.

I look at every of them, slowly closing their door, watching the eyes of their following the shutting door, mostly because the way of my closing was a little creepy. A laughter that encased me caught me off guard, speaking with it's mouth, with a lip of it's own, that trips without any care, the wide mouth erupted a loud laughter, shocking them, shocking me too.

I wasn't really a laughing person, a laugh stings the itching heart, and I didn't really like the itch that bugs me every day, but this days, I was used to the itching, it wasn't bleeding and tearing like other days, it kind of has a tolerable pleasure.

After laughing my heart out, just like old times that were long time over, giving a chance to the part time project, I watch the still shocked scared eyes. The urge to laugh was high, but controllable.

"You should look at your faces" I breath, taking a rest after the long laugh I did, so long that tears were spilling.

Again breathing and smiling, I wipe the small tear the sat at the corner of my eyes, after rolling the partnership of the other tip the fall to my cheeks, evidence to the devil that I have been enjoying my day.

"I swear, I did not do anything, dad stole the cookie, Noah brought me here" Liam's quickly say, shaking the finger he pointed before proving his point.

Round and round they went, blaming it on each other, and if I didn't like the show revolving in front of me I wouldn't be a little plenty of sad when they stop, all if them glaring at each other.

"And Noah taught Liam's how to say bullshit" Ashton childishly sag, smirking at Noah, who sat with wide eyes.

"Bullshit" Noah say, making a face right away.

I glare at him, a scowl on my face. Liam has been using some inappropriate words, and now I know where he gets them from, I need to cut the blabbering tongue.

"Ashton helped last week, when Liam locked Lily inside the toilet" Noah quickly defend, making me gasp.

I turn to the so called father of my son, with a total rage. I have never thought for my laugh Ashton would do that, he is a little Evil, that's where my son got his deeds from, but hell, who knew he would do that to Lily.

I really pity her, poor lily.

"I did not do that"

Again, they went on and on telling me all the things they did, until there was no good thing they had ever taught my child. Liam, on the other hand, sat there eating his cookie, nodding at everything they say, with crossed hand and crossed leg.

A demanded look he had, he was like a devil, telling both of them what the other did, and they use it against the other. I smile at him, watching as he takes the cookies from Ashton's hand, who paused talking to give him the cookie before continuing.

Really fatuous

Then, it looked like it dawned in both of them what Liam had been doing, they both pause. Looking at each other, before turning with narrowed eyes to an innocent look of Liam, he turn to me, then.

"You didn't tell her what you both did to her makeup, did you?" Liam's voice had a threatening age, an evil glint mixed to the softness of his eye.

"My makeup?!" I snap.

I remember clearly what happened to my makeup that day. Everything was mixed with water abd colour. And if I didn't have another set of makeup I wouldn't have calmed down.

A little part of me still thinks that the scars on my face are visible so I wouldn't have really gone to work too.

"Ashton" I say, ignoring the arrogant look of Liam, who by now have continued to finish his cookie, "Noah"

I might be a lividly mad right now, but deep inside that locked heart of mine I have always wished that my days would always be like this. In a part where I feel something, whether it was anger, or happiness, or a little proudness, or even all mixed together, like now example.

A person who really lives feel something and one day will be happy, the other would be sad, the next boring, then anger, after all life was all of those emotions, they tell you that you aren't dead.

And me, all those time I have been just calm and numb, nothing else, no fear; as I was accustomed to the nightmares of the midnight, no happiness; as I always told myself I never deserve any, no anger; there was really noone who dared to poke my beast, no sadness; everything was sad to the point I never cared about being sad no more, while the boring side, I had always work and a son to accompany me.

I sure sometimes laugh and genuinely be happy when I see Liam happy or sleepy, when he talk or when he do some evil deed, he was an entertainment but this feeling I have now was so ethereal, it was differently new, a kind of sincere happinesses.

A sense of being alive...

                      $$$$$$
Sorry late update, been a little busy, hope u enjoyed.

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Lost of love
Habo-j