Chapter Nine

I wasn't dead.

The only reason I knew was first of all, I didn't get a grand ride to the Source, which was where I was supposed to go when I died, since I was one of the originals. Born of the first creature of the Source. My afterlife was the Source. Everlasting existence in the form of a star. It was supposed to be the most beautiful thing in the universe.

Instead, I had utter darkness, silence, until I heard the faint hiss and pump of a life support machine. The beep of a heart monitor, slow and steady. I could hear some kind of ventilation system too, a hushed whisper of air flowing into the room. It was all so calm, so peaceful. I welcomed the sounds around me. And for once, I was glad I couldn't move. I felt numbed out completely. I had no idea what drugs were being pumped into me, but holy shit, it felt amazing. I felt warm and cozy, relaxed, carefree.

Who knew the sound of life support could be so soothing?

The beep was soft and gentle, not loud and annoying. The hiss and pump of the life support machine was like being rocked to sleep. I was about to let myself slip back into that dark empty sleep, only to hear something different in the room. It sounded like footsteps. Boots, maybe, judging from the heavy solid thumps. There was a soft jingle, like metal was bumping against metal. A soft sniffle. A heavy sigh. Some shuffling around, like whoever was in the room with me was moving something in the room. Maybe a chair?

The shuffling stopped. I heard a soft poof sound, like whoever had taken a seat. I listened to their breathing, a soft sniffle coming occasionally. Another heavy sigh.

"Oh, Stanton." My heart bled.

Alaric. That was Alaric's voice. His voice was so beautiful, so clear. He sounded soft, sad. My heart ached. I wanted to hear him speak again, wanted to open my mouth to tell him to talk to me, to open my eyes and see him, but my body wasn't listening to me. It felt like I couldn't control anything. All I could do was lay there, listening to the sounds around me.

Puff. Hiss. Puff. Hiss.

Beep... Beep... Beep...

"Today was awful," came Alaric's voice again and I ached to take him into my arms, to cradle him against me, and the sorrow in his voice was like a spear in my chest, "Some rogue bounty hunters tried to come in and round up ex-slaves. We had to go in and make some arrests, and one guy pulled a gun on me. He's dead." Bounty hunters hunted slaves who'd run from territories that still had slavery as a law, and it was illegal for those bounty hunters to chase them into another territory, where slavery was illegal, to drag them back to their servitude. It'd been decided at a UP meeting.

But why was he telling me this? What was going on?

Life support, I realized. I was on life support... which meant my body was having difficulties keeping me alive on its own. Something had happened. What happened?

"Raven stopped by to visit. Ambrosius's baby is doing well. He's a little over three months along. Hades is still being a dick about the whole thing, but... I think he's just scared. I know you don't like him very much, and I can just hear you telling me not to get involved, Hades is a bastard, yadda yadda." Alaric stopped. I heard another sniffle. I wanted to smile at his words.

Fuck, he knew me well.

But the sound of his sniffling hurt my chest.

Please don't cry baby.

"Sorry," Alaric said sniffing for a moment and clearing his throat, "Uhm. Anyway. I think Hades is just afraid about this whole baby thing and you know, some pregnancies go wrong and things like that. Hades just takes being a worried parent to a whole new level, ya know?" Yeah, I guess, I wanted to grouse. But did he have to ignore Ambrosius? He knew how much his opinions matter to Ambrosius. Ambrosius wanted nothing more than to make his father proud, to make him happy, and right now, he no doubt felt like he was letting his father down once again. Hades wasn't thinking about Ambrosius. He was thinking about himself.

Ambrosius was probably scared shitless too. For cryin' out loud, he was pregnant. He had a history of twins in his family. What if he had twins? Or triplets? What if he lost the baby? What if the baby was stillborn? What if this, what if that? I had no doubt that was Ambrosius's train of thinking, and it didn't help to have the one person who's support you relied on most, to ignore you and treat you like a walking plague.

Wait. Wait, three months?

I was in Viviana's place for like a month. Before that, it'd been like two weeks since the news about Ambrosius came out. Three months? How long had I been laying in this bed? How long was I gone? What was going on here? What had happened...

Viviana. That's right. Viviana fucking snatched me out of my room, dumped me in her joint and tried to play nice... And then Xiphrus showed up. Yeah, he showed up out of nowhere. Said he'd been trying to break in for weeks. Somehow, he'd gotten in... The cave. Breaking into the castle. Simon. Everything came back in a rush and my whole body felt like an electrical jolt went through it.

In fact, my body arched up off the bed and I choked, the heart monitor going from smooth and steady to frantic. I heard Alaric's chair fly back and hit the floor, heard his voice shout for Hades, for a nurse, for someone. I heard more voices over the roaring in my skull as everything from before came rushing back. From the books in the secret room to the statues in the courtyard, to...

The beast.

My chest felt tight, pure agony spreading through my limbs, up the back of my neck and through my jaw. My skin felt cold and clammy, sweat rolling down to collect beneath me as my body jacked up off the bed again. I could barely hear over the ringing in my ears as the voices of so many people blended together in a flurry of activity around me.

Finally, I managed to open my eyes, looking past a blurry film to see people leaning over top of me. Someone was pulling on something that was shoved down my throat and I choked, feeling it slide up my throat, making it itchy and unbelievably sore. As it was removed, I choked and gagged until a mask was forced over my face, a steady flow of oxygen refilling my lungs. I panted for breath as nurses moved in a flurry of activity. They wore different kinds of scrubs, one lady had Mini Mouse another one had Happy Bunny-- Wait.

I squinted past the bright ass light shining in my face as I ran my eyes along those long legs clad in blank scrubs with pictures of the Happy Bunny thing giving the finger. A matching top later and I was staring up at Hades's face as he waved the flashlight in my face, his glowing blue eyes narrowed and his long inky black hair coiled up into a loose sloppy bun.

I couldn't talk, could only manage a grunt, turning my face away from the light, which he clicked off. He shooed the nurses away, and I watched some of them leave near the door, revealing Alaric, who sprinted over to the bedside, dropping his arms down on the bed to take my hand, grabbing it in his and giving it a squeeze. I weakly squeezed back and Alaric sobbed in relief, bringing my hand to his lips, kissing it repeatedly.

I wanted to get up and throw my arms around him, but I was suddenly feeling sluggish and something told me Hades had just stuck something in my IV, so I ended up relaxed against the pillows, breathing through the tube. The heart monitor skipped a little, then returned to normal.

"What was that? What happened?" Alaric asked, turning to Hades, who was making notes on a clipboard, which by the way he hung it on the end of my bed meant it was my chart. He looked at Alaric.

"Panic attack," he informed, making Alaric look at him in confusion and Hades held his hands up, "Don't look at me. For once, I didn't do anything. He was showing signs of brain activity. I figured it was just you coming in here every day to talk to him and he was replaying those events in his head. Apparently whatever he was thinking about just now freaked him out enough to wake him up. Either way, this is a good thing. He's awake, and it looks like his body is finally healing the way its supposed to." Alaric nodded slowly, then turned to look at me. Those beautiful hazel eyes glowed with relief, with joy, with love.

I swallowed, squeezing his hand again. He squeezed back, then leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. Relief swept through me. I savored the feel of his soft lips against my skin, his thumb sweeping over my knuckles.

"I'll leave him alone for now," Hades decided, heading for the door, "But I'll be back to draw more blood and check his vitals. Anything else happens, you've seen the nurses. Flies on shit." He shut the door behind him. Alaric shifted to the other side of the bed, pulling the chair up close and leaning over to take my hand again, stroking my knuckles. I smiled at him faintly. I wanted to ask him if he was alright, but my throat hurt like a bitch. The tube still felt like it was shoved down my throat.

"Everything's okay," Alaric said, knowing exactly what I wanted to know, and I squeezed his hand tightly in relief as he smiled, "The souls got to the places they needed to go. They're all safe. Everyone's okay. Well, except you. What were you thinking, taking on that many souls at once, baby? You know you can't handle that. Even just one drives you up the walls." I shrugged, licking my lips before speaking in a croak.

"I'm... a stubborn... piece of shit."

"Tell me about it," Alaric laughed softly, then studied me, reaching over to brush the hair out of my face and stroking my cheek, and I closed my eyes to savor the sensation of his skin against mine. It felt so good to have him here with me again. To be touching me. To be talking to me. I wanted to gather him up in my arms again. But whatever Hades had slipped me was drawing me back into a state of sleep and before I knew it, I fell back to sleep with Alaric's hand in mine, his other hand on my face, his lips moving, but his voice muffled.

I slept for a couple hours, which was good, because I slept through Hades's blood draw. Something told me he would've gotten a kick out of missing my vein on "accident" like twelve times. I woke up and I was alone in the room, but Alaric's coat was draped over the back of the chair, so he probably just went out to grab a bite to eat.

Meanwhile, I shifted a little, sitting up slowly. I found the button on the bed to tilt it up, so I didn't have to strain myself to sit. I leaned back against the pillows, sighing in relief as I blinked up at the white ceiling. I still felt stiff and awkward. Something in my chest hurt like a bitch, like someone had punched a hole in me. I rubbed the space there, ignoring the wires stuck to my chest. I looked around the room; just your average hospital room, and judging from the view of Styx outside, I was at Hades's main hospital in Styx, in his realm.

I'd rather be at home in bed, snuggled under the covers with Alaric. Not in this stiff hospital bed with a papery hospital gown the color of a stormy sky... and apparently needing to piss really, really badly.

I shoved the blankets back and swung my legs over the sides. I gripped the IV pole by the bed to use to help me keep my balance. My whole body immediately protested the idea of getting up. I almost hit the floor, catching myself on the bed and plopping back down. I cursed. Even worse, it took me a full moment to realize I had a catheter in. I looked down at the tube that led to the bag by the bed, then sighed in frustration, reaching up to wipe a hand down my face.

Damn it.

I rolled back into bed and pissed into the bed, hating the whole process. The door to the room opened, but no one came in right away and I couldn't see because of the small alcove the door was in across the room.

"Yes, he's awake. I was grabbing him something to eat," it was definitely Alaric's voice, and he was talking to someone else, making me frown as I strained to listen in on what he was saying, who he was talking to, "Yeah... Yeah, he likes greasy food for some gross reason. Cheeseburgers are his favorite. Especially from Red Robins here in Styx." There was a short pause, but I couldn't hear the other person's voice. I frowned, waiting before I heard Alaric come in. And I knew it was him because not only could I pick up on his footsteps, but the delicious hot smell of a juicy meaty burger and warm french fries filled the room and I moaned, scratching at the bed eagerly.

Yes, please, come on. The last thing I ate was a squirrel. Give me all the burgers.

Of course, my appetite only lasted a moment longer until I heard another pair of boots thump into the room. I cocked my head, watching Alaric go to the dresser to set the food down so he could get the cart to put over the bed. Coming in behind him was Xiphrus, and Michael.

And I had no idea what or why the things that happened next, happened.

Xiphrus walked in just wearing plain black jeans, a black muscle shirt, and his boots. He wasn't beasted out or anything. He was just typical Xiphrus. But for some weird ass reason, that image immediately morphed. I watched his fangs elongate, watched the claws extend, dripping in blood that came out of nowhere, and his eyes switched to red and suddenly he was in my face.

A scream tore up my throat before I could stop it. My heart felt like it was breaking in half. I pressed back against the bed and gasped out for breath. Alaric cursed and dropped the bag on the floor, running to my side, along with Xiphrus while Michael went to the door to call a nurse in.

My body was reacting in panic, hardcore, pure unadulterated panic. The blood shot through my veins like a V8 engine, my heart hammering hard against the inside of my breastbone, almost like it was trying to break out of my chest and flee. My body trembled violently and I choked for air as Alaric snatched the oxygen mask off the nearby machine and placed it over my face. It didn't help, though. It felt like my throat had just closed up, so I was left gagging for air.

Worst of all, my vision darkened and flashed with images of Xiphrus coming at me with black blood dripping off his fangs, the beast growling and snarling. I felt his fangs sink down into my throat and I screamed again, the only time my throat opened. I finally threw my hands up and shoved Alaric off me, throwing my arm back to knock Xiphrus up against the wall by the bathroom door.

I dove out of the bed without realizing what I was doing, why I was doing it. I just knew I needed to get away from here. I needed to get out fast.

The sound of snarling only further heightened the hysteria in me, and it got worse when a couple of nurses came in to try and sedate me, but they didn't understand. They didn't see the blood everywhere, they didn't see the monster! They kept trying to calm me down and Alaric was reaching for me, and it only made me panic further.

I looked around frantically for an escape, only to see the wires, the tubing, coming out of me. I didn't recognize it anymore. I didn't know where I was, why I was there. I snatched frantically at everything, watching blood spurt and the nurses shout for reinforcements.

Reinforcements?!

Why?! What did I do? What was going on? What was happening?

I yanked the IV out and grabbed the nearest thing to me that happened to be the oxygen machine. I shoved it across the room at one of the nurses, throwing her up against the wall. Alaric went to grab me by the arm to stop me, but I ducked out of his reach and bolted for the door when I saw the opening. I felt a pair of muscular arms wrap around me and a scream tore up my throat again. I thrashed and kicked and bucked, but he had me and he wasn't letting go of me.

Let go! Let go!

"Get off me! Put me down!" I shouted, throwing my head back. I felt it connect with his face, but he wasn't letting go of me. He was trying to pull me toward one of the nurses, who'd scrambled to a drawer and pulled out a huge needle. My screams rose up again and I kicked and thrashed, rolling around in his arms to try and get away. I could feel the heat of his breath on my throat, feel his fangs ready to sink down into my skin, feel his claws digging into my arms, trying to pin them to my chest.

I managed to yank one free and sucker punched the nurse right in the face. She fell back and Alaric caught her with a gasp as blood flew from her nose. I swung my elbow back and caught the guy behind me in the gut. He grunted, but holy shit, he wasn't letting go!

"Let go of me! Stop touching me, you bastard! Put me down!" I twisted in his arms, feeling my fangs throb in my mouth and a second later, I managed to twist around and sink them down into his shoulder. Xiphrus barked in pain and his arms released me. I shoved him back against the wall and took off out the door past Michael, who went to grab me, but I managed to duck out of his grasp.

I sprinted down the hallway at full speed, gasping hard for air, trying to get away from the oppressive heat, from the blood, from the beast. I could feel it behind me, getting closer and closer, right on my heels. I ran around the corner and slammed right into a massive guy decked out like a Gothic wannabe. I recognized Cerberus right away, the dark wavy hair that fell over broad muscular shoulders, that olive skin, and those red eyes. Red eyes that immediately sent another flare of panic through me and I shoved him out of the way and bolted past.

"Grab him, Cerberus!" Hades's voice. He was somewhere nearby, but I wasn't paying any attention anymore. I just needed to get out of here, get out of this place, and get away from the monsters. I needed to find somewhere safe. Somewhere dark.

I bolted out of Cerberus's reach and ran for the stairs. My body was numb to any pain as I slammed the door open with my shoulder and barreled down the stairs, bursting out into a side alley by the hospital. I looked both ways, seeing one end that opened up into a busy street and another end that led to another set of alleys.

I took the maze of alleys, my bare feet slapping the ground as I ran, my arms pumping at my sides, my breath leaving in hoarse gasps. The air outside was cold. It was dark, so very dark. Not even the moon was in sight and clouds covered the stars. The only lights came from houses, businesses, and street lamps that flickered like they were in serious need of an electrical job, or maybe just a new bulb.

The air was starting to smell around me. From the smell of fast food restaurants to dead fish and garbage. Like this part of the city was just one big compost pile. Sewage, definitely sewage. It was darker here too, less lights on in the streets, more inside the houses. Everything was bathed in shadows. It felt stranger safer here. Despite the stink, despite the cold, it was safer here than at the hospital and I knew that, and I don't know how, don't know why, I thought those things.

I slowed down as I found a cruddy looking apartment complex. Moldy bricks with vines cracking through parts of it, windows covered up with tarps or ratty old curtains, some broken and just left to whistle in the wind. Someone was playing Eminem's Till I Collapse so loud that one of the windows was rattling and dirt was flaking off the side of the building. I crept into a small niche by a boarded up door of the building. I collapsed against the boards, drawing my knees up and resting my arms across them, looking down at the ground as I panted for breath.

My whole body was humming from the panic attack. Or was that even a panic attack? I'd had 'em before, always had them back in the day, but this was unlike anything I'd ever felt. I felt danger. Genuine hardcore danger. It felt like I was going to die if I stayed there any longer. I needed to get out. Now I was out, now I was exhausted, and now I could feel the pain.

Pain in my cock from that damn catheter, pain in my arm from the IV, pain in my chest from being unable to breath. My muscles began to feel rubbery, my legs like jelly. The trembling set in and I drew my knees to my chest, squeezing them to me tightly.

Till the roof comes off, till the lights go out

Till my legs give out, can't shut my mouth

Till the smoke clears out, am I high? Perhaps.

Loved this song. I went to one of his concerts, back in 2003ish. I managed to talk Shemar and Lance to go with me. We spent the night in starstruck awe, and of a mere human no less. A human we could relate to. Fuck, that was a great night. After the concert, Shemar, Lance, and I went out to Mickey D's and hit up some bars in the area, got drunk off our asses and ended up starting a couple fights. It was typical guys being meatheads. And it was fun. I liked those days.

No war. No beast.

The bad guys were still around, but we handled it. We knew we could. The game was always the same. It was take over the world and we stopped it. The Titans back in those days, emerged and tried to start shit, but oh no. We weren't having it. We took up arms and we won the fight. Atlan? Crammed his ass back to the dark depths of the Source where he belonged. Everything was supposed to be over with.

Sure, I expected more bad guys. But I expected the same game.

Now I had no idea what game Viviana was playing. I didn't know what was good or what was evil anymore.

Xiphrus just walked into the room. All I had to do was look at him and suddenly I was remembering everything he'd ever done in such clear vivid detail. I couldn't control myself. My body reacted and my mind ran with it. Anything to keep me safe. Even if it meant flipping my shit and running out to the slums of Styx.

Until the roof...

The roof comes off...

Until my legs.

Give out from underneath me.

I will not fall. I will stand tall.

Feels like no one can beat me.

Damn. Damn good song. Part of me was tempted to go up there and offer whoever it was some beer in exchange for letting me sleep there, but that would be stupid. First of all, I didn't make friends easily. Second, I had a place to sleep. It was at home. With Alaric. I just needed to get back home. Alaric would be home soon. Then everything would be okay and go back to normal.

Yeah.

Sure.

Right.

Got it.

I pushed myself back up against the door and rose to my feet. I still felt weak and shaky. I caught the wall for help, breathing hard as I stepped out. I struggled to make my way down the alleyway, having to stop several times to lean on walls for breath. I shook my head, trying to get my bearings when I felt a presence behind me. My spine tingled and I straightened for a moment, staring straight ahead as I confirmed someone was in the alley with me.

I spun around, but the alley was empty. Well, except for a rat that skittered by. I frowned, following it with my eyes before dragging my eyes up and down the alley. I turned back and kept going, but I only made it to the end of this alley before I collapsed against a gross looking trash can that only got grosser, because I leaned over and vomited inside it. I shuddered and slid down to the ground, trying to keep my eyes open, but suddenly I felt too heavy, too exhausted to continue on.

Shit, goddamn it. I needed to get home.

I blinked before shutting my eyes and trying to teleport, but nothing happened. I tried again, and nothing happened. I slumped over on my side on the ground, groaning as pain erupted in my stomach and singed my throat. I coughed and watched blood speckle the ground. For a moment, I was confused because I could've sworn that blood looked black, but it was too hard to tell with it being pitch black out.

I blinked, my vision blurring and becoming fuzzy. I tilted my head around, then froze as I found myself staring up at Rowan. He looked dapper as ever in black slacks, a black button up shirt, matching vest with gold buttons. He tsked at me.

"Stanton, you idiot."

"Uh huh," was my totally intelligent response. I couldn't muster up words to reply to him, or the energy to panic that he was here, in Styx, in front of me, and I was weaker than a newborn.

"You should've stayed in the hospital," Rowan murmured, crouching down, "Now I have to take you all the way back there. You're not well enough to be out on your own yet." I couldn't answer him. I just laid there and stared up at him, then groaned as his arms went underneath of me, hoisting me up against him. He rose to his feet with me in his arms and started down the alleyway.

As he walked, he seemed strangely calm on the outside, but I could hear his heart beating a steady thrum in his chest, like he was uneasy about this. I wanted to ask him what his problem was, why he was carrying me back and not just dumping me on Viviana's doorstep, but I couldn't speak. My tongue felt swollen, my throat ached, my lips were dry. So I just laid there as he carried me down the alleyway like I was some kind of princess, and damn it was pissing me off.

This wasn't me. This wasn't who I was. I wasn't weak and I wasn't pathetic and I wasn't helpless.

And all I could do now was try to breath, try not to puke, ignore the pain in my body that centered in my chest. Rowan was careful not to jostle me around and toss me places. He carried me right around to the front of the hospital and to the front desk, where the nurse looked up, did a double take, and shot to her feet, calling to the other nurses.

"My apologies," Rowan said with a warm smile, "I found this young man outside my home. He appears to be very ill. I figured he came from here." The nurse nodded as she phoned Hades. A second later, Alaric, Hades, and several nurses were rushing into the main lobby, rolling in with a cart and a gurney, and making a huge fuss that only gave me an incredible headache.

"You said you found him outside your house?" Hades asked. Rowan inclined his head.

"I live two blocks from here. He was vomiting when I approached him. He appears to have suffered some internal bleeding, and my guess is possibly a rib fracture," he responded. Hades eyed him, clearly not trusting the guy right away and he was spot on with that. He folded his arms over his chest as the nurses strapped me in, and by strapped me in, I mean they fucking tightened the shit out of the restraints on my wrists to keep me down on the gurney. I grimaced as they pinched at my skin.

"Doctor, are you?" Hades asked. Rowan shook his head.

"I was a med student for a while, but unfortunate circumstances led to my having to drop. It was why I came in carrying him the way I did, to avoid any further breaking or tearing. Also, he may have a sprained ankle. He was wobbling when I found him."

"Yeah," Hades said slowly, still staring at Rowan with a frown, "Well, we'll take it from here."

"Do you mind if I stick around for a bit," Rowan asked, and Hades arched a brow, making Rowan smile apologetically, "I'm a bit worried about him. He's so young. Once I'm sure he's stable, I'll leave." Hades didn't argue, but he didn't look entirely comfortable with the idea either. He just nodded and Rowan went over to the waiting area to sit down. Hades's eyes followed him before he turned to Cerberus, who chose that moment to come up to him.

"Keep an eye on Dark Shadows over there," Hades said, making a reference to my favorite 1960s Gothic soap opera. The only soap opera I'd watch without biting my tongue off anyway. Cerberus nodded and took up post by the desk, pretending to chat with the nurse.

Meanwhile, I was wheeled down the hallway with Hades and Alaric on either side of me. Neither of them spoke, to each other or to me. Alaric looked pale and exhausted, and Hades looked like he wanted to smash something. Not that the latter was different from any other time.

I was set up in bed again, only this time restrained by a couple of very tense shaky nurses. Hades didn't waste any time hooking me up to twenty different machines and slipping something into my IV that finally relieved some of the pain. He did his doctor thing, tapping every part of me, poking me, testing me to make sure I was sane. He made notes on my chart, hung it on the bed, and called some guy named Demetrius over to keep an eye on my room, much to my chagrin. I frowned, glancing around the room. It wasn't the same room was before either. Everything was orderly and prepared and there were less things sitting out in the open, like they'd tucked everything away.

Yeah, because you went apeshit on them.

Yeah, well, I can't remember why it happened, why I did it, and the look on Alaric's face told me he was waiting for Hades to leave us alone so he could ask. What was I supposed to say? Xiphrus was that ugly? Yeah right. Joking now would only make Alaric want to hurt me. Besides, I wasn't feeling particularly playful right now. Something was wrong. Seriously wrong.

"Alright," Hades declared at last, making Alaric and I look at him, "So it looks like your little black knight downstairs was right. You fractured one of your ribs and your ankle is sprained. You also ripped open some stitches on your back. You also suffered a heart attack--"

"Wait, what?" Alaric asked in surprise.

"Yeah," Hades answered, "You heard me. Whatever freaked him out, freaked him out so bad that it triggered a heart attack. Now you're probably thinking, how fucking hilarious is it that Death had a heart attack?" Alaric glared at him and I raised an eyebrow. Hades shrugged.

"Fine, so just me. Anyway, your heart is ridiculous, kid. It was already a mess before you came in here. A stress test you failed to follow up with three years ago revealed you have a bad heart. You eat enough fast food to kill a mortal. Your stress levels are through the roof. You were offered beta blockers, but you never responded to that call either. Your doctor made a couple notes in the chart, and what came up the most was stubborn lunatic. And should see a therapist."

Aw, come on. What the hell. Not fair.

"Fine," Alaric stated, making me look at him in disbelief, but he ignored me and kept looking at Hades, "You have my permission to do whatever." Hades smirked, like the idea that he needed permission to do anything was amusing.

"Oh good, cuz I already started him on the beta blockers," he answered, making Alaric sigh in relief, "I also gave him a couple more medications, one to help with his panic attacks and the other to help him sleep. As usual, there are side effects, so he might be a little mellower than usual. To the point where he could fall asleep at any time, so he should have someone with him at all times. Once he gets a regular sleeping schedule back, we'll take him off the sleep meds. We'll ease him off the panic meds in a few months, but the beta blockers are permanent. He should also, you know, stop pigging out on greasy burgers and Pizza Hut."

"Got it."

"Oh, and we found him a therapist," Hades continued, looking down at a note he'd made on a slip of paper before handing it over to Alaric, "Best therapist I know." Alaric looked at the note, then smiled and looked up.

"Thank you, Hades. Seriously." Hades looked extremely uncomfortable with that.

"Yeah, whatever, just keep him off the munching and maybe try eating home once in awhile. Nothing wrong with a plain sandwich now and then," he responded, then left the room. I watched him go, then looked at Alaric as he tucked the paper away. I frowned as he took out his phone and started to rearrange his schedule.

What the hell did he think he was doing?

I started to reach up to take the mask off my face, but damn it to hell, I was still restrained, and tightly too. I rolled my eyes and cleared my throat, coughing a little at the hoarseness. Alaric glanced up.

"I'm... not taking that shit," I said, and Alaric tensed, "Don't let him scare you, baby. I don't need that shit. My heart will heal fine on its own... I'll take a break from eating out. But I don't need that old man shit." Alaric gave me a stern glare, making me frown as he shut his phone off and set it on the nightstand.

"Listen to me," he said, and I started to roll my eyes again, but he smacked my arm and I winced, making him purse his lips tight in a grimace before he spoke, this time more hoarsely, "Listen to me. I spent an entire month without you. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I didn't know if you were dead or not. Because no one could tell me if that was possible. I finally have you back and all this shit is coming up?"

"Baby, look--"

"Don't baby me," Alaric snapped, making me blink in surprise at the anger in his voice, "You never told me about your heart. Ever. You didn't tell me you had a stress test. Panic attacks? Night terrors? Sleep paralysis? You never told me about any of that." I wanted to scream. Hades and his big stupid mouth, and the same went for Xiphrus. How the hell did Xiphrus deduce what sleep paralysis was? And night terrors? Panic attacks? How did they know that shit was ongoing? For all they knew, earlier tonight was the first time any of it had ever happened.

"The pills are useless," I insisted, making Alaric reach up to pinch the bridge of his nose, like I was slowly pissing him off, but it was vice versa because now he was pissing me off, "Don't brush me off like that, Ric. My body will heal on its own when I give it a break--"

"You think a couple days of bed rest is going to heal three years of damage," Alaric demanded, raising his voice, "Or maybe longer? How the fuck do I know? You've probably had a bad heart even longer than that, but didn't say a single fucking word to me about any of it."

"I didn't need to tell you--"

"I'm your fucking husband, you jackass," Alaric shouted, then took a deep breath and rubbed at his face before looking at me, "You're supposed to tell me these things. I'm supposed to know about them. How am I supposed to help you if you won't tell me these things?" I ground my teeth together. Because I didn't want him to get stressed out about stupid shit. Because I didn't want him to worry. Because he had better things to worry about than my bullshit baggage that I couldn't seem to cut loose.

"God, Stanton," Alaric choked, making me wince and look up to see him brushing tears away, "I'm your husband. I vowed I would be with you through sickness and in health, even in death, my heart belongs to you. Do you just... not trust me? Don't you believe that I would help you? I know you've been hurt, but I'm not like them, Stanton, I'm not going to hurt you. I promised to take care of you. And I will."

For some reason... those words pissed me off. It was totally unfounded at first. And then I opened my dumb mouth.

"You know who else said that to me," I demanded, watching Alaric blink in confusion before realization came across his face, but I was on a goddamn roll and I was not going to stop, because he wanted to know and he was going to get it, "Yeah. Xiphrus. Joxeia. Geara. Satanika. Every single fucking person in my entire life has given me that same bullshit over and over and over again. I'm tired of hearing it. I'm tired of people saying it like it's nothing, but a bunch of words to make me feel better and not following through with it and just fucking ditching me after things got too hard for them. That's why I didn't tell you about it! That's why I kept it away from you! The more shit, the more people are going to leave, alright?! Jesus fucking Christ! I didn't want you to stress out over some trivial bullshit like my baggage! It's my shit! I deal with it! Me! Alone! Because I've always dealt with it! Alone! I don't need anyone else! I don't need Xiphrus, I don't need Joxeia, and I don't fucking need you either!" Alaric looked like he was punched in the stomach. The tears rushed into his eyes and he worked his jaw, his lips, like he was trying not to break down right there.

I locked my jaw up tight. I didn't want to apologize. I didn't want to take my words back. I didn't want to tell Alaric I loved him and I was sorry I hurt him. I especially didn't want to drag him into this mess. He was going to get hurt even worse if he stuck around. He was going to waste his time with me and my issues. He had better things to do. He had a great job, a fantastic family that adored him. He didn't need me. Nobody did.

"Okay," Alaric said at last, his voice quiet as he cleared his throat and picked up his jacket, "Alright, fine. You want to be like that? Fine. Whatever. Good luck on your own, Stanton, because clearly it hasn't fucking worked so far." Without another word, Alaric left the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I looked back up at the ceiling.

Good. Yeah. Fine. Whatever. Now he can live the pretty happy life he always wanted. I wasn't in his way anymore. He could find some perfect prince charming. Like everyone else. Have those kids he wanted so damn much. Connect with his in-laws, who aren't soulsucking demonic bastards. He'd buy another cute little house in Hell with a white picket fence and a labrador retriever, like the one he wanted to get last year, but I said no because dogs were dumb... except I didn't mean that. I didn't want to get attached to a dog that died in fourteen years. I didn't want a white picket fence. I wanted an electric one. So we decided on no fence at all.

I didn't want kids because I didn't want to fuck them up with my genetics. I didn't trust myself not to go apeshit on them. If I so much as laid a hand on my kid, I'd kill myself. I wouldn't be able to touch them ever again and they'd grow up wondering why their dad was such a mental nutcase and they'd grow up hating me like I hated Xiphrus. And a family... I didn't have a family. Alaric was the one with the fluffy family, the one where everyone remembered each other's favorite colors and favorite foods and shared great memories with, like movie nights and the times Alaric and Dania drew all over the walls in Lucifer's office and instead of being angry with them, he'd converted their drawings into paintings to design his office.

Yeah. Alaric was going to be happier this way.

And I was used to being alone. I could handle this shit on my own. I didn't need him. I didn't need anyone. I was going to sleep off a couple days in this room, and when my magic was back, I was out of here. No leather restraints were going to hold me prisoner.

Because, I am Death.