5 - Conflict

A/N: Since I just had time and desire, I wrote another chapter for today.

Zhan and I were sitting in our tent, the storm had already been raging over us for two hours, the thunder sounded a hundred times worse in the cave, and only the small campfire brought some light to us inside the tent. We sat very close to each other, one blanket over our backs and the other over our legs to keep us warmer. It already seemed kind of romantic in a somewhat strange way.

I was just thinking that maybe things were moving a little fast between me and Zhan, since we just met yesterday and I was already so attracted to him now, when Zhan turned his head towards me, closed his eyes, came closer to me and kissed me. Just like that, he kissed me and I immediately went for it. I touched his cheek and returned his kiss. And at least for this one short moment, I was neither cold nor afraid.

As we slowly parted our lips, Zhan smiled at me and my heart leapt with joy in my chest. There was suddenly this incredible tingling in my stomach and this lightness around my heart, like I've never experienced before when I've had a crush. The reason is absolutely clear! It hit me hard!

Only slowly did the storm move on, but no sooner did it seem to stop thundering every minute than we were finally able to fall asleep. I was so happy at that moment that I had met Zhan and we were on the same wavelength that I fell asleep with a big grin and didn't waste another thought on the horror stories of the old two.

Around four in the night, I woke up with an urgent need. I grabbed my flashlight and crawled out of the tent as quietly as possible so as not to wake Zhan.

Everything had been quiet again, the storm had passed and everyone was asleep except for my brother and Cheng. The two of them still had lights on in their tent and I decided as soon as I relieved myself to go over to them briefly and wish them a good night.

I left the cave and took a deep breath of the fresh air. I smelled the earth and fir trees around me, just lovely. Just before I went back into the cave, I looked up at the sky again and it was starry. As if the storm and dark clouds that made us shiver in our tents had never existed.

Back in the cave, I crept to the tent of my brother and his boyfriend and was about to make myself heard when I overheard snatches of a conversation that were definitely not meant for my ears, because it was about me.

I heard my brother say, "I hope Zhan hasn't forgotten what his job is here. He's supposed to distract Yibo a little so we can have a little more time for ourselves." At that moment, it felt inside me as if I had been hit with a fist, right in the stomach.

Cheng said, "Don't worry. I'm sure Zhan hasn't forgotten, and you can see it's working out. The two of them are together all the time."

"Yeah. But I think he's getting a little too involved in my brother's weirdness. They shouldn't get together and act against us. Zhan should support both of us." Said my brother.

"Don't you think you're exaggerating? You can't make Zhan your tool. He's already not here voluntarily, and if you put him under pressure now, it can quickly backfire. Besides, we should be careful, because my sister already suspects something." Cheng replied.

"What does she suspect? That you and I are going to Shanghai together, or that we dragged Zhan here to take care of Yibo?" Asked my brother.

"Both! And now we should sleep. Besides, it's not good for us to talk about it here, you can't know if someone isn't still awake and can hear us." Said Cheng and the light in the tent was turned off.

I was so angry that I would have loved to open their tent and beat them up. But at the same time, I felt like someone had pulled the ground out from under me.

But instead of stressing, I went back to the tent and found Zhan awake. He looked at me questioningly and tiredly, "Where have you been so long?" He wanted to know.

"None of your business." I replied and lay down a bit away from him. I pulled my blanket over to me and pretended to be asleep. Sure, I was aware that Zhan knew I was awake and no one falls asleep that fast. But I really didn't feel like talking to him. He seemed to have understood that too and left me alone.

*~*~*

At 8 o'clock in the morning our guide woke us up and I wanted to leave the tent immediately. But Zhan held me by the arm and told me to say why I was so angry. I didn't want to say it, yet it bubbled out of me and I said, "What do you care? Oh yeah, you're my babysitter, of course you have to ask me then."

Zhan looked at me puzzled and as it seemed to me also a little shocked. "What am I? I'm definitely not your babysitter." He replied, even angrily.

"Sure, and I'm sure that kiss last night was just one of your duties, too." I said, and caught a slap from Zhan.

"Now you listen to me, I don't know why you would say and think something like that, but let me tell you one thing, I do NOT kiss ANYONE without liking them!"

"Yeah of course. I heard what my brother and your cousin were talking about last night in their tent. That it's your job to keep me busy so they can have their peace from me."

"Ok, now pay attention and listen to me carefully. Cheng has been nagging me for days about this trip, begging me over and over to change my mind and come along. I kept saying no. Even when my cousin Yanli asked me. I don't like scary places, nor did I want to spend that much money for a few days in a forest. And after Cheng and also Yanli brought out all kinds of things, they came to me with the emotional family story that you already know. It was clear to me that this could not be all. So Cheng admitted that his boyfriend's little brother was also going and because none of his friends were there and he had trouble making new friends, he would be on his own the whole time. So I gave in because of my cousin Yanli and because I thought I could keep you company. Nobody asked me to be your babysitter. And the fact that I like you just happened and wasn't pretended. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I think I fell in love with you. And that's why I kissed you!"

I was so excited that I was trembling. Of all the things Zhan told me, the one that stuck out the most was his confession that he had fallen in love with me. I was still angry because I felt so screwed, but at the same time I just wanted to take Zhan in my arms and kiss him. But Zhan angrily left the tent and sat down next to Missy, who was heating water over the small fire for tea and coffee.

Then when my brother came out of his tent, I grabbed him by the arm and dragged him outside with me. I confronted him about what he said last night. He looked at me startled and stammered that he didn't mean it the way it came across. "Cheng and I didn't want you to be alone all the time. And Cheng thought you might get along well with Zhan and that you might make a nice couple, since you match up well with Zhan. So we came up with this idea of bringing Zhan here for you."

"That's not what you said last night. And anyway, I don't know you at all anymore. You act and speak like a complete stranger. Part of the time you're really cold and you've appointed yourself as our group leader unasked and uninvited. You are a macho asshole and even take the right to speak for us. This isn't you!"

"Yibo, we are not on a fun summer trip here, but a sometimes dangerous adventure trip. Someone should be in charge and make decisions. Someone has to be the strong one. And that's the role I've taken on. That doesn't mean I'm not your big brother who loves you more than anything anymore. Yes, I know I was mean to you, and then that thing with Zhan. But I never meant to hurt you. And the way I see it, Zhan really cares about you. And right now he looks anything but happy, just like you. So you'd better try to reconcile with Zhan and enjoy the rest of your days together with him, rather than getting angry."

"You know what I don't understand? If you're moving to Shanghai with Cheng anyway, you'll be able to spend as much time together as you want. So why can't you be my big brother on this trip and instead make sure I have someone to distract me from you? Besides, I would have left you alone on your own, even without Zhan."

"But I didn't want you to stay to yourself all this time. I know you too well Yibo and I know you would have withdrawn and not spoken a word for days. And yes, Cheng and I are going to Shanghai. But not right away. In fact, he's going to join us and it's not clear yet whether in three months or six months. That's why we want to spend as much time together as possible now, while we still can."

"And why didn't you talk to me about it before? Now it works, doesn't it? Then I wouldn't have started a pointless conflict with Zhan and accused him of just kissing me because it's part of his job as my babysitter."

"Wait a minute, Zhan kissed you? Wow, that's some real news. Then why are you still here? Go to Zhan, fix this, and be happy."

"He's mad at me now, of course, and with good reason. I don't know what to say to him now, to make him forgive me."

"Well, how about the truth? You were overwhelmed and overreacted and that you were sorry." Suggested my brother.

I nodded and my brother hugged me once before we went back to the others in the cave. I also immediately walked up to Zhan and at first he wanted to walk away, but then stopped and asked me, "Do you want to talk?" I said that I very much would like to.

We went outside and moved a little away from the cave, but only enough so that we could still see it. We sat down on the ground, which was already dry again despite all the rain from yesterday and last night, and looked at each other in silence. I was about to say something when Zhan said, "About the slap, I'm sorry. It didn't had to be."

"It's okay, I deserved it. And I'm sorry too. I should have talked to you calmly instead of taking out my anger on you." I replied shyly.

"To be honest, I think I would have reacted the same way you did. I don't think anyone would have stayed calm."

"Yeah, maybe. Um, I have something else to confess to you Zhan."

"Uh-huh, and what is that?"

"You said you fell in love with me. Well, I have to confess, I'm in love with you too. It's really confusing me, since this is happening so fast with both of us. One minute we're getting to know each other and the next minute we're kissing. And that kiss was really great."

Zhan looked at me shyly and even had red cheeks, as I surely had too. I leaned over to him and kissed him. Afterwards I whispered, "I'm sorry about earlier, I promise it won't happen again. Will you give me another chance?"

Chuckling, Zhan looked at me, nodded, grabbed my cheeks with his hands and kissed me. He didn't seem as shy at that moment as Yanli described him to me.

At the end of this entry, I can only say I'm still a little angry about what I heard last night. But at the same time, I'm glad that Zhan forgave me after my freak out and is giving me another chance. Maybe the coming days will be nice after all.