3. - Campfire and Offerings

When you work and are really busy like we were, time passes quickly. The little light that was at the clearing, quickly disappeared and we sat in the dark in front of the campfire. A huge fire, which worried me. Because the sparks from it spread everywhere. And because it hasn't rained for days and it's high summer, everything is very dry.

Zhan hasn't left my side since earlier. But now he has been sitting with Missy for an hour and they are talking. Are they a couple? I should have asked him earlier when I had the chance.

But instead I asked such general things as what he does for a living. He is employed as a graphic designer in a small company. He mistook me for a model. But I quickly explained to him that I only work as a security guard in a supermarket. I couldn't find a job in my field after graduation, so I looked for another job. Somehow I have to earn my money.

We also talked about our families. He doesn't have any siblings and his parents have normal, simple jobs. If I remember correctly, his father is an office worker and his mother works as a hairdresser.

My family is also very normal middle class. My dad works as a mechanic in a car repair shop, my mom is a cashier in a supermarket and my big brother works as a car dealer. But enough of that.

If I had to describe what it looks like around me, I'd say it's black. I can't see anything here except for a few outlines of the first rows of trees. Everything further away from the campfire is black.

The other two groups from Poland and Romania stay among themselves. As soon as it was dark, they brought out their alcohol. They are loud and don't care about disturbing us. But nobody wants to say anything to them, they are not very friendly now that they are drunk.

At 10 pm our guide also came out of his tent again. He told us that now it was time to make offerings to the forest and the spirits in it. But we should offer something that is important to us. So that the spirits would leave us alone and the forest would protect us.

Everyone joined in and looked for things to throw into the fire. I didn't really have much with me that meant anything. Only one thing actually. A bandana that I received as a gift from my grandmother many years ago.

I was hesitant to offer this bandana until Zhan came to me and showed me a necklace with a pendant. At first I thought the necklace was from an ex-girlfriend of Zhan. But then he told me that he had a younger sister and she lost her battle against cancer and the necklace had belonged to her. So this necklace really meant a lot to him. Nevertheless, he threw it into the fire without hesitation. I did the same and offered my bandana.

Zhan didn't go back to this Missy and sat with me instead. We didn't talk and just watched the fire. Well, until a loud scream almost made all of our hearts drop.

Panicked, we jumped up and looked around, then another scream. Zhan was so frightened that he stood behind me and held onto my arms.

Then I heard my brother yell, "Leni are you totally stupid? Why are you screaming around here? Do you have any idea how much you scared all of us?"

Leni yelled at him, "There was really a fat spider here just now."

I spun around to face Zhan and because he was still close behind me, we were suddenly nose to nose. We looked at each other in embarrassment for a moment, then he let go of me and sat back down. I cleared my throat in a fake way and sat down next to him again. I admit, I kind of like him. Well, I mean Zhan. But I don't think I'd stand a chance with someone like him.

Unlike my big brother, I've known for a long time that I like men. My brother has known for two years. I've known it practically my whole life. But so far it has never really sparked. Sure, I had a crush on one or the other time, but it was never serious.

I don't know if I should write this down in my diary or not, I just do it. When I confessed my homosexuality to my parents, it almost tore the family apart. While my father stood behind me and told me that it doesn't matter who I love as long as I am happy. My mother completely freaked out and would have loved to exclude me from the family.

For almost four months she punished me with silence. And if she did say something, then only to blame me. I am a disappointment, I would shame the family and I should remember that I am the one who is destroying the family.

After those four months, she sent me to my grandmother. She took me in for two months. She advised me not to give in and to stand by myself.

When I came back home, our family was already totally broken. My parents only argued and there had been talk about divorce several times. In the end, I gave in and claimed that it had only been a momentary confusion and that I did like women.

My mother was happy again, the family peace was restored and I, I suffered in silence. I think it must have been about three or four weeks later when my mother realized that I had lied to her. But all of a sudden she was a changed person. She came to my room and told me that I could love whoever I wanted, as long as I would be happy again.

To this day I don't know what made her change her mind. But when my brother told us all seven months ago that he is also gay, my mother remained completely calm and said only that she had already suspected it anyway.

But away from this topic and back to the present.

Zhan and I sat next to each other again and looked silently into the fire. Somehow I didn't feel like talking, because all the time I had to think about the stories of the two old ones. And then I remembered all the pictures of the missing people that I had seen in the kiosk.

I never believed in ghosts and still don't. But there must be a reason why, here in this forest of all places, so many people have disappeared. They didn't find any bodies, people had just disappeared.

Also, I have to think of this one story that I read on the Internet. According to it, a woman was walking down the street half naked. She was said to have had many injuries and kept claiming that they had been attacked by "something" in the cave.

Even though I don't believe the stories of any evil ghosts, I am still afraid. What if we are attacked? What will we use to defend ourselves? My brother's two expensive cameras, perhaps? Drink bottles or energy bars? Maybe I could ram one of my pens into the eye of an attacker. But I doubt that this would be enough to put him out of action for good.

Zhan poked me in the side with his elbow and asked me what I was thinking about so hard. I explained what was going through my mind and he shook his head with a smile. "And here I was thinking I was paranoid." He said.

"I'm completely serious Zhan."

"Mhm, I get it. But if you're afraid of being unarmed, take your knife and make yourself a weapon. A spear. Or a bow and arrows? Wrap your knife on a long branch and you have a weapon." Not such a bad idea, I thought.

"I'm not really a coward you know. But something tells me things aren't right here. Why did so many people disappear here? Where are their bodies?..."

"Yibo, you should calm down OK? How about we tell the others in the morning to search for this cave on their own and we stay here at the camp? You don't want to go to that cave, and neither do I. Let the others do it on their own."

"Do you mean that seriously Zhan?"

"Yes, I am. Whether it's ghosts or some freaks, I don't feel like doing this. I don't even want to be here, actually. I'd rather we all get in the cars tomorrow and go somewhere that doesn't have scary stories about ghosts."

I completely agreed with Zhan and we decided to talk to the others right in the morning. No matter who or what is to blame for these people disappearing, I won't be one of the missing ones. I want to come back home. I have many things planned for my life. For example, I want to fall in love. I want to find a better job. I want a bigger apartment than the one I live in now. Just for your information, it's a one room apartment.

Unnoticed by us, the others from our groups have already gone to their tents. Only the people from Poland and Romania are still partying. Zhan and I also retreated back to our tent. He immediately went to sleep while I am still writing here.

I have to say, he looks really cute in the light of the camping lamp, lying there and sleeping. I guess I better watch out that I don't accidentally fall in love with Zhan. My chances with him are probably about zero. And, I think he's with that Missy girl.

I'm going to call it a day. I hope that the partying crowd out there will soon have enough and go to sleep. Good night and see you tomorrow.