XXV. giving you all my love

      JJ could see that Bridger was hurting. His hands were wrapped tightly around the steering wheel and even in the dark of night, he could see that his knuckles were white. JJ was the only person who understood the movements. He tried to conceal his anger and disappointment with a protective nature. That's what he had always done. He didn't like for people to know that he was hurting on the inside. It's what made them so similar: JJ tried to make everything better while Bridger tired to protect everyone. 

He tried to understand. Part of him couldn't simply because it was Rafe Cameron. The boy was notorious for being a horrible person, which confused JJ even more on why Bridger was so upset. But then he knew,  because Rafe to Bridger is what John B was to him.  They were best friends (not anymore, that is) even if Rafe was older. Bridger's entire life fell apart after his mom's death which caused him to believe he didn't have anyone to turn to other than the Cameron boy.  Rafe opened up to him and influenced him the only way he knew how; by destroying him.

JJ knew the rich boy smoked. Hell, they smoked together numerous times. It's how they had their first kiss. But he never knew how bad it actually was. The blonde grew up around drugs because of his father and his asshole friends. It was always laying around the house, in his dad's room, and most of the time thrown out in their yard. A part of JJ didn't want to believe that Bridger was hooked on the poison but he was and it was all Rafe's fault.

That's why JJ was so thankful that his friends accepted him even after all the terrible stuff he had done. He really wanted to change, he just needed a chance to,  and the Pogues were his chance. Bridger was so much more than what he believed himself to be, and JJ would forever remind him of that.

Somewhere along the journey, Bridger and Kiara switched seats and the girl was now driving. He sat in the passenger seat with his eyes closed from exhaustion. Pope and JJ sat in the back passing a blunt back and forth. Pope was out of it and while Bridger thought it was funny, he made their situation worse than it already was.

The familiar road that they were taking made Bridger air up straight in his seat. He glanced at the driver. "Why are we at Sarah's?" He voiced.

"She's the only one that can clear John B's name," Kiara explained and pulled the car over on the sidewalk. They began to get out of the car. She pointed to the very high teenager. "Pope, you're going to come with me. I have a plan." She looked at Bridger. "Bridger, you want to come?"

He shook his head. "No, I should stay with the culprit with the weed stash," he proclaimed and gave JJ a look. "I don't trust him by himself."

JJ gave him a sly wink and a lazy half smile.

Kiara nodded at his response. "Okay. Let's do this."  She declared and turned her flashlight on. She swiftly climbed over the wall and Pope followed after her,  struggling to get over.

When they were gone, a deep sigh escaped the blonde's lips and he walked up to his partner, wrapping his arms around him. "Then there were two," he flirted while smirking.

Bridger rolled his eyes. "Yay me." He said sarcastically.

JJ pouted. "What, you don't want to be with me baby?"

"If I didn't, I would've left after Pope rammed into that car," he replied with a slight laugh.

"Well good, cause you're not allowed to leave me," he said, his words slurring slightly. JJ leaned forward and pressed his lips to his.

Bridger returned the kiss, tasting the weed on his lips.  That's how he usually tasted. He always smelt of weed and sea salt. JJ to him was the epitome of a summer boy. Glowing skin, golden hair, pearl white teeth, and ocean eyes. He radiated the sun that beamed down on them every single day. He was wild and reckless,  always going out of his way to help his friends even if his plans were stupid. Bridger had no choice but to love him. When they pulled away, he smiled. "Come on. Get in the car, stupid." He teased and walked over to the car, opening the back door for him.

JJ slid into the backseat with a loud sigh. He leaned his back against the car door and kicked his legs up. Bridger leaned against the opposite door, his legs overlapping his, his Italian leather shoes on display. He was honestly surprised they were still in good shape. It made him look at everything else he was wearing and he realized he was still wearing his expensive watch and the gold chain around his neck. His button up, blue and white plaid shirt was Polo. He suddenly scoffed. He was wearing thousands of dollars worth of stuff with money that was never his. He felt dirty wearing the items because it was everything his father had given him.

JJ watched him as he examined the items on his body.  "Are you okay?" He asked, full of concern even though he was still high out of his mind.

"I feel like a fake," he admitted and unclasped the watch from his wrist. It was a silver and gold Rolex with a royal blue crown. He held it out to the blonde.  "Here."

JJ choked on the smoke he had inhaled. "W-What?"  He sputtered, his eyes watering.

"Take it," Bridger repeater, holding the watch out further. "Keep it. Sell it for all I care."

He didn't take the watch but he stared at it. It was a nice ass watch. His eyes looked between the object and the brunette, not being able to decide if it was a joke or not. "You saying I need the money?" He asked, growing defensive.

"No, J, I'm not," Bridger denied, not raising his voice. "I just don't want it in my life anymore. It's a representation of everything I've lost and I don't fucking want it anymore."

Hesitantly, JJ brought his hand up that wasn't holding the blunt and grabbed the watch. It felt foreign in his hands like he wasn't meant to hold something so beautiful and lavish. Hell, he didn't even deserve to have the beautiful and lavish thing that was sitting across from him. JJ always knew he wasn't meant for greatness but he was still granted the greatest gift, and that was Bridger Fitzgerald.

No amount of gold or money that they were hunting for could compare to him.

Bridger wasn't phased as JJ put the watch in the pocket of his shorts. He almost looked relieved and that scared the blonde. "I'm really sorry about your dad, Bridge," he uttered.

He shook his head. "Don't be," he replied and flashed him a smile. "I'm okay. It just hits me sometimes. I don't mean to spring it out on you."

"No, it's okay," JJ quickly responded. "You can say anything you want. It always stays between us. You know that."

Bridger nodded. "Thank, baby." He smiled again. "Who knows, maybe you can trade the watch in for some rings."

JJ grinned. "You think?"

"Yeah. Some nice gold or silver with diamonds. Maybe even black. Maybe you gold and me silver."

"Why's that?"

"Cause it represents us."

He titled his head, signaling that he didn't understand.

"You're the gold and I'm the silver," Bridger elaborated, pointing between them. "You represent light. You're always so bright and crazy and adventurous. I'm kind of like the night, y'know? Sneaky and mysterious. It's a good contrast."

JJ's heart swelled at his words but another part of him felt sad. "Bridger, you're good too." He declared,  emphasizing his words.

Bridger shook his head and smiled lovingly. "Not like you," he said, looking at the boy with heavenly eyes. "I used to hate you. I don't know why. I think I was just jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Yes, jealous." He chuckled. "You're. . . real. You're flesh and bone. You're warm. Your friends, you guys are representing what summer's supposed to be. You're not fake. You don't have to hide. You can be yourself so freely." He frowned slightly. "That's what I wanted to be. I wanted to laugh and smile like nothing was wrong but I couldn't. The drugs helped with that."

JJ sat up in the seat, his back leaning off the door.  "Stop talking like that," he almost demanded. "You're not that guy anymore, Bridge. You've changed. We forgive you for everything you've done. I love you."

Bridger smiled at him again. He blinked a few times,  not breaking eye contact. "I remember the first time I saw you," he said and thought back on the memory.  "It was when all the ghost crabs were washing up on shore and everybody went to the beach to catch them. I was with Sarah, Topper, Rafe and you were with the Pogues. All of a sudden, I hear this loud ass laugh and I turn around and there you were, acting like a menace. You couldn't find the crabs so you threw your shovel and bucket into the water. I thought it was hilarious. You were having fun. Even when you were around all the people you hated, you still made the best of it. I love that about you."

Jesse's cheeks turned bright red and he smiled, his eyes looking down at his shoes. "Why didn't you say anything before?" He asked, teasing slightly.

"Cause I didn't know I was gay," Bridger continued. "I didn't know until that party when we kissed. Well, it took me a little while to figure it out, but–"

"I know. I think I always knew I was a little above and beyond. The first time I saw Avatar, I knew I was a goner."

A loud laugh came from Bridger. "Avatar?"

"Hey now, Jake Sully is a badass!"

"I'm neither agreeing nor denying."

"Not as badass as you, though."

Bridger rolled his eyes, smiling slightly.

"Come here."

His eyes brows raised. "What?"

"I said come here."

At the sound of his voice, Bridger leaned forward and JJ did the same, meeting him half way. Their lips collided. Fuck, was what thing they were both thinking. The weed taste was almost intoxicating and Bridger could feel himself growing high as well. He hit like ecstasy and left the brunette wanting more. His hands tangled in the mess of blonde hair and rugged in it, causing a noise to come from JJ's throat. 

He pulled back slightly. "How much do you think Kie would hate us if we hooked up in her car?"

Bridger laughed. "She would feed us to the sharks."

They kissed again and he put a hand on the JJ's chest.  He pushed him down slowly and when he got the idea,  JJ adjusted himself on the seat so that his back was against the leather material. Bridger hovered above him and he tried not to feel uncomfortable in the cramped car. He was tall. His hands caressed the boy's cheeks and tangled themselves in his hair again. He felt like he was in a dream and JJ was what he wanted to wake up to every single time.

He spent so long trying to not feel anything. He chose drugs to make himself numb. He drank his life away so he would forget every bad thing that ever happened to him. He never wanted to feel until it came to JJ. With JJ, he felt every emotion; happy, sad, angry, comfort,  and love. He felt safe with him. He was like a shot of expresso, like being bathed in sunlight. He made Bridger feel the one thing he hated to feel, vulnerable. 

JJ's mind was clouded with euphoria. Jubilation filled his brittle bones and the crack that split apart his heart was stitched back together. He never had a purpose until Bridger Fitzgerald came into his life. He rocked his world, made him think a little deeper, and he gave the blonde something he had never experienced in his life. He gave him love. Even if it was a secret and Bridger was terrified to tell the world about that them,  they still loved each other. He was like a drug that JJ couldn't let go of. He hit harder than all the weed he smoked and alcohol he consumed. 

Bridger made him forget about what was happening in the real world and pulled him into a place where he could be himself, a place he dreamed of going ever since his mom left. It's exactly where he wanted to be.  It was sweet and heavenly.

Their pleasure was cutoff by the light in the car coming on and Kiara and Pope quickly came back into the car. Bridger immediately pulled himself away from Jesse and he fell back again the door, his face red and his hair messy. JJ sat up swiftly in the same state.

"Sorry, sorry!" Kiara quickly apologized and stared to the car up.

"What the hell happened?" Bridger blurted out and buttoned his shirt back.

"Sarah doesn't know about John B. Her dad's keeping her locked inside her room," she explained while Pope kept quiet, which was unsettling.

"That fucker." He sneered.

"Okay, what's the plan now?" JJ asked.

"I-I don't know. We can't go home."

"Where're we gonna go?"

Kiara glanced over her shoulder, looking at the two boys with a thoughtful look. Her cheeks were flushed from stress. She drove them to her parent's restaurant,  not having any other choice.